In this canine go-go bar the specialty of the house is hot dog! Lapdancing Lapdogs, next on Sick, Sad World.

The Morgendorffers are getting ready for dinner -- Jake's new Civil War cooking craze -- when Helen comes in to say she's finally getting some time off. They just closed a big case and Eric's taking some time off to "recuperate". Rita calls to tell Helen that Erin and Brian are getting a divorce. Rita wants Helen to handle it, but Helen doesn't want to. Then Helen's mother calls and manages to flatter her into accepting.
At school the next day Sandi and Quinn are talking when Stacy shows up in a new dress. They think it looks good on her, but then Tiffany shows up in the same dress.
That night Jake's showing Daria more of his Civil War cooking skills while Helen talks to Rita over the phone. Helen wants Rita and Erin to come down over the weekend to talk about the case, but Rita's planning to go to New York with her boyfriend. Tom shows up and asks to spend some time with Daria, but she declines rather abruptly.
At school Daria tells Jane about the family happenings. At the same time the Fashion Club has set up a debate between Stacy and Tiffany to decide who gets to keep the dress. They quickly realize it was a bad idea.
Back to home, where the Morgendorffers are waiting for Erin to show up. Rita shows instead, explaining that her boyfriend broke up with her and that her mother sent Erin to Switzerland. Rita adds that she arranged to have her apartment painted so she needed a play to stay for a week. Helen and Rita start talking about the case when Erin calls and has Quinn tell them about a prenuptial agreement she signed. Helen offers to take the case to someone in her firm more familiar with divorce law but Rita gets in a huff and convinces Helen to stay on the case.
Jake decides he can't stand the two sisters together, so he arranges to have Daria give him a signal when it's safe to come home and takes off.
The Fashion Club goes to return the two dresses, but the receipts are old. Store policy says they can't return them. Stacy and Tiffany start to get in another fight, but Quinn launches into a melodramatic speech and gets them to stop.
Helen and Rita are talking over the case again when Erin calls. Brian showed up and apologized, so the divorce is off. Helen and Rita launch into a major fight just as Tom shows up. He and Daria talk outside for a moment, but then Daria goes back in. After the fight renews Daria goes upstairs and calls Amy.
Rita's packing to leave when Helen comes in to apologize. She suggests baking cookies as a peace offering. Amy shows up as they start arguing about the cookies.
Quinn shows Amy to Daria's room and asks Daria to watch "Gone with the Wind" with her that night and compliments her hair (more or less) before running off. Daria fills Amy in on the fight and they go downstairs to intervene.
Amy is immediately drawn into the fight, making it a three-way. Quinn and Daria stand watching until Daria cuts in to start mocking all three. Quinn quickly follows suit, mock arguing with Daria. Helen, Rita and Amy get embarrassed and declare a truce.
Daria has pizza with Tom that night and tells him about Rita's stay. She apologizes for the she was acting and he asks her to catch a movie. Daria can't, as she did promise Quinn to watch "Gone with the Wind" with her.
The Fashion Club is still talking about the dresses. Sandi threatens to suspend both Stacy and Tiffany for not doing a wardrobe check. Stacy objects and manages to spill grape soda on Tiffany's dress. To prove it was just an accident she offers to give Tiffany her dress. Tiffany is so happy she hugs Stacy, and both dresses end up ruined.
Daria and Quinn watch the movie and then talk about the fighting, finally promising never to fight.

Helen: We finally settled the ATC Motors case after eight grueling months, and at last I'm going to get some time off to spend with my family.
Daria: Dad, who's that woman in the business suit?

"To say nothing of the prescription amphetamine donuts." -- Daria ("Aunt Nauseam")

Quinn: You mean I spent the whole day in that disgusting bridesmaid dress for nothing?
Daria: No, you had to pay for it, remember?

Jake: Oh god, Helen, no! The way you and your sister fight... a man can only take so much!
Helen: No, that was Jake. He says hi.

"Quinn, Dracula is an internationally known celebrity vampire. 'Made the story up.'" -- Sandi ("Aunt Nauseam")

"You know, I can't get through on the phone at all any more. Isn't your sister afraid her ear will grow over the receiver?" -- Tom ("Aunt Nauseam")

Quinn: Should I give Erin an "after you dumped him" makeover or a "newly single and sizzling" makeover?
Daria: That depends. Which one involves boiling oil?

"That's mom, always thinking about her grandchildren, one of them anyway." -- Helen ("Aunt Nauseam")

"No, you're right, marriage isn't the same as dating. Nobody ever gives you really nice appliances just for going out with a guy. Erin, why are you crying?" -- Quinn ("Aunt Nauseam")

"Rita, the Supreme Court doesn't handle divorces, they're swamped with shoplifting cases." -- Helen ("Aunt Nauseam")

Jake: I've got to get out of here until the dust settles.
Daria: Or the bodies stop twitching.

Helen: Chocolate chips or peanut butter?
Rita: The chips are already in it, right?
Helen: Of course! I think...

Quinn: Why can't they just get along?
Amy: Environmental factors. They were exposed to each other as children.

Wraith's Ramblings:
Some good lines, but felt a bit rushed.
Also seem my Rambling of 6-9-2001