The Daria Episode Guide:
The Teachings of Don Jake

Guano see some gutsy climbing? Scaling the world's tallest pile of seagull droppings, next on Sick, Sad World.

Reporter: Now, you claim that not only did you see a Yeti, but he was wearing a business suit and carrying an attache case.
Man: A leather attache case.

Jake gets stressed out about bills, and bursts a blood vessel in his eye. To calm him down, Helen decides to take a long weekend and go camping (she has some days off she has to use or loose). They decide to take Daria and Quinn with them.
Meanwhile, the Lanes have a family reunion, and Jane and Trent get sent because their parents don't want to go.
Jake and Helen get a late start building camp, and Jake complains a lot about his father.
Trent, on the plane to the reunion, talks trash about their relatives, one of which happens to be sitting beside them.
Jake, Helen, Quinn and Daria tell 'scary' stories around the campfire.
Trent and Jane have to walk to the reunion from the airport when they couldn't get a taxi and the airport closes. Everyone there complains to and at them.
Back in the woods, Helen wakes the girls up early because Jake is up talking about a wonderful morning. They breakfast on berries (except Daria) and head off hiking. Jake finds a path with a warning sign on it, and after a sarcastic comment from Daria, heads down it. Helen talks to Quinn about buds and doors and stuff, then tells her to lead the tribe, and falls asleep.
Quinn shouts for Daria, who gets Jake (after he runs into a tree) to follow her back to the others. Then Jake, Helen and Quinn go totally insane, and Daria figures out that they ate psychotropic berries. They get rescued after a cell phone in Helen's pack rings, and Daria is able to call 911 to get them evaced.

"(pounds on table)  Damnit, it's my turn to say damnit!" -- Daria ("The Teachings of Don Jake")

Jane:  I do envy you.
Daria:  Then I'm afraid the fever has reached your brain, and you'll have to be destroyed.

"A weekend on the world's tallest pile of seagull droppings is starting to look good." -- Jane ("The Teachings of Don Jake")

Jake:  See that stream?  That's our drinking water!  See those berries?  That's our breakfast!
Daria:  See that skeleton?  That's our future. (pause) Made you look.

Jane:  Trent.  Trent.  Trent!
Trent:  Officer, it's not even my car!

Jake:  Girls, doesn't all this beauty take you right ouf of yourselves?
Helen:  Daria?
Daria:  I'm getting a chill.  If you don't mind, I"m going to crawl back into myself for a while.

Trent:  Janey, it's 7 o'clock on a saturday... and we're awake.
Jane:  Soon the wooden balls will be clacking.  Clack.  Clack!
Trent:  We've got to get out of here.

"That's funny, I don't remember feeling worried about anyone." -- Daria ("The Teachings of Don Jake")

Daria:  That's what I think, because you ate the berries too, and you seem okay.
Quinn:  No, I meant because those weren't the glitter-berries.
Daria:  Glitter-berries?
Quinn:  You know, the glitter-berries.  The ones that fill your mouth with beautiful sparkling glitter when you bite into them.

"Girls, have you seen your father's Spirit Animal?  He was just telling it about his childhood when it jumped up and scampered off." -- Helen ("The Teachings of Don Jake")

"Family's gone mad.  Must get them back to civilization, but no way to contact civilization because mother made big deal about cutting off all communication.  What to do? (phone rings)  Rely on mother's hypocrisy to see us through this crisis." -- Daria ("The Teachings of Don Jake")

Reporter:  Now, you claim that not only did you see a Yeti, but he was wearing a business suit and carrying an attache case?
Hiker:  A leather attache case.

Wraith's Ramblings:
There's some good family action in this episode, as well as being quite entertaining (and chock full of references).
Also see my Rambling of 7-14-97, 8-03-97/8-06-97, 8-17-97.

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