Disclaimer: Daria and all related character are the property of MTV

Crossworlds

A joint fan-fiction
By
Naomi Mattera and Steve Mitchell

(Jane and Daria are sitting at a table across from each other in the
local pizza king.)( "Why I'm
here" by Oleander plays in the background)

Jane: So your sister dumped three guys at once just to go out with this
one guy who's parents
happened to own an estate?

Daria: Yea, Her shallowness has hit an all time low. I almost feel
sorry.

Jane: For HER?

Daria: No, for them. It's not their fault that my sister is the all
time queen of shallowness.

Jane: But they WERE stupid enough not to see it.

Daria: Hmm..you have a point. (Takes a bite out of her pizza) So how's
your painting coming?

Jane: It isn't. I've hit a bit of a block.

Daria: I guess that's why were sitting here eating brain food huh?

Jane: By George I think she's got it. ( Takes a bite of her pizza)
Grease, the fundamental
nourishment for creativity.

Daria: Sounds like one of those "got milk" adds.

Jane; (holds up her index finger) Now THERE'S an Idea!

Daria: Okay then, So where did you leave off?

Jane: It's hard to say really. Abstract art is rather difficult to
describe unless your looking at it.

Daria: I'm not so sure. That one you did of Quinn in the guillotine was
relatively self
explanatory.

Jane: Every rule has ONE exception. (Moment of silence) Change of
subject?

Daria: Change of subject. What's Trent up to these days?

Jane: You know Trent. Eating, Sleeping, rehearsing, sleeping, and
sleeping some more.

Daria: (chuckles) That's Trent all right.

Jane: Speaking of Trent, Here comes the narcoleptic one now. And with
him as always is Jesse.

(Trent and Jesse walk up to the Table and sit down)
("You shook me all night long" by AC/DC begins to play)

Trent: Hey Janie, Daria.. I figured I'd find you here.

Daria: You were looking for us?

Trent: Yea, Were trying to come up with some new songs and We were
wondering if you could
listen to them later and tell us what you think so far.

Jane: You want OUR opinions? Damn, you guys MUST be in a slump for
ideas.

Jesse:(shrugs his shoulders) Sort of.

Jane: I know Daria would be glad to do it. Won't you Daria. (Grins
evilly)

Daria: (To herself) Must destroy friend...Yes, fun. (Out loud) I guess,
As long as it doesn't
involve any strenuous activity like covering my ears.

Trent: Cool, We'll see you back at the house then.

Jesse: (as the two of them leave) Later.

Jane: Hit and run eh Daria?

Daria: That's starting to sound like a pretty good idea Jane. (Punches
Jane in the arm)

Jane: OW!..what was that for?

Daria: For trying to set me up with Trent.

Jane: I thought you WANTED to be with Trent.

Daria: Yea, but on MY terms, not yours.

Jane: Picky, picky. (Rubs her arm) You know you've got quite a punch
there.

Daria: My dad got me a kick boxing workout video. It's actually kind of
fun. I figure it'll come
in handy the next time Quinn gets on my nerves.

Jane: (looks at her watch) I guess she won't be living much longer
than.

Daria: Not if I can help it.

Jane: Ready to go?

Daria: Do I have a choice?

Jane: There's always a choice. You can come peacefully or I can get a
tow chain and drag you.

Daria: You WOULD wouldn't you?

Jane: (chuckles evilly) Damned strait! Besides, I'm getting sick of the
way you look at my
brother like a love sick puppy dog but never do anything about it.

Daria: (sighs reluctantly) I'll do something about it when I'm sure
about how he feels.

Jane: (rolls her eyes) Daria, he's nuts about you. Why do you always
think your not good
enough. He just doesn't want to assume to much by making the first
move.

Daria: (rolls her eyes) Yea, yea Jane. I'm still not convinced.

Jane; I'm getting to the end of my rope of patience here. Your not
going to make ME tell him are
you?

Daria: You do and it will be your funeral. I'm not joking this time
either.
(Both get up to leave the restaurant)

(Cut to The basement at Casa Lane)

(Trent and Jesse are seen rehearsing as Jane and Daria come walking
down the stairs)

(Daria and Jane stop and listen to them for a moment)

Jane: (Notices Daria staring at Trent) Kind of like the Torment of
Tantalus isn't it.

Daria: What?

Jane: Being constantly tempted by something SO close yet you can't
reach out for it.

Daria: You won't rest until I snap and get medieval on you will you?

Jane; (pretends to draw a sword from her side) Break out the
broadswords and have at thee...

(Trent and Jesse stop playing when they notice the two standing on the
stairs)

Trent: Hi Janie, hey Daria.

Daria: Um..hey Trent. How's it going so far? (Jane and Daria proceed
the rest of the way down
the stairs)

Trent; Not bad...I guess. I still can't master that open D tuning and
it's an important part of this
song. Want to hear it?

Jane: Of coarse she wants to hear it. She couldn't possibly think of
anything better to do right
now. (Winks at Daria)

Daria: (under her breath) Don't do it Jane. (Daria Glares at Jane) Sure
I could Jane. Strangling
YOU springs to mind.

Jesse; Everything okay Jane?

Jane; You know Daria, she hates it when I talk about her and ....
(Jane is tackled by Daria and the two wrestle about on the ground)

("Save Yourself" by Stabbing Westward begins to play)

Trent: (surprised) What the hell? Daria what's gotten into you?

Jane: (grunts as Daria attempts to put her in a headlock) Don't worry
about her Trent, it's that
time of the month. Hormone swings can be a bitch.

Jesse: Whoa!! We'll just let you two work it out then I guess.

Trent: Are you sure you two are okay?

Jane: Oh yea, (grunts) Were almost....DONE. (Jane Breaks free of
Daria's hold places her foot
on Daria's stomach, rolls backward kicking her into the wall)

(Daria hit's the wall but is then absorbed into it like it was made out
of gelatin. The deformed
wall then reconstitutes itself and Daria is nowhere to be seen)

Trent and Jesse: (mouths hanging open) What the HELL!!!!!!

Jane: (Get's up) OH MY GOD!!....DARIA!! (Jane runs up to the wall and
looks it over, then she
moves to touch it with her finger. Ripples run across the wall as if
like water.) What IS this?

Trent: (Walks up to Jane in disbelief ) Jane, What did you DO to her?

Jane:(defensively) I didn't DO anything. She just... vanished into the
wall. (Jane extends her arm
to the wall and watches as it passes through it) This is SO cool! (The
anomaly then begins to pull
her the rest of the way through) Oh god it's got me! Trent HELP!!

(Trent and Jesse grab hold of Jane and attempt to break her free but
she is slowly dragged
through and they lose their hold on her. )(we see Jane's point of view
as she travels through what
looks like a wormhole)

(Cut to reality)

( Steve and Naomi standing on the sidewalk next to his car)

Steve: I'm glad you were able to make it out this way. I hate sitting
around being bored.

Naomi: Yeah, standing around being bored is a hell of a lot better. So,
you think we should call
people
from payphones and try to get them to switch to our long distance
company? I'm thinking the
'Stalkers & Enemies' plan.

Steve (looking off to the side): What the freak?

Naomi: Ok, fine, prank phone calls are no good.

Steve:(points at a tree) What *is* that?

Naomi: It's a tree.

Steve: When was the last time you saw ripples running through a tree?

Naomi: Maybe it's a magical tree, and if we ask nicely it will take us
to an alternate universe.
Hey,
it looks like something is coming out of it.

Steve: A radioactive squirrel?

Naomi: Maybe he's our spiritual guide.

(A combat boot comes out of the tree)

Steve: Or not.

Naomi: Ok, I don't really know a lot about how this is supposed to
work, but I don't want a
combat boot as my spiritual guide.

(Daria comes out of the tree looking very confused. Steve and Naomi
stare)

Daria: Uh, I don't think we're in Kansas any more, Toto.

Steve: (stares for a moment) Daria?

Daria: I'm sorry, have we met? (Naomi and Steve stare at her) Hello?
Speak English? Take me to
your leader. Can you tell me where I am? Have I died and I'm in the
waiting room of hell?

Steve: Some people know it as that.

Naomi: How did you get here?

Daria: I don't know. Last thing I remember Jane and I were wrestling on
the floor..

Naomi: Jane!?

Daria (gives Naomi a weird look):..and she kicked me against the wall.
But it didn't hurt cause I
fell
through it and... I get it now. I must have hit my head when I hit the
wall. This is just a weird
coma-induced dream.

Steve: That's what we'd all like to believe. (Pinches himself) OW!
Damn...Nope still conscious.

Naomi: Jane!?

(Jane comes out of the tree)

Jane: Yeah?

Naomi: Daah!

Jane: Now I know they didn't cover this in geography class. Where the
hell are we anyway?

Daria: Well, this has been confusing and all, but I'd really like to
get back to my...uh...planet... or
...whatever?

Jane: No way, come on, Daria, live a little. (points to Naomi and
Steve): They don't seem too
harmful. It's not like we have anything better to do.

Daria: Yea right, and it's not to harmful to pick up hitchhikers
either.

Jane: Aw come on.

Daria: No, thanks. I already have enough reasons to lose my mind, I
don't need inter-dimensional
travel to add to it. (She goes over to the tree. She puts her arm in
and nothing happens. It won't
take any more than her arm.)

Daria: Dammit, why isn't it letting me back in? (She puts her arm
through again.)

Steve: Well, from what I understand from college physics, Worm holes
tend to be a one way
phenomenon.

(Cut back to the Lane basement.)

Trent: Janey! Daria! Where are you? They're gone. They were swallowed
by the wall.

Jesse: Cool.

Trent: What do you mean cool? We have to get them back.

(Jesse goes up to the rippling wall and puts his ear to it. A hand
reaches through and grabs his
hair)

Jesse: Ouch! Ouch! Trent! The wall has got me! It's trying to scalp me,
help!!!!! (He breaks free
and
rubs his scalp)

(Cut back to so called reality)

Daria: Dammit, it got away. (She pulls her hand back through. She has a
handful of Jesse's hair
in her fist): I don't even want to know.

Jane: That's Jesse's hair!

Daria: Great, we're stuck in an alternate place, we can't get home, and
all we have is a fist full of
Jesse Moreno's hair.

Steve: It's not all bad here. We can probably figure a way to get you
back, I'll need to consult a
friend or two though. In the mean time We'll show you around.

Daria: Who *are* you?

Steve: I'm Steve. And that's Naomi.

Daria: Well that clears up a lot. How did you know our names before?

Naomi: Advanced technology.

Steve: (disguised as a sneeze) BULLSHIT!

Jane: Cool. Um, you guys have pizza here, right?

Naomi: If we didn't 99 percent of our college students would die in the
first week.

Steve: I think you'll find our worlds are similar for the most part.

Daria: And you would know this how?

