Standoff
By
Chris Smith
Daria and other characters created by MTV Networks
Michael Andrews, Mara Jacobs, and Eddie created by Michael Pfeffer
Reuben created by Katherine Goodman
Kain, Sally, Clone #1, Karen Oldham, Bonnie, and Heather created by Chris Smith
Recap: Kain decided to take everyone to the Alternapalozza Festival for the weekend. Everyone conspired to finally hook Daria up with Trent. In a way, it worked, when one of Clone #1's goons confronted the two with a gun. They managed to get away alive, and leave the festival without anyone getting hurt. But the terrorist ring stuck around and killed ninty-eight percent of the crowd. Kain is getting furious about his first failed experiment.
Kain was only going to be a principal for one month as part of a special school project that teaches responsibily. Kain's final day was today. He decided to graduate Daria, Jane, Michael, and Mara early without Principal Angela Li knowing. Kain was granted a diploma for keeping the school in check while she was gone. Daria, knowing this was her final day in school, decided to spill her guts on the stage.
Kain believed he had tied all the loose ends when Mara brought up Quinn being in the crowd when Kain was giving his farewell speech.
Everyone, Daria, Jane, Trent, Jesse, Reuben, Bonnie, Michael, Mara, Sally, and Kain headed for the Morgandorffer's to complete one final task..........
Scene 1: Where we left off. Daria is about to open the door.
Daria: Well, here goes nothing.......
(Daria opens the door halfway. And Helen is right there with an extremely pissed look on her face. Quinn is complaining to Jake about her day.)
Helen: I am very upset about your choice of friends.
Daria: Really? I'm not. I found people who accept me for who I am.
Helen: That doesn't exempt you from the simple fact that you befriended a dangerous crim....
(Daria opens the door all the way, revealing the rest of her friends.)
Daria: You're a hypocrite. You don't see Kain as I do.
Kain: Bonnie, take the van home. We'll meet you there later.
Bonnie: Yes sir. (She leaves)
Helen: Didn't she look like.....
Daria: There's a lot I need to fill you in on, mom. Kain's not a criminal.
Helen: The man has poisoned your mind.
Kain: But it's true.
Jake: YOU THINK WE'RE GOING TO LISTEN TO YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU MONSTER?!?!
Kain: Yes.
Helen: (Suprised) Jake, you've actually been listening to me.
Jake: Yeah.
Helen: Jake?
Jake: Yeah?
Helen: TAKE ME!!!! (Jake hoists her up and carries her up upstairs.)
Kain: Okay guys, the parents aren't going to listen. Advance on them.
(Daria goes and closes the curtains, while everyone walks in. Sally closes the front door and locks it.)
Quinn: What are you doing, Daria?
Daria: Shutting you up. (Daria pulls out a remote control and presses a button, Quinn is frozen solid.) She'll be fine, aside from a slight headache.
Kain: Move them to the lab. I'll get the two Nazis. Trent, Jane, check the other rooms.
(After checking Quinn's room for other people, they head for the rocket tube leading to Kain's lab. Outside, someone is watching them from a pair of binoculars. Cut to: Kain's Lab. Eveyone is leading Quinn, Helen, and Jake to a clear, plastic holding cell.)
Helen: Why are you doing this?
Jane: We know what's really going on with Kain. And we can't let you get in the way.
(The three Morgandorffers are locked in.)
Kain: Sally? How much of the blueprints are completed?
Sally: About ninety-five percent.
Kain: We can't wait any longer. Begin the construction.
Sally: Oakie-dokie. (pauses for a second) It's done.
Michael: What happened?
Sally: I forgot to tell you. I'm linked to the main computer through my brain.
Daria: What are you building?
Kain: Our ticket out of here.
Scene 2: Same place. Two days have passed. Mystic Spiral (Plus one) are shooting pool. Daria, Jane, and Mara are watching a live Sick Sad World Field Day Special.
<Monday--11:00 a.m. >
Anchorman: Hi, I'm Marc Fieldman.
Co-Anchor: And I'm Lysa Wynn.
Marc: Welcome to a special live-edition of Sick Sad World!
Lysa: Today, on this special edtion of SSW, we intend to ask the question: Is it really a Sick Sad World?
Marc: All day today, we will be looking at the strangest people, the weirdest places, and the bizarre things that happen almost every day.
Jane: This oughta be good.
Daria: You think people would have something to do.
Mara: Like, save the world?
Michael: I heard that.
Kain: Actually, that comes later, I think. (Sinks in a nine ball)
Lysa: We start today with the Washington Monument. Could it be that it sends signals to Martians from space? We go to our correspondant, in D.C. Who has the story.
