Part 1: Lawndale Blues...
ACT I.
Scene 1:
[A woman is in an airport on a rainy day. She stands in line at a car rental attempting the impossible, renting the car that she wanted. She is wearing a tan trenchcoat that has a tint of green in the color and a matching hat over her long hair. On her face is a pair of sunglasses with wire rimmed frames, not that she would need to protect her eyes with the miserable weather outside but because her eyes are so weary from the long and back-to-back flights to get here. As she waits for the girl at the counter to "confirm" her rental, she looks at the USA Today she's carrying. The headline screams, "Experts Say The Internet Will Collapse ...Again!" and the date on the paper is October 17, 2010.
The rental girl is a young blonde about 18 and more than appears to be a total ditz who is still learning the ropes, two months after she got the job.]
Girl: No I'm sorry ma'am, but this is the car you requested. The Acura is reserved for a gentleman named Donald Orndorfer.
Woman: But that 'is' the car I requested. Look, try looking at your records again...
Girl: Umm...geeze I wish the manager would get here soon.
Woman: How soon will he be back? I like to talk to him.
Girl: Two weeks I believe, if he ever comes back from his vacation at all.
Woman: Now look...there is a mistake, I had not requested a '99 Volvo. Yes I know it's one of the affordable models you have, but I didn't 'ask' for it. That's my point.
Girl: Well ok...if we can chill for a while...
Woman: Honey I'm sick of chilling, ok. I'm so ice cold you can use my stomach for a cooler. And I have icicles for teeth, so let's get back to it shall we?
Girl: The Volvo is all we have availible on short demand right now.
Woman: I reserved the car two days ago, it should have cleared by now.
Girl: We have another Acura but it's also reserved.
Woman: What will it take to get some "better" cars?
Girl: We have a Lexus but you will have to pay $375 more for the rental.
Woman: Oh for crying...here.
[The woman gets her wallet out and puts a credit card at the counter. The girl picks it up and just before she runs it through, she notices a name on it that she recognizes in silver capital letters. The card says DARIA MORGENDOFFER on it.]
Girl: Whaa...you're Daria Morgendoffer?
[The woman unclips the sunglass lenses from her wire rimmed glasses at the hinges and looks at the girl with her small brown eyes.]
Daria: Check the specs lady.
Girl: You're THE Daria Morgendoffer??
Daria: No 'a' Daria Morgendoffer, didn't you know I was cloned.
Girl: I...I read your book last summer. It said you're living somewhere in a beach house near the Riveria.
Daria: My mind's still there but my body would appreciate it if you can get a decent car for me.
Girl: Let me check again...oh you know what, this Acura 'was' for you. Someone typed in 'Dora Morganduffer' I mean what a total screw up eh?
[The girl goes back and clacks the keys to correct the name in the data field.]
Girl: There...all fixed. Say, you wouldn't mind if I ask you for an autograph would ya?
[Daria gets out a twenty dollar bill and signs her name on it. The girl reaches for it when Daria slaps her hand on it.]
Daria: It's also a tip if you can arrange to have a cell phone installed with Sapphire 4000 capability.
Girl: Well...now, it would be difficult being that it's a $50 extra charge and you're car has already been fitted with...
[Daria taps her credit card on the counter which sounds like it's saying, "Use me...".]
Girl: But for you, no problem.
[The girl enters the information and scans the card. After a few tries, it registers on the system.]
Girl: Here's your key and give them this paper saying you had in fact requested a cell phone and it should have been installed in the first place.
Daria: Thank you...
[Daria walks away when she hears the girl say something that nearby people heard as well.]
Girl: Wow, she's so famous she outta make a movie deal.
Daria: (Still walking) Yeah...and you my dear outta get a life.
Scene 2:
[The kitchen of the Morgendorffer household. We see Daria sitting at the table with her arms folded because the morning is very nippy and the green jacket helps keep her warm. She doesn't seem to feel the cold much in her bare legs however as she is wearing a black skirt. She glances at the newspaper Jake is reading. The date says October 17, 1997 and the headline reads, "Experts predict the Internet will not collapse in the near future." Quinn is babbling on about stuff which hardly matters because no one is listening to a word she is saying, and Helen is talking to someone from the office on her cordless phone.]
Helen: Right, our client Mr. Hoopterman is top priority. We do major deals with his contracting firm so we should give him the utmost in our representation of him...
Quinn: Then I said, "If that's how you see it then fine, but what about us who have to 'look' at the thing?" And...He-LL-o! Aren't you paying attention Daria?
Daria: Whu...what?
Quinn: I have been talking for the last half hour and you haven't said a single word.
Daria: I'm sorry, were you talking to me? I thought it was Mom and Dad that care about what you say.
