Disclaimer: Daria and all related characters are the property of MTV

NOTE : This story as did the others before it in this series proceeds under the premise that whatever was originally feared to go wrong at the onset of Y2K ......did. For at least a better understanding it would help if you read "The Last Journey Home"

A Walk In The Park
By
Wildgoose

Daria came in the door to her home that evening looking for nothing more than something to eat and maybe some time alone with her husband. To her surprise when she entered the kitchen with a bag of groceries in each arm, she found her best friend and former co worker Jane Lane, as well as her two daughters Jane and Amy sitting at the kitchen table across from her husband Trent while having a most vivid conversation over a pie of pizza. The conversation, about what Daria could only begin to fathom as never before had Daria seen her entire family in one spot at one time granting the exception of Christmas morning. The four of them were almost talking over each other while wolfing down what smelled like a very fresh pie.

Daria: (Places the bags on the counter) I sure as hell hope you guys saved some of that for me. You did didn't you?

Jane Lane: Sure amiga, pull up a chair. I'm pretty sure we have a few extra slices floating around here somewhere. (Jane reaches into the pizza box and pulls out a slice, then hands it to Daria)

Daria: Thank god, I'm starving. (Takes a large bite) So what's the occasion?

Amy: What do you mean?

Daria: I mean typically it would take Devine intervention to get everybody at the table at once. So what gives?

Jane: I dunno mom, I guess we just all got pulled into the conversation.

Amy: (smirks) Damned gravity.

Daria: Uh huh, .....and the pizza? (Amy without saying a word directs Daria's attention to the kitchen stove which seems to have been sprayed with a fine white powder. Sitting on the counter next to the stove is an empty fire extinguisher)

Amy: Dad killed the roast.

Daria: (Sighs and takes her glasses off placing them on the table) Oh for gods sake Trent, .....again?

Trent: Hey,.....I'll get it right one of these times.

Amy: It's not so bad, mom. At least dad managed to keep his eyebrows this time.(1) (Daria can't help but burst out laughing as the memory of that incident springs to mind)

Jane: (chimes) Even better, he didn't have Grandpa Morgendorffer to help him either. (Jane Lane erupts into laughter at this addition)

Daria: So this is what everybody's gathered together for, to have a good laugh at Trent?

Jane: It didn't start out that way, but basically yea.

Trent: Okay everybody, enough is enough. Let's change the subject for a bit. (Daria gives a weak smirk towards Trent in sympathy)

Jane Lane: Ooh....I know, you know what that face just reminded me of Daria?

Daria: (frowns) No, but I'm sure any second now you're going to shower me with your pearls of wisdom.

Jane Lane: (smirks) Oh how I do love to watch you squirm. It reminds me of when you first found out you were pregnant with these two here. (Gestures towards Jane and Amy)

Daria: (grumbles) You would bring that up, Jane.

Amy: Oh, if you didn't have our undivided attention before aunt Jane then you definitely have it NOW. By all means, please continue.

Daria: NO!! Not everything is meant to be shared you know.

Trent: Aw come on, Daria. Even I don't recall hearing about this one.

Daria: Trent, what the hell are you talking about? I told you when I was pregnant, it's not like I could keep something like that a secret you know.

Trent: Yea, but you never told me what your very first reaction was. (Trent, Amy, and Jane all turn to Jane Lane in unison) TELL!!!

Daria: (Puts her head down on the table) Oh god, here it comes.

Jane Lane: It all started when.........

(The scene fades out and then fades back in again. Jane Lane is doing her daily run about the sub when she comes across Daria in the torpedo room leaning up against one of the inactive weapons)

Jane: (comes to a stop and begins to catch her wind) You okay amiga? Your looking a little paler than usual.

Daria: Dammit, I can't get ANY peace on this ship. Can't a woman just go somewhere to be sick in peace?

Jane Lane: Stomach flu,...again? This has been going on since we left port a week ago, are you sure you're alright?

Daria: This damned bug just doesn't want to give up the ghost, that's all. I'll live.

Jane Lane: If you say so, just try not to get sick on me. These are a new pair of sneakers and getting near the laundry room is next to impossible as it is.

Daria: I'm trying to keep what's left of my breakfast down and you're worried about your running shoes. What kind of friend are you anyway?

Jane Lane: The cool, but obnoxious kind I think. If there is such a thing.

Daria: If there is, then you're the one who probably invented it.