TV: The Great Washington Monument. People wonder why it looks like a giant dildo, some believe it's used as a death trap for (Shows a description) when someone blows up the White House, the monument collapses on top of the getaway car, resulting in a quick demise. The reason is that, inside the Monument, (Shows another description) there is a twelve-billion gigawatt antenna, used for polititians to send erotic messages to martians. Now, for the first time in history, we here at Sick Sad World, have obtained this racy, recording made back in 1969.
Daria: Is this really necessary?
Jane: Yes.
(Cut to: The front gate, three guys in dark clothes are going through an arch on the walkway.)
Message: Prepare for cellular scan.
(Cut to: The living room. The erotic recording is still playing.)
TV Recording: Oh Zorsha! I want you now!!
Other Voice (Definitely alien): Oh senator! Don't you have a hearing to attend to?
Senator Recording: Fuck that!!
Jane: That's too sick! Even for me!
(Back at the front gate. The arch is continuing scans on the three.)
Message: Cellular scan complete. Prepare for retina scan.
(Back in the living room, Jane is trying to cover her ears as the recording is playing.)
Senator Recording: What color is your race, anyway?
Zorsha Recording: Green. Like in money.
Senator Recording: Ohhh, baby.
(Back at the front gate.)
Message: Retina ID verified. Give your current password.
Voice1: Jerry Springer's a cocksucker.
Message: Password Verified. Give me the secondary password.
Voice2: So is Montel.
Message: Secondary password verified. Proceed.
(The three walk toward the front door. Back in the house, though. Jane is feeling sick from hearing the recording.)
TV: This proves that our government is not only communicating with extra-terrestrials, they're also the horniest bastards to walk the earth. Back to you, Marc and Lysa.
Marc: We'll be right back. (SSW logo flies onto the screen.)
Daria: You feeling okay, Jane?
Jane: Maybe I should stop watching this show.
Kain: That was the funniest thing I've ever seen on TV.
(Outside, on the front door. The three each put their hands on a trigger beside the door and press it in.)
Message: Give me your final password.
Voice1: Maury had a widdle wamb......
Voice2: It's fleece was as white as cocaine....
Voice3: And everywhere the lamb followed.......
Voice1: Maury sniffed it and went insane!
Message: Verified, enter.
(The door unlocks, and they go in.)
Voice1: Hey boss! We're back!
Voice2: And we have souveneirs!!
Voice3: (Everyone notices the three) We got back as soon as we could. What's up?
Kain: Ok, go ahead and have a seat, guys.
Trent: Who are they?
Kain: Remember the three bodyguards I hired after I became a recluse?
Daria: Yeah.
Kain: Well, these aren't them. These are actually clones of Clone #1's Right-Handfull Trio. (Moves over to one guy) This is a clone of John Addler. A dedicated uzi-carrying massacure-master. We call him "Uziman". (Moves over to another) This is a clone of Tommy Marek, an ex-mafia bodyguard.
Tommy: Just Tommy will do.
Kain: You never liked nicknames, did you? (Motions to the third.) And this is a clone of Vincent Phyler. He's great with that modified piece. We call him "Ridin' Shotgun". Guys, this is Daria Morgandorffer, Jane Lane, Michael Andrews......
Uziman: THE Michael Andrews?! Wow, I never thought I'd get to meet you, finally!
Kain: Ahem. Mara Jacobs, Trent Lane, Jesse Furnas, and Reuben Garnet. And THIS, is Sally.
Shotgun: She looks like that Daria girl there.
Kain: I'll explain later. Have a seat guys! Tell me about your VACATION!
Uziman: Well! We spent the entire month painting Chicago red! I saw all sorts of neat shit like, the museums and zoos, over there I liberated a few animals just for shits and giggles.
Shotgun: He almost got arrested too! But, as always, he was able to talk his way out of it. Me, I went and saw a few movies and hustled on the Mortal Kombat 4 machines.
Tommy: I just hung around the coffeehouses the entire time.
Kain: Hey, you gotta pass the time somehow. I found a few new friends, The computer copied all its data into a clone of "her" choice. And so I got Sally.
Uziman: Very cool. I guess the old man's work is finished. Huh?
Kain: Not yet. I still have to stop Clone #1 from his reign of terr-or.
Shotgun: Well, what are we waiting for?!?! Let's go bag the bastard!!!
Kain: We're not ready yet. We've just begun construction of the Falcon.
Tommy: You finished the design specs?! Cooool!!!
Heather: Here's the morning paper sir.
Uziman: Hel-looooooooooooooo nurse!!!!!!
Kain: Oh yeah, I played a prank on Daria's sister and made a few clones to piss her off. There's four of them. Bonnie, the driver, is already taken by a band member. But Heather and the other two are free, if you get my drift.
Shotgun: Who's in a band?
