Part 3: The Grand Finale
ACT V.
Scene 1:
[Back, or ahead from your viewpoint, to the reunion. Jane is sitting at a table in the back by herself when Andrea comes over.]
Andrea: Hey Janey, what's up?
Jane: What?? Oh hi...I was just thinking about something.
Andrea: Reminiscing?
Jane: Uh yeah, you might call it that.
Andrea: At least you didn't turn off half your brain like Daria did.
Jane: Say what?
Andrea: Never mind. I'm back from hearing the catty comments from people. They want to know if Daria is going to show now that word got around?
Jane: Exactly, they all want to see if the ugly ducking turned out to be a swan.
Andrea: You know something, I think it's about time for the speech to begin shortly.
Jane: Yep! Better help get the evening's entertainment already.
Andrea: Tell her to make it real good, I even brought my camcorder.
[Jane gets up and leaves. Andrea takes out a digital camcorder out of her purse and fiddles with it. She pops in a small videocassette and adjusts the optical zoom as well as the digital zoom. Meanwhile, Chia goes over to where they have the yearbook when no one was around. She quickly goes through it and finds Daria's old high school photo. Jane walks by, but Chia hardly notices.]
Chia: She really looked like that??? Oh well...at least she didn't look like a muppet...
[Chia then sighs, picks up the tray and goes back in. She comes to a table where Andrea is sitting.]
Chia: Would you really like some punch? Or maybe you don't, either way it hardly seems a load of squat to me.
Andrea: You really hate doing this don't you?
Chia: I don't pretend to put on a false pretense.
Andrea: Why don't sit down awhile and take the load off your feet?
[Chia sits down.]
Chia: Say, do you know where I can find someone named Daria? I've been trying to look for her but she isn't here.
Andrea: She'll come...what's your name?
Chia: My name's Chia, please don't laugh.
[Andrea looks through the camcorder at the front.]
Andrea: Well stick around Chia, you'll really find this show interesting.
[Jane is outside and gets in the limo. She sits across from Daria.]
Jane: Ok Daria, here's what...oh! Didn't know you had company. [It's Mack who's next to Daria.]
Daria: It's ok...please continue.
Mack: The whole place is a madhouse!! They're all a bunch of raving loons and nuts!!!! Everybody's acting like a bunch of spoiled kids, have they even grew up at all?!?!?!!?!? Those people are completely insane!!!!
Daria: Oh yes...
Mack: Now look, I like football especially playing it. But it's not my whole freaking life!!!! I moved on, matured, and gotten more wisdom out of life. But what have they done?? They hardly done jack!!!!!
Daria: Such is life.
Mack: That idiot Kevin's the worse!! For crying out loud you should hear this guy now! He's a raving drunk who can't get anything right and yet he still insists that's he's the freaking captain of the whole crapping football team even to this day!!!!!! And Brittany, she's still wearing that homecoming queen's gown. The total epitome of denial! And they STILL call me Mack Daddy. It says "Michael" on my birth certificate for Pete's sake!!! Where did they get "Mac" from, my name!? That may be all fine for Scottish people, but do I look Scottish!?!?! My family's from Canada!!!!!
[Mack pauses to catch his breath.]
Mack: There, that's all I have to say on the whole matter.
Daria: You feel better now?
Mack: Somewhat.
Daria: They're all delusional anyway. They probably feel that by convincing themselves that they are still the hot shots on campus just to deal with life.
Mack: Thanks...you're just about the only level headed person I ever knew from school and that's the part that hasn't changed. You have always been a good friend to me and Jodie.
Daria: Oh? I haven't realized that.
Mack: I didn't mentioned it at the time, my fault. Perhaps I should just head back to my hotel room.
Daria: I'm about to give a speech in a few minutes, maybe you might want to stick around for it.
Mack: I might...
[He gets out of the limo.]
Daria: Now Ms. Jane, what report have you for us?
Jane: Other than Upchuck having fake gold chains and Kevin becoming a bloated barfly, everybody's the same.
Daria: And their perceptions of me?
Jane: Heh, they still think you're the frump.
Daria: Good.
Jane: So none of this bothers you at all?
Daria: It's just as I expected. It hardly matters what they all say...because we are now going for the jugular.
Jane: I got the music.
Daria: Excellent...see you in a few.
Jane: Good luck kid.
[Jane gets out of the limo that still has the hazards flashing and back inside at Andrea's table.]
Andrea: Hi Jane, this is Chia.
Chia: Hey...
Jane: So you're Chia? Daria's told me so much about you.
Chia: Really? I hope she would come so we can talk some more, I was "rudely" interrupted at the time.
Andrea: She tells me that teen anguish is still alive and well here.
Chia: Well what's the deal?? Is she coming or not?????????
Jane: What if I told you that someone who was very much like yourself will finally get a chance to tell off the entire high school once and for all?
Chia: First I ask if you're full of it, and second...how soon?
Jane: Wanna do us a favor?
Chia: Sure...
Jane: Take this Mini Disc and pop it in the machine on the first track. There will be a two minute silence just before the main song comes on. And blast it if you could.
Chia: No problem. That DJ who's suppose to be working the machines is somewhere in some closet with some lady.
[Chia takes the disk and goes up to where the DJ is suppose to be. Jodie comes by shortly afterwards.]
Jodie: What are you doing?
Chia: I was told that you were suppose to start speaking and the DJ wasn't here so I was about to turn the music off.
Jodie: Ok...
Chia: And I was also suppose to tell you that Daria "will" come in a few minutes.
Jodie: Excellent.
[Jodie walks away and when no one's looking, Chia inserts the Mini Disc in the machine and plays the blank track. The background is hardly noticeable on the newer ones. Principal Li is standing in the back along with the superintendent. The clear plexiglass podium is set up on a stage. Jodie goes up to the microphone and motions everybody to settle down.]
Jodie: ...your attention please, thank you. We will begin very shortly people...
[Li looks at her watch.]
Li:(To herself) No sign of Ms. Morgendorffer, she had better showed up. I need that little tart as a warm up for my speech.
[Chia returns to the table with Jane and Andrea.]
Chia: I got it in.
Jane: Good, should be any minute now...
Jodie: Ladies and gentlemen...welcome to the 10th annual reunion of Lawndale High's Class of 2000!
[Everybody applauds except Jane and Chia who are merely clapping very slowly.]
Jodie: We will hear from Principal Angela Li who shall explain where Lawndale will be going in the 21st Century. But first, one of our fellow classmates who went on to become a successful author with her "first" novel on the Best Selling list. There are a few delays however but we will shortly...
