Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV and Viacom productions.

Note: This story takes place a few years before "The Last Journey Home" Both this story and the later proceed under the guise that whatever nasty little problems were anticipated to occur at the onset of Y2K, ...did.

Into the Depths Once Again
By
Wildgoose

It was late in the morning that Saturday, Daria was semiconscious as she turned in her bed but still awake enough to know that she wanted to postpone getting up for as long as possible. She and her crew where home on shore leave until further notice while the ship underwent a computer refit, and Daria was determined to enjoy it as much as possible by catching up on some much needed sleep as well as spending the remaining hours in the day with her family.
Daria turned again in her bed to a face down position and grappled her pillow with her arms to draw it as close to her head as possible when suddenly the entire bed shook as Daria felt one side of the bed sink lower than the other with the weight of the object that disturbed it. Daria turned to right herself in her bed as the sudden surprise had brought her completely out of any stage of sleep she might have been in at the time.
Daria grabbed her glasses from the night stand and frantically looked about the room to discover the source of the disturbance. She noticed almost immediately a teenage girl with long black hair and brown eyes lying on her side at the foot of the bed where she had come to rest after jumping onto it in an attempt to wake Daria up.

Daria: What the hell? Jane what are you doing?

Jane: Hey mom, just wanted to wake you up so you wouldn't miss out on the day. (Daria hears the voice of another young girl coming from towards the door. Daria focuses her eyes beyond her daughter to notice her other daughter, this one a brunette, standing just inside the bedroom door holding a tray with a cup of tea and some other breakfast food on it.)

Daria: Amy, what brings you both in here this morning? (Raises an eyebrow) At the same time I might add?

Amy: (shrugs) Just wanted to say good morning in a way that you would remember. (Lifts the tray a little higher) And of course to say "happy birthday mom", you didn't think we forgot did you?

Daria: (smiles) As often as I've had to go away on duty,.... I'm surprised ANYBODY ever remembers me.

Jane: (Gets up off the bed) Are you kidding, It's impossible to forget you. Every time we look in the mirror we see you're face, and remember that it's only a matter of time before you come back again.

Daria: (laughs) You know if I'd had you're optimism when I was you're age I probably would have become more of a joiner in life.

Amy: Nah, Being a joiner isn't all it's cracked up to be. Just take a look at some of the imbeciles we have to put up with in school. There's this one band of socialites, all they seem to care about is how they look and how popular they are compared to everyone else. I'd be amazed if there's a living brain cell among them. (Beat) Besides it would have saved the navy all that trouble of drafting you and there wouldn't have been any kicking and screaming involved.

Jane: (chimes in immediately) And we KNOW how much you enjoyed THAT part of it, you must have told us a hundred times how you broke an MP's kneecap and a couple of another's ribs when they showed up at you're door to enforce the draft order.

Amy: (without missing a beat) Ah the memories, right mom?

Daria: You know, if you weren't FRATERNAL twins I'd swear you could read each others thoughts.

Amy: (smiles evilly) I guess you'll never know will you, mom. (Walks up to the bed and places the tray right over Daria's lap before leaning forward and giving Daria a big hug) By the way, dad went out a little while ago. He said something about paying tribute to the tank.

Jane: Yea, what the hell does that mean.

Daria: (looks at Jane crossly) Watch you're language. (Resumes her typical face) It's personal, it would be too difficult to get into without using an incredibly stupid amount of detail. Maybe you're father could explain it to you at another time, .....if you can manage to stay awake.

Amy: Don't you mean if HE can stay awake, Dad's the one who falls asleep at the drop of a hat.

Daria: NO, ....I mean YOU. It's an incredibly long and involved story the way he's likely to tell it.

Jane: Yeesh, thanks for the warning. Oh, and by the way. You're breakfast is getting cold so hurry up and eat it.

Daria: (looks at the tray and then starts to eat) Where did you learn to make eggs like this?

Jane: Dad's cooking, it gave us some pretty profound examples of what NOT to do when cooking. The rest we just got out of a cookbook.

Daria: (chuckles) I'm glad to see you've managed to keep him from burning the house down.

Amy: Yea, well it was no easy task. Especially when grandpop came over and tried to help him. Oh man, one of us had to stand ready with nine one-one programmed into the speed dial and the other poised with a fire extinguisher at the ready. The neighbors got so used to seeing black smoke billow out of the kitchen window they just stopped making a fuss all together.

Daria: (burst out laughing to the point where she almost choked on her food) Oh my god, the things I miss around here when I'm gone.

Jane: (shrugs) So don't go away so often and maybe you won't miss as much around here.

Daria: (Face turns slightly sad) (sighs) If I could, I would.....in a heartbeat. ( A moment passes and then Daria finishes her breakfast and proceeds to get up from bed) Thanks for breakfast girls, it's been a long time since anyone brought me breakfast in bed.

Jane: Well, dad wanted to but then we KNOW what would follow after that and quite frankly having to listen to that even from down the hall gives us nightmares. So we told him that we would take care of it so he'd be able to do some of the other things he had planned for you.

Daria: (smirks) I can't wait already.

Jane: (As the two girls turn to leave the room) We'll leave you to do you're thing then, bye

Daria: (rubs the remaining sleep from her eyes) Bye....

Amy: (just as the girls are heading through the door) (whisper) You know, I think she's starting to get some gray hair.

Daria: (calls after them) I heard that!! (Jane and Amy laugh as they disappear into the hallway.) (Daria sighs as she turns to look into a mirror) It figures they would have to be right. (Daria groans and then heads into the bathroom to grab a shower before starting the day)

(After spending about half an hour in the shower, the bathroom has become densely clouded with steam. Daria, relaxing in the shower is unaware of the light footsteps heard approaching the shower from the direction of the door. A moment later the head of a dark haired man pops through the far edge of the shower curtain)

Trent: Hey love....