(Trent, Jesse, Reuben, and Kain each raise their hands and go "YO!!")
Uziman: Weeellllll, (Church Lady voice) Isn't that special?
Shotgun: Anyway, we're back, and ready for Fearless Leader to guide us to victory!
Tommy: Yeah. Victory. Cool.
Jane: (Sarcastic) Aren't you enthusiastic.
Tommy: Sorry. I just stopped caring. That all.
Daria: I know what that's like.
Trent: Who doesn't?
Uziman: Ooo! Oo! Oo! I almost forgot! On our way back, we had a run-in with a bunch of thugs.
Shotgun: Oh, yeeeaaaaah. We creamed them good! You should've seen Tommy handle these two guys.
Tommy: Yeah, what a bunch of wimps. I don't even think the blond guy wanted these guys around. These two, both had the stupidest laughs, and they had these giant heads. Very scary.
Shotgun: (Talks like Butt-Head) Yeah, but you gotta, like, admit, theth guys were the biggest wussies to, like, walk the Earth, or thomething. Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh. Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Uziman: (Talks like Beavis) Yeah. M-heh-heh-heh. I kicked him in the nads! Heh-heh-heh-heh-M-heh-heh-heh-heh. Nads. M-heh-heh-heh-hm-heh-heh-heh! Nads are cool.
(Daria is out cold, on the floor.)
Jane: Yoo-hoo! Dar! Wake up! (She helps Daria back to her feet.)
Uziman: Yup, she knows them.
Shotgun: Yeah, well, I need proof.
Tommy: Brainwave camera?
Uziman: Yup.
(They put the device on Daria's head. She remembers a disaterous time period with Beavis and Butt-Head. Her thoughts are projected on the TV screen. She remembers her first time she had to do a project with the two idiots.)
(In Butt-Head's room)
Beavis: ......You could have Butt-Head sit on a glass jar and fart. Heh-heh-heh-heh.
Daria: What's so scientific about that?
Beavis: Nothing, until you light it (flicks on his cig-lighter.). Heh-heh-heh-heh.
(Buzzcut's class)
Buzzcut: So, Beavis and Butt-Head. I understand McVicker has made a little arrangement with you guys. Yeah, a little probation. You see class, Beavis and Butt-Head here, are not allowed to laugh for an entire week. Yuh-huh. And if they do laugh, they'll be expelled, and they'll have to go to Hope High School and get their asses kicked on a daily basis by all the other delinquents. Hah hah hah! (Everyone is laughing, including Daria.) Well, that's great. 'Cause this is sex education week! Uh, huh. Sex ed week! (Walks up to Butt-Head) We're going to be talking about the PENIS!! We'll be talking about the VAGINA!! Do you think that's funny, Butt-Head?! Do you find it amusing we'll be talking about the TESTICLES?!!? Sexual Intercourse!! And..... (gets in Butt-Head's face) and we'll definitely be spending the time, talking about MASTERBATION!!!! (Everyone laughs even harder.) Now that we've got that out of the way, let's take roll! BUTT-KISS!!
Butt-Kiss: Here. Huh-huh. Huh-huh.
Buzzcut: GAYLORD! IVAN! MORGANDORFFER!
(Cut to Daria seeing Beavis throwing Butt-Head in a mudhole.)
Butt-Head: Hey, spank your monkey all you want, but keep your hands off of mine!
Beavis: You're dead!
Butt-Head: No way. (Butt-Head knocks beavis into the mud with a boxing glove on a bat, and bangs his head into the mud dozens of times.)
Beavis: Aaahh! Ah! Cut it out, bunghole! Aahh!
Daria: What are you guys doing?
B&B-H: Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha! Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha! Diarrhea, cha-cha-cha!
Daria: Get a life. What exactly do you call this?
Butt-Head: We're going to be cool. Like the American Gladiators!
Beavis: Yeah. Heh-heh-heh-heh!
Daria: What's with the bikini tops?
Butt-Head: We're going to get a real woman, down over at Babes-R-Us!
Daria: (Sarcastic) Oh, they're going to love you guys.
(She walks off, but notices them getting up to do something else.)
Butt-Head: And now, for the most intense move. (Butt-Head restrains Beavis's arms behind his back and pops off Beavis's top.) Cool. 'Hope you got that one down, dude.
(Cut to Daria seeing the two fighting with crickets.)
Butt-Head: Yours' a wuss
Beavis: No, yours is. (They see Daria walk up.)
Butt-Head: Hi Diarr- Uh, I mean, Daria. Huh-huh-huh-huh. You going to take pictures?
Daria: I've been assigned to the school newspaper. The editor made me fashion reporter because I'm a girl! I HATE FASHION!! There's no fashion in this town!! I want to be an exquiring photographer!