[All the sudden, loud music blasts out from the speakers catching everybody by surprise. Who ever was able to make out the song can tell it's "Take Me To Your Money" by Violent Femmes. It can even be heard from outside the building.]
Jodie: What the...
[Suzy who's standing at the entrance watching is already confused by all of this when a lady barges in through the outside doors and just walks by her.]
Suzy: Hey wait a minute, who are you?
[This intruder saunters through the crowd as though they aren't even there. She is wearing sunglasses and a sparking green outfit that complements her leather skirt. The long hair flows as she nonchalantly walks towards the set up stage.]
Kevin: Tha...that's Daria??
Brittany: It can't be Daria...it just couldn't be her!!
[A stunned Jodie backs away slowly as Daria gets up to the podium. Behind her dark shades she sees the entire room staring at her. This is all the people she had ever known during her last years of adolescence who just possibly cannot believe what they are looking at.]
Chia:(Whispering) That's her, that's really her!
Jane:(Also whispering) She always did know how to make interesting speeches.
[The music fades away on the Mini Disk and the entire building is in a hush. Andrea is not only shooting footage, but taking snapshots since the camcorder also doubles as a digital camera.]
Daria: What the crap is this, a Janis Joplin concert!?
[The people all gasp, not only have they never seen her like this but never, never talk in such a manner as she just did. Daria takes off her clip ons and sets them on the stand. She looked exactly like the same person they all have known...and yet she's completely different.]
Daria: Hello Lawndale!! Guess what, the "brain" is back!
Jodie:(To herself) Oh please Daria, don't do this...
Daria: You know something folks, I really thought that I would never ever see any of your faces again. In fact, I didn't even want to come tonight. But I really wanted to know something... ten years ago I stood up in front of you just like I am doing now and gave a "short" essay about facing the real world after walking out of high school. I talked about facing new challenges and moving on with your lives. But apparently none of you ever heard a freaking word I said. Not that I would blame you people since I had to sit through the tedious ramblings of the faculty and pretty little students myself. If I hadn't made any wise cracks to my friends sitting next to me, I would have been bored out of my skull...
Li:(Gritting) What is she doing!!
Daria: I'm not going to bore anybody tonight because I want to make this short and sweet. And I'm not wasting my time telling some sob story about how all the meanies picked on me and made me felt like an outcast. I didn't just sat on my duff and "boo hoo" all about it! Instead, I got on with life and went out to be whatever I bloody well wanted to be.
Brittany:(To Kevin) She snapped, I think she finally snapped.
Kevin: Don't look at me, I don't even know what she's doing.
Daria: Now I'm sure if anybody who 'really' knew me at the time instead of listening to bathroom rumors would find out that I'm not really a stuck up "snob" who thinks I'm much better than anybody else. I just happen to be a very honest person who tells it like it is, which is something the school system beats out of you along with your dignity. And as for being smart, well kiddies, the truth of the matter is that I just happened to put a little more effort into a lot of things. In fact, if you whole lot had done the same thing then most of you wouldn't be a bunch of dead beats getting absolutely nowhere in life! And I'm sure you now know by now, you just couldn't get away pulling the same crap that you did in high school.
Li:(Snarling quietly) Just who does she think is she!?!?
Daria: Heaven knows I am not a cruel and insensitive person. In fact I want to go out to Kevin and Brittany Thompson, who even though they often back stab me and talk trash about me when I'm not around, they were very nice to me in my face.
[Brittany is getting very angry while Kevin is still not sure what Daria's trying to pull.]
Daria: I like to ask someone to go over to them, give them a hug and pat them on the back...
[Brittany and Kevin now just look at each other thinking that maybe she's making a very good point.]
Daria: ...and PLEASE tell them that their high school football glory days are long over!
Brittany/Kevin: WHAAAAT!?!?!
[Jane and Chia are snickering.]
Daria: Now honestly, dressing up and acting as though it's still the 90's? Isn't it so very sad that the whole world is passing all of you by, laughing at each and every one of you? You think I would be where I am today if I was exactly the same person that I was in high school? Bloody freaking NO!!! If only I had realized back then that I should not have wasted my time worrying about what other people think of me...especially you useless bunch of gits!!!!
Brittany: Bu...but Daria...
Daria: Ah yes, I believe the little queen has something to say to all of us. Please enlighten us...
Brittany: You said that you are no longer the misfit in high school, right?
Daria: That was exactly what I had said, please pay attention in the back there.
Brittany: But like, aren't you happy and cheerful? You're a part of society who does what everybody else does...isn't that what you're trying to say????
[Daria just narrows her eyes at Brittany.]
Daria: hehehehe....Heheheheheee....HehehhahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Brittany: Why is she laughing?
Daria: HeHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! HAHOHOHOHOHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOHOHOHEHEHEHHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!
[She is laughing hysterically and slapping her hands against the podium. Nobody can ever believe what they are seeing! They thought they would never see the day when Daria would "actually" laugh like that. And now they wish they never did...]
Upchuck: She's insane, gone completely mad...a raving loon!!!!
Daria: OHOHOHAHAHAHAhehehehe.....
[She then regains her composure.]
Daria: Um, no...that was not my point.
Jane:(To Chia) She really out did herself.
Chia: Man, she rocks!
Daria: What I'm saying is that I no longer bother with the trivial and meaningless pursuits that many get shoved down their throats. In fact, I don't even give a rat's end what any of you think of me right now. And if none of you like it, then tough crap!
Superintendent: What is the meaning of this Li???
Li: That's what I want to know!?!?!?!
Daria: So let's talk about the future of Lawndale High School, or better yet the lack of one.
[Jodie keeps moving her finger against her throat motioning Daria to cut it off right now. But Daria continues anyway.]
Daria: We all know Principal Li has the best interests for the high school. In fact, it's must be "financial" interests because it sure as heck isn't for the students.
Li: Get her off that stage!!!!!!
Daria: So as the young people of the 21st century look towards a new school building, they see the old one around them decaying into ruins. What little can be saved from not fixing the various health hazards, can be put towards a new building which is sure to generate lots of cutbacks and even more from certain shortcuts which will cause it to go to pot like this building is right now.
Li: Why that little...
Superintendent: Now hang on a minute! What's this about getting cutbacks?? You said you had nothing to do with that Hoopterman fisacal.
Li: But...
Superintendent: Maybe we "should" have a look around the school.
Daria: So let's just cut this short right about now. I bet some of you are still wondering what's the deal with this chick laying all this crap on us. This "crap" represents how I really feel towards not only you people who wasted your lives over stupid things that hardly matter but also toward this whole school who still continues to screw young impressionable minds into not being the best they can really be!!
