( We see the inside of Ms. Li's office. Ms. Li sits at her desk while talking on the phone with the superintendent of schools. Several monitors are attached to the wall above and behind her showing the various positions of the surveillance cameras placed through out the school. One of them is focused on Jane and Daria talking in front of Daria's locker. The rest are focused on the students moving through the hallways.) Li: I'm telling you it must be a clerical error. Those books were perfectly balanced at the beginning of the school year. (Ms. Li holds the phone away from her ear as yelling can be heard from the ear piece.) I assure you I will find out what happened. Yes I know my job is on the line. (Hangs up the phone). Damn, I guess I didn't hide the expenses for the new security system as well as I'd thought. (Turns around to look at the monitors) How am I going to come up with the money before I'm discovered?

(Cut to The hallway in front of Daria's locker) ("Janie's got a gun" by Aerosmith plays in the background)

Daria: Has your brother managed to finish that new song he was working on?

Jane: I don't know. When he comes out of his dormant stage and emerges as a butterfly I'll ask him. (Evil grin appears on Jane's face.) You know once Trent is finished with this new song he should have plenty of free time on his hands and I do believe that the time of the prom is fast approaching.

Daria: Not nearly as quickly as your DEATH if you keep trying to play match maker with meand Trent.

Jane: (make's a hands off gesture) Touchy, touchy.

(Daria closes her locker and they both head for Mr O'neil's English class)

(Cut to Mr. O'neil's class)

("Save yourself" by Stabbing Westward plays in the background)

(Daria and Jane are sitting in their seats next to each other. Jane is busy drawing a picture of a decapitated Mr. O'neil dressed in Shakespearian garb. His body holds his head in it's hands as the head continues to spout meaningless dribble. Daria is busy cleaning her glasses)

O'neil: So for tonight's homework I'd like each of you to reflect on your lives and then look toward the future as you write your essay's. The subject will be on what I aspire to do with my future.

Daria: I aspire to take it and run as far away from this place as inhumanly possible.

Jane: And if that's not far enough for you. Well then I Say Bermuda. Who knows maybe we'll lose ourselves in the triangle.

Daria: Couldn't we just get the rest of the class to lose THEMSELVES in there.

Jane: I think they tried that with Kevin once. But for some strange reason he keeps getting thrown back out.

Daria: Hey, Even alternate realities have their limits when it comes to tolerating stupidity.

Jane: Strange how ours doesn't.

O'neil: Now on this assignment I'd like...(interrupted as Ms. Li comes over the PA speaker)

Li: Students I have a wonderful announcement for you. This weekend the school will be having a fourth of July in May celebration to raise money to acquire the new textbooks that are so desperately needed. Participation is voluntary but those who do not attend will be required to make a mandatory twenty dollar donation that will go toward the textbook fund. In doing this you will not only contribute to an early celebration of our nations independence but in supporting your school you will bring glory and Honor to Laaawndale High.

O'neil: Well, this IS exciting. I hope there'll be fireworks.

Daria: (to Jane) Yea, maybe we'll get lucky and some of the rockets will hit the school and burn it down.

Jane: Oh come on Daria, you know were not that lucky.

(Cut to the Morgandorffers that evening)

(The Morgandorffers are at the dinner table attempting to eat while Quinn is babbling on abouther day)

Quinn: I CAN'T believe Sandi would say my out fit's outdated. I mean she helped me to pick this outfit out. It's not like SHE constantly updates her wardrobe or anything. GOD, and to top all that off only four guys asked me to go to the fourth of July fair this weekend. I mean what am I going to do. I just CAN'T have only four guys to choose from. It's like when you go to the supermarket or something. You Have to have a very wide selection. And get this....(is cut off by Helen...Thank god)

Helen: Fourth of July?? But it's only May. Daria what's going on?

Daria: (to herself) Dammit! She always turns to me to explain these things to her. Why can't anyone else grow a brain. (Out loud) It's another Fund raiser by the school. Apparently the school needs money for new textbooks.

Helen: Aren't textbooks supposed to be covered in the school budget?

Daria: Supposed to are the key words here. My guess is that Ms. Li put the money towards beefing up security at the school. I seriously don't think the school is bad enough to require retina scanners though.

Helen: A festival sounds like fun sweetie. Maybe you can make some new friends or meet some nice boys your age.

Daria: I know of no nice boys my age, mom. Their all either shallow, Jerks, or a combination of the two. (To herself) However, I DO know a nice boy who is over my age. (Daria smirks and begins to daydream)

Helen: (Notices Daria cracking a smile) What's the joke sweetie?

Daria: (snaps out of it) Huh...What??

Helen: The only time I ever see you smile is when your torturing your sister or if there's another one of your cynical joke's running through your head.

Daria: Huh? Oh it's nothing, just a rare thought. You wouldn't understand. Personally I'd rather fork over the twenty bucks just to get this nightmare over with.

Quinn: (cheerily chimes in) I'm going. I'll bet there'll be a lot of cute boys there who'll want to buy me stuff and pay for rides and things. I've got to call the fashion club and see what kind of outfits were going to wear. (Quinn exits the kitchen to go use the phone)

Helen: Daria, I'd really like it if you'd go to this festival.