Quinn: Dad can't hear 'anything' when he reads that paper. Hey Dad! Can I take the car on a school night and get totally smashed with my friends as we drive around a far away college campus smashing into things breaking into wild parties and just set things on fire?
Jake: Yeah sure...
Quinn: See? And Mom's talking about work which is just probably unimportant anyway.
Helen: Now look this is absolutely important! We will be dealing with attorneys from the school district with whom Hoopterman does business with. He even works with Angela Li who's the principal... yes where my daughters go.
Quinn: So at least you have two ears and a brain to hear people, and I find out you have been ignoring me all this time.
Daria: Being that it's still too early, my mind is shut off. You should know about it being you hardly ever touch the on switch at all.
Quinn: You know what you are Daria? You're a grouch!
Daria: A grouch?
Quinn: You heard me, a total grouch!!
Daria: No wonder why I live in a trash can telling people to SCRAMMM....
Quinn: Ha, freaking ha...
Daria: Don't ever talk to your friends, the Three Stooges?
Quinn: They're the Fashion Club! And yes we talk but mostly about clothes and boys. But it would be 'nice' to talk to someone else about something 'else'!
Daria: And what have you just been talking about a while ago?
Quinn: Clothes and boys...
Daria: I rest my case.
Quinn: Oh sure, and you don't talk about "brainy" stuff with that weird friend of yours?
Daria: It's only sometimes we talk about art.
Quinn: You call that stuff art??
Daria: It's subjective...
Quinn: Art is pretty, art is nice, art is pleasing...what's so freaking hard about that!
Daria: Go tell it to the pope.
Helen: Drat, I gotta leave now! Put the papers on my desk and I'll go it. {Clicks off phone} Now girls, you can walk to school again and I'll be home sometime later tonight. Hug hug, kiss kiss, gotta go..
[Helen leaves in a hurry leaving the two siblings in the middle of their argument.]
Daria: Quinn, you remind me of a song by Beck.
Quinn: Oh...and what song would that be?
Daria: Loser.
Quinn: Ugh....
[Quinn stomps out of the kitchen. Daria just shrugs and walks out to do after her to go to school. A few seconds later, Jake puts down his paper.]
Jake: Wha...where did everybody go?
Scene 3:
[It's 2010, late morning. The Acura is driving down the the long stretch of road and the weather has gotten much better. Though still breezy, the sun is much brighter. At a stop sign, Daria presses one of the buttons on the car phone pre-marked "DTA" which is short for Digital Telephone Assistant. It dials into a service which a computerized assistant will manage all telecommunications for you. Daria subscribes to a service called Sapphire 4000 which is the best on the market. The female voice speaking from the speaker phone answers.]
Voice: Welcome to Sapphire 4000. Please enter your account number on the touch tone key pad or wait for a short beep to speak your number.
{BEEEP...}
Daria: 1...5...6...4...2...
[A short 5 second pause, and two short beeps.]
Sapphire: Hello Daria. You have 13 e-mail messages and 20 voice mail messages.
Daria: Which ones are "important"?
Sapphire: By "important", 2 e-mail messages.
Daria: Read them...
Sapphire: First e-mail is from Jane Lane..."Daria, I gotten your message and will be here in Lawndale at my parent's place. I'm just house sitting for a few days. Come stay here for a while, when you take care of that business with your sister. Don't forget the big reunion tonight."
Daria: Next message...
Sapphire: Second e-mail is from Sid Valquez...
Daria: Already my editor wants something.
Sapphire: Message reads..."Daria, I know you are reading this. Call me back immediately!"
Daria: Ok...call Sid Valquez, private office.
Sapphire: Dialing...
[Sapphire automatically dials Sid's numbers and puts the ringing noise on the speaker.]
Sid: Yes?
Daria: It's me Sid.
Sid: Well Daria, it's certainly nice that you put me back on your "important" list. Most of the time I had to go through that Sapphire thing of yours.
Daria: It's great for keeping out unwanted calls.
Sid: Isn't that sort of thing for "keeping in touch"? And yet you use it for the total opposite. I bet you had fun with the variable voice response because it's starting to sound more and more like you. This I find very creepy.
Daria: Anything you need Sid?
Sid: Oh just wanted to discuss about your next book project... mainly if you're doing one at all.
Daria: I'm still going over some ideas.
Sid: If you have no idea, get over to Chicago so we can work it out. Daria: I'll get there when I get there.
Sid: You said that just before you moved to London!
Daria: I was researching...
Sid: Yeah, yeah! So from the background noise, I assume you are no longer in London. Now where are you jetting off to?
Daria: To take care of some business back home. I had to fly straight from Heathrow to New York just to get to this airport, which by the way does not have the greatest car rental service.
Sid: I know you have very rather interesting tastes Daria, but even that doesn't sound like your type of vacation.
Daria: Speaking of which, what's this I've been hearing about me having a beach house near the Riveria?