Daria: AHHH...... (relaxes after she see's that it's Trent) You ass, you scared the hell out of me.

Trent: Sorry, I just wanted to see how the birthday girl was doing this morning. So how old are you now, twenty two?

Daria: (smiles and pulls Trent's head forward under the shower nozzle to soak it) Flattery will get you everywhere you know.

Trent: (shakes his now drenched head) God I hope so, otherwise I'll have to rely on plain and simple charm to make you happy.

Daria: We can't let you resort to that now can we. But there is another way to make me happy. (Trent cocks an eyebrow and smiles)

(Cut to the kitchen)

(Jane is busy doing her homework on a laptop at the kitchen table and Amy is busy leaning on the counter watching Sick Sad World on a small flat screen television)

Jane: You know, if mom catches you watching that she's going to flip.

Amy: I know, "it's gotten too demented for people like us to watch." But, .....(she walks a little toward the hallway and places a finger to her ear) dad just got home a little while ago and by the sounds of it the both of them are occupado. Which means the odds of them catching me are extremely remote at the moment.

(The phone rings and Jane gets up from her homework to pick it up)

Jane: Speak or forever hold you're peace.

Jane Lane: Hey there amiga, is you're mom up and about?

Jane: Hey aunt Jane, no mom and dad are a little um......busy at the moment.

Jane Lane: Doing the mom and dad thing huh?

Jane: That's about what it sounds like to me.

Jane Lane: (laughs) If you can do it without getting caught, see if you can get me a Polaroid. That way I'll have something to drive your mom nuts with the next time we're out at sea.

Jane: (grins evilly) God I love the way you think.

Jane Lane: You should have seen me when I was YOU'RE age.

Jane: Come on over, they'll probably be done by the time you get here. An if they're not, then you'll have a chance to get that Polaroid yourself.

Jane Lane: Hmm, such a tempting and devious offer you present my young apprentice. Soon you're training as a Jedi will be complete.

Jane: Um, aunt Jane?

Jane Lane: Yea?

Jane: What the hell is a Jedi?

Jane Lane: (sighs loudly) What a shame, nobody remembers the classics anymore. I'll see you soon then.

Jane: Look forward to it, ....later. (Hangs up the phone and looks to Amy) Aunt Jane is on her way over.

Amy: Cool,....we should probably tell mom so she doesn't get caught in an awkward position or something.

Jane: Yea, we probably should. (They both look back and forth at each other for several moments) ................So anyway, is there anything interesting on the tube?

Amy: Nah, S.O.S (Same Old Shit)

(Cut to about an hour later)

(Jane Lane and Daria seen walking out the front door together and they start talking out in the driveway.)

Daria: All I know is the next time you come at me with a Polaroid it's going to quickly become a suppository for you.

Jane Lane: (pretends to cringe) Ooh, I can almost feel my butt itching from it now.

Daria: (looks at Jane) Thank you SO much for that visual, Jane.

Jane Lane: Hey, I aim to please. And by the look of some of those pictures I took, so do YOU.

Daria:(looks at Jane and scowls) I really do hate you, Jane. Just in case I never told you.

Jane Lane: And a very happy birthday to you too. (Hands Daria a small box wrapped in crape paper)

Daria: Aw Jane, you should have.

Jane Lane: Never let it be said that Jane Lane forgot a sibling in laws birthday.

Daria: How could you forget, I'm the only in law you have......left. Sorry.....

Jane Lane: Old wounds my friend, I'm long since ok with it.

Daria: (opens the box) A guitar pick?

Jane Lane: Trent's first one ever, I found it when cleaning out his old room. I figured you'd want it for sentimental value.

Daria: Thanks Jane. (Pauses for a moment) It took you this long to getting around to cleaning out his old room?

Jane Lane: To FINISH cleaning it, I started it years ago.

Daria: You must do an awful lot of procrastinating if it took you this long, Jane.

Jane Lane: What the hell are you talking about, you've seen his room. And THAT was only the first layer, I found fossil records in there dating back to his first pair of boxers.

Daria: (Shivers) Eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwww.........

Jane Lane: Yea, that's about what I said. So....any idea as to how you plan to spend the rest of you're thirty third birthday?

Daria: Nothing fancy, the others know how much I hate parties. Trent wants to take me to dinner tonight, show me a night out. And I have no doubts that my parents will show up sometime this afternoon, unexpectedly as far as my dad knows. But he just doesn't realize how incredibly predictable he's gotten. Things of that nature, you know how it is.

Jane Lane: Yes, my friend I do. (looks at Daria solemnly) God, I hate being the bearer of bad news.

Daria: What's that supposed to mean?

Jane Lane: It means that after six months on shore leave it was only a matter of time before the powers that be remembered us, and as always their recollection has the absolute worst of timing. (sighs and pulls a yellow envelope with a department of defense seal on it.) It also means,.....that you need to enjoy the evening as much as you can. A young Lieutenant came to my door on orders to deliver one of these to me. This one is yours, he asked ME to serve it to you. Apparently the guy remembers you from somewhere, he kept mumbling something about his knee on his way out.

Daria: (chuckles) Aw, .....he remembered me. How sweet. (Daria opens the envelope and a look of disappointment sweeps over her face)

Jane Lane: Yea, the refit's all done.

Daria: The bastards have never met a deadline in their life, yet they choose NOW to finish ahead of schedule.

Jane Lane: And they want to send us over the pole this time, some sort of special operation. We're to receive orders en route, we have to ship out in the morning.

Daria: Did you protest this?

Jane Lane: Several times since this morning with projected hostility, but they won't hear it.

Daria: Did you manage to throw some large heavy objects during you're projected hostility?

Jane Lane: I was just about to when the MP's convinced me to reconsider.