Daria: Let me guess. You want me to spy on Quinn again.

Helen: I'd like you to go out and have a little fun and in the progress of this Watch out for your sister.

Daria: Uh huh...And my motivation for this is what?

Helen: Why must we do this EVERY time.

Daria: Kick backs are the bottom line, because Daria Morgandorffer said so. (Daria 3:16)

Helen: ( Rolls her eyes)(sighs) Very well, let's get down to it. New web page software?

Daria: Not this time mom.

Helen: It's money then?

Daria: Money can only take you so far mom. (To herself) Good god, I never thought I'd here myself say that to my FAMILY.

Helen: What then? (Helen looks down at Daria's boots which she is beginning to grow out of) Your boots look a little tight there, hon. How about a new pair. Steel toed, That's your favorite right?

Daria: Custom made this time.

Helen: (sighs) Done

Daria: (Mona Lisa smile) It's been a pleasure doing business with you.

(Cut to later that evening)

(Daria manages to grab the phone once Quinn puts it down and calls Jane)

(Split screen between Daria and Jane)

Jane:(answers) Road kill caf‚. You kill it we grill it.

("Nookie" by limp Bizcuit is heard playingin the background)

Daria: Hey Jane, Guess what?

Jane: Your mom bribed you into going to the festival and keeping Quinn out of trouble?

Daria: I'm getting to predictable aren't I?

Jane: Just a little. So what did you get out of it?

Daria: A new pair of boots.

Jane: That's IT? Are you getting soft or something?

Daria: They'll be custom made this time. It should at least set my parents back a few hundred.

Jane: Oh WELL, that's not so bad I guess.

Daria: Nope. So I guess that means your going too?

Jane: Now, now, why should I suffer?

Daria: Uh, support for your friend.

Jane: It's not fair, my parents are never around to get bribes out of.

Daria: You can have mine if you'd like.

Jane: No, thanks. But it'd be nice if you'd squeeze out a bribe or two for me.

Daria: I figure getting bribes out of them are compensation for having to live with them.

Jane: Vicariously count?

Daria: It should.

Quinn: (off screen) Daria! I need the phone.

Daria: That's not all you need.

Quinn: (enters) It's an emergency! Fashion vision is having a special on the evilness of polyester and I Think the fashion club should watch it together.

Daria: You're right, it'd be far to intense to watch all by yourself.

Quinn: Daria, you don't understand, this could be ground breaking news!

Daria: I'd like to make some neck breaking news.

Jane: Eh, let her have it, I can't listen to her whine any more.

Besides, I promised Trent I'd help him decipher the difference between the red and the brown guitar picks. He wants to know which makes his guitar sound better.

Daria: I think earplugs might make his guitar sound better.

Jane: I'll tell him you suggested that.

Daria: No...I..

Quinn: Daria!

Jane: Later.

(She hangs up the phone. Daria puts her head down in a moment of defeat. Quinn snatches the phone and heads out of the room)

(Cut to the next day at school. Daria and Jane are in class)

Mr. Dimartino: And I think it's a JOKE to celebrate our nations INDEPENDENCE on a day when it wasn't EVEN SIGNED. Not that any of you IGNORAMUS NITWITS would care or even have RESPECT for the fact that we live in a FREE country.

Daria: Yep, We live in a free country alright. It's so free we're showing our independence by involuntarily celebrating a holiday to raise money for things that should have been covered by the very funds That went to monitor our every *free* move.

DiMartino: Heh Heh, again your insight CUTS into the situation, Daria. Like a SHARP STEAK KNIFE! Too bad I'm only speaking HYPOTHETICALLY, Cause I'd really like to see Ms. Li GET WHAT SHE DESERVES.(Kevin raises his hand)

DiMartino: What is it, KEVIN?

Kevin: Yeah, I was just wondering if there were going to be some fireworks, cause you know, they're like really cool. I remember this one time, me and my dad bought this really big rocket type thing and whoa, did that thing have power!

DiMartino: No doubt that when you LIT it, You didn't step away and it collided WITH YOURHEAD!

Kevin: Hey, How did you know?

(Ms Li enters)

Li: I hope you are all excited about the celebration this weekend. We do still need a volunteer for the dunk tank. And well, It would show great support to your school if one of you volunteered.

DiMartino: Why don't YOU volunteer?

("Master of puppets" by Metallica begins to play in the background)

Li: (snorts) Nonsense, I have to be running the, uh, The whole operation. Besides, I don't think anybody would want to dunk the principal.

Jane: No, of coarse not.

Li: What are you getting at Ms. Lane?

Jane: Oh, nothing. I just thought you volunteering would be a good idea.

Li: And what have you volunteered for lately?

Jane: Uh...

Daria: She's *voluntarily* gone to all of the mandatory fund raising events.

Li: Well, Ms. Lane since you are quite the young volunteer, why don't you do the dunk tank.

Jane: I can't, I just had surgery and can't go in the water for a while.

Li: Fine. Then voluntarily find someone who will. Good day class.

(The bell rings. Cut to Daria and Jane after school on the grass where they usually sit)("Three little pigs" by Green Jelly plays in the background)

Jane: Hey Daria, You know what would be really fun?

Daria: Don't even bother.