Sid: Because no one has been able to contact you! What am I suppose to say, that you're planting flowers at a cottage in Belgium?
Daria: Sid, you know I only keep only necessary contacts. It's how I work.
Sid: You're the only person left on the planet that doesn't keep in touch with everybody leaving on it. Doesn't your generation wear beepers for belt buckles?
Daria: I sent you a message a while ago, so does that count?
Sid: Oh yes I got it. You want an advance on your royalties??
Daria: London's an expensive place to live Sid. I had nearly most of my account tapped out.
Sid: So you want me to swing it? Ok...once again I'll save your bacon at the expense of my health and well being.
Daria: You are such a kind gentleman Sid.
Sid: No I'm not! I'm an overbearing ogre who shows no kindness what so ever. People who deal with me don't get away with half the stunts you pull.
Daria: What can I say, I'm a specialist.
Sid: So what's the deal with this "business" of yours anyways?
Daria: If you must know, my sister wants the house and most of the estate. I look forward to it as much as a day of Chinese water torture.
Sid: And rumor has it that there's some sort of get together you're going to as well? Never tell my secretary anything you don't want gossip around.
Daria: I told some people about this high school reunion that's being held tonight.
Sid: Ah, any old friends you wish to see there?
Daria: I have no old friends.
Sid: Oh not you, the most friendly and outgoing person in the whole wide world!
Daria: Let's just say I'll be dealing with some impossible people today.
Sid: Being the "BS" artist that you are, I'm sure this presents a very easy challange.
Daria: I've been doing it all my life...
Sid: Well get back to me on Chicago whenever you get finished.
Daria: Say, have you heard from Dix lately?
Sid: She's in LA conducting business...meaning she's at a party somewhere. Ya, I wouldn't mind being an attornery if I had my office at some freaking nightclub.
Daria: Bet you still long for your partying days in Miami.
Sid: Every single freaking day...if you grew up there, it never leaves your blood. We're all "familia", and that's important.
Daria: Guess I'll send Dix a note after this call then.
Sid: Yeah, and when you're doing hobnobbing with your old buddies...remember, Chicago. See ya kid.
[Sid hangs up. Daria scans the car radio and finds a good college station that plays AlterRock music. She enjoys what she hears.]
ACT II.
Scene 1:
[The Lawndale Dinner. Daria had just arrive after a long drive and left her things at Jane's house where she's staying. She drinks a cup of tea and looks at her watch which says 10:30. Sitting across from her is Quinn, but she's not what you think she looks like. She wears a slightly dingy yellow waitress uniform with grease stains on her apron and she has a cigarette dangling from her hand. Her face looks like it has been under pressure, from a hydraulic press.]
Quinn:(Yelling towards the back kitchen) Yeah I did bring the lady some waffles Lou! What do you mean she wanted "Belgium" waffles? Well excuse me...
[Quinn makes a huffing noise and lights up her cigerette while looking at Daria.]
Quinn: I get off my break in a few minutes so let's make this quick.
Daria: Nice of you to send me a postcard, telling how well you're doing, what's happening in Lawndale, and that you want the house in your name. Wonder if Mom knows about this.
Quinn: Of course she does. It's been about two years since she's in jail. Boy, she really screwed up on that Hoopterman case...I mean embezzlement and money laundering, it's not as though she'll be out soon.
Daria: You visited her?
Quinn: A few times, always insisting that she's completely innocent. Come on...who in prison actually "admits" being guilty? I've been bringing her cartons of cigarettes, figuring hey at least it's like money in that type of place.
Daria: Wait a minute, Mom never smoked a day in her life. She would never go near them even if it is "money".
Quinn: No wonder she kept refusing them...well, couldn't let them go to waste now can I?
Daria:(Sighing) And dear old Dad, how is he doing in the mental asylum? He was welcome to have my old room anytime.
Quinn: Well he's still crazy, what else 'can' I say? He really lost it last year with Mom still in prison. And don't ask if I went to see him because I'm not going up to that creepy place!
Daria: Maybe I'll stop by when I get the chance. At least it'll give me an interesting idea for a book.
Quinn: He's getting worse all the time. Last intelligible words I hear him say were "Beware of the lemurs!" That poor ol' son of a...
[Quinn starts hacking and coughing.]
Quinn: BWEHACKHOUCK!! Sorry, this brand is totally crap but at least it's cheap enough for me to get by the day.
Daria: You really need to cut down on those.
Quinn: Oh back off!! Caffeine is just as bad and yet you're drinking a cup of coffee!
Daria: It's tea you idiot, and you're the one who served it to me.
Quinn: You ordered tea? Cripes, hard to tell what's coffee and tea in this place.
Daria: In a way...it does taste a bit like strong coffee.
Quinn: Then it's tea.
