Is there really a secret underwater train smuggling flounder to freedom? Tonight, on Sick, Sad World

Jake is up late because a waiter gave him the wrong kind of coffee (he asked for decaf) and is trying to make some warm milk in the kitchen when he manages to light a roll of paper towels on fire with the stove. He wakes everyone up and gets them out of the house, and the fire is put out before it does much damage, but the Morgendorffers have to go stay in a hotel for two weeks while the house is repaired (mostly repainted).
The insurance won't cover much, but Jake gets one of his clients, La Grande Hotel, to give him a discount. At the hotel they meet Bobby Stewart, a bellhop who takes a liking to Quinn and starts offering her all sorts of things "because my uncle's the hotel manager." Daria and Quinn find out they have to share a room.
Tom and Jane get bored with TV and try to figure out something else to do, but get into an argument and end up not doing anything.
While Helen and Jake start to get some spice into their marriage, Daria takes off for Jane's house to escape her sister. Jane isn't happy about it, but allows her to stay anyway, and sticks her in Penny's room (way at the other end of the house from hers). Daria tries to go back to the hotel after the first night, but Quinn gets really freaked out because the Fashion Club is holding a meeting there, so Daria ends up staying with Jane for most of the two weeks.
The Fashion Club does meet at the hotel, and gets most of the attention from the people working there (who all seem to be young guys). Sandi gets jealous over the amount of attention Quinn is getting from Bobby, and starts calling him a stalker.
Daria and Tom get into an involved talk on history and politics, especially relating to Lenin, Trotsky, and Ms. Li. Jane walks in on them talking, because Tom is very late for their date.
Quinn starts getting worried about Bobby actually being a stalker, and tries to talk to Helen and Jake, who are so relaxed by the hotel living that they barely notice.
Jane starts avoiding Daria at school and at her place, until finally Daria waits in her room for her to get home. Daria confronts her about the way she's been acting, and Jane starts getting real jealous until she calms down a bit and realizes Daria isn't doing anything. Jane admits to problems between her and Tom.
Then Bobby turns out to be a computer hacker, and some detectives talk to Quinn, which freaks out Helen and Jake who think something's happened to her. Quinn freaks out when she finds out she almost went on a date with a computer geek. Jake and Helen finally notice Daria is missing, and get Quinn to tell them where she went. They go to Jane's to pick her up.
Daria's had a conversation with Trent, after he comes looking for Jane because he thinks one of them is supposed to give the other a ride or something. Trent claims Tom is interested in Daria, and Daria gets really defensive about it. Her parents finally show up, and she's very quiet on the way home.

"Oh my god, Eric, the house is on fire, I'll have to call you back! No, I don't know when. No, you can't hold!" -- Helen ("Fire!")

Jake: Daria! What are you doing in bed when the house is on fire?
Daria: Um... trying to find out if these blankets are flame retardant?

Helen: Jake, leaving paper towels by an open flame? What's wrong with you?
Daria: Mom's right. Kerosene would have been much more effective.

Jane: You gave Daria your number?
Tom: You did. So we could go rescue her from mother/daughter bonding day.

Quinn: Yeah. And they have these satiny padding kind of hangers, so your clothes won't get hurt.
Daria: In fact, it's the same satiny padding that's inside my head.

Quinn: Eeww... You're not really going to eat all that fat, are you?
Daria: No. I'm going to stick it in my boots because I love that squishy-squishy feeling around my toes.

Trent: Can't. Practice starts at seven.
Jane: Trent. It's nine.
Trent: Hm. I better head out.

Jane: I thought you wanted pizza.
Tom: Actually, I'm not that hungry after all.
Jane: Okay. Guess I've lost my appetite, too.

Sandi: Excuse me, but some people should not go out of the house without a muumuu.
Quinn: I know. It's like she's not even worried about offending us.

Quinn: Bobby! What are you doing here?
Tiffany: I think he works for the hotel...

"We were talking about The Prince's influence on Lenin, Trotsky, and Mrs. Li." -- Daria ("Fire!")

Ms. Defoe: Jane, while art is a time-honored way to give expression to strong emotions, it shouldn't be at the expense of your canvas.
Jane: (tearing a hole in the canvas) What?
Ms. Defoe: Um, nevermind.

Jane: We'd sit in front of the TV and make fun of whatever we saw. It was the perfect relationship.
Jodie: You're just joking when you say that, right?

" So I said we can't just start thinking every guy who follows us around is a stalker, because the whole Fashion Club philosophy is based on getting guys to follow us around." -- Quinn ("Fire!")

"Mo-om, I said he's not a stalker, he's just enthusiastic!" -- Quinn ("Fire!")

"So, the only way he could have "stopped by" is if he went that way to see you before he came this way to see me! Oh." -- Jane ("Fire!")

Daria: Weren't you having problems before I got here?
Jane: Well, if you insist on being accurate about it.

"Where's that stalker? I'll rip his eyes out! Um... he is all handcuffed and stuff, right?" -- Jake ("Fire!")

Quinn: You mean I almost went out with...
Detective: That's right.
Quinn: A computer geek?!

"Guys can always tell when other guys are into someone. You know, ethereal transference." -- Trent ("Fire!")

Wraith's Ramblings:
Better than most of the season, with some humor and some drama, but too many irrelevancies to be good drama and not enough humor to fit early Daria.
Also see my Rambling of 11-17-00.