Jane: Come on. I'll bet you wouldn't even get wet. How many idiots do you think can really hitthat red dot?

Daria: Not going to happen.

Jane: Dammit. (See's Brittany and Kevin) Hey Kevin, wouldn't you love to see Brittany in a wetT-shirt?

Kevin: Ye-yea.

Jane: And...Brittany, wouldn't you love to see Kevin in a wet T-shirt?

Brittany: Oh, Kevvy, I'd really like that.

Jane: All you guys have to do is sign up for the dunking booth.

Brittany: Sorry Jane, But we're already signed up for the kissing booth!

(They walk away)

Daria: Oh Darn, and I was looking forward to seeing Kevin in a soaking wet T-shirt.

Jane: Yeah, right. (Thinks, get's an Idea, smirks) But I think I know who you WOULD like tosee in a wet t-shirt...

(Cut to the Lane's basement. Jane is trying to convince Trent while Daria watches.)("Sabotage" by the Beastie boys plays in the background)

Trent: No way.

Jane: Come on! I helped you with your guitar pick project.

Trent: It's not going to happen.

Jane: You and Jesse could take turns, and you could wear Mystic spiral T-shirts to promote your band. And maybe Ms. Li will let you play a few songs.

Trent: Hmm, we could use the popularity. What's this thing for again?

Jane: The fourth of July.

Trent: Whoa, I'm really off. It's July already?

Daria: Don't worry, It's only May. Ms. Li needed the money so with her *powers* Given to her by the aliens, she moved the fourth of July to May.

Trent: That's twisted, man.

Daria: Yeah, But I guess it's not her fault that the fourth of July is in July. She probably doesn't think it's fair that she doesn't get to use all of the holidays to her money making advantages.

Jane: Despite the fact that she uses everything ELSE to her money making advantage. (Turns toTrent) So your there?

Trent: (thoughtfully) Hmm..I guess.

Jane: Cool.

(Cut to the lane's living room)

( Daria and Jane are busy watching sick sad world)

tv: Are a couple of kids from highland Texas the real reason behind the mysterious crop circles? Mischievous nitwits next on sick sad world.

Jane: SO....How many rolls of film would you like me to bring for when Trent get's soaked.

Daria: Be careful Jane. YOU might slip and fall in with him. We wouldn't want Upchuck frothing over you in a wet T-shirt now would we.

Jane: (shudders) Dammit Daria, Now I'm going to have nightmares.

( Cut to Casa Lane. The day of the festival) ("Walk this way" by Aerosmith plays in the background) (Jesse has just pulled up to the curb with the tank.)

Jane: (Yelling at Trent's bedroom door) Come on Trent, Jesse's here with the van.

Trent: I'll be out in a minute already.

Daria: (walks up to the door) What's the matter?

Jane: Trent is stalling. (To the door) You know Trent, this isn't the first time I've seen you in a bathing suit. I mean Daria....(Thinks for a moment then slowly points a finger at Daria as an evil grin spreads across her face) This is the first time YOU will get to see him in a bathing suit. I don't believe this. Mr. Oblivious has suddenly turned shy. (Chuckles) This is one for the books. Come on Daria, Let's give him a few minutes alone.

(The two of them walk down the hall to talk with Jesse)

(Cut to inside Trent's room)(Trent is busy writing in a small notebook)

Trent: (writing in the notebook) I can't believe I let Janie talk me into doing this fair thing. I mean sure, the band needs the publicity and all but the idea of sitting above a pool of water waiting for some kids to try and drown me isn't exactly my idea of fun. But still I guess that's what brothers are there for. Daria is going to be there. That's cool, I like it when she hangs around. I always get a laugh out of her sarcastic jokes. I've been getting this weird feeling that she likes me. Jane thinks I'm afraid to let Daria see me in a bathing suit. I don't know where she get's that from. What I'm afraid of is Daria seeing me get humiliated by a bunch of spoiled little kids. Oh well, I promised Janie That I'd do it so I guess I've got to go. Maybe this whole experience will help me to write a new song or something.

(Trent stashes the notebook under his bed and proceeds out of his room to join the others in theliving room)

Jane: There he is. We were beginning to wonder if you'd fallen asleep on us.

Trent: Yea, Yea. Let's just go OK. (Notices Daria in the passenger seat as he climbs into the drivers seat) (raises an eyebrow) Hey Daria, I didn't know you liked riding shotgun.

Daria: I wish I HAD a shotgun. (Motions Trent to look at Jane and Jesse taking up the back seat) They seem to have made themselves rather comfortable back there.

Trent: It's cool. (Closes the door and starts the van. The van leaves the driveway and begins it's Trek to the fourth in May fair)

Jane: So Daria, You looking forward to seeing Trent get wet? (Daria doesn't answer) Yo, earthto Daria....(Yells) Yo!!

Daria: (Holds up a large wooden paintbrush in both hands. Jane's favorite brush to be exact) Anymore out of you Jane and the brush get's it.

Jane: Mulan!! You wouldn't Dare. (Daria begins to apply pressure to the brush) Alright!!! you win. (Jane slumps back in her seat with a frown)

Daria: Cooperate and she will be returned unharmed. (Stuffs the brush back into her Jacket)

Trent:(looks into the rear view mirror) Did you say something Janie?