Steve: Um...Like Naomi said. Advanced technology.

Naomi: So, is Jesse coming?

Jane: I don't know.... (Suspicious look) wait, how do
you know Jesse?

Naomi: We've never met. I just kinda...like him.

Steve: What about Trent?

Daria: What *about* Trent?

Steve:(defensively) OKAY....

(Cut back to Lane's basement)

Jesse (holding on to his head): They got some of my
hair! I'm gonna be bald!

Trent: Jesse, it's ok. You have more than enough hair. Besides,
remember that time when we
were trying to sharpen our guitar picks with scissors?

Jesse: Yeah.

Trent: We had that argument about whether or not slashing your wrists
with a sharp guitar pick
was
making an unspoken statement about the devastating life of devoting
yourself to music.

Jesse: I'm telling you, it's not a statement unless you just played a
gig with that guitar pick!

Trent: Yes, it is. But anyway, remember I cut a chunk of your hair and
said you didn't deserve to
have
band hair.

Jesse (holds his head again): Yeah.

Trent: What happened after that?

Jesse: It grew back.

Trent: Exactly. So your hair will grow back, man.

Jesse (smiles again): Yeah, it will. Thanks man, you're a true friend.

(Cut back to *reality*)

Jane: So....anybody up for pizza?

Naomi: Yeah.

Steve: Sounds like a plan. We can give you a little tour of this place
while we're at it.

Daria: I can hardly contain myself.

Naomi: Careful, don't get overly excited.

Steve: We wouldn't want that rash to come back.

Daria (surprised): How the hell did you know about
that?

Jane: Okey, I'm thinking we better be nice to these
two.

Naomi: Shall we go? My treat.

Jane: I like them already.

Steve: (to Naomi) Your paying? Cool, saves wear and tear on MY wallet.

(The four get in the car and prepare to drive away)

Jane: Nice car. Almost reminds me of the Tank.

Steve: Blasphemy! You've just boarded the battleship.

Daria: The Battleship?

Steve: It's a restored 75' Monte Carlo. I.E. It's a big steel boat.

Daria: All right then Admiral, let's go.

(Cut back to the Lane's basement)

Trent: Ok, I think we should just go through the wall. She's my sister,
I have to save her. Plus, I
don't want to explain to Daria's parents about how her daughter just
*disappeared*. I mean, her
mom's
a lawyer, man. She grounded me for staying out late.

Jesse: I can't go back to jail!

Trent: We're not going to jail. We're going in the
wall.

Jesse: Ok. Uh, you first.

Trent: No, you.

Jesse: You! Last time I went near the wall it tried
to kill me!

Trent: Ok, fine. We'll go together. On three?

Jesse: Let's go on four.

Trent: Why?

Jesse: It makes a statement.

Trent(raises and eyebrow): No, it doesn't.

Jesse: Yes it does.

Trent: Fine, on four. 1, 2, 3, 4

(They jump into the wall)

(Cut to Reality)

(Steve puts on his dark sunglasses (aviator style), starts the car and
is about to pull away when he
looks into his rear view mirror and see's Trent and Jesse appear out of
the tree and tumble onto
the ground.)

Steve: What in the name of God.?

Daria: What now?

Naomi: (turns around to look) (speaking like the little girl in
poltergeist) They're here.

Jane: What's here?

Steve; (still looking into the rearview mirror) It's a wild guess But
I'd say that the one puking on
the ground is Jesse and the grunge man is Trent.

Daria: When this is all over You WILL tell me how you know us.

Naomi: Somehow I don't think you'd like it.

(Steve places the car back into park and exits the vehicle. He then
walks over to Trent and Jesse
and extends his hand to help Jesse up)

Steve:(fake Austrian accent) "Come with me if you want to live".

Jesse: AHH..it's the terminator. (Attempts to get up and run)

Steve: (Grabs the back of his vest and stops him) Relax man, I'm just
yanking your chain. Your
Trent and Jesse right?

Trent: You know us?

Steve: You might say that. Listen, If your looking For Daria and Jane
then get into my car and
we'll attempt to explain on the way.

Jesse: Where are we going?

Steve: Were going to get some food.

Trent and Jesse: COOL!!!

(The three walk over to the Monte Carlo)

Steve: (to Daria and Jane) These guys belong to you?

Jane: Hey, nice of you guys to drop in.

Naomi: I don't think we've got enough room in here for everybody.

Daria: You could always stuff Jane into the trunk.

Steve: Or we could have Daria sit on Trent's lap.

Jane: (leaning out the window to Jesse) I'm starting to like this guy.

Daria: (to herself) Die strange man. (Out loud) Couldn't I just squeeze
into the front seat?

Steve: (to himself) Damn! (Out loud) Hmm...I guess there's enough room.
Jump out for a second
Naomi.

(Naomi exits and Daria moves in to the center of the front seat. Then
everybody else piles in and
shut's the doors)

Steve: (Ace Ventura impersonation) LIKE A GLOVE.

Jesse: (to Naomi) Is he Okay?

Naomi: Oh yea, Everybody in this reality get's these weird mood swings.
It makes you want to
do something CRAZY.

Trent: Really?

Steve: No, We're just as sane as you. There just are more morons to toy
with here.

Daria: Now I'm REALLY exited.

Steve: Your not going to wet the seat or something are you? (Daria
glares) Sorry, couldn't resist.
(Daria still glares) Hmm, guess that's my Que to start the car.

(Steve starts the car and pulls away)

Trent: So where are we anyway?

Steve: Your in a parallel world, or as some of us like to call it,
Reality.

Jane: Okay, So how did we get here.

Naomi: It was that Damned Leprechaun I tell you, He's after your lucky
charms.

Daria: I think the moment calls for a little seriousness don't you.

Naomi: I sense we have offended.

Jane: Daria's right. I think you guys should start talking.

Jesse: Yea

Steve: We'll see what we can figure out over lunch alright?

Trent: I guess.

(Cut to a local pizza shop)

(Daria, Jane, Jesse, Trent, Steve, and Naomi are sitting at a table
devouring a pizza. A tv
attached to the wall is on and is tuned to MTV)

Jane: Hey, Not a bad pizza spot. Maybe this alternate reality stuff
isn't so bad.

Steve: You should see the ingredients they use for toppings.

Naomi: It'd probably be enough to get you on Sick Sad World..

(Jane and Daria perk up)

Jane: You have Sick Sad World Here?

Naomi: No. But we have Fox.

Daria: Cute little animals?

Naomi: No, a TV station. Last week they held a show
on when kangaroos decide to rule the food chain.

Steve: I remember that. The frogs weren't too happy
about it.

Jane: You must show me this thing you call "Fox".

Jesse: Trent wrote a poem about a fox once. It
wasn't very good.

Trent: Hey, it had meaning, man. I'd like to see you
write something for once.

Jesse: I wrote that song about the hot dog.
Remember?

Trent: It wasn't a song man. It had no meaning.

Jesse: Do you know what it's like to buy a hot dog
and drop it on the ground only to discover that you
don't have another fifty cents. It hurts.

Naomi: Almost as bad as falling in love.

Daria: Or falling in a deep sleep.

Steve: Which ever comes first.

Jesse (looks at Naomi): Wow, you really understand
me.

Naomi: Uh, yeah.

Steve: Naomi is capable of realizing deep meanings in
songs about food.

Jesse (Excitedly to Naomi): Wanna hear my song I
wrote about when I misplaced my sandwich and my little
brother ate it?

Naomi: Um, maybe later Jesse.

Steve: See what you've gotten yourself into?

Daria: Now, a moment of seriousness. How do you
know about us?

Naomi: This really is good pizza, I mean where I'm
from, the pizza is terrible. Really soggy, kind of
like cafeteria pizza, only you can tell it's actually
supposed to be pizza.

Daria: You're avoiding the subject.

Steve: She does that a lot.

Naomi: I do not.

Steve: Do to.

(Aliens Exist by Blink182 plays in background)

Jane: Yeah, are you guys all like weird,
intergalactic droids who have nothing better to do
that look into the lives of others with super vision
or something?

Naomi: You know, Steve, that's almost an accurate
description.

Steve: I know. Make you feel a little pathetic?

Naomi: I always feel a little pathetic.

Daria: What the hell is going on?

Steve: What time is it?

Naomi: Half past the monkey's ass according to his balls

Jane: 12:59

Steve: All shall be revealed in a minute.

Jane: Um, are space creatures going to jump out of
the walls? Cause if they do, I'd really like to have
my sketchbook out.

Steve: No. You may want to sit down for this.

Daria: We are sitting down.

Naomi (points at Trent and Jesse): Will you wake those
two up? They should really see this.

Jane: (smacks Trent in the head) Yo! Trent!

Trent: (stirs) Officer, I swear, I was just trying to get my
sister out of the wall.

Jane: Will you hit the snooze button on sleeping for
a while. All is about to be explained.

Jesse: They're going to tell us how magic eight balls
work?

Jane: No, you idiot....

Daria: Oh, my god.

Jane: What?

Daria (staring at the TV, the Daria theme music has
started): That's...me.

Naomi: At least you know who you are.

Jane: Cool, Daria, you're on TV! Why didn't you tell
me?!

Daria (pissed): Cause I didn't KNOW.

Jane: Wait a minute, this looks familiar. Like the
time we went to Alternapalooza.

Daria: Oh no.

Steve: You never actually make it, but it all ends up
pretty good. Right, Daria?

(Daria glares)

Jane: Hey, I don't remember any camera's in my room.
What am I doing on TV?

Steve: Showing a little too much love towards your
glue gun.

Jane: It's the stigmata 5000. Do you realize the
gluing power it has?

Naomi: Almost as good as your power of sticking
people together.

Jane: Hey, I just wanted to see if football players
and cheerleaders were bindable things. How did you
know about that?

Naomi: What? No, I meant that in another way. The
way you always do with Daria and...(Daria glares)
never mind. So are they bindable things?

Jane: Like you wouldn't believe.

Jesse: Whoa! That sounds like Mystic Spiral.

Trent: That is Mystic Spiral. Ice Box Woman.

Naomi: My favorite Spiral song.

Trent: Yeah, it had meaning. But why is it on here?

Jesse: We're famous! Cool!

Daria: I don't understand.

Naomi: Uh, Steve, turn it off.

Steve: Why? I like this part.

(The part showing is when Daria and Jane are in the
Lane's basement and Daria's thoughts can be heard)

Trent (on TV): Hey, Daria.

(Naomi throws a spoon and hits the power button)

Jane: What did you do that for? I already knew what
she said. It's not like you could read her thoughts
or anything.

(Naomi gives her a look)

Jane: Oh...

Steve: Oh...

(Daria looks pissed, but does manage a week thank you
smile in Naomi's direction)

Daria: But, how? Why me? My life isn't that
interesting.