Jane Lane: I don't doubt it for a second. Well take it this way, at least the ship isn't running on the surface. If the weather is anything like it was a few days ago this ship would be rocking like hell and you would know the true meaning of sea sickness.

Daria: (scowls) Thanks for the vote of confidence there, Jane. You're a tremendous help.

Jane Lane: Just out of curiosity though, have you thought about getting checked out in sick bay or something? Maybe they've got some stuff to settle your stomach.

Daria: And have the Doc. isolate me to keep the rest if the crew from catching it? No way, If I have to get sick then so does everybody else. Why should be so I be so special?

Jane Lane: (smirks) Just trying to save you some grief there friend.

Daria: I'll live.

Jane Lane: So be it then, when do you go on duty?

Daria: The same time as you do, Jane. We share the same shift on the conn, remember?

Jane Lane: (smiles) So that's why I keep seeing you around. And here I thought you just a plain and simple stalker.

Daria: Sorry to disappoint you.

Jane Lane: I AM disappointed, I've always wanted somebody who would admire every little thing I did. (Daria just rolls her eyes)

Daria: Come on, lets get out of here. I feel like being sick somewhere else right now.

Jane Lane: (looks concerned) Are you going to be able to hold your lunch through the shift? Because if you blow chunks on the conn it won't be your choice wether or not to go to the Doc. anymore. The captain will order it right quick.

Daria: Relax, I'll live already. Let's just move away from the high explosive weapons for now.

Jane Lane: Would you like me to make it so, number one.

Daria: You crack one more star trek joke and SHOULD I have to hurl again, and I'm going to aim right for you. Or maybe your sneakers if your wearing them.

Jane Lane: Hey now, there's no reason to get disgusting on me. A simple violent threat would have done nicely. So alright then, lets get going. (They both walk out of the room into the corridor)

(Cut to the conn halfway through Daria and Jane's shift. All is calm, it's just another day as far as operations go)

(Daria is standing at the conn near the captain when she notices her vision blurring for a second as she feels herself sway forward slightly. She removes her glasses and cleans them with her sleeve before replacing them)

Captain: (looks at Daria oddly and then speaks to her in a hushed tone) Is everything alright X.O.? You look a bit pale.

Daria: Yea, just had a blurry spot on my glasses.

Captain: Since when does spotty eye wear make you look pale?

Daria: Huh? Oh, they don't. It's probably just the lighting in here, you know how flourescent lighting makes everything look.

Captain: (shrugs) Point taken. (Beat) Well, I suppose we should run a sonar check through the baffles. (Picks up the comm) Sonar; conn, stream the port towed array about one hundred yards and keep your ears peeled.

Sonar Station: Stream the port towed array, aye sir.

Captain: X.O. , I need you to...... (Hears a heavy thunk on the deck plates and as he turns to investigate he see's his first officer passed out on the floor. The captain immediately picks up the comm) Conn; sick bay, medical team to the conn S.T.A.T.

(Cut to sick bay as Daria opens her eyes, her vision is still blurry but this time it is due to the fact that she is not wearing her glasses. After a moment Jane comes into view.)

Jane Lane: Hey Dorothy, I think you clicked your ruby red slippers one to many times. Instead of being taken home, they took you to sick bay.

Daria: Funny, Jane. What the hell happened?

Jane Lane: (smirks) You fall down and go boom.

Daria: And?

Jane Lane: (shakes her head) I told you to go get checked out but would you listen? Oh no, ...and look at you now. Lying on a sickbay gurney.

Daria: Can it, Jane. (The doctor walks into the room carrying a clip board)

Doctor: Can what?

Daria: Nothing.

Jane Lane: Yea, just idle chit chat between friends.

Doctor: (Raises an eyebrow) Okay then......

Daria: (sighs) Look, I already know I've got some sort of stomach virus so can you just shove a couple of horse pills down my throat and send me on my way?

Doctor: (starts writing something on his clipboard) You don't have a stomach virus, commander.

Jane Lane: So what's been making her so nauseous then?

Doctor: Morning sickness, so to speak.

Daria: (scowls heavily) Excuse me?

Doctor: Um.....lets see, how else can I put this...... You're pregnant, your expecting, you're going to be a mommy, your in the middle of an ongoing process of biological replication, you're.....

Daria: All right already, enough. I get the point.

Jane Lane: I don't believe it, this is so cool.

Daria: How the hell can this be cool? It's only a matter of time before I start to look like a house.