(Cut to the fair)(The four of them are walking from the parking lot onto the fairgrounds)

Jesse: I'm hungry. How about you Trent?

Trent: Yea, I could go for something to eat about now.

Jane: Now, now, Trent. You know you can't eat before you go swimming.

Trent: (confused) What?? (Jane points over to the dunking booth) AW, come on Janie. We just got here.

(As the group walks over to the booth Ms. Li can be seen standing there with a clipboard inhand)

Jane: (Smiles) Don't worry Trent, Very few people actually hit that little red dot. I bet you don't even get wet.

Daria: (Chuckles) Take it this way Trent. If Worse comes to worse, you can always drag Jane in and drown her as retribution for making you do this.

Trent: (Grumbles and walks to the booth) Publicity....I'm doing this for the bands publicity. Eyeson the prize man.

Jesse: What's he doing?

Jane: Probably psyching himself up for the task.

Daria: He has to psych himself up to sit on a platform and let people throw balls at him?

Jane: You know how he is Daria. He has to psych himself up to get out of bed everyday. (Thinks for a moment) Come to think of it...He's not always successful. (Looks at Daria meekly) Can I have Mulan back now?

Daria: (scolds) Not until the end of the fair young lady.(Jane whimpers)

( They reach the dunking booth where Ms. Li is standing. Trent has already taken position on the platform)

Ms. Li: Ah Ms. Lane, Congratulations on finding a volunteer for the dunking booth. I knew you'd manage to uphold the honor of LAAAAWNDALE HIGH.

Daria: (To Jane) You shouldn't have to uphold it. All the hot air that comes out of Ms. Li'smouth should be more than enough to keep it a float.

Jane: (Chuckles) The question is, What keeps it from floating AWAY?

Daria: She probably has it chained to her desk and monitored by all the security mechanisms in the school. I hear it's working on a new escape plan though. All It needs is Snake Pliskin tocome in and get it.

Jane: Escape from Lawndale? Hmm..That probably would be a good movie.

Daria: Not to mention a True story.

( The fashion club has gathered around the dunking booth and has started throwing balls at thetarget with no success.)

Jane: Come on, Let's go check out the arts and crafts tent.

Daria: I guess it can't be worse than watching THIS.

Jane: I thought you'd like watching Trent.

Daria: I do. (Points to the fashion club) It's their horrible aim I can't bear to watch.

Jane: (looks at the fashion club for a moment) Hmm..You have a point. Come on, Let's get out of here.

(Jane and Daria are walking past the concession stands when they spy Mr. Dimartino Flirting with Ms. Defoe)

Jane: Hey Daria, Check it out. Teachers in heat.

Daria: You have a very sick and twisted mind do you know that?

Jane: Thank you. Finally someone acknowledges my TRUE talents.

(Cut back to the fashion club. Quinn throws a ball and it misses)

Sandi: Oh, too bad.

Quinn: Well, I almost got it.

Stacy: The little red dot is so tiny!

Sandi: It's not THAT small, Stacy.

Quinn: (annoyed) Well, Why don't YOU try, Sandi.

Sandi: Fine. (She winds up and completely misses)

Stacy: That was close.

Tiffany: Really, really close.

Quinn: See, it's not as easy as it looks.

Sandi: (saving face) Oh well, who wants to see HIM in a wet T-shirt anyway?

(Trent raises an eyebrow, and looks annoyed)

Tiffany: Totally. They could at least find somebody that's attractive. (Points to Trent's T-shirt) And what's Mystic Spiral? I've never heard of THAT brand before. (The Fashion club walks away)

(Trent covers his face with his hands and shakes his head. We see a ball fly by, hear a thump, Trent looks up just as he goes splashing into the water. Pan over to Jane with a big smirk on her face. Daria is trying not to laugh)

Trent: Aw, Janey.

Jane: I couldn't help it, besides you looked like you could use a nice cool dunk sitting up there in the hot sun.

Trent: Last time I ever do YOU a favor. ( he gets back up on the dunking seat) Now that you've dunked me can you go torture somebody else?

Jane: Not yet, I still have another ball. (Jane smirks, Trent smirks)

Trent: Take your best shot.

Jane: Nah. My arms tired, I'm going to let Daria take this shot.

Daria: No.I.Uh.Have a fear of throwing balls. My Mom tried to make me play little league as a kid, It's scarred me for life.

Jane: What, are you chicken?

Daria: Yes. But please make a fool out of yourself by clucking and flapping your arms.

Trent: Come on, Daria. It's ok, I'd rather you dunk me than anybody else.

Daria blushes not sure how to take the compliment)

Daria: Uh, ok. (She throws, hits the dot, Trent goes under)

Trent: Nice shot.

Daria: Thanks.

Jane: Guess little league paid off, Huh? Is this going to scar you for life too?

Daria: No, but I have a feeling if I kicked you it'd leave a nice mark.

Jane: Now, now, don't threaten me with those new boots of yours.

Guy: (working at the dunk booth) Move on you two, Your holding up the line.

Jane: Have fun, Trent. Stay dry.

(Cut to the fashion club at another booth. They are trying to throw darts at other balloons and again failing miserably)

Quinn: God, why do they have to make these so hard? I'll never get that cute penguin.