Chia:(Quietly) Yeah....
Daria: I may have had only a...(Counts up to about three on one hand)...a couple of true friends who really were friends and not a bunch of back stabbers. In fact, we're all going right now to cruise around having a real good time. To the some of you I wish to deeply say thanks for sticking by me through the rough and horrible times as well as all the fun times we had shared.
[She glances up and sees Mack standing there nodding his head at her. She then gives a tiny nod with her eyes in acknowledgement.]
Daria: But to all the other people who pretended to be nice only to slap me in the face much more than often...for this kind of respect you have shown me, you all can just go STICK IT!!!!
[Daria picks up her shades and walks out of the building and the people still have nothing to say at all. On the way out, she just couldn't help smiling through her tight lips trying not to laugh hysterically.]
Upchuck: Can you believe that? Why of all the nerve...
Cynthia: Well she does have a point man, I mean inviting your own cousin to impersonate a date to a reunion is like the lowest ebb.
Upchuck: NOT OUT LOUD!!!!!
[Andrea puts the camcorder away.]
Andrea: Well, that's it kiddies...let's jet back to our limo.
Jane: Hey Chia, want to come along?
Chia: Sure!! Let me get my duffle bag...
[Chia heads towards the ladies room with the duffle bag she put somewhere before. She's wearing her blue shirt and shorts underneath the formal clothing. She puts on her white sneakers and small black vest. She then walks out and bumps into Becky.]
Becky: Chia!!! What are you doing!?
Chia: I'm jetting man, my bit here is over. Gonna hang with the "real" queen of Lawndale.
Becky: But you just can't leave!! Don't you know what Li will do when she finds out???
Chia: Heh, flip that!!!
[Chia walks out.]
Becky: What do you mean "flip that"!?!? You think I like being here myself!?!?!
[A shell shocked Jodie approach the podium. She is visibly shaken.]
Jodie: I, I'm so sorry...I'm sorry. I-I-I wish she hadn't done that, I just wish she hadn't...
[She then leaves being unable to continue. Then after a few seconds...]
Kevin: Well shove this... I'm going to a bar.
[Brittany gives Kevin a nasty glare.]
Kevin: Hic...EEUUUURRRRPP!!
Brittany: I HATE YOU KEVIN THOMPSON!!!!!!!!
Kevin: Whadda I do this time?????
Brittany: You ruined my life!!!!! Ever since junior high, I have stuck by you and supported you. Even when you do stupid stuff I never left your side! I gave up my entire life just for you!! That's why I spent more time in cheerleading than studying, that's why I applied at the same college you went to. It cost a lot of money just for a single semester, and you flunked out it you moron!!!! And now...NOW I marry you trying to make something out of my life and you spend most of yours getting drunk and falling off roofs!!!! I even know about the fat broad you hang out with! YOU ARE THE MOST PATHETIC IDIOT I HAVE EVER KNOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kevin: Yeah, well anyone would be driven to drink if they had to be stuck to some "ball and chain" who happens to be Queen of the Harpies!!!!
Brittany: That...DOES IT!!!!!!!!
[Brittany lunges towards Kevin who falls over and breaks through a table. The entire room erupts into total chaos.]
Scene 2:
[Inside the limo of the now infamous Bad Girls Of Lawndale. They are sipping on champagne laughing what just happen, at least Jane, Andrea, and Chia are because Daria is just taking it all in with a quiet satisfaction.]
Daria: I "still" can't believe I just did that, it was great.
Jane: Remember that speech you gave at an assembly for passing the self-esteem class? That was NOTHING compared to this!!
Andrea: Hey Chia, have some of this. Don't worry it's non-alcoholic wine, so it's just grape juice.
Chia: Yeah give me some...oh man, it's not so sweet.
Andrea: You get used to it. In fact, consider yourself a young woman now.
Chia: Man, this is what I call a rite of passage!
Jane: Let's make a toast...to Daria our main hero who finally stood up in the face of adversity and 'spat' it in the face!!
Andrea: Hear, hear!
Jane: To Andrea for a real cool ride and myself for "musical" tastes. And now, to Chia Maxwell, the newest member of the Bad Girls Of Lawndale!
Chia: Cool name, how did you get it?
Andrea: Towards our senior year mostly.
Jane: So now what? How can we top tonight?
Daria: Who knows, the night's still young so let's just make it up as we go along.
Andrea: Now you're talking.
Chia: You got a phone here? I want to call my friend and tell her all about this.
Andrea: Here you go...
[Andrea passes the phone to Chia who dials Dani's number.]
Chia: Hey Dani? It's me Chia. Listen guess what...yeah, I'm not at that stupid reunion thing. The whole thing blew chunks...I just walked out, yes just like that....Man, I don't care what she does! As far as I'm concerned Li can kiss my, HEY don't you want to know where I am now??
Daria: You know Jane, with people like Chia I feel much better about the youth of today.
Jane: Wherever there is the tyranny of conformity, the torch shall always be passed.
Chia: Yeah I'm in a limo with some of the people from the reunion. One is a fashion designer with real cool and weird tastes, the other is an artist from New York. And the other person...now get this, Daria Morgendorffer...yes the one who wrote the poems and stuff I showed you...and the one who came to the library today...I'm not making any of this crap up!!!
[Chia hands the phone over to Daria.]
Chia: Here, she thinks I'm faking it...
[Daria takes the phone.]
Daria: Hello? Yes we are in a limo...Chia is here with us...and the last time I checked, that's who I am...Really...Glad you liked my book.
[Daria gives the phone back to Chia.]
Daria: Here, she seems to be out of breath...
Chia:(On phone) Well didn't I just tell you? Listen, I got so much to ask her so I'll talk to you tomorrow....Oh yes, we will have the entire day to go over all of this. See ya!
[Chia clicks off the phone.]
Chia: Aw man, I really wished I brought my camcorder and taped the thing.
Andrea: You have a compatible D-VHS camcorder that can handle MiniDV format?
Chia: My computer and VCR both have those "FireTrap" ports, yeah.
[Andrea takes out her camcorder and removes the cassette. She then tosses the tape to Chia who catches it.]
Andrea: Here, you can copy the tape and mail it back to me later on. I even took some snapshots on tape that you can either take to a photo lab or put on your computer.
Chia: Thanks man. I might even put them up on my website along with the high school poems. Maybe even have the whole thing on compressed video for download. If that would be ok with you guys of course...
Jane: Oh yeah, sure! The whole world deserves to view such a fine performance.
[Chia puts the tape in her jacket pocket.]