Naomi: Well, it keeps me entertained.

Steve: Me too.

Daria: Does watching paint dry stimulate your brain
too?

Naomi: No, but if it's in an enclosed area sometimes
I feel a little... uh, sleepy.

Trent: Yeah, paint can do some weird things to your
brain, man.

Jane: I wouldn't know. I use it purely for art
purposes... and as a cat laxative.

Jesse: So if we are on tv, don't we get paid? Trent,
you took all the money. I want my share, we don't
have to tell the other guys.

Trent: There is no money, Jess.

Jesse: So, you spent it? Your hair is looking neat
lately; did you buy a hairbrush? I can't believe you
wasted our money on a hairbrush.

Trent: There was no money, man, ever.

Jane: Will you two shut up?

Daria: So, how much do you know about us?

Naomi: Hmm, let's see, 39 episodes, at a half-hour
each, minus commercial breaks, that comes too...

Steve: A lot, but not enough.

Naomi: Thanks Steve, I was always bad at math.

Daria: So, every time I've said my life is like a bad
tv sitcom, I've been right.

Steve: I wouldn't call it a bad tv sitcom.

Jane: I'd like to see the ratings.

Steve: Unfortunately you're still beat out by other
teen directed shows that deal with real life problems
about whether or not jeans are more popular than
drawstring cargo pants.

Naomi: And that's only because most people here have
the intelligence of mayonnaise.

Steve: I wouldn't give them that much credit.

Naomi: Ok, rotting mayonnaise.

Trent: I'd like to see more. I mean, it's like when
you tape yourself and then watch it again.

Steve: I always thought so.

Trent: And I like seeing the band on TV.

Naomi: I have all the episodes on tape.

Jane: Stalker.

Naomi: At least I never joined a track team.

Jane: Of course they show my worst moments.

Steve: Hey, you thrive off seeing the worst moments of people running
afoul of animals. It's the
same twisted thinking, it just involves you this time.

Daria: I don't want to see anymore. Considering I'm
in it the most, I don't really want everybody knowing
how I feel. I don't even want to know how I feel.

Jane: How come Daria is in it the most?

Steve: Cause its called "Daria".

Jane: So I'm just some expendable co-star?

Naomi: You've always been my favorite.

Jane: Stalker.

Steve: Oh come on, You can't have Daria without her best friend. You're
a key character in the
show.

Jane: Well now I feel better.

Trent: Okay, so what's the deal with this show. Are there duplicates of
us in this world or
something?

Steve: No. You don't exist as real people here.

Jesse: What are we then?

Steve: (coughs) Your cartoons created by the staff at mtv.

(Several minutes of silence follow before anyone speaks)

Daria: Okay next question. How did we get here?

Steve: (drums his fingers thoughtfully) I've been thinking about that.

Daria: Meaning?

Steve: I was remembering the way you came through into our world. It
was like a wormhole, but
not.

(Bewildered looks are cast on the faces of Daria, Jane, Trent, Jesse
and even Naomi.)

Naomi: Okay Mr. Wizard, since you've lost everybody here why don't you
tell us what the hell
your talking about.

Steve: Worm holes aren't inter-dimensional phenomena. And this
obviously wasn't any kind of
temporal distortion.

Naomi: (pats him on the shoulder) Um...okay, we'll just... leave it up
to you to figure that part
out. Maybe we created this.

Steve: Huh?

Jane: We?

Naomi" Ok, Maybe me. You know how people are always talking about
creating your own
reality? Well, I think about you enough that maybe I brought you here.
(Naomi looks at Jane as
she is bout to open her mouth) Stalker. Yea I know, beat you to it.

Jane: Damn.

Steve: So, you think we created this?

Naomi: Not really. Sorry, my mom got me hyped up on that "you can do
anything if you put your
mind to it" crap. But still, it'd be cool if I had that power.

Steve: Do you often just talk to hear yourself speak?

Naomi: No, I talk so others have to hear me speak, I tune myself out.

Steve: Anyway, The question remaining is what do we do now?

Daria: We could close our eyes and pretend that all of this is a real
bad dream brought on by to
much pizza.

Jane: Or we could make the most of it, either way works for me.

Naomi: all right then.

Daria: So....now what?

(Steve's cell phone rings)

Steve: Hold that thought. (Answers the phone and begins to talk)

Jane: Isn't that one of your mother's bad habits?

Daria: Yea, Ironic how some things even in a parallel world can make
you homesick.

Jane: Tell me about it. So who's he talking to?

Naomi: Maybe it's his spiritual guide.

Jane: Long distance ghosts, next on sick sad world. (Trent and Jesse
chuckle)

Trent: Good one.

Steve: (still talking on the phone) You can get them, cool. (Stops to
look at the rest of the group
then sighs) Um... listen can you add five more to that? Yea, I figured.
All right, thanks. (Hangs
up)

Daria: What was that all about?

Steve: I've decided to take Jane up on her offer.

Jane: I made an offer? Cool, what was it?

Steve: To make the most of the current situation.

Daria: And we're going to do that how?

Steve: Well, that all depends on whether you choose to accept my
invitation.

Naomi: I hope you intend to shed a little more light on the subject
than a LED.

Steve: No problem, I've got a 500,000 candlepower spotlight in my
trunk. That enough light for
you?

Daria: Blinded by an invitation., now there's a concept.

Steve: Isn't it though? Seriously, I managed to get a hold of some
concert tickets for all of us.

Trent and Jesse: COOL!!

Daria: (deadpan) A concert...yea, Wahoo.

Jane: That's great. Who are we going to see?

Naomi: It's not Yanni is it.

Steve: No, I would not subject the rest of you to that. I'm probably
the only guy in this town who
actually listens to him. Actually I got us tickets to a limp bizcut
concert.

Daria: I don't think I've heard of those guys.

Jane: Sounds like a soggy breakfast cereal

Naomi: It's a relatively new rock band. Well, hard core/rap is more
like it. Not terrible, but it's
definitely not punk.

Trent: You like punk?

Naomi: I live for punk

Steve: I thought you lived for tv.

Naomi: Shut up, Yanni man. I can live for more than one thing.

Trent: And punk is a good thing to live for.

Jane: So, the band isn't that bad?

Naomi: As long as it's not Latin or R&B, I don't believe I'll have to
kill anybody.

Daria: So when is this blessed event to take place?

Steve: Tomorrow night. Given that your currently stuck here I guess
that shouldn't be a problem
for you.

Daria: Gee, Thanks for reminding us.

Jane: Um, I don't mean to put another damper on things but where are we
going to stay in the
meantime?

Steve: I was wondering when that subject would come up.

Naomi: There are a number of sewers aligning the lovely streets, and if
your not into underground
hotels, there are also some lovely dumpsters. You might get lucky and
find one with some food in
it, So you can eat.

Jesse: Cool.

Jane: You're not very hospitable, are you?

Naomi: Not really. But I suppose we'll stay at Steve's house.

Steve: Whoa, and what makes you think I'll allow that?

Naomi: Just think, You'll be able to say that you've had tv stars stay
at your house. I'd offer my
own place, but since I live 4,000 miles away it would take to long to
get there. Unless there is a
porthole to get to central Oregon. Which would be just plain wrong.
There shouldn't even be
street's to central Oregon.

Trent: Do you have enough beds?

Jane: Since when do you need a bed to sleep?

Trent: Hey it's a new world, I don't know how my sleeping abilities may
have changed.

Steve; I wouldn't worry much about it, Trent.

Naomi: Yeah, we have faith in you. I know you can sleep anywhere if you
put your mind to it.

Jane: Don't encourage him.

Steve: Daria, your awful quiet.

Naomi: I don't think any quiet is awful.

Daria: I'm just trying to figure this all out.

Naomi: Don't think too much, it'll give you wrinkles.

Daria: Thanks, Quinn.

Naomi: Just trying to make you feel a little less homesick.

Daria: I'm not homesick.

Steve: (Hides it in a fake sneeze) Bullshit!

Naomi: Then why are you so eager to go home?

Daria: I... don't know.

Jane: Just enjoy it, Daria. We'll figure out someway to get back, and
then we can return to the
hell that is our life in Lawndale. I'm sure we won't have missed much.
Kevin will still be singing,
Brittany
will still be cheering, Quinn will still be chatting incessantly about
which boy didn't match her
shoes...

Daria: Way to cheer me up.

Steve: Is that a possible task?

Jane: I like a challenge.

Daria: Do you think time is passing in Lawndale? I mean, do you think
people even realize we're
gone?

Jane: I know my family won't.

Steve: I don't know. Maybe it's like those Narnia books, where they
went into the closet but no
time
actually passed in the real world.

Jane: Huh?

Daria: That doesn't make any sense. Time has to
pass, it wouldn't stop just because we aren't there.

Jane: Yeah, we aren't that important.

Daria: It just doesn't seem possible.

Steve: None of this SEEMS possible, But yet look around.

Jane: Good point.

Trent: Man, I hope we get back in time for our gig.

Jesse: What gig?

Trent: Man, Jesse can't you take anything seriously? This is our band,
it's important.

Jesse: I do, man. Now what gig?

Trent: I thought you knew, man. All this inter-world travel is messing
with my brain.

Steve: I'm sure you'll feel better after some sleep.

(A waiter comes over to the table)

Waiter: I'm afraid we're going to have to ask you to leave, you have
been here too long.

Jane: You're telling me...

Daria: Do you have a way for us to get back?

Waiter: What?

Steve: You see, they're from another...place...they arrived through a
tree. Do you happen to have
any
portholes in this restaurant?

Waiter: Well, one of our dishwashers mysteriously disappeared...Wait,
are you making fun of me?
I think you should leave, now.

(The group leaves the restaurant)

Jane: I have never been so insulted in my life.

Daria: Sure you have.

Naomi: We got back at them.

Steve: I stiffed them on the tip.

Naomi: And I stole all the Equal and Sweet&Low

Daria: Why?

Naomi: I... don't know. I always do.

Jane: What do you do with them?

Steve: She throws it on people and pretends that it's
fairy dust.

Jesse: Really?

Naomi: No. But I will...now.

Steve: It's ok, she's just a little nuts. She's getting help.

Jane: So now where?

Steve: Arcade?

Naomi: (thrusts her arms into the air) I am the air-hockey queen.

Jane: Not when I get through with you!

Naomi: You're on!

Trent: I want in on this.

Daria: Steve, I think you and I are the only sane
ones left.

Steve: You're just NOW figuring that out?

(Cut to an arcade that connects with a mall)

(The six of them have just walked through the entrance)

Jane: There's the air hockey table. Naomi and I are up first.

Jesse: I wanted to play Trent. You can do it after I kick her ass.

Naomi: Keep dreaming Jane. I've been undefeated for as long as I can
remember.

Jane: Yea, well all things must end.

Steve: You're not going to start quoting Stone cold are you?