Jane Lane: In that case, do you want me to get you some aluminum siding? (Daria replies by flipping Jane the bird) So how far along is she?

Doctor: I don't really have the equipment on board to ascertain that, but based on the information I do have. I would guess somewhere along the lines of two months.

Daria: This is horrible, what am I going to tell Trent?

Doctor: I've always found that "congratulations, you're going to be a father" always seems to break the ice rather nicely.

Daria: I've never been able to see myself having kids, I didn't even like kids when I was a kid.

Jane Lane: Oh Daria, they're not so bad when they're yours. I had William without a hitch, you'll see. They tend to grow on you in more ways than one.

Daria: But.......

Doctor: I'll give you something to settle your stomach in the meantime, commander. Give it about twenty four hours and you should be fit for duty again. (He walks out of the room)

Daria: What am I going to do? I'm not prepared for this.

Jane Lane: Hey Daria, reality check. You're not a little kid anymore, you're a married adult. It's okay to have kids now.

Daria: But I don't want to have kids.

Jane Lane: That's okay, I didn't want to get drafted but it happened anyway so I just got used to the idea. Get the picture?

Daria: (shakes her head reluctantly) Bitch.

Jane Lane: (smirks) Mother to be.

(Cut back to the present)

Amy: (looks at her mom with slight confusion) So you didn't want us?

Daria: (looks slightly hurt) Of coarse I wanted you, I was just a little confused about what I wanted at first. It all was sprung on me so suddenly I wasn't sure what to do anymore.

Jane: So what then?

Daria: So, when I came home about a month later I told your father.

Jane Lane: Now there's an understatement if I ever heard one. My words held true, the two of you did grow on her... with a quckness. But then of coarse, at that time she didn't know she was going to have the TWO of you. Talk about double trouble, huh? Anyway, by the time she came home she was so excited about the whole thing that instead of telling your dad about you she SHOWED him.

Amy: Ewww....She showed him????

Jane Lane: (laughs) Not like that, ....she took his hand and placed it on her abdomen so that he could feel you move around. She held him there until he felt a slight kick and then he REALLY got the picture. And when it finally clicked, down he went just like your mother had done.

Jane: Cool!!

Trent: (frowns) Hey, I wasn't THAT bad.

Jane Lane: Wanna bet? I've got pictures to prove it.

Trent: What? You were taking pictures of us?

Jane Lane: Of coarse, I couldn't let a moment like that get away without being captured on film.

Trent: I don't believe this, my own sister is out to embarrass us.

Jane Lane: Hey, that's what siblings are for. (Jane and Amy look at each other and nod in agreement)

Trent: (looks at Daria) Remember when we told your mother?

Daria: I know, what a mistake that was.

Amy: Why was that a mistake?

Trent: Your grandmom didn't give us a moments peace for the rest of the pregnancy. Being a lawyer she felt she had to make sure she was in charge of every situation. During doctor visits, she HAD to be there, here were no buts about it as far as she was concerned.

Daria: Not to mention having to put her two cents in every time the doctor spoke, God that was a nightmare.

Jane Lane: See, I knew you'd start to open up once you ventured far enough down memory lane.

Daria: Oh be quiet, Jane. I just want to make sure all the facts are straight if your going to go ahead with this story.

Jane: So Grandma, was a big pain in the ass, huh? (Daria gives Jane a snide look and gives her a slight smack upside the head) Ow!!

Daria: Watch your mouth.

Trent: (chuckles) You've got to give her credit though, hon. She stated it rather accurately. (Daria just rolls her eyes at him)

Jane Lane: Allow me to continue with the story.

Daria: Thank you, Jane. I think I can take it from here. I can embellish the facts on my own if you don't mind.

Jane Lane: (gestures with her arms) Be my guest.

Trent: Wait a second, Daria. If we're going to bust on your mom at all then maybe you should tell them about the time some of the nurses and orderlies got even with her for all the bitching she had been doing.

Daria: NO WAY!!! Do you know how embarrassing that was?

Amy: Oh no way, don't hold back on us now, mom. We're slobbing on ourselves in anticipation over here.

Daria: Eww...

Jane: Not literally, dammit. (Jane Lane reaches over and gives her a light smack upside the head) Ow!

Daria: (nods to Jane) Thanks for the assist there, Jane.

Jane Lane: No problem.