Sandi: It's all in the wrist. (She throws and actually hits it. She smirks) See. Um, guy, I'll take that penguin. (She gives another self satisfied smirk)(The three J's come up)

Joey: Quinn! We've been looking all over for you.

Jeffy: What's up?

Quinn: Oh, I'm just trying to win that cute little penguin, but I can't seem to win.

Jamie: I'll win it for you, Quinn!

Joey: No, let me!

Jeffy: I have really good aim.

Quinn:(Helpfully) You guys can all win me something.

All three: Thanks!

(They start throwing darts. Sandi glares) (Cut to a little later. Quinn is holding her penguin and the three J's follow carrying even more stuffed animals. Sandi is glaring like she's never glared before)

(Cut to Daria and Jane at the food court. They spot Jesse stuffing his face)

Jane: Stocking up for the millennium?

Jesse: No, just for my turn at the dunking booth. Getting dunked makes me hungry.

Jane: Jesse, EATING makes you hungry. But you probably should go give Trent a break. He looked pretty washed out last time we saw him.

(Cut to Daria, Jane, and Jesse back at the dunking tank.)

Jane: Not very much of a line.

Trent: Nope: Not very many people have tried. You and Daria are the only ones that have dunked me so far.

Jane: It's only because we love you so much, don't we Daria?

(Daria is saved from having to answer as a ball flies by and Trent goes under water. It gives Daria the perfect opportunity to glare at Jane)

Trent: Ok. Jesse, Your turn. I can't take much more of this.

Jesse: Cool.

(The Top Gun anthem plays in the background)

(As Jesse climbs up all of a sudden a crowd of girls gather around and try to dunk him. Trent scowls. Jesse's eyes open wide.)

Jesse: Aw crap.

(Trent, Daria, and Jane walk away)

Jane; Quite a bunch of people that wanted to dunk Jesse. *Surprisingly* all female.

Trent: (still scowling ) He's always been lucky like that.

Daria: I wouldn't consider what he's about to go through very lucky.

(Trent Laughs a little and his scowl doesn't return)

Trent: Your right. Maybe it's a good thing that nobody thinks I look good in a wet t-shirt.

Jane: I wouldn't say NOBODY. (She spots the kissing booth where Kevin and Brittany aresmooching people) Look.

Daria: No thanks.

Jane: Come on, this is your big chance to show Kevin how you feel about him.

Daria: Maybe if it were a kicking booth I would.

Jane: Actually I had figured on using one of those novelty sets of brass knuckles we saw back at the arts and crafts booths. They LOOKED pretty real for novelty Items.

Daria: (thinks for a moment) Hmm...The Idea DOES have merit but I still pass.

Jane: Damn! (Turns her head to see Quinn leaving the game booth area with the three J's loaded with stuffed animals and points her out to Trent)

Trent: (as they are passing by the very same game booths Trent spy's a baby t-shirt with the sick sad world logo on it at a Dart throwing booth) Hey Daria, check it out.

Daria: Now that's something I haven't seen before.

Jane: Yea, I didn't even Know Sick Sad World HAD a novelty line.

(Smirks) Hey Daria, Why don'tyou let Trent here win it for you.

Daria: (blushes) That's all right Jane. I'm quite comfortable with my current wardrobe thank you very much.

Jane: (Nudges Trent) Aw come on, it'll help Trent get his mind off his water torture experience.

Trent: (lifts an eyebrow and catches Jane's drift) Jane, You KNOW my aim is horrible.

Daria: (Sighs) That's all right Trent. As long as you don't hit ME I'll..um..be alright..I guess.

Trent: Are you sure? I keep thinking about how I persuaded you to get pierced and I have to admit I felt Kind of guilty about it. You know, You wouldn't have done it if I hadn't said something.

Daria: It's alright Trent. It was actually kind of fun. I can't say I'd do it again but it was fun.

Trent:(points to Quinn who is still walking away) Great, Let's see if I win you something to make your sisters life a living hell...for a little while.

Daria:(smiles) I think I like the sound of that. What did you have in mind?

Trent: I'm going to get you that shirt for starters.

Jane: Yea, What would piss off princess grace more than to have that logo displayed in her face every time she turned around.

Daria: You two have been hanging around me to much. I'm beginning to rub off on you.

Jane: Sounds kinky. Trent, rub a little harder and see if it's true.

(Daria turns beat red)

Trent: (Laughs/coughs Then lifts his eyebrow) Some other time perhaps. (Daria blushes even harder)

(Trent places some money on the booth counter and the attendant gives him several darts)

Daria: Trent, These are moving targets. I thought you said your aim wasn't that good.

Jane: Are you kidding Daria? Most of the time after a gig all these guys do is shoot dart's. Now stand back and watch the master at work. ("Big gun" by AC/DC begins to play in the background)

(Trent throws six darts all of them hitting their mark and a moment later Trent hands Daria the shirt)(Cut to an hour later)

(It is dusk now. Daria, Trent and Jane are seen loading the van with a whole lot of stuff that Trent won for Daria and Jane)

Jane: For god's sake Trent. I think you went a little overboard on the stuffed animals.

Trent: I couldn't help it. I was Trying to beat Jesse's top score at the pub.