Beavis: Yeah. Then you could take pictures in the girl's locker room!
Butt-Head: Yeah. And ask them how they want to please big daddy Butt-Head. Huh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Daria: God, you're gross. (Takes a flash photo of them.)
Beavis: What'd you do that for?
Daria: You never know. National Geographic might call.... (Walks off)
Butt-Head: She thinks we're cool. Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh.
Beavis: Heh-heh-M-Heh-heh-heh. She's right!
(Later that day. In a sporting goods store. Daria walks up to Buddy, the store owner.)
Buddy: Can I help you?
Daria: I have some questions about activewear. (She hears Beavis and Butt-Head behind a curtain.)
Beavis. Snug nads. (Daria's eyes widen along with her jaw dropping) Heh-heh-heh-heh.
Butt-Head: Uh-huh-huh-huh. The family jewels are secure. (They walk out of the dressing room. And show the G-String-like eyepatches they're wearing as underwear.)
Beavis: How do we look?
Daria: Wow, even smaller than I thought! (Takes a quick picture. They're surprised, and pulled theire shirts down to their knees. Daria has a sinister smile.)
(Daria removes the brainwave camera)
Daria: The next day, they were placed in a squat-thrust seminar for the entire summer.
Jane: And I thought I had it bad.
Daria: About a few months later, I finally lost it. And I was kicked out of Highland High School.
Michael: What about Quinn?
Daria: A week later, Quinn was expelled for doing it in the Janitor's Closet. I'm expecting her to tell mom and dad why she was doing it. We ended up moving to Lawndale three weeks later after dad managed to set up a law firm in town. The rest is history.
<Monday-12:30 p.m.>
(Sharon and Diane, the two other Quinn clones, rush in.)
Diane: Sir! Turn on the TV! You have to see this!
(Kain flips on the TV and sees a special report.)
Anchorman: An anonymous tip has led the police to the location of Kain's hideaway. It appears he lives in a secluded area at the edge of Lawndale, California. We take you now, live to the Chief of Police, Greg Ballzinski.
Greg: As soon as we got the news, I dispatched all our available units. They should be arriving shortly. We've got the son-of-a-bitch now!
Co-Anchor: I'm sorry, I'm going to have to cut you off. It appears the police has reached Kain's estate. Let's go there live.
Kain: This I have to see. Sally, bring up a split-view of Cameras one, two, and four.
(All three show two dozen Police cars pulling up to the front gate. A second later, they all pour out, drawing their weapons at the house.)
Kain: Fuck.
Uziman: What do we do now?!!
Kain: Only one thing TO do, Daria, Jane, Mara, Bonnie, Heather, Diane, Sharon, Trent, Jesse, Reuben, go take everything you can find in all the rooms and move them down to the lab. Sally, take this disk (Hands them a CD) put in the computer in the lab. Run the program on the CD. And then help the others move my things.
Daria: How are we going to move the TV?
Kain: It's just a projection, just remove the four light projectors from the wall. (They all leave the room.)
Michael: What about me?
Shotgun: Yeah. And what about us?
Kain: Battle stations.
Uziman: Alllllll right!!!!
(They move up to the roof, choppers are swirling above.)
Police Megaphone: Just come quietly, and we'll go easy on you!
Kain: (Through a louder megaphone) If you want me, you'll have to come and get me!
Police Lieutenant: Okay, move in on my signal. (pauses for a second) NOW!!!
(Police move into the front yard. Suddenly, a giant hulking robot about 10"9, tromps into view. It has a giant left hand, and it's right hand has been replaced with a gatling laser. It fires at the cops. )
Police Lieutenant: HOLY SHIT!!! FALL BACK!! FALL BACK!!! FALL BA-(The man is shot right through the head.)
(The cops managed to retreat, but five officers are dead. The Morgandorffers are watching a TV in their cell.)
Anchorman: What we've just witnessed, was totally unexpected.
Co-Anchor: (Someone hands him a sheet of paper, and pauses for a second.) I've just recieved word that the Lawndale SWAT Team has been dispatched to the Terrorist's home. Let's go back live to the house.
Quinn: This sucks.
Helen: For once, I'd have to agree with you. After putting hundreds of scumbags behind bars, I never thought one would do the same to me. Jake, I could use some support here.
Jake: Huh, oh yeah, I'm kinda hungry too.
Helen: Haven't you been listening?!!
<Monday--1:00 p.m.>
(Daria and Jane are carrying notebooks and clothes out of the bedroom.)
Daria: This is getting weird.
Jane: I thought you lived for weird.
Daria: Yeah, but why are we moving everything down to the lab? It doesn't make sense.
Jane: I guess you got me stumped, for once.