Jane: No, Not now anyway.

Naomi: Come on Lane, lets see what you've got. (They start playing the
game as intensely as
possible)

(Cut to an hour later)

(Jane and Naomi are still at it. Trent and Jesse have moved away to
explore some of the other
games in the arcade)

Daria: How long can they go at this?

Steve: I have no Damned clue. All I know is I'm getting tired of
standing here.

Daria: (rubs her ankles) I know what you mean.

Steve: (looks toward the rear exit that leads into the mall) Hey Daria,
want to check out the mall.

Daria: I guess. It beats standing here watching a perpetual stale mate.
(They both walk out into
the mall)

Steve: It's not the mall of the millennium, but it does the job. At
least you won't have to deal with
the fashion club coming up to you and trying to give you a make over.

Daria: And what a relief that is. (Looks around)

Steve: You expected it to be different didn't you.

Daria: A little bit at least.

Steve: (shrugs) Sorry to disappoint you. (they stop in front of a music
store) There's a music
store, want to see what's out?

Daria: As long as they don't have any of the stuff Quinn would listen
to I guess I'm okay with it.

Steve: (smirks) I promise nothing. (The two of them walk in)

(Inside the music store)
(Daria is seen thumbing through cd's)

Daria: Damn, these people have everything you've ever heard of and a
lot of stuff you haven't.

Steve: That's the problem these days. People try to hard to please
everybody. (Holds up a Pink
Floyd cd titled "The Wall") Hey Daria, It's you.

Daria: (Looks at it) I know I'd like to build one in front of Quinn's
doorway.

Sales person: (comes up) Is there anything I can help you find?

Daria: Yes, the yellow brick road. I'm looking forward to following it
home.

Sales person: I don't understand.

Daria: Never mind, we're okay.

Sales person: Just let me know if you need anything. (Walks off to help
someone else)

Daria: (to Steve) I can't believe it.

Steve: What?

Daria: Salespeople are even more sickeningly nice than they are at
home.

Steve: Makes you want to scream "get the hell out of my face" doesn't
it?

Daria: Or just vomit all over them. Either way works just as good.

(Steve walks up to the front counter and pays for the cd. Then the two
of them leave and wander
the rest of the mall for about two hours, then they return to the
arcade only to find Jane and
Naomi are still at a stale mate.)

Steve: Good god, You two are still at this.

Naomi: We're not leaving until one of us wins.

Daria: (looks at Trent and Jesse who are now bored to tears) I'm
surprised that the two of you
didn't just fall asleep standing up.

Trent: We couldn't, there's to much noise in here.

Daria: Somebody call Guinness, a global first has just occurred. (Looks
at Jane and Naomi) So
any chance you'll be done soon?

Jane; Can't say.

Steve: (looks at his watch) Come on ladies, it's getting dark out, The
mall closes soon.

Jane: Not yet!

Steve:(sighs) We'll be waiting at the car.

Naomi: Cool.

(Cut to an hour later)

(Steve, Daria Trent, and Jesse are all sitting in and around the car)

Naomi: I could have won you know!

Jane: In your dreams, I almost had you.

Naomi: My dreams can get pretty wild.

Steve: You mean to tell me that in all this time, NOBODY won?

Jane; Nope, They had to pull the plug on us and kick us out.

Daria: Sounds like it could become a common problem with you two.

Steve: Don't encourage them or they'll be coming back here to play
until the day they die of
Alzheimer's. (Snoring is heard from inside the car. All look in to see
Jesse and Trent have fallen
asleep)

Jane: Out like a light before we could even slam the doors shut. I AM
impressed.

Steve: So much for inter-dimensional travel affecting their sleeping
patterns.

Naomi: What about their eating patterns?

Daria: I suggest you bolt your fridge shut.

Steve: I might just do that.(Starts the car after everyone climbs in,
places the new cd in the stereo
and pulls out of the parking lot. "The Wall" can be heard as they
leave)

(Cut to Steve's house as the monte pulls into the driveway of a two
story bi-level sitting on top of
approximately two acres of land)

Daria: This place is yours?

Steve: Not really, it still my mom's. I just live here and keep it up.

Naomi: My place is bigger.

Steve: It would have to be, how else would the cows get their own
bathrooms.

Naomi: (extends her middle finger downward) Can you hear this? (Rotates
it upward) Would you
like me to turn it up?

Daria: Let's just go in already. (Jane, Naomi, Steve, And Daria get out
of the car )

Steve: Okay everyone on three. One, two, THREE! (Everyone slams the car
doors as hard as they
can causing a weary Trent and Jesse to bolt up from their sleep)

Trent: It's not my fault!

Jane: What's not your fault?

Trent: Nothing, bad dream.

Jane: Uh huh.

Jesse: I'm hungry.

Daria: Got those bolts handy?

Steve: (smirks) And padlocks. (Everyone heads in) Okay people, welcome
to my place. Trent,
You and Jesse can fall down over there in the recliners. Everybody else
make yourselves at home,
I have to go feed the horse.

Daria: You have a horse?

Steve: Yea, You ride?

Jane: Are you kidding? She hasn't ridden anything...or ANYONE, yet.
(Daria turns and glares at
Jane)

Naomi:(to Daria) I hate to tell you this but spontaneous combustion
due to intense looks isn't
possible in reality. Much to MY dismay. (Steve runs downstairs to get
the feed and then outside.
He comes back ten minutes later to find Jesse and Trent going through
the fridge)

Trent: Do you keep any food around here?

Steve: Well gee Trent, I typically only have to shop for myself. Sorry
to disappoint you.

Trent: Sorry man, I didn't mean it like that.

Steve: No problem. (Looks at Jane and Daria who look tired now) Been a
long day I guess, The
shower is down the hall first door on the left.

Jane: Daria why don't you go first. That way if there are any problems
I'll know not to go in
there.

Daria: I'm to tired to yell at you. Will you take a rain check?

Jane: Do you have two forms of I.D. (Daria just heads down the hall to
the shower) Hey Trent,
why don't you go join her.

Trent: Janey, what are you talking about?

Jane:(shakes her head) Never mind, there's no hope for you.

Steve: Do you think if you showed him a porn magazine he'd figure this
whole thing out?

Naomi: I doubt it, the writers have him to well conditioned.

Jesse: Huh?

Naomi: I rest my case.

Steve: Let's try it this way. Trent, you are aware that Daria is female
correct?

Trent: Uh..Yea.

Steve: Okay this is good. Hang with me Naomi, I can see your turning
green with this
already.(beat) Ah hell lets just cut to the chase. Trent, Does Daria
turn you on at ALL?

Trent: Daria? She's pretty cool.

Steve: (rubs his face with his hand) No shit sherlock, we all know
that. What else?

Trent: How do you mean?

Naomi: I think we're going to need slides for this.

Steve: What's the first thing that comes into your mind when you see
Daria?

Trent: She's smart, funny, she's cool.

Steve: You don't HAVE hormones do you.

Naomi: Still don't think we need slides?

Steve: (scratches his chin) Okay let's try this, Trent, When Daria
comes out of the shower,
granted she'll still be slightly wet. I want you to take a good long
look at her and we'll see if
anything happens.

Naomi: In more ways then one no doubt.

Trent: You guys know this stuff from the show Right?

Naomi: Just about everything.

Trent: I see. (Laughs/ coughs) The writers of that show don't go around
telling what's on
everyone's mind. Do they?

Steve: No, it was just the one time with Daria.

Trent: (raises an eyebrow) Then you DON'T know everything about us. You
want to know if I
realize that Daria likes me, right?

Naomi: That's the idea.

Trent: I notice, I just don't want to hurt her. There's an obvious age
difference between us and
I'm afraid that if we rush into something based on a crush and we might
end up having a falling
out. It could seriously damage the way she looks at other guys. She
might end up like Ms. Barch
and I really don't want that to happen.

Jane: Wait a minute. All this time you KNEW, and you didn't say
ANYTHING to her? Couldn't
you just at least have acknowledged her? It would have saved me a hell
of a lot of trouble in
trying to set the two of you up!

Trent: Hey, I didn't want to let her down from whatever feelings she
has toward me. If they wear
off over time, then so be it. If they're still there after a while and
she feels comfortable enough to
tell me without turning bright red, then we'll see what comes of it.

Steve: I'm impressed Trent. We all thought that you were the most
oblivious person on the
planet.

Trent: (smirks) It's a front, I notice everything. Playing oblivious
get's me off the hook from
things like work, ditzy girls, A sister who try's to push me into
relationships, and so on. I get to
choose when I want to acknowledge somebody on my own terms.

Naomi: You are one sneaky bastard, Trent.

Trent: Had you fooled didn't I Janie? (Jane tosses a couch pillow and
hits him in the face)

(unnoticed by everybody, Daria has had the bathroom door open slightly
and has overheard the
entire conversation. A peculiar look has come over her face at this
point)

(Steve turns on the TV to comedy central. Chris rock is doing his bit.)

(Cut to later that night)
(Pizza boxes are scattered across the kitchen. Trent and Jesse have
fallen asleep on the couches.
Naomi and Jane are busy playing rogue squadron on a Nintendo 64 hooked
up to the living room
TV. Steve is busy working on the computer in his room)

Jane: Come here you...

Naomi: The force just isn't with you tonight is it Jane?

Jane: Nah, The dark side is much easier to work with. That, and it's
willing to kill people for me.
What more can you ask?

Naomi: A new set of planes. (She fires the fatal shot at Jane and wins
that round)

Jane: If you strike me down then I shall become more powerful than you
could possibly imagine.
(Laughs evilly)

Naomi: No problem, that's what the reset button is for. (Pushes the
reset button)

Jane: Damn you and your technology. (Looks over) Any pizza left?

Naomi: Nope, The human vacuums got it all. What do we do now?

Jane: We could always pump their stomachs.

Naomi: That's very gross Jane.

Jane: Hey, you wanted a solution to the food problem. I didn't say
you'd like it.

Naomi: Yea, Yea.

Jane: So what's up with this guy?

Naomi: Steve? Not much really, He's a lot like Daria. Pretty quiet
actually. Why?

Jane: Just wondering I guess. He disappeared into his room after when
got home and we haven't
seen him since.

Naomi: Maybe the rift appeared and sucked him into Lawndale?

Jane: In that case, god help everybody there.

Naomi: I doubt it, He said he had some work to do. He's trying to get
you home.

Jane: Well isn't that sweet of him.

Naomi: Not really, I wouldn't mind if you stayed here. It's to damn
lonely in Oregon.

Jane: Now, Now, even Dorothy had to go home.

Naomi: You would pull that example out on me.

Jane: I had to, Any of the other examples I had to draw upon involved
people either getting shot
or decapitated, THEN going home.

Naomi: That would have worked just as well. (Looks at the game) Damn!