Chia: So...I don't seem to have my book with me for you to sign, but you must get tired of autographing so much stuff anyway.
Daria: It's not often I actually "see" people who really like my work.
Chia: I have so much to ask you...I bet you were just about the coolest girl in high school at the time.
[Jane and Andrea turn towards Daria.]
Daria: Well, not exactly...
Chia: I seen your old photo, you looked just like you felt when you wrote those papers. And I can really relate to all those things. So how "did" you managed to make it through high school?
Daria: You deal with a lot of jerks and morons everyday?
Chia: Heh, does a bear puke in the woods??
Daria: Here's a little secret...the sole purpose of high school is to show exactly what the world is like. Everybody will try to mold you in their image, strip you of your dignity, and work you to the bone while expecting you to "lie" by respecting these same people.
Chia: Oh great, that gives me something to look forward to after graduation...
Daria: You can't change these people, they'll always be jerks. it's human nature and it hardly matters where you go. But you don't have to "put" up with that...
Chia: No? How...
Daria: Work the whole thing to your advantage. Use the entire situation. In other words, you may have to play along with their games...but play it "your" way. My old college roommate told me all about this, she calls it "social engineering".
Chia: Oh I get it, it's just another phrase for bluffing skills...in other words "BS"!
Daria: You're 'very' good, we should get along just fine.
Chia: I may be the most imperfect person around, but I ain't staying this way. Sometimes I feel I have to fight tooth and nail just for my place in the world. And I don't really care what others say because they never even care about me in the first place. Flip them, I say...
Daria: So now the question is, how 'bad' do you want it?
Chia: I want it bad, man. I want it real bad...
Daria: Then stay real, and you'll be fine.
Jane: You know Daria, I was thinking about that one night when we said we'll bum rush the class reunion. Didn't I say that their best years will be in high school and afterwards they'll start declining? You know what they say, "What comes around..."
Andrea: "...comes around!"
Daria: Very true...but in some strange way, I really feel sorry for them now.
Andrea: Don't feel sorry for doing what you did up there. You did a public service to all those people tonight. They trapped themselves in some bubble while the whole world passed them by. And you happen to be the one to pop it.
Jane: She's right. I mean we have lost some battles in high school but we won the war! Look at us man. I'm starting to sell my art to decent bidders, Andrea's about to become a fashion designer as well as open up a museum with her husband. And you just sold your first novel which is just the beginning. We haven't even 'begun' to fully live our lives because it's all starting to blossom.
Andrea: And those "snobs" who made fun of us before...
Jane: Well look what they had accomplished? You hardly had to plan any sort of revenge on them Daria, because they totally SCREWED themselves!
Daria: Yeah, life is good. In fact lately it's really becoming good. I'm so used to everything going wrong that now the way it's all unfolding I have yet to fully understand it.
Andrea: What do you mean?
Daria: I don't know...it's as though something, or someone, has set everything all up that works out for the best. What can I think, this really 'must' be paradise?
Jane: Sometimes you're too suspicious for your own good.
Daria: Oh? I guess I've been like since that one night...
Jane: What night? You mean...
Daria: Oh it's nothing, just still surprised by all that happened.
Andrea: Well I don't know what you philosophers, but I wanna go to a party somewhere.
Jane: Yeah, where's a really good place to hear some good music?
Andrea: I got it! The Metro Cafe, it just opened up a few months ago. It's one of those nightly coffee houses.
Chia: I keep hearing how great that place is. We should go there!
Daria: Ah...who can ask for anything more than strong coffee and bad poetry?
Jane: They have these types of places in the "fringe" sections of New York, they're not exactly what you think they are.
Andrea: Dion, take us to the Metro Cafe!
Dion: Alright...
Scene 2:
[The old coffee cafes of the 1990's bear as much resemblance to the Metro Cafe as a can of Coke does to a 3 liter bottle of Jolt. The Metro Cafe is best described as a nightclub that serves coffee drinks instead of alcoholic beverages. The building is a cross between classic Art Deco and the current futurist style. A large neon coffee cup glows a bright purple color in the night. AlterRock music is being blasted by whatever band is on the stage. The four ladies are sitting at a table. Jane ordered a strong cup of expresso, Andrea asked for a special Columbia blend(twice the caffeine and only comes in shot glasses), Chia got hot chocolate whipped cappuchino style and Daria is drinking "spiced tea" or spicy iced tea.]
Jane: Hey Daria, with all the tea you been drinking today you'll be in the bathroom all night.
Daria: Oh this coming from an expresso junkie.
Jane: Ever tried expresso before Chia?
Daria: Oh no you don't! You're not messing her up at that age.
Chia: Too late, I already am messed up...
Jane: Hehehee...
Chia: I've heard AlterRock on the college stations but to actually listen to it here is quite an experience.
Andrea: This is just about the best place to hear live AlterRock in Lawndale.
Jane: My brother works with AlterRock musicians.
Chia: Really?
Jane: Yeah, he's an agent who books the best acts and gets them in places like this.
Chia: That's cool, I like this much better than that "lab rat" stuff what the the other kids listen to. Oh what do they know about good music, eh?
[Chia listens to the band who's sound is a combination of hard core progressive rock and classic blues.]
Jane: This sure beats the crap we listened to on the radio, eh Daria?
Daria: Hmmm?
Jane: Hey what's wrong? You really looked lost for a second.
Daria: I do? It's just...I got a lot on my mind right now.
Jane: Dollar for your thoughts?
Daria: I thought it was a penny.
Jane: It's the inflation.
Daria: For one thing, I'm still going over that Hoopterman case.
Jane: You still think your mom's innocent?
Daria: She doesn't have the gall, let alone the brains, to pull off something like this. I hadn't really thought about it until I seen her about nine months ago. That was the most remorseful I had ever seen of her. Said something about going through the tape files, but I didn't get a chance to pursue the matter until recently.
Andrea: Ah man! He really knows how to bust the beat out of that guitar.
Jane: Please continue...
Daria: After I got back from talking with Li, I went back to the old house to go over Mom's files. Papers, computer disks, everything... Apparently there were a few gaps in what the prosecuters said from all I found. In fact, I found some tapes Mom had dictated on.
Jane: Oh, this is rather intriguing.
Daria: It's starting to become more like those bloody stories I write. Now there happens to be this one tape that's missing number #143. There must have been something on it that may prove Li's involvement, I'm sure that had been hinted in the other tapes.
Jane: Now we have this one little tape that may clear your mother's name, but you have no idea where it is.
Daria: Exactly, I have to get back on this to a friend who happens to be my attorney. We were old roommates in college.
