Prelude to War: Day 2
By
Chris Smith

Farmer Robert was going to look at the sunrise this early morning. He prepared to sit down on his porch, when all of a sudden, it seemed like the sun had gone out. He looked in awe as he saw a dark silioette seeming to glide though the air. The image was only blocking the sun, but Farmer Robert was still stunned by the sight. It flew over the house, and disappeared, as if nothing happened. Farmer Robert will swear he saw a UFO, just another day here in the midwest.

Daria and other characters created by MTV Networks
Michael Andrews, Mara Jacobs, and Eddie created by Michael Pfeffer
Reuben Garnet created by Katherine Goodman
Power Rangers created by Saban Entertainment
C.S.'s Power R.A.N.G.E.R.S. created by Chris Smith
Kain, Sally, Right-Handful Trio, Ex-Quinn Clones, Clone #1, and Falcon created by Chris Smith

Our heroic adventurers are currently over Oklahoma, on their trip to New York. It's been a bumpy road so far, but it's about to get worse, I'm afraid. It's not just the fact they're going to go take on a psychotic terrorist ring, it's become clear that Kain and Sally have jumped into the Yenta pool, devoted to hooking up Daria and Trent, and Quinn seems to be going through a change of personal goals and inspirations.

Scene 1: Daria and Trent's room, early in the morning, Trent is asleep. Daria is writing in her journal, which she has been doing for quite a while now off-camera.

<Wednesday, 7:53 A.M.>

Daria (Writing): Today is December 10th, things have been very hectic around here for the past few days, so I wasn't able to record anything. The last month has been the craziest turn of events in my life, and all of my friends. First, a guy named Kain comes to Lawndale High, takes over the throne of "Principal", and makes Quinn's life a living hell. Which is not a good thing, because that's MY job.

(Daria looks outside the window for a few minutes, then continues writing.)

Daria (Writing): Next, he reveals he's made several mistakes with his scientific findings. He created his own worst enemy by cloning himself, and it became self-aware. And when anything artificial becomes self-aware, it wants to kill anything that breathes.

(Daria notices something outside the window, and goes back to her writing.)

Daria (Writing): The next day, Kain put us all (And I mean the entire school.) in a virtual reality program. I didn't like the idea at all, I still don't have a valid reason why. Late that night, Kain called and told me to come over immediately. Kain's computer developed a personality, and copied all her data into a clone of her choice. Guess who she chose, me.

(Daria looks at Trent for a few seconds, then resumes writing.)

Daria (Writing): Lately, every one of my friends have seemed to devote their lives to making me and Trent a couple. At our second Alternapalooza Festival, it almost worked. That is, Trent almost got the words out. When he was about to say it, some jackass-hitman put a gun to his head. We got away, but Trent hasn't said another word about wanting us to be a couple. I'm wondering if he's still spooked.

(Daria stops, looks at Trent for a minute, then resumes.)

Daria (Writing): The next day, Kain decided to graduate us all a year early. Scratch that, Quinn didn't get her diploma. Kain was only going to be a principal for a month, according to his story, he was definitely playing Double Dutch with Mrs. Li's sanity, she couldn't take it anymore, so she handed the school over to him and said "Go nuts.". For the next three days, we've been on a rollercoaster ride to crazyville. First, we had to abduct Mom, Dad, and Quinn, and lock them up in a plastic cell. Then, we had to move all of Kain's stuff into the basement, where there was a docking bay for some kind of airplane with the kind of technology NASA would kill for. So we had to move everything over to the Falcon, which Kain calls it. We also had to keep the cops busy, since the "Bad Kain" made an anonymous tip to the local police. We're now in the air, and heading for New York, to join the famous Power Rangers in a giant fight against Clone #1.

(She thinks for a minute, then glances at Trent, thinks for another minute, looks at Trent again, then resumes writing.)

Daria (Writing): Kain is also trying to fix me and Trent up. He reserved a room on the ship for the two of us. I guess everyone's expecting something to happen this time. Bastards........

Scene 2: "Cafe Falcon". One level above the Living Quarters. Kain, Sally, and Quinn are there. Kain is drinking coffee, while eating toast. Quinn is eating pancakes. And Sally is eating a buttered-biscuit.