Daria: What was it? A billion point's or something.

Trent: It was up there a ways.

Jane: (Holds up the baby T-shirt.) Ahem, Time for you to change young lady.

Daria: (Daria blushes) No way, you didn't say anything about wearing it HERE!

Jane: AW come on Daria, What better way to let people know where you stand than to brandish the SSW logo in their face.

Daria: It's not the logo I'm worried about brandishing.

Jane: Then do it for Trent.(Daria blushes and turns to look at Trent)

Trent: (makes a hands off gesture) Hey Daria, No pressure. Do whatever you feel comfortable with.

Daria: (smiles a little bit) It WOULD drive Quinn up a wall.

(Cut to Twenty minutes later)

( The three are walking back onto the fair grounds)

(Daria is wearing the baby t-shirt with the SSW logo on it in place of her typical shirt. Other than that the rest of her outfit is the same. Jacket and all.)

Jane: You know...I think that shirt actually goes with the Jacket.

Daria: Jane, if you turn into Quinn and start trying to accessorize me then I'm afraid I WILL have to destroy you.

Jane: (turns her head) But which is my best side? I know their both good.

Trent: (chuckles) Good one Janie.

( Jesse comes walking up to them. His hair is still soaked.)

Jesse: There you guys are. I've been looking all over for you.

Jane: Whoa! It looks like they got you pretty good.

Jesse: Your not kidding. It was like all of a sudden everybody became a sharp shooter and I was the bulls eye. I couldn't bet back up on the seat before getting dunked again. I couldn't wait to get the hell away from there.

Trent: So who's watching the booth?

Jesse: I found a replacement.

(Cut to Upchuck sitting on the platform screaming with a crowd throwing a huge barrage of balls at the Target. The booth sign has been changed from dunking booth to Drown the geek.)

(Cut back to The four)

Trent: Cool, as long as there's someone there to watch the booth.

Jesse: (checks out Daria's new shirt) Cool shirt Daria. It looks hot as hell on you.

Trent: (scowls) Hey Man...

Jesse: What? It's the Truth.

Daria: Um..thanks Jesse.

Jane: (changing the subject) Does anybody know when the fireworks are supposed to go off?

Trent: (the scowl disappears) What? Um...about nine o'clock I think.

Daria: It's almost that now.

Jane: I guess that means we should head on over to the field then.

(They start walking and after a few minutes their trek takes them past the Ferris wheel which is surprisingly empty)

Trent: Hey Daria, have you been on any rides yet?

Daria: No why?

Trent: I don't know. I just saw that there was no line for the Ferris wheel and it just occurred to meto ask. When was the last time you were on one?

Daria; About a year I guess. It wasn't the best of experiences.

Trent: Really? What happened.

Daria: Oh, nothing. Just that Jane and I got on the Ferris wheel To avoid one of Quinn's friends but ended up in the same car with her while she bawled her eye's out because some jerk she dated didn't call her back the next day.

Jane: (shudders) You had to bring that memory back into my head didn't you? Now I KNOW I'mgoing to have nightmares tonight. Thanks a lot Daria.

Daria: (smiles) Hey, I aim to please.

Jane: (looks at her watch) Ahem...You know there's still time for the four of us to catch a ride.

Trent: Hmm.. How about it Daria?

Daria: (sighs) I guess, but if I suffer a flashback You'll be responsible for preventing me from jumping out of the car to my death.

Trent: Sounds cool(They head over to the Ferris wheel and pay their admission)

Attendant: Only two to a car.

Jane: (quickly jumps into one of the cars) Daria, Jesse and I will take this car. You and Trent can take that one.

Daria: (glares) Gee, Thanks so much Jane.

(Daria and Trent enter the next car and the ride starts)

(The first few times around are filled with silence as both Daria and Trent stare out towards the fairgrounds from above.

Trent: (breaking the silence) The school looks so weird like this.

Daria: like what?

Trent: Lit up at night like a carnival. It actually brings a little light to some aspects of school.

Daria: You mean that the teachers really are a bunch of idiot clowns?

Trent: (chuckles) No, I mean that some memories of school are worth having. Friends like you for instance.

Daria: Um..Trent. We didn't meet in school.

Trent: No, But Janie's still in school and I met you because you met her. And Your STILL the coolest high schooler I know.

Daria: (blushes and then smiles) Thanks Trent.

(they continue to talk until the ride ends)

(As the attendant lets them off they see Jane and Jesse waiting for them on the ground.)

Jane: So...Have fun. Daria: (Daria looks over at Jesse who has several hickeys on his neck) Apparently not as much as you two.

Jesse: Yea, She's got more energy than a ....( Jane punches him in thearm) OW!

(Trent and Daria. Burst out laughing)

Trent:(trying to recover) Come on, Let's get over to the field. The fireworks are about to start.

(They approach the football bleachers to see the fashion club and the three J's sitting low in the stands)

Jane: Oh look! It's air head and her cronies. She looks like she's having such a great time. It would just be a shame to burst her balloon.

Daria: I agree. (Walks over to Quinn) HI SIS. (Looks over to the fashion club) We've never actually introduced ourselves have we. I'm Quinn's brainy sister. People say we look alike. Why we can sometimes pass for twins. Well SIS it was nice meeting your friends. See you at home. Oh and listen, Thanks for letting me borrow the skirt. (Daria walks back to Jane, Trent, and Jesse.) AHH..I feel better. Let's go find a place to sit.