Chia: Sorry to barge in, but did you say something about Li?
Daria: You want to know why exactly your school is falling apart?
Chia: Sure I would, I'm so ticked off at that freaking witch! A few days ago, I wrote an article about the condition of the building for the school paper and the editor bumped it off to make room for a thing about Li doing some dedication crap on where they're constructing the new school. And I even talked to her about it today and somehow she got me doing that stupid waitress thing tonight. If there's a way I can really get back at her, I would!
Daria: Her and Hoopterman were somehow working together planning the cutbacks. We all knew she was out to make a quick buck even when we were there. And for all I know, my mother who was Hoopterman's attorney got set up to take the fall when he got caught. And yes, she wanted me to play along with her game of making her look good at the reunion...which I suspect why she gave you that crap work just to get you out of her hair.
Chia: It seems now that we both want a piece of Li for screwing us over.
Daria: Yes.
[The band finishes playing and the emcee goes up on stage.]
Emcee: Ok, glad you all are enjoying yourselves here tonight.
And now without further ado, straight from LA is one of the best female vocalists in the AlterRock scene. Ladies and gentlemen... I give you Miss Lia!!
[Miss Lia comes up to the podium and everybody applauds. She is wearing a bright sparkling blue shirt which looks similar to the material in Daria's jacket.]
Miss Lia: Thank you very much...first I want to say thanks to all my friends and fans who had supported me, and I want to say hi to my boyfriend who's sitting right over there. Yeah, please stand up and wave to all these people honey. Ladies and gentlemen, my only love...Michael Ridley.
[Michael stands up, sheepishly waves, and quickly sits down.]
Lia: Love you too Mikey. Last but not least, I like to thank Trent Lane who helped got me started in this biz two years ago. Without him, I wouldn't have made it this far.
Jane: Must have been one of my brother's clients.
Daria: I guess...
Lia: With that, I dedicate this next song to Mikey..."Kindred Souls".
[The band plays slow tempo but agressive music while she sings her song. "Kindred Souls" is about two people who had met each other and discovered their souls to be reflections of each other. Later on, they fell in love only to be soon separated by an angry fight. And now the one lover is still searching for the other in order to become complete. The music is not mushy, but rather a hypnotic beat and the rhythm is very haunting along with her vocals. Daria cannot help but be touched by it.]
Daria: That's very good.
Jane: Did you know Trent actually wrote that song?
Daria: What??
Jane: Yeah, shortly after you two...well you know.
Jane: Yeah, shortly after you two...well you know.
[And the end, everyone claps their hands and she leaves the stage. At that point, the band plays a much faster song and someone takes the mike with very gritty vocals which merge into the fast pounding drums.]
Daria: Excuse me, I have to make a call...
Andrea: You're missing a very good song here.
Jane: Oh let her go, I have it recorded anyway.
[Daria leaves the table while the others enjoy the music. She goes into a cylindrical phone booth that is sound proof so she couldn't hear the loud music when she closed the airtight door.]
Daria: Ok...let's get to work.
[She takes out her phone card and slides it in the slot. When the green light came on, she picks up the phone, and dials Sapphire. After the service answers, Daria punches in a few more numbers.]
Daria: Sapphire?
Sapphire: Here I am.
Daria: Call Dix.
Sapphire: Dialing...
[Over in LA, Julia Dixon-Chen or "Dix" as her friends call her is at a real nightclub party with some friends who happen to be associates. There are also people with her from Hong Kong. Her pager goes off and it scrolls the message...]
{Sapphire calling...phone call request from Daria Morgendorffer.}
Dix:(To her friends, in Chinese) {Excuse me for a minute, I have to answer a phone call. I will be right back soon.}
[Dix goes into a sound proof phone booth and presses a button on her rather bulky looking pager. She pulls up an antennae and opens up the mouthpiece which reveals the "beeper" to be a PCS phone. Dix presses the DTA button.]
Dix: Sapphire...
Sapphire: Yes?
Dix: Connect me to the page number.
Sapphire: Connecting.
[Back on Daria's end.]
Sapphire: Getting call connected now.
[A beep later and Dix's voice is on.]
Dix: Yeah?
Daria: Hey Dix, how's it going?
Dix: Daria, great to her from you ol' girl! Just chilling at a nightclub with some people I had a meeting with. I'm telling you, it's great to do a little business at parties. Of course, it's only second to having lots of fun of course.
Daria: Didn't you tell me something about a beach house in LA?
Dix: Oh yeah! I said if you ever need a quiet place to write your next novel then you're welcome to it. In fact next month, I'm heading to Hong Kong to hold discussions with a Japanese company. Did you know they are coming out with a "electronic" book some time next year? You'll be able to download any book you wish to read and it's very light to hold. Ought to save plenty of trees you know.
Daria: So books are finally being melded into technology, what a brave new world.
Dix: It'll be many years before they end up replacing the old paper copies. This will be just a side thing for now, as soon as this takes off. I'm negotiating how the royalties will be handed out. It'll make a great supplement to current ones from the hard covers and paperbacks! In fact, I'm trying to get your book to be one of the first.
Daria: Does Sid know about this?
Dix: Of course! That's why he was able to give you an advancement that you asked for, with a little convincing from yours truly.
Daria: You never cease to amaze me Dix.
Dix: So is that why you called, to hear some good news and ask about the beach house?
Daria: Well you know...say, remember what we talked about at this one party where you introduced me to Sid?
Dix: Hmm...Miami, two years ago, Joe's Place...yeah I remember. Something about your mother being arrested. What about it?
Daria: Have you ever taken anybody to court lately?
Dix: What the crap kind of question is that??
Daria: I'm finding evidence that may clear her name, but I can't exactly make much heads or tails out of this.
Dix: I see...
Daria: There's this one tape that's missing and I have to find it. Assuming that I do have all the stuff together, can you help put it all together?
Dix: Well ol' girl, I'm only a publishing attorney making sure authors get their paychecks.
Daria: But you 'do' have connections?
Dix: But of course...
Daria: I want to send this stuff to the DA, think I can do it?
Dix: Sure...if you don't mind wasting time and money being called on the witness stand.
Daria: I rather not get that involved.
Dix: I might know somebody who's in touch with the DA in your state. Mail whatever you have and I'll see it gets through proper channels.
Daria: Thanks Dix.
Dix: Hey one more thing, how exactly did you come about this stuff?
Daria: My mother told me about some tapes she had.
Dix: Your mom had evidence that she could have used in her trial!? Good freaking grief!! And she's still sitting on her duff in jail for all these years??