(Up on the roof, Kain, Michael, Uziman, Tommy, and Ridin' Shotgun are pondering their next move.)
Shotgun: What do we do now, boss?
Kain: We can't kill too many cops. Just enough to keep them away. Eventually, Guardians one thru six will give out.
Michael: Guardians?
Kain: Those giant defense robots down there.
Michael: Won't the authorities try to come in from the air?
Tommy: They can try.
Shotgun: But there's a class-fifteen electric shield surrounding the roof and second floor.
Uziman: And when they manage to get through.......
Kain: Hey, we're all armed here. (Pulls out a pistol-size grenade launcher) I'm ready and willing to blow up a few intruders.
Michael: I was just wondering something. Do you have any idea as to how we're going to get out of this one?
Kain: If Sally got that program working, we need to keep the fuzz busy for two days, while construction goes quadruple-speed.
Michael: Construction? Where?!!
Tommy: Below the lab, is a giant hangar bay, complete with robotic-controls. They built the Mega-Van and a few special jetpacks.
Kain: Well, looks like the cops have reinforcements. Time to go to work.
(More police cars pull up with a few SWAT vans. The chief himself grabs a megaphone.)
Greg: Ok, Kain! This is your last chance, pal! Surrender now, or we'll be forced to retaliate!!
Kain: Stay the hell away, Greg! You have no idea what you're doing!
Greg: You realize you just threw away your last chance for a fair trial!
Kain: Like you were going to give me one anyway. Here, try this on for size! (Kain fires at the SWAT vans, three of them are destroyed instantly, the last one is in flames with a few survivors.)
Michael: What are you doing?!!
Kain: Sometimes you gotta make a few sacrifices.
Greg: (On a phone) Yes, this is Greg Ballzinski. Serial #0-24295-0004154-44822. Request for NG assistance at the Kain compound at the edge of Lawndale.
Voice: Request granted. Forces will be arriving in two hours. (CLICK)
Greg: Let's see you get out of this one.
<Monday-2:30 p.m.>
(Mara, Bonnie, and Trent are thinking around the fridge.)
Mara: I wonder how we can get this downstairs
Trent: I think Kain just meant his possessions.
Bonnie: No. No, I think he meant EVERYTHING.
(Sharon, Jane, Jesse, and Reuben are taking down a few paintings and framed posters on the walls.)
Jane: (Taking down a Ghostbusters movie poster.) Why does he want these saved?
Reuben: I don't know, maybe because THEY'RE VALUABLE!!
Sharon: An authentic movie poster can be worth a bundle, if it's left intact.
Jesse: Well, that explains it.
(Sally, Diane, Heather, and Daria are organizing papers in the lab. Kain talks through an intercom.)
Kain: How's everybody holding up?
Diane: We're kinda exhausted.
Kain: Take a break. You guys need it.
Sally: Thanks.
Daria: What's going on out there?
Kain: We've been holding the cops back for about two and a half hours. They called the SWAT team, we're holding them back pretty good. Now, they're just sitting there, like they're waiting for something.
Michael (In background): Could I see that a sec? Yeah, I just heard the word over the police band, they've sent for the National Guard.
Heather: THE National Guard?!! Won't they break through?
Kain (using the comm unit again): Fat chance. We're not going without a fight.
Sally: That's what I'm afraid of.
(Helen is tapping at her end of the cell.)
Daria: What now, mom?
Helen: We just heard over the TV. What do you plan to do?
Daria: I don't know what the guys plan to do. All I know is that they're holding off the authorities.
Quinn: Why am I here?
Sally: Because you keep sending your dates to "Kill the monster". You've led five of your boyfriends to their deaths. Didn't you read the fuckin' sign?!!
Quinn: What sign?
Sally: Figures. I feel sorry for anyone that would have a sister like you.
(Greg is talking with the SWAT team captain.)
Greg: Have you tried to swing around and come from the back?
Captain: There's no doors or windows on the back.
Greg: Maybe we can make a hole and fire in some tear-gas.
Captain: It won't work. The entire back is some kind of acid lake. Three people died while trying to cross.
Greg: Shit. I guess we'll have to wait for the National Guard after all.
(The roof.)
Uziman: It's going to be two long days.
Kain: There's always the emertron.
Shotgun: No way, man. Last time, I felt like I was on caffeine for six days!
Kain: I got it fixed.
Tommy: Yeah, right Kain. You could never get that fixed!
Michael: Trust me. It works.
Tommy: I don't know you enough to trust you.
(A few armored transports drive up along with a few armed transport choppers. Soldiers pour out of both ends towards the house.)
Kain: Hey Sally, bring up cameras one, three, and five. You gotta see this!