Daria: They ARE quick to shoot people these days aren't they. Do you have any idea what their rush is?

Jane Lane: The only reasoning they gave me was that we've got the most advanced sub in the fleet and so in their minds we're the best ones for the job.

Daria: I think it's more along the lines of somebody's still pissed at ME for the christening incident, so in their minds this is one form of payback.

Jane Lane: Well you DID sort of change the name of the sub at the last minute during a public ceremony.

Daria: Hey, it's their fault for making it a tradition for the first skipper of a new ship to christen the damned thing in the first place. They wanted to name the thing after Bill Clinton.

Jane Lane: So instead when you smashed the bottle on the hull you proclaimed it the Cynicism, you're a twisted little cruller aren't you.

Daria: Yea, but that wasn't why I did it. It was just that in my opinion the shape of the submarine bore too strong a resemblance to the reputation of the man. And there was no way in hell I was going to ride on something like that, so I changed it to something a little more after the heart of her captain.

Jane Lane: A perfectly understandable situation.

Daria: That's what my position was when I had to listen to my superiors.

Jane Lane: And since it was a public ceremony they had to act like that was what was planned and so they couldn't touch you without embarrassing themselves in the process.

Daria: You see Jane, Sometimes the system DOES work.

Jane Lane: Sometimes, but apparently not today. We still have to report for duty tomorrow.

Daria: Yea I know, ....Any chance we can sabotage the sub before we have to leave?

Jane Lane: Trying to gain another few months of leave, huh?

Daria: I think we deserve it, don't you?

Jane Lane: Oh absolutely, but there's no way we could pull it off without getting ourselves killed in the process.

Daria: There's always something to hold us back isn't there, ....damn. William will be over in the morning I take it?

Jane Lane: As always, and as always I thank you for letting him stay with you're family.

Daria: Hey, what are friends for. Hell, I feel as if he's my own kid sometimes.

Jane Lane: Well lucky for me then, you can't keep him forever.

Daria: That's not a problem, if I get to attached to having a third kid around then I'm certain Trent will be able to assist me with filling the void once you take William back.

Jane Lane: I bet he could too, ....and then some. So,.....when do you think you're going to break it to the kids. It's always harder on them you know, I've never seen kids look up to a mother the way they look up to you.

Daria: I don't know, probably this afternoon when my parents "unexpectedly" drop by. For some reason it never seems to occur to my dad that his "unexpected" visits are incredibly predictable

Jane Lane: Unexpected predictability, I think you're parents are a living coin of a new phrase.

Daria: They're a lot of things these days, thank god the title of workaholic isn't one of them anymore.

Jane Lane: Yea, I hear menopause can do that to a working family.

Daria: Ugh, ...don't remind me. How we all survived my mom's mood swings I'll never know.

Jane Lane: (grins) Red alert, Shields up, and prepare to fire all weapons.

Daria: You know it's funny how one can describe such a personal family crisis using an old Star Trek catch phrase.

Jane Lane: Hey, sometimes the oldies really ARE the goodies.

Daria: Sort of restores you're lost sense of hopelessness doesn't it?

Jane Lane: Yea, bummer.

Daria: (sighs) I know this is going to kill the day, but if I tell the family later it's going to make it that much harder on them. Have you told William yet?

Jane Lane: Yea, right off the bat. He took it well, at least I thought he did until I saw a painting he was working on come flying down past my window from his room. At that point It became pretty clear that he was upset. (Sighs) Well there's no point in delay then, I've got you're back amiga.

(The two of them turn to head back into the house)

(Cut to about eight A.M the next morning, Trent, Jane, Amy, and William all stand together on the shore as they watch two tugboats guide a submarine through the channel and out to sea)

Amy: (turns to look up into Trent's eyes) Did she say how long she would be gone this time?

Trent: (Sighs and pulls her closer to him) The usual is three months at a time, but who know's we might get lucky.

William: Yea,....lucky.

(Cut to the bridge of the USS Cynicism)

(Daria is seen staring at her family on the shore through a pair of binoculars as the sub heads father and farther down the channel)

Jane Lane: Hey hey amiga, don't hog the view there. Let me take a peep through those for a bit. (The second officer snickers a bit as he looks out toward the bow)

Daria: (Hands the binoculars to Jane and then turns to the second officer and scowls) Is there something you wanted to say number two?

Second officer: No sir, ....sorry sir.

Daria: Don't be sorry, just be quiet.

Second officer: Yes sir.

Daria: (turns back to Jane) I Hate it when people listen in on our conversations.

Jane Lane: (not listening) They're all waving at us....

Daria: ( turns and grabs the binoculars from Jane and almost strangling her with the strap in the process) Give me that!

Jane Lane: (Rubbing her neck) My friend, If I didn't know better I'd think you tried to bump me off.

Daria: Jane, if I had wanted to bump you off I would have come up with a much more creative method I assure you. (Turns to the second officer) What do you think, would she fit into a torpedo tube? (Waits several moments for an answer) You may speak freely, you know.

Second officer: (looks at the curious look on Jane's face for a moment as she crosses her arms in wait for his answer ) With respect sir, I have no comment at this time.

Daria: He's learned a lot from working with us.

Jane Lane: Yea, next week we move on to potty training.

Daria: (chuckles) You're just mean, Jane.

Jane Lane: (bows) Thank you.

(The two of them continue to watch as the shore moves farther and farther from view until it eventually disappears from view all together and the tugs sound their air horns and steer away from the hull of the sub signaling an end to their escort. After another ten minutes a buzz is heard from the comm and the second officer picks up)

Second officer: Very well. (Hangs up the comm and then turns to face Daria) We have clear water ahead, sir.

Daria: Very well, head down below. I'll join you in a few minutes.

Second officer: Aye sir. (Heads down through the hatch into the conn)

Jane Lane: Well, it's about time to seal ourselves off from the rest of the world.

