Could a steady diet of pet food bring out the animal in you? Got a dog-dish full of love, tonight on Sick, Sad World

Helen is being considered for Partner at her law firm, so she and the family are sent to some sort of retreat (they call it a spa, which excites Quinn until she finds out they don't have facials) that's basically a psychological review for all of them. They have to send in questionnaires before they go, and Daria gets some help from Jane, who has set up a web-cam in her room.
After arriving at the spa (and getting past a group of psychologists who want to put Daria under intense observation because of her questionnaire) they each end up being interviewed by a psychiatrist. Helen gets a little word association ("Relaxation" "Waste of freakin' time"), Jake does a little screaming after being asked if he's stressed, Quinn bores her shrink so much she falls asleep, so Quinn goes off in quest of a voice with an accent she heard in the hall. This voice happens to belong to the psychiatrist interviewing Daria (who gives a very concise description of each member of the family). Quinn walks in as he is trying to hypnotize Daria, and ends up going into a big (and inaccurate) tale about her past-life as Cleopatra.
Daria checks in on Jane a couple times during the episode, on one of several computers at the spa. Helen and Jake end up in couple's therapy, and Quinn breaks in on another of the French guy's patients (Mrs. Johansen) and gives some fashion advice.
The Morgendorffers all end up around a (dinner?) table with Helen's psychiatrist, who tries to get them to do a little role-playing. Daria and Quinn aren't that cooperative, and Helen and Jake end up getting into a big insult fight which ends when Helen runs out to the parking lot. Daria follows and has a little talk with Helen, then Jake comes rushing up to apologize.
Back at the office, Eric reads the report (basically that Helen is a workaholic convinced she's always right) and immediately puts Helen on the Partnership fast-track.

"Read the warning label. Contains Tryptophane. Highly relaxing. Do not combine with high school." -- Daria ("Psycho Therapy")

Helen: Daria, can I make you breakfast?
Daria: Sure. Push the lever (points to sugartart in toaster)

Eric: We want to get a look at Helen Morgendorffer wearing all three hats: wife, mother lawyer. And what we see may lead to hat number four: partner.
Helen: I hate the way I look in hats.

Doctor: We analyzed your daughter's questionnaire, and... well, we're a little concerned.
Helen: (reading) Favorite pastime: turning water into wine.
Daria: I knew I should have gone with the burning bush.

Doctor: Do you always talk to your computer?
Daria: Only when the refrigerator is mad at me.

"If I weren't stressed, I'd get stressed by everyone telling me I'm stressed!" -- Jake ("Psycho Therapy")

"Mom's resentful that she has to work so hard, which obscures her guild about actually wanting to work so hard. Dad's guilty about being less driven than mom, but thinks it's wrong to feel that way, so he hides behind a smokescreen of cluelessness. Quinn wears superficiality like a suite of armor, because she's afraid of looking inside and finding absolutely nothing. And I'm so defendant that I actively work to make people dislike me so I won't feel bad when they do. Can I go now?" -- Daria ("Psycho Therapy")

"Helen, we're talking about Jake now. We'll get to your control issues soon." -- Doctor ("Psycho Therapy")

Doctor: Actually, I think we need to wear each other's faces for a while.
Quinn: Eww... like in that movie with that guy and that other guy?
Daria: Can I do the surgery?
Doctor: No, no, no. I'm talking about a little role-playing.
Daria: I'll play the role of the crazed surgeon. Scalpel.

Helen: Everybody hates me.
Quinn: Are you being Daria now?

Doctor: Quinn, what do you think about what just happened?
Quinn: I think this spa would get a lot more business if you just offered facials.

"And Quinn, well... I can't even think about what happened there, not right now." -- Helen ("Psycho Therapy")

Daria: I came to this stupid place and pretended to be well adjusted, didn't I?
Helen: Hm...
Daria: Well anyway, I came to this stupid place.

"That wasn't me, that was the milk talking." -- Jake ("Psycho Therapy")

Quinn: That's disgusting. Chocolate cake for breakfast?
Daria: It's too early for lunch.

Wraith's Ramblings:
Lots of good exploration of Daria's family.
Also see my Rambling of 11-13-00.