Jane: That's my plan, lure you into conversation and slowly kill you
off.

Naomi: Good plan, too bad I'm gonna kill you first!

(They glare at each other then stare intently at the screen. All the
sudden
the screen goes blank)

Jane&Naomi: What the hell?!

(Daria steps out with the plug in her hands)

Jane: I can't believe you'd pull the plug on your own best friend.

Daria: It was the right thing to do.

Naomi: Just wait til you're lying in the hospital, all old and broken.
I'll
remember this and seek my revenge. Then what'll you do!?

Daria: I'll thank you.

Jane: So how do you know Steve?

Naomi: Internet.

Jane: Internet love buddies?

Naomi: No. I run a low class page dedicated to your show. He sent me
some
of his fan fiction.

Daria: Fan fiction?

Naomi: Fans of your show write stories about you.

Daria: I feel invaded.

Naomi: Why? You should be flattered.

Daria: How would you like it if somebody took you and put you in any
situation they wanted.

Naomi: Life does that anyway.

Jane (smirking): You have a web page dedicated to the show?

Naomi: Uh huh. Poor Pathetic Daria Page.

Jane: That's so...pathetic.

Naomi: Thanks.

Daria: Do you write fan fiction?

Naomi: Yeah. You probably don't want to read it though. I was kind
of
obsessed with your relationship with Trent for a while. Though, in one
you
almost marry Ted.

Jane: I want to read it!

Daria: I hate you.

Naomi: There are some pretty nasty porno ones out there.

Jane: I'm a porn star. That's so cool.

Naomi: Hate to break it to you Jane, but again, most are about Daria
and
Trent.

Jane: Damn.

Daria: What?! Isn't that illegal, I'm not 18 yet.

Naomi: Call your mother and ask.

(Steve comes out, looking tired)

Jane: What were you doing? Figuring out how to collapse the universe?

Steve: Close. Trying to get you back home. What's going on out here,
girl
talk?

Jane: Since we're all girls and we're talking I suppose it's correct.
But
don't worry, we weren't talking about what a cute butt you have.

Daria: Naomi was explaining fan fiction to us.

Steve: I bet you think we're all a bunch of insane no life's that have
nothing better to do than try to interact with fantasies.

Daria: Yeah, not to mention perverts.

Jane: I came this close to being a porn star!

Naomi: Don't worry Jane, I'm sure there are some about you. I don't
really
read them. Steve here is the expert on that.

Steve: Am not. So, I wrote one. You said so yourself that it was in
good
taste.

Jane: Ok, people here write stories about us, watch our lives, have
web pages
dedicated to us...I'm sorry, but your world is stupider than ours.

Steve: It's also more pathetic. But we do have that whole three
dimensional
thing going for us.

Daria: I think I'm going to go to sleep.

Naomi: Maybe when you wake up your mom will be standing over your bed
while
you chant "there's no place like home, there's no place like home."

Daria: Are you on drugs?

Naomi: God, I wish.

Daria: Um, yeah. If I should happen to wake up and you are anywhere
near me,
I do have weapons, and I' m not afraid to use them.

Naomi: Big deal, Steve here knows how to build a homemade tactical
nuclear weapon.
(Smirks evilly) Sweet dreams.

(Cut to the next morning. Everybody starts waking up. Jane passed out
on the
floor next to Jesse's couch. Steve and Daria are also on the floor.
Naomi is
sitting against the wall staring at them all. )

(Paranoid by Garbage starts playing)

Steve (waking up): What the hell?

Naomi: You fell asleep on the floor. Impressive. Maybe you should
join
Mystic Spiral.

Trent: You Play an instrument, man?

Steve: Huh?

Trent: I dunno. It's early.

Naomi: Do you even know what time it is?

Trent: That's not the point. Wow, you look like hell, Naomi.

Naomi: It's my natural habitat. I didn't get any sleep.

Jane: Still fretting over my triumphant victory at video games?

Naomi: I'd hardly call it triumphant or even a victory for that
matter. And
no, I just can't sleep when others are around.

Jane: Don't you trust us?

Naomi: No. Do you trust me?

Jane: No...

Steve: This is indeed a disturbing conversation.

Daria: Well, I didn't wake up with shaving cream on my face, so I think
it's
ok.

Jane: Anybody else up for breakfast?

Daria: Isn't it a little late for breakfast?

Steve: It's the most important meal of the day.

Naomi: This from a man who hasn't eaten breakfast since the third
grade.

Trent: Man, what about dinner, what makes breakfast more important
than
dinner?

Jesse: And snacks!

Steve: Snacks aren't meals.

Jesse: They're small meals, so you can have a lot of them.

Jane: Ok, how about we just get some grub and call it whatever the
hell we
want?

Naomi (smirks): I dunno, I think I'll go for a run.

Jane (face brightens): Run?

Naomi: Yeah, you know, one foot in front of the other type thing.
Anybody
care to join me?

Daria: No, thanks, I prefer physical torture after nutrients.

Steve: But you shouldn't exercise after you eat.

Daria: That's the point.

Jane: Hmm, yes, I will go on this run, though don't expect to be able
to keep
up.

Naomi: You're on.

(They leave as Steve breaks out the breakfast goods)

Trent: Commence shoveling. (They begin to eat in their typical fashion)

Daria: Oh god, here we go again.

Steve: I think we're going to have to separate those two. Would you
like
your usual? Dry toast and tea?

Daria: Please. So what exciting adventure do you plan on taking us
through
today?

Steve: Well, I was thinking we could take over the world, kill off
most,
starting with those bullies from Junior High...but keep a few around to
be our
slaves. Brainwash them and send them to conquer other planets. And
after
that maybe we could take in a movie. And of course the concert
tonight.

Daria: Hmm. Do you think if I died in a mosh pit here, I'd still be
alive in
my world?

Steve: Do you really want to find out?

Daria: No, but I have to admit it's rather unsettling to find out that
your
entire existence as you know it has been a cartoon.

Steve: I can see how it would be. I guess the question remaining is do
you
really WANT to go back. I mean as far as we can tell the show has been
unaffected by your absence, Of coarse MTV hasn't tried to make any new
episodes yet. It would be a little tough but I'm sure we could swing
getting
you set up here to stay.

Daria: I'll have to think about it. (Finishes her toast) So let's see
it.

Steve: See what?

Daria: You were cooped up in your room all night long working on a way
to get
us home. I want to see what you've come up with.

Steve: And leave these two alone with an unlocked refrigerator? They
would
have me cleaned out in minutes. Just look at the way they eat.

Daria: (looks at Trent and Jesse still eating) As disgusting a display
as that
is, I still want to see your work.

Steve: (sighs) All right then, but I have to warn you. My room is a
hole.
(They both get up and walk down the hallway)

Daria: It can't be any worse than Jane's room. If your room is any
messier
than that then you deserve some kind of award for breaking the laws of
physics.

Steve: I thought you had already done that just by arriving here.

Daria: Thank you so much for reminding me of this little adventure I've
been
undertaking. I had almost forgotten that I don't live in reality.

Steve: Don't feel bad, there are people on this world who don't live in
reality either.

Daria: So I've noticed, Now open the door. (Steve Opens the door to his
room)
Nope, I'm afraid Jane still wins.

Steve: Well, now I feel better. (Sits down at the computer and boots it
up,
then goes into the project files.)

Daria: (looks at an odd device sitting on a table next to a lot of
electrical
parts) What's this?

Steve: That...is something you don't need to touch. I finished it this
morning. (Takes it from her and puts it down somewhere else)

Daria: Okay, so what is it?

Steve: In theory it's your way home. I'll elaborate in a minute as soon
as I
get this program up and running. (Steve continues with the computer
until a
three dimensional animated diagram appears on the screen)

Daria; Oh my god, what is that?

Steve: That is a three dimensional representation of the quantum rift
you came
through. Since it's three dimensional I can rotate it so you can see
both
sides of the rift. (He rotates the image so both realities can bee seen
interconnected by the rift.)

Daria: A what?

Steve: It's a tear in the fabric between reality and imagination. I
spent all
night talking to my physics professor on the net about this. Until now
we had
always thought it was something you would only see on a science fiction
show,
But apparently it isn't.

Daria: Okay, so how come we couldn't go back through?

Steve: The rift works a lot like a wormhole in respect that it is a one
way
phenomenon, Something like that isn't very stable and seals quickly.
However
the soft spot in the fabric will always be there so it's a possiblity
for the
rift to reopen.

Daria: Let me guess, you've figured out how to do that?

Steve: Sort of, Mr. Anderson did a majority of the calculations though.
I'll
make this short so we can get through this explanation before we die of
old
age. In theory, the rift should be vulnerable to a high frequency IR
pulse,
causing it to open on our end.

Daria: IR?? (looks at the device Steve has constructed)You mean this
thing is
a remote control?

Steve: A Tv remote to be precise, with a severe power boost. I had to
replace
all of the circuitry so it could handle that much power. It's going to
take
several minutes to narrow down the frequency and program it as well.

Daria; This isn't going to involve lightning is it?

Steve: I wish, but no. Just hooking it up to my cars alternator.

Daria: Must be one hell of an alternator.

Steve: About a hundred amps max output, It should be enough I think.

Daria: Just don't send us into the world of Barbie or something. We'd
all be
forced to kill ourselves before being subjected to such torture.

Steve: (smirks) I'll just have to careful then. (Beat) There's
something else on your
mind judging by the look on your face. What's up?

Daria: Our entire existence has been a TV show, what happens if we get
canceled?

Steve: I honestly couldn't say. It could be anything from blinking into
nothingness to being forced to repeat the same moments in time over and
over
until the original copies of the show are eventually destroyed,
or...nothing
could happen in which case your lives would continue until the day you
die.
The possibilities are endless really.

Daria: Yea, how comforting.

Steve: I had thought about that you know.

Daria: Meaning?

Steve: I never go this far into something without a contingency plan.
You'll
see.

Daria: (a look of uneasiness comes over Daria's face) I guess I've seen
enough
then. (They both get up and return to the Kitchen to find Jesse
rummaging
through the fridge)

Steve; I told you they would do this. Don't you guys ever stop eating?

Trent: Hey man, can we help it if we're hungry? We've got to feed our
creativity you know.

Steve: Your creativity eats like a herd of wild elephants.

Daria: Like I said, human vacuums.

Steve: (sighs) I guess it was to be expected. (Phone rings. Steve moves
to
pick it up) Hello?

Zed: Yo Steve, what's up?

Steve: Shit you wouldn't believe. Why?

Zed: Oh, I just wanted to know if we were still on for tonight. We are
right?

Steve: On for tonight?

Zed: Yea, you know the concert.

Steve: (covers the receiver) FUCK!!

Daria: What?

Steve: I forgot Zed and I were already going to the concert tonight.
Limp
Bizcut is one of his favorite bands aside from Rob Zombie.