(Cut back to the fashion club)

Tiffany: That brain is your twin! Oh my god I always thought there was something weird about you.

Sandi: Obviously we shall have to review your position as vice president of the fashion club. I can't believe you own that skirt, let alone let her wear it. It is a very severe fashion don't. We may have to put you on fashion club suspension for this.

Quinn: What, You can't. I'm telling you she's not my sister. She's my cousin I tell you, my COUSIN. (Drops her head into her hands) Oh the humanity.

(Cut back to Daria, Trent, Jane, and Jesse)

(The four of them climb up to the top of the bleachers where they can see the whole field)

Jane: Do you think it was a good idea for Ms. Li to have the school Janitors set up the fireworks instead of professionals?

Daria: About as good an idea as hiring Ms. Li as the principal of this high school.

Jane: Guess it's a good thing that we didn't sit up close like everybody else then.

Daria: Yup! ( Some students are seen wandering through the stands selling concessions)

Trent: (perks up) Hey, Is anybody else in the mood for cotton candy?

Jane: Beware those sugar highs Trent.

Trent: Yea, Yea. How about it Daria?

Daria: I guess it couldn't hurt.

Trent: Cool. (Yells over to the student carrying the cotton candy and buys one for Daria and one for himself)

Jane: (Picks a piece off of Daria's cotton candy) Thanks Daria, What a pal!

Daria: I though YOU didn't want any.

Jane: I never said that. I said beware of Trent's sugar Highs. I'm helping to eat yours so YOU don't end up on a sugar high. Can't have you being completely honest with Trent now can we.

Daria: Bite me, Jane. Jane: Now, Now...don't tempt me. That reminds me. Can I have Mulan back now?

Daria: (rolls her eyes) I guess. (hands over the paint brush)

Trent: Hey, their starting.

(The four watch as the first rocket goes up and explodes)

Daria: OOH..AHH!

Trent: (Raises an eyebrow) You like the fireworks already Daria? They've only sent up one rocket.

Daria: No, I'm being eaten alive by mosquitoes. (Slaps her leg) Got one!

(Another rocket goes up but fizzles out and falls back to the ground)

Daria: Yup...Ms. Li spared no expense on THIS show.

Jane: Would you expect any thing less from her?

Daria: Do you really want me to answer that?

Jane: No, that's okay. I'm just talking out loud.

("Enter Sandman" by Metallica begins to play in the background)

(The janitor lights the next rocket but as he moves to get away he trips over the rack knocking the rocket over on it's side. The Janitor drops his flare on the ground as he get's up and runs for his life. The rocket ignites and fires sending the rocket screaming across the field and through one of the large windows at the front of the school gym at which point it explodes sending the gym up in flames.)

Jane and Daria: (Slowly) There IS a God!!

Jesse: Whoa!

Trent: Excellent!

( Meanwhile the flare the Janitor dropped has managed to ignite the rest of the fireworks and they start going off all over the place.) (Students are seen running for their lives) (Daria, Jane, Trent, and Jesse just maintain their safe distance in the stands. The reflections of flames and sparks can clearly be seen on Daria's glasses)

Trent: (starts singing) O beautiful for spacious skies, that contrast the bursting flames...

Jane: For fireworks igniting the gym...

Daria: So much for financial gain...

Jesse: Lawndale high, Lawndale High, God shed his flames on thee...

Daria: And burn thy goofs...

Jane: And thy classroom roof...

Trent: And my grade histor-ee.

Jane: It's beautful, isn't it?

(I'm a fire starter plays in the background)

Daria: it really makes you appreciate your country.

Jane; You know, this is a second wish of ours that has come true.

Daria: I know.

Jane: Except this one's a hell of a lot cooler.

Daria: Yeah, hopefully no nicknames will come of this one.

Trent: Wow, look at those flames.

Jesse: Does anybody have any marshmallows?

(Brittany comes running up)

Brittany: Look at the gym. Isn't this just terrible!? Now we won't have anywhere to hold cheerleading practice! (She runs off)

Jane: This just keeps getting better and better.

(They hear fire engine sirens)

Jane: Damn.

Daria: They're going to put out the only good thing that has happened in this school.

Jane: I can't see my wish be ruined like this, Let's go.

(The four take one last look at the burning school as the firefighters come and start their work)

(Cut to the four in The Tank, at Daria's house)

Trent: It was a cool night, we'll have to do it again sometime.

Daria: Thanks for winning me the shirt.

Trent: No problem.

Daria: Night.

(Cut to the inside of Daria's house. She removes the Jacket forgetting about her shirt and walks into the living room)

Helen: (from the kitchen) Daria, Is that you?

Daria: No, it's the uni-bomber.

Helen: I was so worried, I heard about the fire on the news. I'm so glad you're all right.

Daria: My school just caught on fire, I'm MORE than all right.

Quinn: It was horrible, mom! There was fire, and my vinyl shoes got completely ruined! Plus I'll*never* get the smell of smoke out of my shirt.