Daria: Already? I was hoping to stay out late this time.

Jane Lane: Now now, there's a trip to the arctic that's just waiting for us you know.

Daria: Oh goody, we'll be cut off from the world AND the water will be sub zero. Well now I can't wait.

Jane Lane: I knew you'd see things my way.

Daria: (more seriously) Let's just get this over with, shall we.

Jane Lane: After you then. (They both climb down through the hatch one after the other)

Daria: (to those in the conn) Captain is down.

Jane Lane: X.O is down, button up the ship.

Second officer: Aye sir, (loudly) Button up the ship! (the order is repeated throughout the conn and somebody seals the hatch and secures the mast) The ship is secure, sir.

Daria: Very well, Take us down.

Jane Lane: You bet, Diving officer submerge the ship.

Diving officer: Submerge the ship aye, sir. (Picks up the comm and puts is on PA) Dive, dive,....clear all ballast . (The sound of air being expelled from the ships ballast tanks is heard throughout the ship. The diving officer then pushes the steering column in and the sound of seawater can be heard rushing over the hull) The ship is submerged, sir. Current depth is now seventy five feet.

Daria: Very well, diving officer make you're depth twelve hundred feet. Twenty degree's down angle.

Diving officer: Make my depth twelve hundred feet, twenty degree's down, aye sir. (Lifts the steering column twenty degree's and pushes it in. The hull groans as the water pressure increases exponentially, After several minutes the diving officer levels the steering column and pulls it back towards himself) Twelve hundred feet, sir.

Daria: Continue this coarse. X.O , come with me please. Number two, you have the conn.

Second officer: Aye sir, second officer has the conn. (Daria and Jane leave the conn and head for Daria's quarters)

Jane: (Once inside Daria's quarters Daria closes the door behind them) I take it we're getting our orders?

Daria: I'll be damned if I'm going to head anywhere without knowing what we're up to first.

Jane: Good call, but why so deep so soon?

Daria: I don't know but for some reason, something about all of this doesn't pass muster. This is a stealth fast attack sub, not a research vessel. Why are they sending us over the pole, what could possibly be there that we would need to sneak up on?

Jane Lane: You mean besides some very sneaky Ice bergs? You know, you can never tell when one of those babies is going to just fall into the ocean and attack a passing passenger liner without any provocation. Hands down, they're just the worst.

Daria: Knowing the pentagon as we do, I wouldn't be surprised if you're interesting little theory holds water.

Jane Lane: To the orders then, and let us find out. Or should we just shake a magic eight ball and see what comes up, I bet the orders IT gives would make a whole lot more sense.

Daria: I think I would have to agree with you there, Jane. BUT.....let's see what the papers say first, shall we.

Jane Lane: If we must then, I still say we should use the eight ball first.

Daria: Oh don't be so pushy, lets just see if what sublet has to say is at least worthy of toilet paper.

Jane Lane: Ready then. (Daria goes to the safe and dials in the combination and opens the first door, then Jane dials in her combination and opens the second door. Daria reaches in and withdraws a large manilla envelope, the two of them then move to have a seat at Daria's desk)

Daria: (Opens the envelope and hands a copy of the contents to Jane and they begin to read to themselves) Rogue sub?

Jane Lane: That's what mine says too, According to this, the crew of a Russian sub went postal and mutinied just before taking the sub out of their national patrol borders and are currently believed to be hiding out under the polar ice cap..

Daria: And of coarse we get to go track them down and try to talk them into going home.

Jane Lane: It would explain why they only sent one sub, with something like this having to many trigger happy people in one spot at one time can make for a pretty ugly incident. Are you sure you still don't want to try the eight ball, it's known all in the past.

Daria: I'm beginning to think I would have liked what it had to say a whole lot better.

Jane Lane: Tell me about it. (Sighs) Okay, the name of the sub is the Rashna, a Xenon class fast attack, carrying a standard ordinance load. Oooh, an old baby isn't she.

Daria: Xenon class, yea at least twenty years old. (Daria reads further and begins to laugh)

Jane Lane: What?

Daria: Read down to what it says about the possible reason for the mutiny.

Jane Lane: (reads down) Oh god, that bastard. Has their captain no shame? (Read aloud) Captain Putin has been known to play albums from Yanni throughout most of his voyages despite constant complaints from the crew.

Daria: Now THAT I don't buy, bad music or no that isn't something to risk getting killed over.

Jane: Okay, so the bottom half of this is worthy of toilet paper. We'll just rip it off and I'll use it in the crapper the next time I have to.

Daria: No problem, on the way home this baby is all yours. (Daria picks up the comm and buzzes the conn) Number two, set a new coarse bearing zero three three, secure the main propeller, engage the caterpillar drive, and make turns for thirty knots. Daria hangs up and then buzzes the sonar station) Sonar, tune you're equipment to max sensitivity and keep you're ears peeled for a xenon class soviet sub. (Daria hangs up)

Jane Lane: So what now?

Daria: Now we wait, it'll be at least two days before we reach the ice cap even at thirty knots.

Jane Lane: And if we go any faster we could run over Trent's AMP and not hear it. Which brings me to another thought, all that ice is bound to reflect a lot of white noise back at us, the ice itself moving, our own plant noise, and so forth. And if this sub IS there his plant noise will probably blend right in with all the background clutter making it very difficult to track him.

Daria: Yea, I was thinking about that. We might be able to generate a low level EMP (ElectroMagnetic Pulse) through that new electronic warfare equipment we're carrying and if there's anything metal in the area it'll send back a return signature that can be tracked through the ships magnetic anomaly detector.

Jane Lane: Oh I love it when you get all technical on me.

Daria: Oh shut up.

Jane Lane: Seriously though, do you think that might work?