Daria: Now Quinn, please understand what I am trying to say...you want the house to yourself. It takes a lot of money to maintain a big house. And I don't think you can do that on just a paycheck from one job like this.
Quinn: Well I can do it because for one thing I got 'two' jobs.
Daria: Where?
Quinn: Umm...some place...
Daria: Yes...
Quinn:(Sighs) Linger Inn, I work at a bar called the Linger Inn.
Daria: It's still not enough to maintain the house, you're only one person and it's too big for one person to just live in with crummy paychecks from working at a bunch of dives! Please stop me when I'm start to make sense here...
Quinn: Who said I was actually living in it? I'm selling the place and taking the money.
Daria: Oh for crying out loud...
Quinn: I have a perfect plan, I'll just move somewhere else and be able to go to beauty school just like I always wanted.
Daria: Have you really thought this through, of course you haven't. You can't even plan a trip to the bathroom!
Quinn: And I suppose you want the house because you're the "responsible" type! Well forget it, cause that's my ticket outta this dive.
Daria: Quinn, what are you 'doing' with your life?
Quinn: You're just mad because you're not getting the house and I am. But since you have always been jealous of me...
Daria: What!? That's the biggest crock of...
Quinn: Well it's true!
Daria: Jealous? Of what!? I worked hard to get through school and to make it in life trying to be a writer. And the whole time you always go screwing around and get trouble. You really have it good Quinn! Tell me, how may I be able to get the esteemed position of bar waitress at the Linger Inn?
Quinn: Listen big sister, I am going through with this and I will get out of Lawndale. And when I open up my first beauty shop, let's see how smug you'll be.
Daria: No you won't. Go ahead, take the house and see if I care! You're just going to screw up big time and fall on your face looking like a complete idiot. And don't come crawling to me crying and expecting me to pick your sorry ol' butt up when you do.
[Quinn gets so red in the face and is clenching her fists]
Daria: Now if you excuse me, I'll get something for the 'sick' feeling in my stomach. It might have been the tea...you said it was tea right?
[Daria takes her hat and leaves. Quinn gets up and explodes.]
Quinn: Yeah that's it Daria, be a wise crack and walk out!!!!!! That's what you always do when you can't take it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Lou the cook comes out wagging his big sloppy spoon in the air.]
Lou: Quinn, quit scaring the customers away again!!!
Scene 2:
[A typical school day in the year 1997. Between classes, Daria goes back to her locker to get some books. But a big bulky object obstructs the way. It's yellow, hard to move, and answers to the name of Kevin. This big yellow thing is talking to a blue and yellow thing which is the girl he is currently dating.]
Brittany: Kevin, why won't you spend some more time with me?
Kevin: You know the deal babe, football practice and hanging out with the guys. Stuff the team captain has to do, and you still want the hottest cheerleader to still go out with the coolest player in the football team, right?
Brittany: Now I'm starting to see your point.
Daria: Umm, excuse me...
Kevin: We were made for each other Brit. You know how this one thingy goes with some whachacallit? That's us!
Brittany: You really know how to sweet talk a gal!
Daria: Could you please move? You're standing in my way here.
Kevin: Yeah sure...anyways Brit, we are so perfect that I can see use going together for a very long time.
Brittany: Like, ummm...forever?
Kevin: Well..err...I guess so.
[Kevin and Brittany stare at each other like the lovesick cattle they are. Daria is starting to get a wee bit impatient with all of this.]
Daria: Hello...
Brittany: Oh hi Daria, think me and Kevin make a very great couple?
Daria: Yeah, you two are a couple all right...a couple of "what" I don't want to know.
[Kevin and Brittany start to kiss each other real hard.]
Daria: Hey, don't get too tongue tied...
[With this, they both lost their concentration and get their lips, teeth, and tongues caught and they can't let go.]
Kevin/Brittany: UGHHAARRGGHHHHMURRRRPPHHHHHHYYEELLLLAAAAGGGHHHH AAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! {Pop!}
[They manage to get uncaught on each other and break the strong suction hold.]
Daria: Now then Mr. Lover Man, please step aside from my locker so I can open it. Or do I have to throw a football down the hall so you can go fetch it?
Brittany: Oh really Daria, you act as though Kevin is so stupid that he would actually...
Kevin: Yeah sounds cool, thought you never ask! I can use the practice.
[Kevin runs all the way down the hall going "hut, hut HUT!!!"]
Brittany: Get back here you idiot!!!! Argh....
[She gives Daria a dirty look and goes after Kevin who knocks over a few students and a couple of teachers.]
Daria: Took a bit longer than I expected, must be losing my touch.
[She gets the lock off but the door gets jammed. As hard as she may, it just wouldn't open.]
Daria: Come on you stupid thing.....
[She pounds on it about three times and ends up kicking the thing. When she kicked it, it goes flying wide open and hitting her face.]