Daria: Dix, this is my mom we're talking about...I legally outmaneuver her when I was twelve!
Dix: Don't these small town lawyers ever think...ok, just send what ever you have. But try to get "everything", we need to make this airtight.
Daria: I'll have a busy day tomorrow.
Dix: Yeah, I'll still be around here if you ever need me ol' girl. I have to prepare for the trip back to Hong Kong. Man, it'll be great to see my old friends and family again.
Daria: The "familia" in other words.
Dix: You and Sid are becoming more like each other. You two sarccy blokes are perfect working partners. Hey thanks for calling. Talk to you later.
Daria: Bye.
[Daria hangs up and takes her card. She returns to the table.]
Jane: So what was all of that about?
Daria: Called Dix about that thing I told you about. I think we can take Li and nail her to the freaking wall.
Chia: That will be just too sweet...
Daria: When you're all done, we'll head back to my house. I want to look through the place before my sister runs it to the ground.
ACT VI.
Scene 1:
[The limo pulls up in front of the Morgendorffer home. First Daria and Chia get out and then Andrea who's still holding a champagne bottle her and had nearly emptied.]
Jane: Hey, I wanna finish that sweet juice! Still got some expresso taste in my mouth.
[Andrea gives it to Jane who takes a big swig of it.]
Jane: Ya, that's better.
Chia: So this where you lived, man?
Daria: Oh yeah, lots of happ-happ-happy memories in here. I'll show you my old room. It's got padding on the wall.
Chia: No way...
[Daria takes a key out of her purse and as she puts it in, the door just swings open.]
Daria: What the... Hey guys, somebody's in here.
Jane: What? You don't think it's...
Daria: Let's see.
[The four walked in and turned on the light. Instantly, they hear something that sounds like a wounded cat, crying baby, and someone yelling in a foreign language after inhaling helium...all at the same time.]
Andrea: Who's in here?
[The sound is coming from the kitchen and Chia goes to look. After a few minutes she comes back.]
Chia: Guys, you just will not believe this. There is a very strange lady in there who's really bawling in there. I ask her what's wrong and she keeps wanting to know if I have any smokes. Oh yeah, she's wearing half of a t-shirt.
Daria: Oh that's just my sister Quinn. Guess I'll have to bail out whatever trouble she got into...again.
[Jane and Andrea go into the kitchen.]
Chia: That's your sister??
Daria: As hard as it's to believe, yes.
Chia: I know her...
Daria: What?
Chia: She works at the Lawndale Dinner. Me and Dani went there once. The food is just awful!
Daria: Say, did you by any chance ever had the tea?
Chia: I ordered a cheeseburger without onions, but I got them anyway. And the Coke had so much water in it I'm surprised they had a little room left for the soda. The worse part was that as I took off the bun to remove the onions, there were bugs on it!
Daria: As disgusting as it is, it doesn't even surprised me.
Chia: We even told her about it and she insists that we made the whole thing up just to get a free meal. I said that there are bugs in this burger and obviously one of them went up her crawl. She said, "Well see if I bring ever bring you brats desert!" I told Dani that this woman is quite rude. And she said that we should leave her a tip.
Daria: You left her a tip after all of that?
Chia: Oh we sure did. We paid the person at the counter then dumped our sodas on the table and left. Boy was she ever mad! I tell ya something, she is a total grouch...
[Daria just sighs.]
Daria: And to think that she was once President of the Fashion Club.
Chia: Well fat lot of good it did her. Maybe I should stay out her so she doesn't see me.
Daria: Good idea, I'll go in and check on her.
[Daria goes in to the kitchen and finds Quinn blubbering. She is wearing a baby t-shirt that says "Linger Inn".]
Quinn: BLAHAHAhawahahaawawaaa...MEMECWAAHHAHWAAHAHWAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Jane: I think she's trying to say something.
Daria: Well what 'is' she trying to say?
Andrea: At this point it hardly matters cuz I can't make heads or tails of it.
Jane: We should leave these two alone so they can get this sorted out.
Daria: Oh gee, thanks!
[Jane and Andrea leave the room. Quinn has somewhat managed to compose herself back together.]
Quinn: Oh Daria...I really screwed up!!
Daria: I know you did, now what did you screw up?
[Quinn continues to cry. Daria, not knowing what else to do, gives her a tissue out of her purse. Quinn takes it and blows a big hocker.]
Quinn: PPPPHHHZZZZZTTTTTTTT.....(sniffs)
[She gives the tissue to Daria.]
Daria: I don't want it back!!
Quinn: Oh how...just when did it all go wrong for me?
Daria: I guess since you were born, but that's something you should only share with a psychiatrist.
Quinn: You were right...you were always right. You always knew exactly what to do and I just plow straight into some big diesel truck. You even told me not to come back crying, begging for your help...oh geeze I can't even get that right!!!!!!!!!!
Daria: Forget about it, just continue whatever you wanted to say.
Quinn: As kids, I always thought I was the "better" one because I was pretty and stuff and look at us now. This is just plain... what is that thing you call it?
Daria: Poetic justice?
Quinn: Ah, irony. I should have listened to you at the diner. But no, I got all worked up about it insisting that I was right. About an hour after you left, I served some food to someone who nearly died from looking at it.
Daria: Who did you serve it to?
Quinn: It was the health inspector!!! And Lou fired me right on the spot!
Daria: What about the...other job you work?
Quinn: Forget it! The Linger Inn won't be open for many months. I just pulled in the lot when all the sudden the whole roof caved in. It was in a lot better shape before Kevin tried to fix it!!
Daria: So you lost a few jobs. There might be something in the paper.
Quinn: Ah Daria, I think I really 'needed' those two jobs for...
Daria: You didn't? Please tell me you hadn't...
Quinn: I signed the papers.
Daria: Oh for crying out loud, didn't you even read them first!?!?
Quinn: No!! They waited until "afterwards" to tell me that the whole mortgage had to be paid off, which means I can't even sell it!
Daria: Ok, let's just think this through.
Quinn: This is it Daria, my life is completely over. I had never thought I would end up like Dad and be known as "Mortgage-dorffer". What's next, I share a padded cell with him? Look at me...27 and approaching 29 in a few years. All my youth, gone and wasted. Ah heck you're just about there yourself!
Daria: Quinn, most people live to their 90's and beyond. You haven't even begun your life yet!
Quinn: Then tell me how I'm suppose to go off and go to beauty school!? Go on!!!
Daria: Now listen, what I should have said this morning is that it would have not matter a load of fetid carcasses if you had gotten the house or not. Because I know a way to prove Mom's innocence and get her out of jail.
