Criminals beware. This detective won't talk... but you will! Mime and Punishment, next on Sick, Sad World.

Jake's trying to save money by buying bulk-rate steaks. Quinn's not happy with the idea and mentions that Daria's leaving for college soon. She adds that Daria should get a scholarship, and Helen agrees. During this discussion Jake's order is delivered, but it turns out to be a big box of hot-dogs.
Helen pushes Daria into looking for a scholarship. Daria has Jane over and they talk while Daria looks for scholarships online. She finds one for ten thousand dollars being offered by The Wizard Foundation, essay required to apply.
At school Jodie asks Daria to fill in as an editor on the school newspaper. This brings up college applications and Daria mentions the Wizard scholarship, although she isn't enthusiastic about applying.
Daria writes and essay and sends it in. She receives a letter saying she's been picked as one of a hundred finalists. At school she finds out that Jodie is also a finalist. Then Charles shows up and announces he's one as well, although he seems to have found out about the scholarship on his own.
Jake does his best to use up the hot-dogs. Helen tries to help Daria and gives her the pamphlet of a guy who'll coach her in how to act during the interview. At school Charles talks to Daria to try and find out what she's doing for the interview. He tells her about his exotic candy dot com, like the Wizard Foundation's founder.
Jodie has lunch with Daria and Jane. Jodie, trying to apologize, tells Daria about the interviewing coach. Jane isn't at all impressed by either of them and leaves.
Tom comes over to help Daria practice for the interview. He asks her a very loaded question, then tells her about Wizard's hiring practices. He gets upset when she doesn't.
Daria tells Jodie about the Wizard policies. Andrew already knew about it, but Jodie didn't. Daria suggest that she and Jodie should drop out. Andrew gives a big speech about how they should stay in, but they decide to stay in anyway. Their meeting is cut short so Jodie can make her appointment with the interview coach.
Daria finally signs up for a session with Dr. Denada. He tells her to "sell the product" and "dress like a winner" and so on. After she's less than enthusiastic, he asks her if she even wants the prize. Daria's not certain, but he brushes the moral ramifications off to talk about her attire.
Daria and Jane have a short talk at school, and Jane gets upset about Daria entering the contest and sucking up. Then she things Daria insults her intelligence, so she storms off angry.
Daria, Jodie, and Charles are interviewed together in one of the rooms at the school. They get typical interview questions, which Jodie and Charles give fairly typical answers to. Daria, on the other hand, doesn't, partly mocking the other two and partly mocking the whole process.
The three hang out after the interview is over, commiserating since none of them got it.
Daria and Jane talk at lunch the next day. Jane admits to being a bit jealous about it, and sort of apologizes for the way she had been acting.
Outside Jake's holding a hot-dog eating contest for publicity for his consulting company.

Quinn: What? If the Fashion Club finds out I'm eating bulk rate...
Daria: Or eating at all.

Jake: That must be the prime rib!
Daria: I just assumed it would be dead, and here it is ringing the doorbell.

"Yeah, like I'm going to fill out a find pound application and kiss the butts of some review board, just for a few thousand bucks to go to a school that I'll probably hate anyway... um, not that you shouldn't do it." -- Jane ("Prize Fighters")

"The whole point of these scholarships is to show how marvelously well-adjusted you are. You're coming off all observant and honest. You know, antisocial." -- Jane ("Prize Fighters")

Helen: Daria, did I hear you reading your scholarship essay?
Daria: Judging by how calm you are, I'd say no, you didn't.

Charles: You know, we are in the competition together...
Daria: Actually, we're in it separately.

"Ring the big bell, Daria! Ring the big bell!" -- Andrew ("Prize Fighters")

"Squander my million dollar smile on a ten thousand dollar prize? That's crazy talk." -- Daria ("Prize Fighters")

Mr. Brower: Ms. Morgendorffer, you seem to have a bit of an attitude problem. Are you trying to sabotage yourself?
Daria: I'm responding to your questions truthfully, so I guess the answer is yes.

Wraith's Ramblings:
Lots of missed opportunities and unnecessary contrivances. Some humor, but not much there.
Also see my Rambling of 06-16-2001