Daria: Ow!!!!!
[Jane comes over wearing a grin like she had never wore before.] Jane: Hey Daria!
Daria: Aw...hey Jane. What are you so chipper about?
Jane: Oh nothing much. Just in, you know, a good mood.
Daria: A good mood?
Jane: Ok, a freaking great mood! Man, I feel as though I not only take on the world but mud wrestle it as well.
Daria: Jane, are you sure you're feeling all right..
Jane: Like I never have been before baby!
Daria: All right, what drugs have you been taking?
Jane: Not taking any drugs. Unless you count caffeine...
Daria: Come again?
Jane: In our home ec class, we're doing Italian cooking and making strombolies and all that happy horse poop. To go along with it, the teacher made some expresso coffee and I, you know, had a cup of it.
Daria: Ooooookay...and how is your body adjusting to it.
Jane: Man I feel so wired up now! It's got lot more caffeine than mere mortal coffee and it's so strong it eats through the floor when you spill it. But I've been adding some sugar...lots of sugar!!! Ever had Jolt cola? This is even more potent!
Daria: Think I'll just remain a tea person.
[They soon walk down the hall.]
Daria: Jane?
Jane: Err...yeah???
Daria: Do we ever talk about "brainy" stuff?
Jane: Well let's see...mostly during Sick Sad World, but you can't really call that brainy now can ya?
Daria: Oh never mind, it's just some nonsense that idiot sister of mine brought up just to bug me.
Jane: Really?
Daria: And you know what's even more pathetic? The fact that such a stupid little twit becomes "popular" and everybody likes her. She's a complete moron and gets treated like a freaking queen!
Jane: Well...guess I'll come to school wearing a pink baby t-shirt with a happy face on it.
Daria: Why???
Jane: Cuz I'm in the Quinn Morgendorffer fan club, didn't you say "everybody" likes her?
Daria: Well I certainly don't like her.
Jane: Heh, me neither.
Daria: Let's change the subject, you wanna see a poem I had just written?
Jane: Sure! I'm so doped up on coffee that I can hear some poetry just to feel like I'm in some cafe.
[Daria takes a sheet of paper out of her backpack and hands it to Jane.]
Jane: "Perpetual Autumn Of The Soul", not bad...
Daria: I wrote it when it went from summer to fall. Somehow you can feel it inside that there's change all around. Scares the crap out of me when I think about it.
Jane: Gee Daria, why don't you send it to some magazine and get it published. Not a bad deal getting paid for writing, eh?
Daria: No one's going want to read that stuff years from now...
[She shoves it in some book without even thinking.]
Jane: You think O'Neil's going to preserve your works? He can't even remember who you are. Now me, I usually take advantage when he does that.
Daria: I'm going to the bathroom, won't be for more than a minute.
Jane: I come in too, think I got a piece of stromboli in my teeth.
[They walk in the bathroom and notice two girls in there talking. They are much taller, much haughtier, and they don't really look that all pleasant.]
Jane: Oh oh...
Daria: What?
Jane:(Whispering) That's Barb and Jen, two of the meanest girls in 11th grade. Let's get outta here.
[Barb and Jen notice Jane and Daria, and they are not very happy to see them here.]
Barb: Hey! Either you go potty or get out, but don't be standing there like a bunch of goofs.
Jen: Yeah I know you...you're that new girl in the 10th grade. The green jacket and the stupid hair.
Jane: Uh oh...
Daria: I can always change my looks anytime I want. You on the other hand will always be a bunch of rude pigs.
Barb: Whaaa!?!
Jen: Lookie here funny girl, you keep that mouth shut or we shut it for ya. We can get 'real' nasty if we want and you don't want that, so for the sake of mutual agreement just walk on outta here.
Daria: Oh no, I'm being threaten by big bad bullies. I suppose you want my lunch money as well. Do you take cash, checks or credit cards.
Barb: You two are so hysterical, but too bad we ain't laughing!
Jen: Hey Barb, I say we use their heads to clean the stinking toilets. Get some use out of the stupid haircuts they have.
Jane: I'll have you realize that I am totally...TOTALLY so strung out on a big cup of Java I just had. My nerves and reflexes are now at their peak optimal and in a fight or flight situation as this, my adrenaline levels are way beyond their limits.
Daria:(Whispering) What are you doing Jane?
Jane: So if you want to get physical with me sister then go right on ahead. I can take you two on any day, so let's go at it big mama!!!
Daria: She really did have a large cup of coffee, expresso I might add.
Barb: Man, we ain't gonna beat you up! You weirdos probably like that stuff.
Jen: Yeah, let's go. This place stinks anyways.
[Barb and Jen walk out of the bathroom never taking their eyes off Daria and Jane.]
Jane: Wow! My heart is really pounding...that sure is a strong cup of coffee.