Daria: You're guess is as good as mine at this point, but until we come up with something better...

Jane Lane: Yea, ....we'll I guess there's no point in procrastinating. We might as well head back up to the conn and post the orders.

Daria: It's not like we have someplace to hide out in the meantime. (At this they both get up and head out of the room)

(Cut to Daria's house back on land that evening)

(Jake and Helen Morgendorffer are over at the house sitting at the kitchen table talking the night away with Trent)

Helen: I just don't think it's right for them to pull Daria away from her family at a moments notice like that. How is she ever supposed to raise the girls right if she's gone half the time.

Trent: Um....Helen, I AM here you know. It's not like the Jane and Amy are home alone or something.

Helen: I know Trent and you're doing a wonderful job, but a family just isn't complete without both parents home with their children.

Trent: I guess that's why Daria hated her childhood so much, you two were always out working and never home to spend time with her.

Helen: (laughs nervously) Well in my defense, I did TRY to be home as often as I could.

Trent: (turns to look away) Whatever.

Jake: Um Trent, my man. Are the kids doing okay in school? I mean with Daria away so much and all.

Trent: (smiles) Are you kidding, they're sharp as razors. They may have the opportunity to skip a grade or so if they keep up their present pace. (Takes a sip of his beer) They're a credit to their mother in every department.

Helen: You know it's funny now that you mention it, I've never heard you mention how they take after YOU, other than in physical appearance I mean.

Trent: I don't need to remind myself of how they take after me, I'd prefer that they take after their mother. It means they're sure to get somewhere in life. I just got lucky, that's all. (Takes another sip of his beer) But you can see bits of me in them, you just have to look a little harder where you don't expect to find it. (Puts his beer down) Are you guys hungry? I could get dinner going for us. (Gets up and calls into the living room) Hey girls, are you hungry?

Helen: (to herself) Oh no.....

Jake: Hey, I know I am. Come on Trent we can get the grill going outside, I've got a few barbeque recipes you're sure to love. (The two of them get up and walk through the sliding glass door to the back porch. Jane and Amy come walking into the kitchen and stand to watch as Trent and Jake try to get the grill going.)

Jane: (turns to Helen) Hey Grandma, are they trying to get the grill going.

Helen: Trying is what I guess you could call it. Preparing for disaster would be a bit more accurate, I think.

Jane: (smiles evilly) Five bucks says grandpa is the first to burn his eyebrows off.

Helen: (chuckles) I'll take that bet.

Jane: (turns to Amy) I'll flip you for fire extinguisher duty. (Amy just smiles and reaches into her pocket for a coin)

(Cut to the sub two days later)

(Daria is in her quarters typing in her electronic diary)

Daria: (in text) We crossed under the outer edge of the polar ice cap at about eight this morning, I've ordered for the ship to slow to fifteen knots and maintain a one thousand foot depth to avoid any loose or free floating under water ice. There is still no sign of this Russian sub, but then with all the background noise being reflected off the ice we could easily end up chasing ourselves for days. (Daria is interrupted by a knock at her door) Come....

Jane Lane: (enters with a towel around her neck and a wrapped package in hand) Not today my friend, the laundry room was empty so I couldn't find a suitable male victim.

Daria: The stuff I let you get away with, and yet the crew never talks.

Jane Lane: They all love me.

Daria: They must. Did you just get done you're run about the ship?

Jane Lane: Yea, I thought about going around for a fifth time but seeing the same scenery over and over again just gets so boring after a while. So instead, I opted to bring you this. (Hands the package to Daria)

Daria: And what might I ask is this?

Jane Lane: You're real birthday present, a little belated of coarse.

Daria: (Takes the package and unwraps it) A book, Jane I'm touched.

Jane Lane: Not just a book, it's a record of everything that's happened to everybody we knew back in high school. I had to call in some favors from a few people I know in the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency) To get the lowdown on everybody so quickly, but for you it's worth it. Hell, You and I are even in there.

Daria: Even Jesse?

Jane: (face takes on a somewhat saddened look) Yea......even Jesse. (Perks up) But anyway, now we can look back and check out the dirt on the people we hated so much.

Daria: I can't wait to read it, but it'll have to wait. I was just about to head up to the conn. (Puts the book on a shelf nearby) Thanks Jane, I know I'll read through it an inordinate number of times.

Jane Lane: I have to head up there as well, my shift is coming up. But I wanted to give you this first as long as I had the chance. Listen, let me go get changed and I'll meet you up there.

Daria: Can do.

(Cut to the conn fifteen minutes later)

(Daria is already there standing near the sonar station, Jane comes walking up to her)

Jane Lane: Did I miss much?

Sonar officer: Sonic ghosts and some white noise, I've been able to filter most of it out though.

Jane Lane: (turns to Daria) What do you think?

Daria: I think I'm about ready to give our idea a try.

Sonar officer: Sir there is a bit of a flaw with that idea, the EMP is likely to cause the Russians equipment to spike, at that point He'll at least know that SOMEBODY is looking for him.

Daria: Well, nobody said it was a perfect plan so if anybody has a better idea I'm listening.

Jane Lane: Nothing comes to mind kemosabe, but there is another matter. If we're supposed to talk this guy into heading back home before we have to enforce the soviet patrol borders, how exactly are we supposed to do that. Radio doesn't exactly travel well in deep water and a collision with an underwater iceberg is to risky if we go shallow.

Daria: I imagine we'll figure something out, but in the meantime charge the EMP and keep an eye on the ECM station. (Electronic Counter Measures) (The sonar officer gestures to another officer who sits down at the ECM station nearby)

Sonar officer: EMP is charged an ready sir.

Daria: Very well, release when ready.

Sonar officer: Aye sir, pulse is released.