<8:46 A.M.>

Kain: So, all of a sudden, you've decided to reinvent yourself?

Quinn: (She sounds different) Yeah, actually, I'm just releasing some of the stuff I've never showed anyone. For example, I was using that voice of mine just to get attention.

Sally: How could anyone stand that? It cuts through your head like four-inch-nails.

Kain: (Leans over to Quinn) The hammering kind.

Sally: Why were you like that, anyway?

Quinn: Typical Mother-Daughter/Early-Age brainwashing. I was almost becoming like Daria, and it seemed like Mom didn't want that.

Kain: Typical, indeed. And this happens just a little too much. Dads like to brainwash their sons, Mothers like to mess up their daughters. All at the same time, they're trying to make their offspring to be exactly like them.

Quinn: What was your dad like?

(Kain looks down at the table for a moment.)

Quinn: Bad memories?

Sally: It's a lot more complicated.

Kain: I just don't like to talk about myself much.

Quinn: Why not? I'd like to hear something about you for a change.

Kain: Eh, why not? What do you want to know?

Quinn: Well? How old are you?

Kain: That's a secret.

Quinn: Huh?!

Kain: 'Just one of the few things I keep to myself. I'll give you a hint, I'm a lot older than I look.

Quinn: Whoa. How is that possible?

Sally: Hm. Maybe quadruple-time plastic surgery?

Kain: No.

<9:05 A.M.>

Scene 3: Daria and Trent's room. Daria is asleep at the desk from which she was writing in her journal. Trent is awake, he decided to glance at the open page. He sees the part about the Alternapalooza festival and widens his eyes. He sits down on the bed and stares at Daria in the thinker position. After three minutes, he makes his move. He carefully picks up Daria, and puts her on the bed. She's still asleep. He gently pulls off her boots, and pulls the sheet over her. Since there's two beds, Trent goes to the other one. He sighs, and falls asleep.

(Cut to: The Main Bridge, Tommy, and Jesse are there.)

Jesse: So, what was it like being in the Mafia?

Tommy: To tell you the truth, it was one of the coolest things you could ever do. You don't have to pay taxes, you could get free cable, and people would cater to your every need. That is if you had power in the Mafia.

Jesse: Did you have any power?

Tommy: Yeah, but it came at a high price. You don't get power unless you do two things, perform enough jobs at your peak performance, which meant no screw-ups during heists and no missing the targets.

Jesse: What was the other?

Tommy: Save the life of your boss. I was the only volunteer. I had to be an organ-donor.

Jesse: What was......

Kain: (Coming in) Hi guys, how's the ship holding up?

Tommy: Good. We haven't had the slightest drop of altitude since yesterday.

Kain: Hm. Any problems?

Tommy: Yeah, we've lost power in sections C, F, and H. But that'll be taken care of once the sun comes out.

Jesse: How long until we get to New York?

Tommy: We should be there by tommorow evening.

Jesse: What if there's any holdups?

Kain: There won't be. I can promise you that.

(Cut to: Daria and Trent's room. Daria wakes up.)

<10:03 A.M.>

Daria (Thinking): How'd I end up in bed? (Looks at Trent) Oh. I guess he does care. What time is it? (Looks at the clock on the wall) Crap, I need to get up. (She gets up and walks over to Trent's bed.) Should I, or shouldn't I? Yeah, why not? (She sits on the side.)

Daria: Hey Trent?

Trent: Yeah?

Daria: (Pauses for a second.) You're weren't really asleep, were you?

Trent: No. (Sits up.) I toss and turn a lot. Sometimes I never get any sleep at all.

Daria: Really? Jane keeps telling me you're always asleep about eighty-five percent of the day.

Trent: Yeah. Well, Jane tends to exaggerate about me a lot. She's not exactly the perfect sister, but then, who is? I mean, look at Quinn. She's been trying to avoid you for how long now?

Daria: About seven years. But I think she's trying to redeem herself.

Trent: Yeah. Maybe she'll finally stop hitting on me.

Daria: One can only hope.

Trent: I just had this crazy idea. Why don't we go do something tonight? Just you and me.