Daria: Jane, just so I let you know...your newfound caffeine addiction nearly got us killed!!
Jane: Hey don't knock it, it worked right?
Daria: Oh that's great, but tell me this. What if they're waiting outside the door to pound us?
Jane: I'll go out and check. If they're still around, I'll talk out loud like a crazy person. They'll never want a piece of me when I do that stunt. Just go about on your business...
[Jane leaves the restroom and Daria goes into on of the stalls. A flushing sound comes from another stall somewhere. Andrea walks out of that stall, washes her hands, looks at where Daria is, and shrugs. She too leaves the scene.]
Scene 3:
[A lovely afternoon in 2010. Daria returns to Jane's house and walks in the living room with a can of iced tea she got from the fridge. She is wearing a light brown sweater with black slacks. Jane is already on the couch watching Sick Sad World on the big wide screen TV.]
TV: A homeless man builds a spaceship out of junk...on the next Sick Sad World!
Jane: Boy, the more things change the more they stay the same. Eh, Daria?
Daria: I'm still ticked off about what happen at the dinner. Quinn is still that immature bratty high school kid who hasn't changed one bit.
Jane: Is she 'still' wearing that stupid baby tee shirt since 4th grade?
Daria: Bloody useless prat...
Jane: What?
Daria: Oh, I've been living in London for a while. I ended up picking up their slang. Guess I really been there way too long.
Jane: Eh, who cares... You do realize what's going down for today don't you?
Daria: Ah yes, the big high school reunion where everybody catches up on the latest back stabbing and gossiping.
Jane: Thought you never expect to see their faces again, did you?
Daria: No, but we've planned this whole thing for many years. It has to be done...
Jane: Oh yes, can't disappoint Jodie now can we?
Daria: You know, I ran into her after I left the dinner.
Jane: Oh...
Daria: She says that they want me to go up in front of all those people and give a speech or whatever they want me to do.
Jane: I'm surprised they want you to go up there considering what happened at graduation.
Daria: They'll never make me an honor student again.
[The two clang their iced tea cans.]
Jane: What else did Jodie say?
Daria: That I should go visit Ms. Li today because she wants to talk to me.
Jane: Ah...still being sent to the principle's office are we?
Daria: Not that I'm in any 'mood' to see her, considering what happened with that whole Hoopterman ordeal.
Jane: Think she might have been part of it?
Daria: I wouldn't hold anything against anybody.
Jane: You know, when you're done with all that let's hit the town and go see Andrea.
Daria: That sounds cool. Say, how's New York treating you?
Jane: Great. Some of my paintings and sculptures are on display at a museum. I'm telling you, things are looking up.
Daria: Looks like you're making out perfectly.
Jane: Yeah, and Trent's doing well also.
Daria: Oh...
Jane: Didn't I tell you this, that he runs his own agency for upstarting musicians?
Daria: That's nice...
Jane: Oh yeah he's very excited that this new AlterRock music is really hitting off.
Daria: Oh? I didn't know he's into AlterRock now.
Jane: You kidding? He helped started the whole thing! From what he told me, it was a small group of business men, agents, and musicans who decided to try out their niche market in the face of the larger corporations. Imagine...just "downloading" songs and paying for the whole thing if you like it. The bands even go to clubs and places on a small circuit and sell their stuff on Mini Disks. As Trent puts it, he has a new lease on life now.
Daria: I'm glad he's going good for himself.
Jane: You haven't talked to him for a while, have you.
Daria: It's been four years! I mean it wasn't meant to work out anyways. Ok, so I did have a crush on him at high school. But between my schooling and his rock band, it took us a long time to actually have a meaningful anything.
Jane: Sure his rock group got on the charts and did major tours. But he always had time for you.
Daria: Oh sure...right up until the band went bust! I remember him laying in his hotel room depressed and totally tanked. I said, "Surely things will work out like they always do" and he simply said, and I quote, "Crap off!"
Jane: That was horrible...
Daria: So I went out wandering aimlessly thinking that anything's better than this. Don't know how but I ended up at a party somewhere.
Jane: So that's where you stand at this point...
Daria: Forget the romance. All that wasted time and energy that could have been put into more productive things. That's what I did after that, work solely on getting my career of the ground. And it paid off well.
Jane: Ya know, he wasn't exactly sure which way he's feet were pointing at the time. But he's got his head on, and not just because he would lose it if it wasn't attach. He even gave up the booze.
Daria: Maybe I'll say hi whenever I see him.
Jane: You can see him now.
Daria: Say what?
Jane: Just call him up on vid phone, you can see him right on the TV. He even has a Sapphire 4000 setup which makes it even easier. Daria: Ok...and what's his Sapphire extension number?
Jane: 4547
Daria: Well I can use a little heartbreak to break the boredom... [Daria picks up the cordless phone and dials the 1-808 number that dials the Sapphire service. Then she punches in her account number.]