(The troops enter the grounds and are halted by the Guardian. It fires at the troops, they fire back. A few seconds later, two more Guardian robots come tromping into view and fire. The Guardians also grab troops and squish them, explaining what happened to all of Quinn's dates.)
Greg: Shit, mothafuck!! Retreat! Retreat!!! (It's too late for three-fourths of the soldiers) What can those choppers do?!
NG Commander: (Holding up a comm unit.) Secondary forces, attack!
(The choppers take off and fire at the roof, but the shields absorb all the incoming bullets and rockets. Some soldiers jump down toward the roof, but the shields strip them of everything organic. All that's left is bones.)
Kain: If they're smart, they'll give up.
Tommy: Did you rig the shields to do that?
Kain: Yup. Hey Mike?
Michael: Don't call me that, please. Hang on a sec, (Listens to a headset.) it appears they're sending for more troops and combat vehicles. They're even bringing a tank this time.
Uziman: Those sons-of-bitches're easy to blow up.
Shotgun: Death traps they is.
Kain: As soon as we get out of here, you want to join us on a little crusade?
Michael: Sure, there's nothing better to do.
Uziman: It look like time for a celebration.
Michael: Huh?
Shotgun: Ever since we all joined up. We've been like The Four Horsemen.
Tommy: Now that you're joining, we need a new name for ourselves.
Kain: Hmmmm. I've got it! Hold out your hands (Everyone brings their left hands together in a star pattern.) As of 3:12 p.m., November 21, 1997, we dub ourselves "The Slaughterhouse Five"!
All: Wooooooo-hooo!!!!!!
<Monday 7:46 p.m.>
(Everyone is in the living room, exhausted. )
Daria: What's the point of moving all your stuff to the basement?
Kain: As soon as there's sufficent space, we're moving everything aboard the Falcon.
Jesse: What's the Falcon?
Michael: As what Kain's told me, it's a giant sky-fortress.
Kain: It's just the right amount of firepower I'll need to counter Clone #1's attacks.
Jane: But, why the furniture?
Kain: You gotta have someplace to sit. And we don't have enough material to make the seats, tables, and other things.
(Apparently, Kain has some sort of videophone connected to the TV, because it's ringing.)
Kain: Didn't you get that unhooked?
Jane: We figured we could see some more of the Sick Sad World field day before we took the projectors down.
Kain: Oh well.
(Kain presses a button on the remote and the TV screen comes on. It looks like a CEO's office in a skyscraper. The person has his chair turned away, so you can't see who he is.)
Voice: Hello, Kain.
Kain: Hello, YOU!
Voice: I trust you got my message loud, and clear?
Kain: You truly are scum.
Daria: Are you the one that's causing all this confusion?
Voice: Ah, you have company. That's expected, I guess. But don't get too attached to them. Your friends are like cancer cells spreading across the human body, I'm cutting off the infected parts. I did it before, I'll do it again.
Trent: Why are you doing this to him?
Voice: Because I can. (He turns around. He looks exactly like Kain, except he is a little clean-shaven, with shorter hair.) It's time for the world (Stands up) to bow down under one ruler. ME!!!! And nothing, not even you are going to stop me!
Kain: And how are you going to do this?
Clone #1: The general public think you are the big, bad guy. I've already have your government in my pocket. They know you're innocent, and they don't care. This is their revenge on dear old dad, by making your life a living hell. Where do you think I get the money to hire hitmen, assassins, and espionage pros to watch over your every move? I run the country now.
Mara: What about Clinton?
Clone #1: He's just a puppet. Oh yeah, I almost forgot. I hope you enjoyed my little present earlier.
Michael: You?! You tipped off the cops?!!?!!?
Clone #1: It's my duty as an American citizen to report the whereabouts of dangerous crimminals.
Kain: You're not a citizen! You are not even human! You're a clone! Of me!!
Clone #1: Not anymore. I'm now my own man. I've decided to use that techno-shit for what it's really used for! You are a fool! You want to protect this world from bad people. Well, so do I! I'm just doing something about it!
Sally: What are you getting at?
Clone #1: No more questions. Time is money. And my time is very expensive. Until next time, do try to stay alive. I'd rather you die by my hand, than by soft, Civilized, American execution. (Screen off)
Kain: I can't leave yet, but something has to be done tonight to hold him off until I get there.
(Kain picks up a phone, dials a number, and presses a few buttons to make it a recorded video message. A beep sounds.)
Kain: Hi, it wasn't easy to get this number. So bear with me on this, I am in dire need of your assistance. I have information on the location of Kain and his terrorist ring. End message. (He hangs up.)
Trent: Who were you....?
Kain: You'll see. If they're as reliable as I think they are, they should be calling back shortly.
(A red light flashes in the ceiling.)