Jane Lane: (watches the monitor in front of the sonar officer) This is like watching tv, I should send somebody to bring back some popcorn or something. (Everybody tries to keep from laughing)

Sonar officer: Well, so far nothing but white noise.

ECM officer: Well I'll be damned, I've got a magnetic anomaly at bearing zero one three, best range is three miles.

Jane: There's metal in them thar waters, full speed ahead.

Daria: (Shakes her head) Helm, come to bearing zero one three and maintain fifteen knots.

Helm: Come to bearing zero one three, aye sir. (Begins to turn the wheel to the left) New coarse heading now Zero one three, speed fifteen knots.

Daria: Very well, steady as she goes. Sonar, any idea how we might be able to get a message to that sub once we find it?

Sonar officer: (sighs as he thinks) Nothing comes to mind, sir. Though I imagine you could use the active sonar equipment as a loud speaker of sorts. It would take some modifications but I think it could be done.

Daria: Opinions, Jane?

Jane Lane: Hmm...turn the ship into a karioki machine, why didn't I think of that?

Daria: (scowls) Jane?

Jane Lane: (shrugs) Hell, it's worth a shot.

Daria: So glad you approve. (Turns to the sonar officer) Make the necessary modifications.

Sonar officer; Aye sir. (Daria and Jane walk back to the conn)

Jane Lane: Do you think they'll be willing to listen?

Daria: I hope so, It's been years since we've had to fire on another ship. I'm trying to go for a personal record.

Jane Lane: Good luck.

(Cut back to Daria's house)

(The house is quiet with the exception of Jane on the far side of the house doing the laundry, the noise of the dryer can be heard echoing down the hallway. Amy is seen padding down the hallway with earphones about her neck, a portable cd player hanging off her belt and a pair of drumsticks in one hand. She walks into the garage where Mystik Spiral keeps their instruments set up for whenever they have the chance to practice. Amy sets herself up behind Max's drum set, he's since acquired a complete professional set since his early twenties. Amy puts the earphones on and presses play, Metallica's "Battery" Begins to play and after tapping her sticks together a few times Amy starts on the drums, keeping up with the beat of the music she is listening to. And she's extremely good as can be seen as she begins to add lib the beat a bit. After several minutes Jane comes walking into the garage unnoticed by Amy and after trying to speak over the music in Amy's earphones Jane finally pulls them off Amy's ears.)

Amy: (stops in her tracks) What did you do that for?

Jane: I can't hear myself think on the other side of the house, you're making so much noise.

Amy: Oh give over, Jane. Dad's out with grandma and grandpa, when else am I going to get the chance to practice?

Jane: Look, I know you're good and all. So why don't you get a few of you're friends together and start a band or something, then at least you'll be able to practice with them somewhere else.

Amy: Nah, starting a band isn't my thing. I just like to whale on the drums a bit, gives me something to do. But as long as I have you're attention, why don't you join me.

Jane: No thanks, I've got stuff to do as it is.

Amy: (smirks) Where's the laundry going? It'll be at least half an hour before it's done, dad's guitar is over there. Plug in the amp and jam with me a bit.

Jane: (lifts an eyebrow) You KNOW I'm not very good.

Amy: You're not so bad, you just have some room to improve. (Points to Jane with one of the drumsticks) You're biggest problem is getting the hang of that open D.

Jane: Yea I know, I wonder if dad ever had that problem?

Amy: Who knows, why don't you ask him sometime.

Jane: Eh, maybe. (Thinks for a moment) What do you think the odds are of dad's amp shorting out and bursting into flames?

Amy: (Smiles) Pretty fair.

Jane: (smirks) How can I resist odds like that.

Amy: I knew you'd see things my way.

Jane: (plugs the amp in and then the guitar into the amp) Just play something I can keep up with.

Amy: You've got it, one of dad's old songs should be simple enough. How about "little sister"?

Jane: You being five minutes older, that seems strangely appropriate. (Amy establishes a beat and Jane joins in once she's got the rhythm. After that song seems to go well They begin to play something a little more involved. The steady bass beat from the drums combined with the high volume of the amp is enough to cause some of the lighter objects in the room to shake a little bit as they work their way through a number of sets. After about half an hour a model submarine that is sitting on a nearby shelf along with a picture of Daria and Trent and some other personal effects that are important to Trent, has worked it's way to the edge of the shelf and finally goes over and falls to the floor. The two stop playing immediately as soon as they see this and walk over to inspect the model.)

Jane: Ohhhhhhhhhh.........dad's going to kill us.

Amy: Relax you're sphincter my dear sibling, it's not broke. (Amy puts it back up on the shelf and pauses to look at the picture of Trent and Daria)

Jane: What? What's wrong?

Amy: Do you believe in bad omens? (Jane just looks at her sister oddly)

(Cut to the sub)

(Daria and Jane are standing at the conn patiently as the ship cruises beneath the thick glacier that is the arctic ice cap)

Jane: Jeez, where is this guy? (Just then the sonar officer come over the comm)

Sonar officer: Conn; sonar,... new contact, xenon class soviet submarine now bearing at zero one five, best range now twelve thousand yards.

Jane:(smacks her forehead) I should know enough to keep my mouth shut.

Daria: (picks up the comm) Conn Aye, maintain you're track on him. Is there any sign that he's alerted to us?

Sonar officer: Negative sir, target is holding coarse. Estimated speed as about ten knots.

Daria: Have you finished you're preparations?

Sonar officer: Aye sir, we're all set down here.

Daria: Very well then, send the message when ready

Sonar officer: Sonar, aye. (Daria hangs up the comm)

Jane: Think this will work?

Daria: Are you looking for an optimistic answer or a realistic one.

Jane Lane: Hey, whichever is more convenient for you. I'm not picky.

Daria: Then you already have you're answer don't you.

Jane Lane: Ah, the none of the above escape. A tactic proven time and time again for highschool students wishing to escape verbal assaults from their teachers.