Daria: I'm not going to go into any real detail on that little incident, but I will tell you that the end result was that she got stuffed into a straight jacket, gagged and shoved into a closet for the duration of my visit at the doctors. (Het daughters eyes brighten at this most intriguing information and Daria smiled as she knew what was to come)

Jane Lane: (Leans forward and speaks to Daria in a very hushed tone as the kids begin to talk amongst themselves) Um Daria, if you didn't want to talk about it then why did you tell them the part that was the most embarrassing to you?

Daria: (in an equally hushed tone) Because watching my dad squirm as he tries to explain my belated mothers actions to them should be almost as good as payback.

Jane Lane: (smirks evilly) Oh your just evil, Daria. I'll bet they've already prepared a place for you in hell.

Daria: No they haven't, they're afraid I'll take the place over.

Amy: (speaking to Jane) I dunno, I've just never been able to picture mom sitting on a table screaming vile things at dad while she gives birth.

Jane: I doubt she did, she was probably drugged up and barely knew what was happening.

Trent: (picks his head up at overhearing his daughters) Oh she screamed alright.

Daria: (under her breath) Trent, if you value your sex life then don't you dare tell them about that.

Trent: (continues) She saw the size of the epidural needle and where they were going to stick it, ....man you never thought a full term woman could be so strong. The nurses couldn't get within five feet of her until a waiver was signed stating that she refused it.

Jane Lane: And then the fun REALLY began.

Daria: (Scowls at both Trent and Jane) You WILL both die for this, I just want you to know that.

Jane Lane: Hey, you wouldn't go into detail about your mothers meddling ways, so now it's your turn.

Amy: I take it you were there as well, aunt Jane?

Jane Lane: Of coarse I was, I'm family.

Daria: Family can be removed you know, Jane.

Jane Lane: It's to late for that now old friend.

Daria: It's never to late to commit justifiable homicide.

Jane Lane: (laughs and then continues with the story) You're mom must have called your father every foul word in the book.

(The scene fades and comes back into focus fifteen years ago. Daria is in the delivery room with Trent and Jane Lane)

Male nurse: (with needle in hand) Daria, your in a lot of pain and it's going to get a lot worse. You should let me give you the....

Daria: (At the onset of a contraction, Daria grits her teeth and seizes the male nurse by his testicles and looks at the size of the needle in his hands as his face turns bright red from the pain) What is that for Mr. Ed? You stick me with that and I'll stab you in the heart with it. (Daria releases him and he drops to his knees while clutching his groin)

Trent: (at her other side trying to comfort her) Daria.....

Daria: (in an almost demonic voice) NO Drugs!!!!

Jane Lane: (Watching from a safe distance snaps a picture) Whoa.....get the exorcist in here!!

Daria: (tries to remember how to do the lamas breathing) Where's my parents?

Jane Lane: The last I heard, Daria. They're still trying to get past admissions. Apparently the people in this hospital remembered her and called security, ....and then some.

Trent: And then some??? What does that mean?

Jane Lane: All I know is I saw a S.W.A.T. van pull up outside.

Trent: Man, is this going to be a nightmare.

Daria: (At the onset of another contraction) A nightmare!!!! You have the #@%%$*# nerve to call my giving birth to your children a NIGHTMARE? How dare you....

Trent: Aw hell, Daria that's not what I was talking about. I.....

Daria: You did this to me, ....this is all your fault. I should have you castrated. (A tear runs down her cheek as the contraction lets up)

Trent: (pick up her hand and holds it) Look, I was trying to say....

Daria: (Pants a little) I know, Trent. I'm sorry, I don't know what got into me.

Jane Lane: (smirks) I do.

(Scene fades back to the present)

Trent: Wait, why did you say that you knew what got into Daria?

Jane Lane: Because I do, I've been through the whole giving birth thing if you recall.

Trent: No you don't Janie, how can you? You HAD the drugs remember.

Jane Lane: (sheepish look on her face) Well, yea. But the delivery was still an incredible ride.

Trent: Whatever.... Anyway, as your aunt was saying....

(The scene fades back to the delivery room fifteen years ago)

Jane Lane: (at the end of another one of Daria's contractions) So do you guys know what this kids gonna be? A boy or a girl?

Daria: No.....

Trent: Daria wanted it to be a surprise so we asked the doctor not to give us any information other than if it's healthy or not.

Jane Lane: Whoa Daria, I thought you hated surprises. (Daria grits her teeth at the onset of another contraction) Relax Daria, remember your breathing.