Daria: Zed? The guys name is Zed?

Steve: It's a nickname. (Uncovers the receiver) Uh, yea were still on.
I've
got to warn you though, I'm bringing some friends from out of town with
me.

Zed: Hey that's cool. I'll stop over later.

Steve: That's no problem but can we use your van tonight? I don't think
there's going to be enough room in my car for everybody.

Zed: Okay, but I'm kind of low on gas right now.

Steve; Yea, I saw that coming. I'll spot you some gas on the way there.

Zed: I'll see you later then.

Steve: (hangs up the phone) Well this should be definitely be
interesting.

Jesse: (looks up from the fridge) What's going on?

Trent: It sounds like somebody is coming with us tonight.

Steve: Yea, I was originally going to tonight's concert with zed. When
you
guys showed up I was so busy trying to figure out what was going on
that I
completely forgot about the whole thing.

Daria: My what a selective memory you have there.

Steve: Isn't it though? Thank god that doesn't happen often.

(Naomi enters through the front door followed by Jane)

Jane: You almost caught up with me there, I'm deeply impressed by your
performance out there.

Naomi: Shut up, I would have passed you in another minute.

Jane: Maybe so, but the run didn't last another minute. Better luck
next time eh?

Naomi: Count on it Jane. (Looks at Steve and Daria) Okay, what
happened?

Daria: Steve forgot that he had already invited a friend to go to the
concert
tonight.

Naomi: Can we fit that many people into the car?

Steve: We're using Zed's van.

Naomi: Zed's coming with us! OH yes, Please tell me he's bringing
some...
(Steve kicks her in the shins to shut her up)

Daria: Some what?

Naomi: Uh...extra money. In case we get the munchies later.

Trent: Hey, good idea. We'll probably need something to eat later.

Naomi: (Looks at Steve and rolls her eyes) Yea, I know. I always get
hungry
afterwards.

Jane: Are we talking about the same thing?

Steve: That's not important right now.

Naomi: What's important is the fact that you broke my freaking
shinbone!

Steve: Next time I'll just go straight for the jawbone, it will
keep you silent longer.

Naomi: Why stop there? Why not put me completely out of my
misery?

Daria: Cause he doesn't want to get blood stains on the floor.

Steve: Or give you the satisfaction.

Trent: You think there will be music people at the concert? Ya
know, they see us, and then sign us a deal.

Jane: Trent, why in the world would a record company pick you
out of billions of young boredom stricken concert goers?

Jesse: We got the look, man.

Steve: The look that every other person at the concert will have?

Trent: Exactly, so they know that people will be able to relate
to us.

Jane: And after you're discovered, I'll be discovered as the
tortured artist that I am.

Naomi: And maybe they'll discover that moshpit sweat is the cure
for cancer.

Jane: Who is this Zed guy, and is he cute?

Steve: A friend of mine, and I wouldn't know how to judge that.
He's gonna bring over his van so we can all ride together.

Daria: Oh, god. We're going to a concert...in a van. If this
van has a pet name, I'm staying here where it's safe.

Steve: Don't worry, Daria, it'll be fine. We'll have fun
tonight.

Jane: Daria doesn't do fun.

Naomi: Fun in our world is different than fun in your world.

Steve: Yeah, we have a more violent society.

(Cut to a bit later. Zed arrives)

Steve: Zed, this is Trent, Jane, Daria and Jesse.

Zed: Whoa Steve, your friends are hot as hell. (To Jane) Hey
how's it going? (Goes over to Jane)

Steve (To Naomi): Looks like you'll have another competitive
event with Jane.

Naomi: Funny. No, I'm only after one thing, and if he doesn't
have it, I lose interest.

Trent (raises eyebrow): That's a little harsh, isn't it?

Daria: And a little disgusting.

Steve: Relax, she doesn't mean what you think she means.

Zed: Should we blow this joint?

Naomi: You read my mind.... (looks at Steve)

Steve: No deal Naomi, not my own house at least.

Naomi: Damn!

( cut to Inside Zed's van)

Trent: Alright, so here's the plan, we get noticed.

Jesse: Cool.

Daria: But how will you get noticed?

Trent: That's up to the noticers...

Jane: Maybe Daria can give them a few tips... (Daria shoots her
a death glare)

Steve: Now let's all play friendly. Save the violence for the
concert.

Zed: Hey now, save the violence for the moshpit. But I have a
better plan, You (points to Jane) Stick with me.

Jane: Is that a command?

Zed: No, but if your into the rough stuff we can go that way too.
(Trent raises an eyebrow at Zed)

Steve & Daria: I think I'm gonna be sick.

Jane: Well, save that for the concert too. It'll add to the
decore of the place.

(Cut to the concert)

Steve: Alright, we all meet back here at about 11:30, just in
case we get split up... (Trent and Jesse head off in another
direction): Ok, since we ARE splitting up.

Daria: Well, I for one have never had this much fun.

Naomi: You don't get out much, do ya?

Daria: I was being sarcastic.

Naomi: Really?

Steve: Hey, No cat fights, just bitch fights.

Zed: Why not?

Naomi: Later.

Steve: You're going off alone?

Naomi: I'm hardly alone with thousands of other people smashing
into me.

Jane: Where are you going?

Naomi: I'm on a mission to obtain some substance in my life.

Steve: Just be back here by 11:30.

Naomi: Okay, mom.

Steve: Or we'll leave without you.

(Naomi goes off)

Jane: She's an odd one.

Steve: I wouldn't have it any other way, Jane.

Daria: What's her mission again?

Steve: To find her sanity.

Daria: Doubt we'll be seeing her again any time soon.

Steve: I wouldn't count on it.

(Cut to Trent and Jesse)

Trent: Come on, we're almost there.

Jesse: Where?

Trent: To the stage... Where the band is. How do expect to get
noticed in this crowd?

Jesse: (looks at a guy standing near the stage) Oh, cool. Hey,
do you think that guy's a talent scout?

Trent: That's a security guard, Jess. We should probably avoid
him.

Jesse: Why? Maybe he can get us up to meet the band.

Trent: I can't deal with authority, man. Come on, let's try to
find a way onto the stage.

(Cut to Naomi talking to some guy. The guy screams something at
her and turns away. She flips him off. She goes up to another
guy who shrugs his shoulders and then pulls her up against him.
She knees him in the groin and shouts something. Walks off and
sits down)

(Cut back to Daria, Steve, Jane and Zed.)

Daria: What band did you say this was?

Steve: Limp Bizcut.

Jane: Well, they sure are loud, I'll give them that.

Zed: Hey Jane, you dance?

Jane: Not really, but I can jump around and step on your toes
until they turn purple.

Daria: Or flail your limbs in complete randomness.

Jane: Thanks, but I prefer standing and occasionally moving my
arm in a bored gesture.

Steve: This is more of a "burn things down and rebel" type of
music.

Daria: I have no objections to that.

Steve: Be my guest.

(Cut to later, back to Trent and Jesse, trying a locked door)

Jesse: Maybe they left the key under the doormat.

Trent: There IS no doormat.

Jesse: Oh. But we've tried every other possible way.

Trent: Well, then, there's only one way up.

Jesse: The elevator?

Trent: What elevator?

Jesse: I dunno. Do you think there's any food behind that door?

(Cut back to Naomi sitting down. A guy approaches her, she
glares at him. He says something and she smiles and stands up.
They talk a moment and go off)

(Cut back to Steve, Daria, Zed and Jane)

Jane (singing): YOU GOTTA HAVE FAITH!!!

Daria: Why?

Steve: So reality can kick you in the ass for being optimistic.

Zed: And you know it will too.

(Cut back to Trent and Jesse. The band has stopped for a minute.
Trent and Jesse climb up on the stage and head towards the band.
A security guard comes towards them. Trent turns around, trips
on a wire and falls into the crowd, where people hold him up.
Jesse shrugs and jumps into the crowd too.)

(Cut back to Steve, Jane, Daria and Zed)

Steve: Wasn't that Trent that just fell onto the crowd?

Daria: Well, they wanted to get noticed.

Zed: Well, they did a kick ass job of pulling it off didn't they.
That wasn't a bad dive though, considering they did it by
accident.

(Cut back to Trent and Jesse now on the ground. Naomi walks up
to them)

Naomi: Nice.

Trent: We did that on purpose.

Naomi: Uh huh, and Elvis just entered the building. Don't worry,
I doubt most people noticed that you tripped on that wire.

Trent: (looks embarrassed) You could tell?

Naomi: Only by the look on your face. Wonder if Jane brought
her Polaroid. Uh oh, here comes trouble (points to the security
guard)

Guard: (heavy Scottish accent) You two! I've been watching you
all night.

Jesse: Great, can you get us to meet the band?

Guard: Not a bloody chance in the pit of hades. But I CAN get
you the hell out of here, with a quickness.

Jesse: But we were supposed to be discovered!

Guard: Discover the exit numb nuts, You're ass is gone.

(Escorts them out. Naomi follows)

Naomi: Tsk tsk, nobody appreciates young talent anymore.

Guard: You want to be gone too?

Naomi: Oh, no, I'd much rather stay here with thousands of
people and the same overplayed music I can listen to in my car.

Guard: You better watch yourself kid, I'll bet I could toss you
a fair sight farther than those two.

(The guard leaves and Naomi goes outside with Trent and Jesse)

Trent: Well that sucked.

Jesse: Yeah.

Naomi: (smirks) I think I have something that will make it all
better.

Jesse: A cheeseburger? With fries?

Naomi: No, you idiot. Pot.

Jesse: Like to cook things in.

Trent: Where'd you get it?

Naomi: Had to ask around, Guys are real jerks around here though.
Finally somebody spotted me, Said he was pretty sure what I was
after.

Jesse: Really, what?

Naomi (rolls eyes): His body, just like I'm after Trent's body.

Trent: Um..okay. (Puts his arm around Naomi.)

(Cut back to Daria, Jane Zed and Steve)

Steve: Five bucks says They got thrown out of here.

Jane: Maybe we should go look for them.

Daria: (shrugs) Might as well, I think I'm gonna go deaf in
here.

Steve: Guess that explains why your ears are starting to bleed.

Jane: (puts a hand to her ear) What?

(They exit and walk around looking for the others)

Daria: (frowns) There they are.

Steve: Looks like Naomi's with them. But what's she doing to
Trent?

Jane: (Glares) Strangling him? It's a common instinct, and
something tells me she'd be just the person to follow it.

Steve: Oh god... (As they come closer they can see that Trent
and Naomi are making out.) I always thought she would take an
interest in dentistry.

(Trent jumps up at the sight of the other 4)

Trent: Hey.

Steve: Saw you jump off the stage, Did it manage to land you
that record deal? (Naomi looks up)

Daria: Have a good time?

Naomi: Nah, the concert sucked.