Daria: (The pre-recorded voice of Daria translated into Russian is heard echoing against the hull) Well, here we go.

Jane Lane: Okay, so they hear the message, discover that they've committed an act of sheer stupidity and we all go home happily ever after, right?

Daria; (crosses her fingers) Here's hoping. (The sonar officer comes over the comm)

Sonar officer: Conn ; sonar, I've lost the xenon sir. He picked up speed and disappeared behind an underwater ice flow.

Daria: Damn

Jane Lane: So much for hoping, what did you say to them anyway?

Daria: I just told them that were in violation of their borders and that we were here to escort them safely back home. Nothing complicated.

Sonar officer: (comes over the conn again) I did hear some sort of muffled reply sir, just before they disappeared. We're translating it now.

Daria: Well, that's a start.

Sonar officer: I think we've got it sir, but I don't quite understand it.

Daria: Let's hear it.

Sonar officer: They said, ....."Attention federation vessel, lower you're shields and prepare to be boarded."

Jane: (Picks up the comm) Please tell me this is some sort of elaborate joke.

Sonar officer: No sir. We've translated it twice already.

Daria: I don't believe it, they're ALL nuts.

Jane: They're worse than nuts, ....they're die hard trekkies. Sounds like somebody snuck aboard a serious supply of the happy plant and wasn't afraid to share.

Daria: Happy plant or not, I'm not taking chances. Tactical, load and flood all torpedo tubes. Sound general quarters.

Tactical officer: Aye sir, sound general quarters. (Flips a few switches and the lights on the conn turn to blue accenting the green glow of the computer monitors, and a pulsing tone is heard throughout the ship as everybody hurries to their stations.)

Sonar officer: Conn; sonar, high speed screws....torpedo in the water. (the high pitch of a torpedo is heard passing by the outer hull)

Jane Lane: (picks up the conn) Sonar report!

Sonar officer: The torpedo failed to arm itself, sir. It was more or less a shot in the dark.

Daria: Helm, increase to twenty five knots. (Picks up the comm) Sonar where did that torpedo originate from?

Sonar officer: Torpedo originated at bearing two one five, distance about fifteen thousand yards.

Daria: Helm, come to bearing two one five and maintain speed.

Helm: Come to two one five, aye sir. (Begins to turn the wheel)

Sonar officer: Conn; sonar, he's shooting again sir. The torpedo has acquired and is homing.

Daria: Diving officer, twenty degree's up angle on the bow planes. Counter measures station prepare to launch a spread, port side.

Jane: You're going to use the ice to distort our plant signature?

Daria: That's what I'm hoping.

Sonar officer: Sir, torpedo is still on our tail. Impact now estimated in fifteen seconds.

Daria: Helm, hold you're coarse.

Sonar officer: Conn; sonar. Sir, there is an ice flow one thousand yards dead ahead..

Daria: Counter measures station launch you're spread.

Countermeasure station: Aye sir, spread is away.

Sonar officer: Sir, the torpedo has reached the countermeasures,..... torpedo has lost contact, but is still on this coarse.

Daria: Helm, ...Right full rudder, reduce starboard caterpillar thrust by half. Diving officer thirty degree's down angle. (The officers respond in kind and the ship begins to tilt steeply down and to the right. After about five seconds the sound of the torpedo passing several hundred yards off is heard and seconds after that it detonates against the ice flow. The ship shudders slightly from the distant shock.)

Jane Lane: Helm equalize caterpillar thrust, diving officer level us off on this heading. (The corresponding officers reply and carry out the commands)

Daria: Where's that xenon, sonar?

Sonar officer: I've lost him again, sir. He's disappeared behind an ice flow.

Jane Lane: Who are these people, Houdinni wannabe's?

Daria: I don't know, but whoever's in charge over there seems to know these waters pretty damned well if you ask me. Helm continue this coarse and speed.

Jane Lane: That first shot was a fluke, if we get another one out of nowhere we may not have time to react.

Daria: I know. (Thinks for a moment) Tactical, open the outer doors on all tubes. The second you get a targeting solution on this guy. Fire at will.

Tactical: Aye sir.

(Fifteen minutes pass by without a word uttered by anyone at the conn)

Sonar officer: Conn; sonar, I've got him sir, six hundred yards and closing fast, off our port bow.

Jane Lane: Shit!! Sound collision. (A claxon begins to sound)

Daria: Diving officer, full dive on all planes. All hands brace for impact. (Before anyone can speak another word the entire ship shakes violently and rolls over once sending everyone tumbling about the conn, once the ship begins to right itself the tactical officer stumbles to his console and works feverishly. The sound of multiple torpedo launches are heard seconds before all power fails aboard the vessel and the emergency lights come on. The active sonar of the fired torpedo's can be heard against the hull as they speed away and about fifteen seconds later a shockwave shudders the sub again as one or more of the torpedo's finds their mark on the Russian sub and cause secondary explosions.) (Daria stumbles to her feet in the dim yellow light that bathes the conn) Damage report!!

Tactical: I got off the entire volley at once, sir. It sounded like we got them.

Daria: (Places her hand against a bleeding gash on her forehead) Kudo's, if we get home in one piece you've got yourself a commendation. Can I get that damage report?

Jane Lane: (stumbles to her feet while clutching one arm and walks over to a nearby console and gets on the comm) Damage report, all hands. (After a moment the chief engineer comes on the comm)
Chief engineer: We've got some minor flooding in section twenty three, we've got people working to contain that now, it should be only a matter of minutes. Main and battery power are offline, The reactor scrammed as soon as the ship rolled and the batteries are in the compartment that's been flooded out so they're a dead short.. The emergency lighting systems and comm are functioning on individual battery supplies, but they won't last more than a day or so. The ballast tanks are closed and holding so maintaining current depth shouldn't be a problem so long as we don't encounter an ice flow. Basically, we're dead in the water and drifting with the currents, sir.