Helen: (still OS) I can't believe Ms Li didn't hire professionals to do the fireworks. I'm sensing lawsuits.

Daria: All I'm sensing is a big fat insurance check for Ms. Li.

("Barbie girl" by Aqua plays in the background)

Helen: (OS) What that woman would do....(she walks into the living room and see's Daria ) Daria!

You look so nice, where did you get that shirt? It's so wonderful that your finally showing you'relovely figure.(Daria Glares)

Quinn: Mom, what are you talking about? It's ugly. And you know what she did? She came and told all of my friends that I loaned her the skirt. I'll never be able to show my face again.

("Barbie Girl" Fades into Manson's "Beautiful people")

Daria: May I suggest hiding it by wearing a plastic bag over your head?

Helen: Quinn, It's nice that your sister is trying new outfits. Daria, You really do look nice. And there is nothing wrong with flaunting a little skin now and then.

Daria: Except when it comes to Quinn's halter top.

Helen: That thing is just TRASHY.

(Jake puts down his newspaper and turns on the tv. The news is showing the fire)

Reporter; The flames have been contained....

Daria: The news is always so depressing, Let's watch something else.

Jake: Fire? There was a fire? Hey, That looks like the school. Did you know that the school caughton fire?!

Daria: Know? I am the one that started it.

Helen: Daria, You did not start the fire and I wish you wouldn't say those things, somebody might take you seriously.

Daria: You know how you always told me if I wanted something enough it would happen?

Helen: That's right...

Daria: I think this is a perfect example of that.

Helen: Daria....(sighs)

Reporter: The fire started from fireworks, Principal Angela Li insists that she hired trained professionals for the early Fourth of July celebration to raise money...

Jake: There were fireworks?! Oh, I love fireworks. My dad never let me get fireworks when I was little. We'd go shopping for them and then He'd end up buying beer and little Jakey would get stuck with a pack of matches.

Helen: Jake, PLEASE, turn on the football game.

Quinn: Well, I'm going to go wash my hair. Smoke damage can be really bad and dry out your hair. I'm Thinking peach strawberry with silk protein, but maybe I'll use the vanilla almond cause I really like that smell...(she walks off)

Daria: Hmm, well I'm sure Ms. Li will put me to work on Monday searching for books, math tests, bodies, I'm turning in.

Helen: I'm sure Ms. Li wouldn't do that to you.

Daria: Hmm, Your right. She'll probably use the more able bodied students.

(Cut to Monday morning Mr. Dimartino's class)

Brittany: ...And it was such a tragedy this weekend, I mean, my favorite gym shirt was in that fire! Thanks for letting me share how I felt Mr. D.

MR. D: Thank you BRITTANY for exhibiting how MATERIALISTIC WE ARE. And reminding us that the only REAL TRAGEDY is that the FIRE ONLY HIT THE GYM!

Ms. LI: (over the loudspeaker) Your attention please, Due to the unfortunate events of this weekend I am calling an assembly. Please proceed to the gym...Ah hell, never mind, I'll just talk over this.

Daria: Damn, I guess even a fire couldn't take away assemblies.

Ms. Li: Fortunately I got the school a good Insurance plan, But the money has to go to repairing the gym. I'm sorry to inform you that it will no longer have some of the extras you are used to having. There was a lot of surveillance equipment destroyed from the heat which needs replacing. So there will be only one basketball hoop for a while after the gym is rebuilt. Also, The Independence Day funds will be put towards a new lead guard dog. Our late one was caught in the fire trying to save football equipment. A true hero. Now let's take a moment of silence to honor poor Fifi.

Daria: Our school is guarded by a dog named "Fifi"?

Jane: Correction, "was" guarded.

Ms. Li: In conclusion, since we never did get the money for the textbooks, we're going to have tohold a fundraiser.

Daria: Another one? Jane: Now, Now, hear the lady out. The last one wasn't all that bad.

Ms. Li: I was thinking of having a late Easter ...

Jane: What destruction can come from Easter?

Daria: Giant Easter bunnies and marching bands.

Jane: They could stomp the school to smitherines!

Ms. Li : But that's just plain ridiculous, So I've decided on a late Valentines Day.

Daria: Huh?

Ms. Li: You will each send me a Valentine, But instead of chocolate, you will each put money in it. Minimum of ten dollars. Thank You.

Daria: This is very very wrong.

Jane: But think of all the paper cuts she'll get.

Daria: Optimist.

Jane: I have to think of some way she'll get hurt before I can give her money.

Daria: Sadist.

(Cut to Daria and Jane in the halls)

Daria: Despite the fact that we have to live through Valentines Day twice this year, That was the best fourth of July ever.

Jane: Yea, and to think we get to do it all again in a few months.

Daria: And since the city doesn't buy CHEAP fireworks, think of all the damage they could do. Maybe they'll hit the rest of the school.

Jane: Come on, now, You know wishes don't come true.

(Daria and Jane exchange knowing looks)

ROLL ENDING CREDITS:

"Eat the Rich" By Aerosmith plays in the background

Alter egos of the characters are seen as the credits go by.

Ms. Barch as a praying mantis about to eat Mr. O'neill
Jake as Darth Maul
Ms. Li as the Orkin Guy
Daria and Jane as Ghostbusters
Quinn as a football player