Steve: Looks like it's not the only thing...

Naomi: Shut up.

Jane: Complete your mission?

Naomi: In quantity if nothing else.

Daria: Judging by the circumstances I don't think you found your
sanity.

Steve: We all have our ways of staying sane. I guess we should
head back to my house.

Daria: Or we could stay out here and freeze our asses off.

Steve: Nah, been there done that. Don't want to do it again.

Daria: And I don't want to know either. (Steve laughs at this)

(Cut back to Steve's house. Everybody's sitting around)

Naomi: Found it! (Pulls out a pipe, loads it up) Who wants first
hit?

Zed: I'll take it, I haven't smoked in about a week. (Puts a
hand on Jane's leg. He takes a hit and gestures to Jane)

Jane: I'll pass, I'm trying to cut down on my intake of carbon
monoxide. I'm getting to much of it from the tank as it is.

Zed: No problem, leaves more for us then. So, you want to get a
room? Let's go grab a room. (Steve raises an eyebrow)...Ok, but
how about the two of you use the closet instead? My room is my sanctuary, nobody violates it. (Zed hands the pipe to Steve)

Steve: I'll pass tonight. But speaking of sanctuaries, I think I'm gonna go hang out in my room for a while. The smoke in here is getting to me.

Daria: (Looks at Naomi and Trent for a moment) Um, I think I'll
come with you, if that's ok.

Steve: (shrugs) Sure, I could use some interesting conversation.

(Trent, Jesse and Naomi continue taking hits)

(Cut to Steve and Daria)

Steve: (closes the door to his room) Ah, peace and quiet at last.

Daria: So what made you want to head in here?

Steve: I don't really know, I just had the urge to be alone for a
while. You ever feel like that?

Daria: Every day of my existence, from the moment I was born.

Steve: Besides, it looks like they have their hands full out
there.

Daria: So I noticed.

Steve: (thinks for a moment) So what made you want to come with
me to my little sanctuary?

Daria: It'd hard to say really, I guess since I've been here your
about the only one I can really relate to. Jane's busy with your
friend, and Naomi looks like she has her eye on Trent.

Steve: And you don't care?

Daria: Trent...is oblivious. Both to me and to everything else.

Steve: I don't know, maybe it's all just an image he likes to
present to give him time to get a better look at people before he
associates with them.

Daria: I know, I was listening to your conversation the other
night.

Steve: Really? Damn, who needs listening devices when you've
peaked Daria's interest. (Daria chuckles at this) So what makes
you think he's still oblivious.

Daria: He's not totally oblivious, just oblivious to the fact
that sometimes Age isn't such a big obstacle if your mature
enough to handle it. Besides, I think I may have outgrown Trent.
He's sweet and he really cares but I'm not so sure anymore if
he's what I'm looking for as far as companionship goes.

Steve: That's a shame, I know I was rooting for the two of you.

Daria; Please don't make any more references to our lives on the
show, it's hard enough dealing with the fact that I'm really a
cartoon.

Steve: Sorry, my bad. (Taps his foot in thought a few times)
Listen, I'll let you in on my little surprise. I plan to give you
the remote to take with you, that way if things ever go sour in
Lawndale as far as MTV is concerned then you can make your way
back here. The soft spot will always be in Jane's basement so you
shouldn't have trouble finding it.

Daria: What about you and Naomi? Do you think you'll ever decide
to visit Lawndale?

Steve: I doubt it, We might get too comfortable there and decide
to stay, I know Naomi would.

Daria: I imagine it would be like choosing the lesser of two
evils.

Steve: Yea, but can you really consider this reality any less of
an evil than yours?

Daria: Good point.

Steve: (changing the subject) So...how do you think Zed and Jane
are making out?

Daria: I can't say, I've never been one to study Jane's personal
habits.

Steve: That's not quite what I meant, but I catch your drift.
Anything else you want to talk about?

Daria: Um..well,..

Steve: (studies her for a moment) Let me guess, your either
extremely annoyed that Jane has decided to go off with another
guy again instead of hanging out with you, or you feel left out
that everyone else but you is into something out there.

Daria: (blushes and looks uneasy) I guess it's something like
that. I can't exactly say that I'm really interested in their
activities though.

Steve: Me neither, so What then?

Daria: I don't know, I just feel more comfortable around you then
the others right now...I...guess.

Steve: I see, in that case since we've nothing else to do I'm
going to do what I enjoy most.

Daria: Your not going to do a strip tease are you?

Steve: I hadn't planned on it, why did you want something to
watch?

Daria: No thanks, I'm trying to cut down on my intake of
entertainment.

Steve: That's a relief, I thought I was about to see a whole other side
to you.

Daria: Nope, what you see is what you get.

Steve: And so it should be. (Swivels around in his chair to face the
computer, then turns the computer on and waits while it boots up)

Daria: Your not going to start working again are you? Umm....I was
actually enjoying the conversation.

Steve: I would never be that rude...to you at least.

Daria: I'll assume that was a compliment.

Steve: As it was intended. Actually what I'm doing is I'm going to show
you some simulation programs. I love to fly, but I haven't qualified for a license yet, so I spend time running flight simulations. Mostly fighter aircraft, but I have a few for smaller civilian aircraft.

Daria: Couldn't we talk instead? Flying isn't one of my favorite
pastimes.

Steve: (shrugs) I guess, I just couldn't think of anything that you
would be interested in doing
while we wait the others out. (Swivels back around to face her) So what
did you want to talk
about?

Daria: I suppose you could tell me about yourself, you haven't said
much on the subject since we
got here.

Steve: Not much to tell really. Like you said, What you see is what
you get.

Daria: There has to be more to you than that.

Steve: There is always more to everybody than meets the eye, it doesn't
mean that their life will
be an open book though.

Daria: Touche`

Steve: So ask me your questions, and if I choose to answer than I shall
tell you no lies.

Daria: Good way of putting it. So, your in your twenties right?

Steve: Yea.

Daria: (frowns) Can we stop with the need to know attitude already, you
and I seem to be a lot
alike so why withhold information, (hushed tone) Umm.... besides your
cute.

Steve: (smirks) I heard that. (Daria blushes but says nothing)

Daria: So anyway, start talking already.

Steve: (shrugs) I'm in my mid twenties, I have a job, and I'm friends
with Naomi. End of story.

Daria: Nobodies life is that simple and you know it, do I have to work
the information out of you?

Steve: (smiles) You can try, have at thee.

(Daria begins asking questions one by one as it seems that is the only
way Steve will release any
information) (Cut to Later that night)

Daria: Ugh, I think I've exhausted every question I can think of.

Steve: And it only took you two hours, you must be proud of yourself.
Maybe you should go to
work as an interrogator for the CIA or something.

Daria: Nah, I can't see myself working with spooks.

Steve: Why not, you'd bring actual meaning to the term " government
intelligence"

Daria: That's the truth. (Several moments of silence follow until the
quiet is broken by Steve
letting out a long sigh) What?

Steve: Huh...what?

Daria: You were staring of into space for a bit there. What's on your
mind?

Steve: Huh? Oh, it's nothing. Kiki has been off visiting some relatives
in Greece for the past
couple of weeks, I guess I just miss her. It's nothing to worry
yourself about.

Daria: Kiki? My god, your married?! I can't believe this, I never even
thought of asking that
question. Oh god and I made a pass at you too.

Steve: (looks at her funny) That was a pass? You said I was cute, how
is that a pass? And stop
trying to kick yourself, Daria. Look at my hands, do you see a ring on
any of my fingers? Of
coarse you don't, because I'm not married. Kiki is my fiancé`.

Daria: Your not making me feel any better here.

Steve: Oh for gods sake. (Pinches his sinuses) You know what? Lets go
get something to eat, are
you hungry?

Daria: A little bit, but what about the others?

Steve: (walks to the door and opens it to look into the living room to
see that everybody is asleep
on the couches and floor) I don't think they're going anywhere for a
while. So how about it?

Daria: (sighs) Yea, I guess so. Are you sure we can find someplace open
at this time of night?

Steve: I know a diner that's open all night. We should be okay.

Daria: Well, it can't get any worse than it has already.

Steve: Sure it can, things can always get worse. The trick is not to
pay attention to it when it
does, that way it can't affect you as much.

Daria: That's sort of a screwed up way to look at things isn't it?

Steve: More than likely, but it works. (They both head out to the car
and leave the house for the
diner)

(Cut to inside the diner)

Steve: Welcome to the medport, home of the mediocre.

Daria: (looks around her) Well THAT'S sure an understatement. You
actually come to this place?

Steve: All the time, the service sucks and the food is okay as far as
diners go, but at least the
waitress actually treats you like you want to be treated and not like
everybody else does.

Daria: You mean she doesn't kiss your ass.

Steve: Thank god.

Daria: Well, as long as you get the service you're looking for then I
guess that's something.

(A waitress comes over to take their order)

Waitress: Hey Steve, long time no see. How's Kiki?

Steve: Hey Chrissy, I've just been busy that's all, And she's still in
Greece last time I checked.

Chrissy: Yea well, hope she's having a ball. Who's your friend?

Steve: Oh, Chrissy this is Daria. She's a friend who dropped in
unexpectedly for a few days.

Chrissy: (Shakes hands with Daria) Hey. So what are you guys in the
mood for tonight?

Steve: I already know what I'm in the mood for but she's in Greece
right now.

Chrissy: I know, so I guess you'll just have to eat something else
until she gets back. (Winks)

Steve: (shrugs) What's a guy to do?

(Daria chooses her usual Dry toast and tea and the waitress walks off)

Daria: Your not going to get anything?

Steve: She knows what I want, I come here often enough.

Daria: (frowns) I don't know, it looked like she wanted to give you
something OTHER than
food.

Steve: Ah, she just a big flirt. I've known her since highschool, she's
harmless. Besides, she can
flirt to her hearts content, I don't cheat.

Daria: Now that IS an endearing quality.

Steve: And such a rare one these days, what a shame.

Daria; Yea. (Looks down at the table for a moment)

Steve: What's on your mind?

Daria: I was thinking about my family, believe it or not I'm actually
starting to miss them. I
wonder if they even notice that I'm gone.

Steve: I can't see why they wouldn't, you've been gone for a couple of
days without a word. I
imagine you're mom is going out of her mind and snapping at Jake as
usual when there is some
sort of crisis. As for Quinn....I'm sure in her own way she misses you.
She probably bought a
special dress to look for you in, either that or she has the three J's
looking for her COUSIN.

Daria: (chuckles) It's actually funny now that I think about it.

Steve: You mean that she uses a state of mind to put distance between
you?

Daria: Yea, I just would rather that space was more physical. That way
I wouldn't have to see or
hear her as much.

Steve: I don't think any amount of space would shield you from that
whine of hers.

Daria: That's where sound barriers come in handy.