Quinn: How???
Daria: I'm finding evidence that can free her. And I can prove that it was Angela Li that had her set up.
Quinn: Principal Li!?!
Daria: In order to cover her tracks, she had completely destroyed our family. She sent Mom to jail, made Dad crazy, just about driven you to bankruptcy, and tried to strip me of my dignity just to advance her career. This I cannot accept. And now, she's going down.
Quinn: You can fix all of this?
Daria: But first I have to find this tape that Mom lost. She said that it will explain the whole thing.
Quinn: Well you know what it looks like?
Daria: Just a regular tape that has "143" on it.
Quinn: 143? Oh, I uh...
Daria: What is it Quinn?
Quinn: Well, er...
Daria: Out with it.
Quinn: It's just that I happened to found a tape with that number, about two years ago when I came back to get some of my stuff. It had some legal mumbo jumbo so I just threw it in a box.
Daria: What box!? What did you do with that tape???
Quinn: I just threw it in with my old CD collection. It's at my house, I'm transferring some Cardigan songs on the newer Mini Disks.
Daria: You still listen to that stuff??
Quinn: They can always make a big comeback someday, I'm just preparing for it.
Daria: When, the time pigs start to fly?
Quinn: Look, I'll give you the tape just to get this whole mess straighten out!
Daria: Fine, that's all I ask.
Quinn: But what about the whole house deal?
Daria: I know a friend who can find a way to get you out of it. She's a lawyer...much better than Mom.
Quinn: She darn well better be! But still, I'm back to square one aren't I? How am I going to get the $2000 I need to move somewhere and take classes?? The local economy is just dead!
Daria: Oh what the hey...
[Daria takes out a checkbook and writes a check for $2000 and gives it to Quinn.]
Daria: If you want to thank anybody, thank Sid who got me an advance of $10,000. Good thing my writing skills finally paid off.
Quinn: Whoa!!! I mean you didn't have to just give me the money like that.
Daria: Who said I 'gave' you the money. It's a loan, just pay me off in a few years. Now, you should be able to at least work for somebody at that time and maybe, if you really tried hard enough, you can just as well open your own place. Do that and I won't collect the interest. But if you do have your own place and can't pay back, well then I'll have to own "half" the place and we'll be partners. That means we will have to "work" together. You don't want that do you?
Quinn: Um, no I suppose that's the last thing I really want.
Daria: Good, I was hoping you would say that.
Quinn: Listen, I'll come back tomorrow with that tape. Uh listen, I'm just...
Daria: Forget it.
Quinn: Oh, ok.
[Quinn goes out through the back door. She trips over stuff she hadn't seen.]
Quinn: Ow!! Oh for crying out loud!
Daria: You ok?
Quinn: Just fine thanks!
[She leaves. Daria just shrugs.]
Daria: If anything, I'll put it on your bar tab.
Scene 2:
[The dining room, where the four are playing a game of poker.]
Andrea: Oh yeah, just like old times!!
Chia: I'll take three cards please.
Jane: You're quite good at this Chia. Where have you played this game?
Chia: Me and Dani snuck in a sorority party where they had a poker game going. We cleaned them all out.
Daria: It's almost eleven, does your mother know your here?
Chia: Yeah, she's cool with it. Don't have to be back until midnight and we have a day off from school. I called my brother Russell who's going to pick me up shortly.
Jane: So Daria, you just gave Quinn some money to help her start a new life? Wow, that's very touching.
Daria: The kid just screwed up, she shouldn't have to pay for the rest of her life.
Andrea: That was nice...now tell us why you really did it?
Daria: She now owes me big time, just something to put over her little head.
Jane: Hehehe...
[There's a loud pounding on the door.]
Jane: Is that Quinn?
Daria: Maybe she forgot something. I don't feel like leaving this hand.
Chia: I'll get it, that idiot Russell came too early...
[Chia walks over to the door and opens it. Jodie just walks by her clenching her fists and goes over to Daria who's sitting at the table and enjoying the game.]
Jodie: What the 'freaking' CRAP was that all about Daria!!!!!!!!
Daria: Oh hi Jodie, how was the reunion?
Jodie: HOW WAS IT!?!!?! You completely ruined the whole thing!!!!
Daria: I just didn't like the speech that Li gave me so I made up one myself.
Jodie: Whadda you mean the speech Li gave you!?!? Didn't we just talked about whatever you wanted to say about who you went from being a good student to a success?? Why did you even DID what you did!?!?!?
Jane: Come on Jodie, why don't you play some poker with us so you'll feel better.
Jodie: Poker!?!? POKER!!!!!!!! You made a complete mockery of the night and you ask me to play poker!!
Daria: All I did was to give them something to think about.
Jodie: Oh they thought about it!!! After you left, Kevin and Brittany got into a argument which got very violent. The whole place was in chaos and Li was upset. And one of the kids who was suppose to be there took off with you in a limo!! What was that all about!?
Chia: Oh hi Ms. Landon, say wasn't that Violent Femms song better than "Umm...Bop"?
Jane: Oh leave the kid alone, I asked her to come along.
Jodie: You even got Li in hot water and making accusations about the condition of the high school. The superintendent is very upset about it. Do you even have proof of all of this!?
Chia: Hey lady, why don't you get off your freaking high horse and come down to "our" level to see how things are!
Jodie: I wasn't even talking to you!
Chia: Well now you are.
Daria: Now, now Chia...so tell me Jodie, have you even "seen" the high school lately.
Jodie: Well now...I mean, I hadn't gotten a chance to...
Daria: That building is deplorable. How can they even think of sending students there??
Jodie: But the new building...
Daria: Is just more money in Li's pocket.
Jodie: Fine, maybe something's fishy about the whole deal. But that doesn't excuse they way you talked to everybody!! They were your classmates Daria, doesn't that mean anything to you!?!?!
Daria: I owe them nothing.
Jodie: What about me and Mack!?!?!
Daria: He said he respected me back then, but I haven't heard you say anything about it.
Jodie: Well I did!! That's why I wanted you to make the speech. I mean yeah sure, they all treated you like dirt but you made something out of yourself! You could have just mention that without pulling some sort of stunt!!!! Why couldn't you just have a normal thing where a geek comes back a somebody??
Daria: Now Jodie, I'm insulted...you called it "normal".
Jane: Good one!
Jodie: Why couldn't you just do a speech without having to shoot off like that!?!?
Daria: That 'was' my speech.
Jodie: You had that whole thing planned all this time!? Wait a minute...when I talked to you out in the street, you acted like you did in high school. And even now you're nothing like you were...IT WAS ALL A GAG!!!!!!