Kain: Time to go back to work. (He gets up and heads back to the roof. Everyone goes this time.)
Tommy: Why are you coming up? You do realize that the cops and army guys could be waiting to shoot at us.
Jane: We've taken these kinds of risks before. It's our thing.
Michael: Yeah, you shoulda been there.
Uziman: We all have some good stories to tell, but we need to go kill some cops right now. So if you're wanting in on the fun, there's some spare weapons in there (Points to a small compartment in one of the stairs).
Shotgun: Go ahead, knock yourselves out.
(When they reach the roof, cops are lining the front gate.)
Jesse: Whoa, what's that? (Points behind a police line, it appears there's a protest of over a hundred people asking the police to stand down.)
Trent: We've become popular.
(Jodie, Mack, Karen, and the Fashion Club{?!} are leading the protest.)
Jodie: Kain! We're here to help!
Mack: We're going to see to it that you're not going away.
Karen: Everyone! These are the Nazis that are going to arrest the best principal in the world! (People boo the police and throw trash at everything past the police line.)
Greg: Will someone shut those people up?! Arrest them!!
Police Lieutenant: But Chief, they haven't done anything illegal yet!
Greg: I don't fucking care!!!! Get them out of here, or you're demoted!!
Kain: (Through a megaphone, he's aiming his gun directly at Greg.) I wouldn't do that if I were you.
(Suddenly, a few more SWAT vans, including a tank pull up to the scene. Cut to: A news report with live coverage.)
Anchorman: It appears the National Guard has sent in a tank, to take down the walls.
Co-Anchor: But wouldn't those giant robots take out the tank, and kill more police officers as soon as the wall comes down?
Anchorman: Oh no. What about the protesters in the vicinity?
(Kain fires at the tank, blowing it up instantly. Everyone takes cover from the explosion.)
Anchorman: Oh my god! This is a black day for the National Guard, folks. Usually, they always get the job done. We, we understand now that the United States Secretary of Defense has called a press conference regarding this grim situation. Let's go there now.
SOD: (Pauses for a minute) Questions?
1st Reporter: What do you plan to do about the Kain situation?
SOD: This is indeed a crisis. But rest assured, we have special methods of dealing with terrorists.
2nd Reporter: Can you give us any information on what you intend to do?
SOD: Everything we seem to send at Kain, comes back destroyed or dead. Sooner or later, they'll run out of ammo.
3rd Reporter: And what if they don't?
SOD: Then we may have to do something we never thought we'd ever do on American Soil, the Presidential Committee is seriously debating if this is the only way. We may have to commence a bombing of the town of Lawndale.
4th Reporter: But that will cost thousands of lives! Are you sure this might be the only way?
SOD: Rest assured, this will only be a last resort. Only when we've exhausted other options, will we ever consider it.
(Cut back to the sixteen people {Damn, that's a lot!} on the roof.)
Kain: Everyone, start moving everything aboard the Falcon. The cargo bay has got to be finished by now.
Shotgun: You sure you can handle things here?
Kain: Yeah, yeah. Go. Go. (Everyone goes downstairs except Sally)
Sally: What's going on, Kain?
Kain: Nothing really. It's just getting closer and closer to crunch time, and I'm really getting nervous.
Sally: It's okay to be nervous.
Kain: Not like this. I just heard over my earpiece.....
Sally: The one where you can hear news broadcasts?
Kain: Yeah. I heard the U.S. Defense is planning to bomb the town, just to get me.
Sally: That's crazy!!
Kain: That's our government for ya.
Sally: I can tweak the construction so we can leave around noon tomorrow. But, it's a little risky.
Kain: We thrive on risky.
<Monday, 11:57 p.m.>
(Cut to: Kain's Lab. Everyone's moving back and forth, loading papers, equipment, furniture, and stacks of computer disks. A beeping noise goes off on a high-resolution videophone. They try to answer it, but a voice says "Access Denied". After seeing the indicator light on his videophone, Kain and Sally race down to the lab to answer it. Kain answers, and it looks like a futuristic War Room. Several teenagers and a midget robot are in the scene.)
Teen1: What kind of info do you have?
Kain: Like I said, it wasn't easy to get this number. That, that monster, his name is not Kain.
Teen2: I would assume it was. He told us himself.
Kain: He's only pretending to be me! Could we speak in person, so I can explain everything?
Robot: I-yi-yi-yi-yi!! You can't be serious!!
Teen3: We'll give this guy a chance. Hang on a sec. (Sally grabs hold of Kain's arm, and they both are dematerializing.)
Reuben: I think I know that one guy that was in the corner.
Jane: Really? Who?