(Daria's eyes widen, and she passes out, right on Trent's knees. Trent sighs.)

<Noon>

Scene 4: The Entertainment room. Jane, Michael, Sharon, and Shotgun are watching TV.)

TV: And now a personal message from the Producer of the highly popular Sick Sad World, Mr. David Johnson.

(David is sitting behind a desk behind a few dozen posters with TV shows, including Sick Sad World.)

David: Hello, Ladies and Gentlemen. As you might already know, Sick Sad World has been on the air for almost a decade, and we'd like to thank our loyal fans who crave watching the strangest things this world has to offer.

Jane: Is he about to say what I think he's going to say?

Michael: Nah, 'couldn't be.

David: Now I know what you're thinking. "David, you sound as if Sick Sad World is going to be cancelled." You're wrong. Due to the alarming increase in viewers after our second year, Sick Sad World has been aired seven times a day, on numerous major networks.

Sharon: Seven channels?! Damn.

David: And now, after ten years of hard work, it's time that SSW finally becomes a 24-hour channel, devoted entirely to showing the world just how sick and sad it really is. I'm sorry however, that this will be the final episode of Sick Sad World as a TV program. I am happy to announce, however, that SSW, the official name for our new network, will debut at the end of January. So I suggest that you rush to your local cable operator, or call them immediately telling them that you want SSW.

Jane: I wonder if we'll be getting SSW when it starts?

Shotgun: I helped design the TV console board. It scans all the TV satellites for all television channels every two days. So I'm sure we'll be getting it when they start.

Michael: Is there anything you don't do?!

Shotgun: Yeah, windows.

David: And now, the final episode of Sick Sad World. So rev up your VCRs. Because from our standards, this is the best one yet.

TV: Are roaches beginning to evolve before our eyes? Cyber-Bugs, next on Sick Sad World!

(Kain walks in the room and leans on the back of the couch where Jane is sitting.)

Jane: Can I help you?

Kain: You lied to me.

Jane: (Sarcastic) Really?

Kain: You said that Summer only had three kids.

Jane: How'd you know that there was four?

Kain: Apparently, Danny, the oldest one, was the toughest to find. It appears that when he ran away, he had to find work, so he posed as a midget so he could work as a bartender at a strip joint in Utah.

Jane: Amazing! When Summer hired the four private detectives, it took them five whole months just to find two of them. And all of a sudden, you find Danny overnight. Wow, this is really great.

Shotgun: The Seekers never fail.

Kain: Everyone's been found, and "beamed up". I just now came to get you guys. And I'm about to go get Trent and Daria.

Jane: (Sarcastic) So where are my beloved siblings?

Kain: Right now, they should be over at the cafe eating lunch. They're still a little confused, so go easy on them.

<12:16 P.M.>

Scene 5: Cafe Falcon. Everyone is there, including the other Lanes. Wind is about an inch shorter than Trent, has lighter hair, and wears a black t-shirt with grey pants. Penny is a little taller than Jane, has brownish red hair, and wears a brown sweatshirt with black pants. Summer is a little taller than Penny, with pure blond hair, and wears a white t-shirt with black shorts (A-la Jane) with green stockings, and of course, black combat boots. Danny, Summer's oldest kid (he's eight), wears a black Megadeth T-Shirt, with dark grey jeans, and a black trenchcoat (I guess it was specially made for him). And there's Adrian, Courtney, and Wynter, who look like normal kids. Trent and Daria finally walk in with Kain.

Adrian, Courtney, and Wynter: Uncle Trent! (They rush over and hug him)

Danny: (Points to Kain) Whoa, who's that guy? He looks cool.

Kain: Please, have a seat, everybody.

Summer: Who ARE you?

Kain: The name's Kain. And before you jump to conclusions, the rumors on the news are completely false.

Wind: Oh please.

Kain: Hm?

Wind: We're not stupid. You'd HAVE to be a terrorist to have this kind of stuff, and still have long-hair.

Kain: All the terroist shit's been done on the East coast. We're heading TO the East coast.

Jane: He speaks the truth.

Trent: Yeah. He even joined my band.

Wind: You're still in that super-suck-band? What the fuck is wrong with you?!!