Jane/Andrea: Hahahahahaha....
Daria: Sorry I had to fool you along with everybody else, but I had to be convincing even to myself to get it to work, haven't I?
Jodie: How long!?
Jane: Since 10th grade, we let Andrea in on it since we started hanging out together in our senior year.
Jodie: Fine, so you did what you felt you had to do...OK. I'm not blaming you for what you did, in fact I'm glad you did because that's why I have the highest regards for you! But the thing that I respect you for is the very reason that I'm mad at you!! And that makes me even more mad!!!!!!!
Daria: Why do you even care about this whole thing? It's all over.
Jodie: Because I have been involved in high school politics all my teenage life!! I try to make things better only for them to get much worse because these idiots don't want things improved!!!!! And the one chance, my ONE chance to set things right, I get tonight to just organize a Class of 2000 reunion blows up in my freaking face!!!!!!!!!
[Jodie just plops in an empty chair.]
Jodie: Oh why, why do I even bother with this?
Daria: Because you care for the whole world, there's nothing wrong with that. It's just that the world does not seem to "want" to be saved. But there's always a few people who do want to make things better so at least you're on the right track.
Jodie: Yeah I suppose...
Andrea: Come on, I wanna get back to this game! Are you in or not Jodie?
Jodie: You know guys? I spent the whole day rushing around that I haven't really got a chance to catch up. Yeah, deal me in.
[They deal in a new hand.]
Jane: It's all good isn't it Daria?
Daria: Oh yeah, it's been good. It has been a real 'freaking' great night!
Scene 3:
[A couple of weeks have passed since that night. A lady is sitting on a beach somewhere watching the sunset. She is wearing a striped tanktop, black shorts, and clip on sunglasses. This lady is reading a book with her bare feet rubbing in the sand. A small black phone next to her rings. She puts down the book and picks up the phone. It is a Sapphire unit that has an important call for her.]
Sapphire: Ms. Morgendorffer
Daria: Go ahead.
Sapphire: I have gotten a voice mail message from Julia "Dix" Chen, you have her tagged as "high priority".
Daria: Play the message.
[Sapphire plays the message.]
Dix: Hey ol' girl! Thought you want to know that the tapes you sent really made shock waves down in Lawndale. I got word that your Li has been indited for illegal money handling and has been suspended pending trial. And speaking of trial, your mother Helen will be getting her case reopen and things look good. She might be out in a few weeks. So since it looked like she had been set up by Li and Hoopterman, it seems your old school will be getting a new principal. I have here a local paper I asked the DA to send me, and everybody's in an uproar about the whole thing. Guess they will be using the money to repair the old building and bring it up to current standards. Oh yes...and as you requested you do not have to show up for any of this, as far as anyone's concerned it's your sister who "brought" the evidence. So I hope you hadn't mind...
Daria: Nope, it's all perfect.
Dix: And I help got her out of that contract with the house being signed in her named, it wasn't really put together all that well so it's not legally binding. Few more things...since you did give her the money so she can open her own beauty shop 'straight' out of the accounting credit before you even transfered it to the bank, that means our publishing firm owns part of the business venture. I believe after learning of this little stipulation, she will not waste the money as we are even generous to provide for her training. She has the option to buy back the shares later on, but if I didn't know any better I say you had it planned all along. I have taught you very well.
Daria: Thanks...
Dix: I also had a nice long talk with your mother over vid phone. Yeah, my mother was the same way. But I think for now on, you will find her far more appriecitive of your efforts. We didn't talk as "friend of her daughter" and "mother of my friend". No...we talked as attorneys, not represeting faceless corporations, but as fellow attorneys. I say that losely, because her bar membership has been revoked so she's out of the game. She has informed me that she will take a long review of her life and get her priorities straighten out. Consider this favor to be free of charge...
Daria: Now I really owe you one Dix.
Dix: Oh yeah, like I said that beach house is ready for you to use any time. When I get back from Hong Kong we have to get together. See ya!
Sapphire: End of message.
Daria: Any e-mail?
Sapphire: Two...one from Chia Maxwell.
Daria: Read it.
Sapphire: Message reads, "Hey Daria! You should have been here man. Looks like Li finally got hauled off to court after all. And my report on the school's condition made it in the paper, I mean the real newspaper, which really got the town in a buzz. Your old friend Jodie helped convince the editor, so she's not half bad. Guess we finally got the old witch after all. Oh yeah, I nearly had all your poems and stuff up on my web site which will be a "tribute" to your work. Guess you never thought of having your name all up on a web site, eh? Let me know when you want to do that interview for the school paper. I think they will give it the front page treatment it deserves. Oh yeah, I showed that tape to Dani and we both loved it. Makes me look forward to "my" reunion, but I rather have my graduation and be done with the whole thing. Bye!"
Daria: Make a memo.
Sapphire: Record...
Daria: Send an autograph copy of the rough draft of my book to Chia.(pauses)
Sapphire: Finish memo?
Daria: Yes.
Sapphire: Memo recorded. Second e-mail message from Sid Valquez.
Daria: Don't read it, call Sid.
Sapphire: Dialing...
[Sapphire calls Sid who is in his office somewhere in Chicago. He is leaning back on his chair.]
Sid: Ok Daria, where the blazes are you this time?
Daria: Tijuana Sid, Tijuana.
Sid: Oh don't tell me you're dancing around a freaking hat?
Daria: I'm about 10 miles south of the city at a nice beach. I really needed a vacation after my homecoming.
Sid: So why are you at a Mexican beach right now?
Daria: I have gone mad.
Sid: Ah, I knew there was a perfect reason for it.
Daria: Sid, I fell down a rabbit hole, had a weird tea party, nearly had my head chopped off, and stepped through a looking glass. If I don't get some sort of relaxation after what happen then I'll end up quoting the Jabberwocky.
Sid: That's nice for you dear...so please, just please tell me that you will be coming back to Chicago to discuss your future plans.
Daria: I'm not going to Chicago Sid.
Sid: No, no, no...don't do this to me Daria!!
Daria: My next stop is LA, I'm visiting an old friend there.
Sid: You said you had no old friends!
Daria: And Dix loaned me her beach house which is where I will work on my next novel.
Sid: Ah, so you 'do' have an idea for your next project.
Daria: Oh yes, and I'm doing something completely different.
Sid: Oh?
Daria: I'm giving it...a happy ending.
Sid: WHAT!?!?!!?
[Sid falls back from the surprise and lands on the floor with a crash.]
Daria: Sid...Sid??
THE END