Steve: Yea, I guess you've got to love those big portable walls. They
block both noise AND
eyesores, (cough) Quinn's room (cough). (Daria chuckles at this)

(The waitress comes and delivers Daria's toast and Tea, Steve gets a
salmon fillet, then leaves)

Steve: So have you thought about what time you wanted to go back?

Daria; What?

Steve: What time did you want to go back? We have the means to get you
home now, I assumed
you would want to go back sooner or later.

Daria: (Frowns) Are you that anxious to get rid of us?

Steve: What are you mental? I've had a ball the past couple of days,
hell I sure as hell wouldn't
mind if you stayed. We could go through social security and get you ID
and all the other red tape.
But then on the other side there is your family back home.

Daria: Who is animated just like I was before I came here.

Steve: An unfortunate truth, but who is to say that reality is any
worse than this one. We have a
lot more nuts in this world. At least yours is safe, the worst thing
you could suffer there is a rash.

Daria: (frowns) MUST you people keep mentioning that?

Steve: Yea, it's one of the perks I get for having inter-dimensional
visitors.

Daria: Great.

Steve: Look on the bright side, I told you there was a way for you to
come back if you ever
needed to. It's not like you'll never see us again.

Daria: When the show gets canceled you mean.

Steve: IF it gets canceled, it's a rather popular show. Hell, you're
getting your own Tv movie last
time I heard.

Daria:(eyes widen) I've got a movie?

Steve: It's a tv movie but a movie just the same.

Daria: Do you know what's going to happen in it?

Steve: How the hell do I know, it's still in production. It's supposed
to have something to do with
summer vacation I think. Either way it should be cool as hell.

Daria: Jane should love that one, she'll actually get some recognition
as an artist.

Steve: Make sure it doesn't go to her head, that's all we need.

Daria: I'll make sure I kick some sense into her once in a while. (Taps
the toes of her boot on the
floor a few times) (thinks for a few moments) So you and Kiki are going
to get married at some
point?

Steve: At some point, we both have to finish college first but we'll
get there.

Daria: It sounds like you two should be happy together.

Steve: You're welcome to come if you want, I'll find some way to let
you know about the whole
thing.

Daria: Steve, I'm an animated cartoon character. Are you sure you want
me there, I mean we've
only known each other for a few days here. .

Steve: It's important to have all of your best friends there, Daria.
Just because you're from an
alternate reality doesn't mean you get shoved aside on something like
that. So Like I said, I'll let
you know.

Daria: I guess so. How long have the two of you been together anyway?

Steve: About five and a half years, that's about long enough to know
what we're doing I think.

Daria: Well, all I can say is good luck on the whole thing.

Steve: I'll be sure to pass that on to Kiki.

Daria: Do you think she'll believe you?

Steve: I have no idea, but it should be fun as hell finding out.

Daria: (Laughs) Let me know if she has you committed.

Steve: Yea, I'll send you a note saying "GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE".

Daria: I'll have to have that note blown up to banner size and hang it
outside my window
whenever my mom starts ranting again.

Steve: Recycling, I like it.

Daria: Steve, do you think anybody back at the house has realized we
left yet?

(Cut to the house. The others are waking up.)

Trent: Where am I? (Looks at Naomi, laying next to him) Gah!

Naomi (Boredly): G'afternoon, lovebug.

Trent: Wait... did we... I mean... Uh oh...

Naomi (smirking): Did we what?

Trent: Ya know...

Naomi: No, I don't know.

Trent: Sleep together?

Naomi (Serious face): Yes, we slept together...

Trent: Oh...

Jesse: Score!

Naomi (Smirking): ...But nothing happened. Just slept.

Trent (looks relieved): Oh, good, I mean, I just wouldn't... You know... I didn't mean it in a bad way...

Jesse: So... you didn't score?

Naomi: No, but you did.

Jesse: Cool.

Naomi: But I don't think the dresser is ready for a long-term commitment.

Jesse: Cool.

(The closet door opens to reveal Zed and Jane. Trent raises an eyebrow at the disheveled twosome)

Trent: Looks like the dresser isn't the only one that got some action.

Naomi: How in the world did you two sleep in there?

Jane: Very uncomfortably. I woke up with a hanger in my hair and a shoe up my ass.

Trent: Anybody seen Daria?

Naomi: She's probably taking another shower. Bathroom hog.

Trent: No, she's not.

Jane: Maybe she and Steve hooked up. Then everybody would have found a friend.

Jesse: They're not in Steve's room either.

Jane: Oh no, they've fallen prey to the boogie man.

Jesse: Nuh-uh, the boogie man isn't real, man.

Naomi: Then how else would you explain those crusty things under your eyes when you wake up. He puts them there so after you open your eyes you have to rub them and he has time to escape.

Jesse: What does he do when you're sleeping?

Jane: He plays your video games.

Trent: Mmm, video games, sounds fun. Jess, wanna play?

Jesse: Sure.

Trent: Janey, Naomi would you make us some breakfast?

Jane: And after that would you like a neck massage?

Trent: Come on, I'm starving.

Jane: What's our motivation again?

Trent: You and Naomi can see who can make a better omelet. You know, a competition.

Naomi: You're on Lane.

Jane: Eat my eggshells.

(cut to the girls in the kitchen)

Naomi: You know they just tricked us into making them breakfast.

Jane: Yeah, fortunately I'm a really lousy cook so they'll get what's coming to them.

Naomi: Stomach aches?

Jane: Bingo. Well, looks like this is one competition you're gonna win. My omelet isn't recognizable. (Holds up pan of some burnt, some uncooked omelet ingredients)

Naomi: Eh, it's art.

Jane: Where'd you learn to cook?

Naomi: I used to work in a restaurant.

Jane: As a cook?

Naomi: No, a hostess. I'd spend endless time watching the cooks so nobody could ask me for more coffee.

Jane: (drools) Mmmm...........coffee, need some. Does Steve keep any around here?

Naomi: I don't think Steve drinks coffee.

Jane: Blasphemy, how can one survive without coffee?

Naomi: By supplementing it with loads of caffeine you stupe. How else could someone possibly wake up in the morning without going postal on someone else?

Jane: God people in this dimension are screwed up, no coffee in the morning. How can you LIVE like this?

Naomi: Simple, we try not to. Why do you think we like to sleep so much?

Jane: Hey, I thought it might have been mono or something, I didn't want to embarrass you guys by asking.

Naomi: (scoffs) Mono,.....Just keep cooking your eggs, cartoon. (Jane smirks and goes about her task)

(Cut to about midday at the spot in town where Daria and her friends had first appeared a few days before. Steve has the hood of his car up and has hooked the remote device up to the alternator to use as a power source and is plodding through the bottons on the device trying to find the right frequency to open the rift from this dimension.)

Jesse: Do we have to go so soon? I was starting to like this place.

Trent: Hey man, don't you miss your family?

Jesse: Not really, they never know where I am half of the time anyway. I doubt that they've even noticed that I'm gone.

Trent: That's really beat man, you need to be closer to your family than that.

Jane: Closer than we are with ours? (Trent looks at Jane and lifts an eyebrow to indicate that she isn't helping)

Steve: (frustrated) I have no idea why I tried to find the frequency manually. (Presses the scan feature button and the remote begins to scan through all the possible frequencies faster than the eye can see)

Naomi: Now Steve, where you trying to keep them here just a little bit longer?

Steve: Hey, what can is say. I wanted you to realize your dream of hooking up with Jane. And you hadn't done that yet.

Jane: What, ...whoa, Naomi wanted to hook up with ME?

Naomi: Dammit, you blew the surprise. I was going to wait until we woke up in bed together to tell her.

Steve: Hey, Better early than late.

Naomi; But now I'll have to make it a quicky, I hate quicky's.

Jane: Whoa, hold on there a bit. I hate to break it to you there friend. But I'm straight.

Naomi: So am I, but that doesn't mean I'm not willing to experiment. So what do you say?

Jane: Steve, open that god damned portal already!

Steve: Alright, keep your pants on already.

Jane: I'm doing the best that I can as it is. Now hurry up.

Steve: (sighs) Have a little patience for gods sake. (The spot on the wall suddenly fluctuates and turns a watery color.) Whoa, ....there it is!

Jane: And not a moment too soon. (Naomi smiles as Steve locks the frequency into the devices memory)

Steve: There, just make sure that you keep fresh batteries in this thing to keep the memory from fading or you'll have to find the frequency all over again. But to open the portal, just get a power converter so you can convert AC power from a wall socket to Dc twelve volt.

Daria; Is there any chance we could exile Quinn here? My reality would be a much better place without her.

Steve: Hell no, we'd be forced to kill her to preserve our sanity.

Daria: That's exactly why I would want to send her here in the first place.

Steve; I thought as much.

Jane: Well, it's been nice knowing you guys. I hope the eggs didn't make you too sick.

Zed: Ohh....is that what it was? I just thought I was really constipated or something.

Naomi: Ewww.... (Whispers to Jane) Next time we add starch to the eggs, we want to make sure he's totally blocked.

Jane: That's just a little too sick for my taste, I'll see you on the other side, Daria. (Jane walks forward and through the portal)

Trent: I guess that's our cue then, It's been fun you guys.

Jesse; Yea, ... (Trent and Jesse turn and walk through the portal and disappear from sight)

Naomi: I guess that just leaves you, Daria.

Daria: I guess it does. (Looks at Steve) We're not going to make a long goodbye out of this are we?

Steve; Do we need to?

Daria; I would rather not.

Steve: Then keep in touch and the goodbye won't have to be long. I know you're not into having things long.

Daria: (looks disgusted) Don't be an asshole.

Naomi: Don't be a stranger and he won't have to be an asshole. (Looks Steve up and down) But then again, he is rather good atit.

Steve: Fuck you Naomi.

Naomi: Can't, you're engaged remember?

Steve: Must you twist my words like that?

Naomi: Hey, you're the one stupid enough to get married. I've got to bust on you for your own good, .....for the rest of your life.

Steve: (to Daria) Do you see what I have to put up with?

Daria: (smirks) Yea, it looks like your going to be in the best of hands. You don't find quality friendship like that anymore.

Naomi: Well, having said that. Happy trails compadre.

Daria: Yea, later on then. (Daria turns and walks through the portal after which Steve disconnects the power and the portal closes)

Naomi: Well that was a rather unique experience.

Steve: Yea, I was surprised that you didn't try to jump through with them.

Naomi: I thought about that, who's to say that you actually found the RIGHT frequency to THEIR reality. For all we know you just sent them to dinosaur hell by accident.

Steve: (looks up) Oh shit, good point.

Naomi: I don't need to spend the rest of my life an a reality that's a hundred times worse than this one.

Steve: Nope, we definitely don't need that. (The two of them walk back to the car and drive away as the scene fades.)

The End......................................................................