Jane Lane: (hangs up) It's a beautiful day in the neighborhood..... Ow, my arm. (Jane has a seat in a nearby chair)

Daria: Are you all right, Jane?

Jane Lane: Ugh, ....I think I can go with a no on that one. My arms broke for sure.

Daria: Lieutenant commander Gibbs, escort Commander Lane to sick bay. (Gibbs helps Jane to her Feet and assists her out of the conn) (picks up the comm) Sick bay report all injuries.

Sick bay: Reports are still coming in from all over the ship, we've got eight confirmed dead, the rest ranging from minor to moderate.

Daria: Damn..............keep me informed. (Hangs up)

(Cut to eight hours later)

(Daria enters Jane 's quarters with the book that had been given to her by Jane)

Daria: Um...hey, amiga.

Jane Lane: (chuckles) You do that no justice old friend.

Daria: Sorry, but at least I got you to laugh.. How's the arm?

Jane Lane: Hurts like hell, but at least I'll get a purple heart out of it.

Daria: It looks more like you got a purple arm out of it, that's a good amount of swelling you've got going there.

Jane Lane: Yea, it's broke pretty bad, and they didn't even give me one of those cool designer casts dammit.

Daria: A purple heart for a purple arm, not exactly an even trade if you ask me.

Jane Lane: Oh it's all in good fun, (shivers) Man, it's getting cold in here.

Daria; (Grabs a blanket from Jane's bunk and wraps it around Jane) Yea, without any power the heater is useless.

Jane Lane: How long?

Daria; Chief Thompson thinks he can get the reactor online in another few hours. The battery system is shot to hell though.

Jane Lane: (shivers) Not soon enough if you ask me. You know Daria, I couldn't help thinking about how we came THAT close to being buried at the bottom of the arctic ocean. For what, where did we go wrong?

Daria: (sits on Jane's bunk) I think,.........we went wrong by not telling sublet where they could shove this mission. I don't know what bug was up the ass of whoever was in charge over there but it's pretty obvious that not one of them was in their right mind. And I think sublet knew about it.

Jane Lane: Bastards probably did too, so why didn't they just order us to shoot the nutballs instead of trying to communicate and giving our position away.

Daria: (shakes her head) Who knows, but if you can figure out why the military thinks the way it does then you're smarter than I am. But,..........in the meantime I figured you could use some company so I brought the book you gave me. We can look through it together to pass the time.

Jane Lane: Aw Daria, you sweet talker you.

Daria: Oh shut up.... (Jane pulls her chair close to the bunk and they start flipping through the pages and marveling at what had happened to whom. The time seemed to pass unnoticed by the two of them and eventually the lights in Jane's quarters sprung to life and the sound of the engines powering up could be heard through the deck plates)

Jane Lane: (Throws up her good arm) And on whatever day it was, Jane Lane said into the darkness. Let there be light!! And there was light, and it was good.

Daria; Wonderful, now if you could just bring heat into existence we'll all be a lot better off.

Jane Lane; Hey give me a chance, even god rested you know.

Daria: (rolls her eyes and walks over to the comm) Conn, report.

Second officer: Engineering reports main power and propulsion are have been restored, sir.

Daria: Very well, set a coarse for home. Best possible speed, I'll be right up.

Second officer: Aye sir. (Daria hangs up)

Jane Lane: Time to go home compadre?

Daria: In the words of our now late adversaries, (Daria clenches her fist in an impersonation of captain Kirk) "Warp speed, Now!!"

Jane Lane: Well said, amiga. Now lets head up to the conn, it's probably warmer up there than it is here.

(The two of them get up and walk out of Jane's quarters and head up to the conn)

(Cut to four days later)

(Trent, Jane, Amy, and William are standing on the nearby docks watching as the crew are just beginning to leave the sub for a debriefing. )

Trent: What do you know William, we got lucky after all.

William: Where are they?

Trent: Hey, their the head honcho's on board. They have to be the last to leave. (After about five minutes) You see, there they are!! (As Jane and Daria come closer their injuries can be seen) Oh my god, what the hell happened? (the kids leave Trent's side and go running to their mothers)

Jane and Amy: MOM!! (They stop short and speak in unison) What the hell happened to YOU?

Jane Lane: (as William gives her a bear hug) AH, the arm. Watch the arm.

William: Thank god you're home.

Jane Lane: Yea, I've found myself saying that same thing over and over to myself.

Daria: While clicking her heels no doubt.

Trent; (Comes walking up) Daria, what happened to you?

Daria; What happened is unfortunately classified, what's GOING to happen is we're all going home and ordering out for pizza, and then I'm going to my room to fall down.

Jane Lane: I second that, but do you mind if I do it at you're house? I could use some of that pizza, grease is good for a healing body. It acts like glue to hold the bones together.

Daria: Oh and one more Thing Trent.

Trent: Yea?

Daria; When we get to the house, crank the heat up, I still have that icy feeling from the sub. (Trent smirks and motions for everyone to head to the car. (Daria leans forward to look at Trent's eyebrows to see that he HAS none) Trent, where are you're eyebrows? (Jane, Amy and William burst out laughing)

Amy: We'll tell you about it in the car, mom. You and aunt Jane are gonna LOVE to hear about this one.

Jane Lane: Hey Daria, do you think this is what they call a semi happy ending?

Daria: I'm to tired to think right now, Jane. Ask me once I've got some pizza in my system.

Jane Lane: Well said old friend.

( The group walks to the car and they all pile in proceed to leave the base. As he is Driving Trent looks over at Daria in the front passenger seat and noticed that she has quickly fallen asleep with her head against his shoulder. Trent smiles and turns to face the road once again.)

The end..........................