Reuben: His name's Tommy Oliver. He's some kind of yuppie kung-fu guy that seems to intimidate everybody. I remember seeing him just walking down the sidewalk with some girl, and all of a sudden, these grey idiots come out of nowhere and start to beat on him. The two kicked all their asses.
Jesse: So, the girl must know some martial-arts too?
Reuben: The weirdest part is that after the grey guys hit the ground, they exploded.
Daria: This is getting too weird.
Quinn: Could someone put all that stuff you just said, in english?
Daria: Do you want that nose of yours shoved up in your brain?
Quinn: Would that make it smaller?
Jane: It'll look like you didn't even have a nose.
Helen: Girls! Daria, when are you going to let us go?
Daria: Around noon tomorrow.
<Tuesday, 1:43 p.m.>
(Kain and Sally are brought back the same way they left, with a pair of green strange-looking watches.)
Uziman: So? What happened?
Kain: We have powerful allies on our side. They're going to take the first crack at Clone #1. As soon as the Falcon is ready to go, we're going to join them.
Diane: Who were those guys? (Just about everybody else goes "Yeah!")
Kain: Don't you ever watch the news?!
Sally: If I remember correctly, that was Jake Erikson, Jane Tolias, Tommy Oliver, and Kimberly Hart.
Kain: Or other withse known as the Platinum ranger, Ruby ranger, White ranger, and Brown ranger. Their colors are some sort of callsigns they use to tell each other apart, sort of.
Jane: Am I hearing this right?! Are we talking about the Power Rangers?
Kain: Yeah. They want Clone #1 just as bad as I do. So we're teaming up.
Quinn: (Obviously been listening in) THE Power Rangers?!! You have GOT to get tme the white one's autograph!! I'd die if I didn't!!!!
Helen: Quinn, they have better things to do than sign autographs. Right, JAKE? JAKE!!!
Jake: (Cut out of some sort of trance) Huh? Who're we talking about?
Helen: I am getting impatient with you!! Don't you ever listen?!
Scene 3: Same place, after hours and hours of watching the cops attempt to get through Kain's defenses, Kain finally cracks a smile, no one seems to notice.
<Tuesday, 10:54 a.m.>
Kain: Michael, do you still have that 911 something something?
Michael: The MJP-911? Yeah!
Kain: Have it come here, but make sure it stays hovering about 50 yards away, any direction.
Michael: Got it. (Michael takes out a modified Newton and calls Eddie. It arrives in less than a minute.)
Daria: You're going to use that ship again?
Kain: We need all the help we can get. If Clone #1 is telling the truth, then the entire U.S. Government is watching his back twenty-four hours a day. And they have pretty high-tech weaponry. About as good as Michael's.
(Suddenly, five tanks appear and fire at the surrounding walls, then the same three Guardians start firing back at the tanks. One manages to get a clear shot at Guardian Two, but it's left hand expands into some kind of metallic shield. It absorbs the blast, then retracts. It fires and blows up the tanks along with the other two. Three more Guardians appear from the sides of the house, and fire at the crowds of officers. The protesters run like hell.)
Kain: Are you absolutely sure you got everything from all the rooms, and special compartments that Sally pointed out?
All: Yup.
Sally: Oh wait. There's one place I forgot about. (Everybody heads down to the living room. Sally opens a door, and inside, lies a mother-lode of military-issue weapons and ammo, bazookas and dozens and dozens of crates with shells. Everyone drops their jaws in unison.) The ammo storage. Silly me.
<Tuesday, 11:58 a.m.>
(After moving the heavy-artillery to the Falcon. Kain decides to ask.)
Kain: Man, without you guys, I would have never made it this far.
Daria: That's what friends are for.
Kain: I need to ask something big, out of all of you. Will you join me? I mean, it's your choice. You don't have to come, this is my fight. But I could use all the help I can get. Daria? Do you want to come?
Jane: If Daria goes, I go.
Trent: If Janey goes, I go.
Reuben: Mystic Spiral must always be together. So if Trent or Jesse go, I go.
Michael: Mara and I are already going.
Uziman, Shotgun, and Tommy: Slaughterhouse Five for life!
Mara: What about the Morgandorffers?
Kain: We'll let them go. They don't need to be dragged into this.
Quinn: I'm definitely going!
All: Huh?!!
Quinn: I have my reasons.
Kain: Hmmm. Ok. Well Daria?
Daria (Thinking): How come I always get stuck with the big decisions?
We have hit a fork in the road.
Should the Daria Cast go with Kain and the Slaughterhouse Five to join the Power Rangers in perhaps the biggest war over American Soil? The way the story goes will be up to you now. For the next two weeks, I'll be holding a survey. The most votes will decide the course of the story. E-Mail me at cws@wvinter.net to vote. Only one vote per person.
Questions? E-Mail me at the above address.