{Bip, bip..}
Daria: Sapphire?
Sapphire: Here I am...
Daria: Contact Sapphire extension 4547. Sapphire: Type of call?
Daria: Vid phone
Sapphire: Dialing...
Jane: I'll leave the room, just press that red button on the vid phone over on the stand to start speaking.
[Meanwhile in LA in the head office of Lane Talent Agency, a man wearing a wild looking blue causal suit and a short pony tail on the back of his head is taking to a younger looking guy looking to break in the "biz". The man's name is Trent, the agency is his, and he is one of the pioneers of the AlterRock movement.]
Guy: So you were one of the founders of AlterRock??
Trent: In a way Johnny, I handle the business side of things.
Johnny: Cool! Is that what you were doing when you were in that band of yours?
Trent: Something like that but we just basically made it up as we went along. We did many tours and played many clubs. Even got ourselves a record deal...though that's what just about killed it.
Johnny: Bummer man.
Trent: To be honest, I was pretty ticked off at the whole industry when that horrible ordeal happened. But it's the best thing they ever done. See, if we had stuck around we would ended up the same way anyways...only far worse.
Johnny: So like, how did you get to have your own agency after Mystik Spiral went bust?
Trent: I was down and out after that...erm, break up. My first agent Ralph was kind enough to give me a job and started to teach me everything about the "biz". One thing lead to another and after we had our little meeting which led to the birth of AlterRock. Ralph decided to retire and let me run the agency.
Johnny: Wow...
Trent: He even told me to change it to my name so I can make a fresh new start. I'll never forget what he's done for me, especially after what that freaking industry did to jack us around like they did.
Johnny: Yeah man, the music industry is just about collapsing like what happen to the Internet last week.
Trent: The thing of it is that the 'Net was made in the 60's and wasn't made for the heavy traffic we had a couple of decades ago with all the hype and glitz. So it all caved in...which is why they are building a new network matrix. The music industry is going through the same type of change as we speak.
Johnny: And that's why AlterRock is flourishing in the 21st century...
Trent: It's because the people wanted something new and real. They got tired of the crap that's been spewed in the 20th century. The record companies couldn't keep up with the changing times and neither can the no talented singers that are put on magazine covers. Alternative music is looked upon nowadays like disco was in the 80's. It's AlterRock that's keeping up with the times.
Johnny: Yeah...and that's why I want to get in on it.
Trent: I work with small bands with lots of talent like yours Johnny. I'll see you get good tours and a very excellent deal with an indie recording studio. Heck, I even work with a small band in Belgium that record music in their bedroom.
[The phone rings and Trent presses the speakerphone button.]
Trent: Yes?
[It's a Sapphire 4000, only with a more playful and lighter voice than Daria's. He refers to it as Sapphie.]
Sapphie: I have a vid phone request from a Sapphire assistant.
Trent: Who?
Sapphie: It's from a Daria Morgendoffer.
Trent: Oh boy...I haven't heard that name for a long while.
Johnny: Is she a musician?
Trent: An old friend, very close once. Say, why don't you think over what we talked about and get back on this tomorrow if your still interested. I'll have the papers drawn up.
Johnny: Sure...
[They shake hands and Johnny leaves. Back in Lawndale, Daria is sitting on the couch trying to straighten her hair. A light on the vid phone console, sitting on a short stand on the coffee table, lights up.]
Sapphire:(Now on vid phone) Vid phone connection has been established.
Daria:(Sighs) Ok, let's do it... Ready.
[The HDTV flicks to a "blue" channel with the words "Vid Phone transmitting...". An image appears with Trent sitting at his desk watching Daria's picture on his computer console screen.]
Trent: Ah...hey Daria.
Daria: Hi Trent. Just calling to see how you're doing. I hope I'm not disturbing anything.
Trent: Oh no, I was with a client but we finished up just before you called.
Daria: So...
Trent: Umm, er...
Daria: Jane was telling me about your agency.
Trent: Yeah, it's a real hot cottage industry and it's so fun to work with.
Daria: Glad it's all working out for you.
Trent: You know, I like this much better than being in a band. I help alot of young people get started and I'm not within some corporate rat maze. It's 'on the edge', ya know?
Daria: I really love listening to this stuff. Wish they had it a while back.
Trent: They probably did, it's just a interesting variation of progressive rock but very original as well.
Daria: ...um...so...
Trent: I got a chance to your book when it came out last summer. Great stuff!
Daria: Really? I still can't believe my very first book made it on the bestsellers list.
Trent: I'm not just saying it, I rarely get to read any books except for some stuff by Jack Kerourac.
Daria: So it's that good?
Trent: Believe it, you're that good!
Daria: Is Jesse really a record producer, at least that's what Jane...