Daria: (looks directly at Jane Lane) @#%* my breathing!!!!!

Jane Lane: (looks at Trent) IS it me or are her contractions getting closer?

Trent: Hmm, yea.....stronger too.

Daria: Can you two PLEASE stop with the performance review?? I feel like I'm trying to pass a watermelon though an opening the size of a lemon, here.

Jane Lane: (smirks) I don't know, that actually sounds like a pretty accurate description if you ask me.

Daria: If you like it so much then why don't you come over here and do this for me.

Jane Lane: No way, amiga. Been there, done that, don't want to go through it again. (Helen's voice can be heard down the hall as she is arguing with someone)

Helen: I can't believe what you people are putting me through. My daughter is somewhere on this floor and YOU people try to have me ARRESTED?? I swear when this is all said and done I'm gonna come back here and nail SOMEBODIES ass for this.

Daria: Oh my god, my mom's here.

Trent: I'll go have a talk with her.

Jane Lane: No,......I'll do it. Daria needs you here.

Trent: Are you sure? You know how loud she can get.

Jane: (grins) Oh don't worry about me, I can handle myself. My middle name isn't coyote for nothing. (Turns and walks out of the room into the hallway. Moments later Helens shouting stops and a few moments after that Jane Lane and Helen come walking quietly into the room with the doctor right behind them)

Helen: (looks at Daria) Oh sweetie......

Jane Lane: Hey Trent, did Daria's head do a three sixty while I was gone?

Trent: (Smirks) Yea you missed it, it was the coolest thing I've ever seen too.

Jane Lane: (chuckles) Aw damn, I always miss the good stuff.

Doctor: Hey there, Daria. How are things coming along??

Daria: (scowls) You already know the answer to that doc, don't make me kill you for asking again.

Doctor: (smiles) That well, huh? (Daria braces at another contraction) Ah, they're getting pretty close I see. (Sighs) Okay then, Daria I need to do a cursory exam on you before we take the next step.

Daria: Get the hell away from me!!!

Doctor: And I'm sure your husband loves you too. The sooner we do this the sooner we can get the delivery over with. (Moves to examine Daria) About nine centimeters, almost there. I'll go tell the nurses to prep for delivery. (Walks out of the room)

(Scene fades to the present)

Trent: And about an hour later your mother gave birth to Amy.

Amy: What, that's it?? No details on my actual birth??

Trent: Ah, you don't need to hear about that. It gets messy.

Jane Lane: Yea it did, but you forgot to tell them about Jane's arrival.

Trent: Oh no....

Jane Lane: You see, your parents didn't want to know anything except whether or not you were healthy. Amongst the info that they declined to know about was the fact that there were TWO of you. (Laughs) Daria was in no way prepared for the onset of another wave of contractions. As your father was standing next to her being the supportive guy he is, the contractions hit and Daria just grabbed hold of anything that was within reach. Which in this case happened to be your fathers groin. (Jane and Amy burst out laughing as Trent buries his head in his folded arms on the table out of embarrassment.) She didn't let go for a full five minutes and by that time Jane had just come into the world. You should have seen the look on your fathers face. It's just to bad I had used up all of my film.

Jane: Oh my god, no pictures...you bastard!!! (Both Jane Lane and Daria give her a smack upside the head at the same time. ) OW!!

Jane Lane: You know Daria, this is kind of fun. I could get used to this.

Jane: HEY!! (Jane Lane laughs at this)

Daria: You know, Jane. One of these times I'm going to have to tell your son all of the interesting things YOU said and did during your pregnancy.

Amy: Oh yes, we'd like to hear this as well.

Jane Lane: Hey now, lets not be hasty. And besides, the pizza is all gone.

Jane: (gets up from the table) Guess that's the end of story hour then.

Amy: That sounds about right, we'll have to do this again sometimes. We'll be upstairs if you need us. (Jane and Amy leave the kitchen and head upstairs)

Daria: Saved by a lack of sustenance, eh Jane?

Jane Lane: So it would seem. I wonder if EVERY family is this dysfunctional?

Trent: (lifts his head from the table) You mean there's actually such a thing as a normal family? Oh man, where can we buy one? (Jane Lane and Daria grab Trent's head at the same time and shove it back down onto the table.)

The end......................................

Feed back is always appreciated, I may be reached at wildgoose81@hotmail.com