Trent: Oh look, I'm so horribly sorry about what happen a few years ago at the Hilton the last time.
Daria: You were utterly depress, if anything I should have stuck around even if you did tell me to "Crap off".
Trent: ...I did?
Daria: You mean don't even remember the whole thing!?
Trent: Umm, nope. I was so out of it I might have said it to the cleaning lady who keeps poping in in every half hour. Say, you weren't wearing a French maid outfit wear you.
Daria: What? Not really....
Trent: I think it was the maid but my eyesight was fuzzy I'm hard press to tell who's what.
Daria: Oh crap...
Trent: The worse part was I knew you left because I was a wasted failure at the time, not that I blame you. Always was a big fear of mine...
Daria: It wasn't like that...
Trent: But everything ended up working out just great. Funny ol' thing life is, eh ho...you know. Say, why don't stop by LA and see me so we can catch up on old times.
Daria: That might be a problem since I have to meet with my editor and it usually keeps me busy.
Trent: Oh...now I'm not suggesting we get back together if you don't want to, just have some lunch or something.
Daria: Well I'll see what I can do, but I might not be able to for weeks or maybe months.
Trent: Yeah, I'm pretty backed up myself. Just leave some e-mail to my Sapphire whenever you get the chance. Hey, it's great seeing you again!
Daria: I'll talk to you later, bye...
[Trent disconnects and a blue screen stares Daria in the face.]
Daria: Blimey, I bloody blew it again!!!!!!!! I'm such a stupid cow..
Sapphire: Pardon me?
Daria: Nothing...send an e-mail.
Sapphire: To who?
Daria: Sid Valquez.
Sapphire: Dictate when ready.
Daria: "Sid, when I get done with whatever I have to do here. I'll fly up to Chicago, I'm not going on any more vacations for now." Done...
[Sapphire repeats the words which will be transcribe in the e-mail letter.]
Daria: Send it.
Sapphire: E-mail has been sent. New voice mail coming in.
Daria: From who?
Sapphire: Sid Valquez. Daria: Is he on vid phone?
Sapphire: He is calling from a terminal with vid phone capibility.
Daria: Answer his call and transfer to vid phone.
Sapphire: Dialing and connecting...
[Sapphire calls Sid's office and reroutes to the vid phone. Few minutes later, his face appears on the screen. He is in his late thrities and already has a receeding hairline.]
Sid: Daria, good... I managed to get that advanced on royalties like you ask. Of course the bosses were swarming all over my butt over the whole thing, but it went through quickly for some reason. Now you owe me big time, unless you have a very good idea for your next novel...
Daria: I have no idea Sid!
Sid: What!? Ok, perhaps we can discuss this together. I mean, you're not the first with writter's block. Eh?
Daria: I don't think I can come up with anything right now.
Sid: Why?
Daria: I came back to my so-called hometown and already things are bad.
Sid: That thing with your sister? Must not have been good.
Daria: We couldn't even get anything discussed. She's just too impossible to deal with!
Sid: Crap girl, try living with five freaking brothers! You weren't trying to move back to Lawndale are you?
Daria: Are you kidding!?
Sid: I figured London suited you better. Man, in fact you should have been born Brittish. Sure got the wit for it.
Daria: And now I have this bloody reunion to go to.
Sid: Don't ask me why they even have those things at all. Like, what part of "high school sucks" can't they comprehend?
Daria: You got me Sid.
Sid: The people who went to school with, how where they?
Daria: Complete freaking idiots.
Sid: So they never even encouraged you in anyway to pursue your work then...
Daria: Of course not...
Sid: Screw them. It ain't like you ever freaking owe them anything, man.
Daria: You know what it'll be like when I go there Sid? Just like old times...enough to make me want to hug the toliet all night.
Sid: I don't know how you were back then, but the Daria I know gets the freaking job done. You work hard, write the books, and get the freaking paychecks for everybody. Do you know why I even took you on even though all you ever did was freelance work?
Daria: Why?
Sid: Because your stories are sarcastic, sardonic, saucy, and the obivious product of a sick and twisted mind. I 'really' like your style.
Daria: You never told me that before.
Sid: When Dix introduced you to me, I ended up thinking...well now, I wanted someone to write an intriguing novel and she gives me freaking Joyce Carol Oates. So don't ever change...much.
Daria: That's nice, but I still feel like crap.
Sid: Then you're back to normal then. Look, just get on over to Chicago as soon as you can. Take care of whatever "biz" you have to do.
[The intercom on Sid's desk buzzes.]
Sid: Great, the meeting's about to start. See you later...and give me a freaking call, alright!
[Sid disconnects.]
Sapphire: Call ended...
Daria: Sapphire...
Sapphire: Yes?
Daria: I feel depressed...
Sapphire: You're depressed? I'm stuck in a computer box!