Penny: Hey, lay off him! It's no different than that time when you started training in that pro-wrestling regional over in Death Valley.

Wind: But look! Trent's been doing this for four years, and he hasn't made any profit from it!

Trent: I'm not doing it for the money....

Wind: Oh, there's a shocker.

Jane: (Walks over to Wind) Do me a small favor. (Uppercuts him in the stomach, hard.) SHUT UP!!!

Trent: (Whispering to Daria) Now you know how our family operates.

Kain: Just what does THAT prove?

Summer: That Wind is an idiot.

Penny: How do we know that you're telling the truth?

Kain: Ask Trent and Jane, and their friends. You could count them as my references. They all chose to come with me. Even this one here (walks over to Quinn) decided to come. And she didn't even want to breathe the same air as "brains" do. That's what some people tend to refer to us as.

Wind: Okay, so you're not a terrorist?

Sally: No. In fact, we're going to New York to STOP the terrorist.

Danny: And you are......

Kain: That's Sally. So, Is everyone calm now? (Everyone nods.) Good. Let's go over to the entertainment room so you guys can catch up on things.

Wind: Hmm. Well, okay. Now that you mention it, I could use a rest. (They all get up and walk to the elevator. Wind whispers to Penny and Summer.....) That Sally girl looks like that girl that walked in with Trent.

Summer: Yeah. Maybe they're related.

<12:25 P.M.>

Scene 6: The Entertainment room. Everyone is settled in on the massive set of couches around the TV. From left to right: Jesse, Bonnie, Wind, Penny, Michael, Mara, Trent, Daria, Reuben, Jane, Kain, Sally, Summer, Quinn, Danny (Who is unnoticed while he stares at Quinn.). Sick Sad World is still on, but they're not really watching.

Jane: (To Penny) So how was Mexico?

Penny: The greatest. There's hardly any rules at all down there. But I think I'm going to come home. It's just doesn't feel right.

Trent: (To Wind) So, is the divorce final?

Wind: It's the strangest thing. A few weeks after I sent the divorce papers through the mail, I get a call saying she left town. And they still haven't been able to track her down.

Jesse: Man, that's rough.

Wind: That's not even the worst part. Just before she left, she seemed to have taken all my money out of my savings account. The bitch made off with four grand.

Jane: So Danny, what's the deal?

Danny: Isn't it obvious? We're Lanes. We're SUPPOSED to run away from our parents.

Summer: But not at your age. How were you able to pass as a midget?

Danny: Well, I....

Summer: Wait, forget it. I don't want to know.

Trent: (To Summer) And how're you holding up?

Summer: Well, I'm just glad that I got all my kids back. (To Kain) I guess I should thank you for that.

Kain: Anything to bring a family together.

Penny: What gets me is why are we together again?

Kain: The real terrorist leader is looking for ways to get to me. We're running neck and neck at the advantage meter, here. I took everything that I held dear to me and brought them onboard. I felt that he would try to get to us by kidnapping you guys, and possible televised execution. (Everyone's eyes widen.) He has that kind of power.

Wind: Who is he?

Kain: He has no name as of yet. I've dubbed him as "Clone #1", because he was my first experiment in human cloning. He became self aware, and took off with copies of the technology back then, this was five years ago. He then started a criminal empire with my name. I was scared to even show my face in public.

Summer: Hey. You haven't introduced us to your pals yet.

Kain: Sorry. I meant to do that first. I'll be right back, I have to go over some diagnostics on the upper-bridge. (He leaves)

Jane: Well, where do I start here?

Trent: Hm. (Pauses for a few seconds.)

Quinn: I'll start. I'm Quinn Morgendorffer. Going down the row, here. That's Sally, she's a really cool girl. That's Reuben Garnet, He's the drummer for Mystik Spiral, he also goes to college.

Reuben (Mumbling): Not anymore.

Jesse: (Getting up) This is Bonnie, she's Kain's Limo driver.

Penny: She looks like you, Quinn.

Quinn: It's a long story.

Jesse: That's Michael Andrews, he could give James Bond a run for his money.

Wind: You're a British-Twit like Bond?

Michael: Naw. I just like doing stuff.

Jesse: The lovely figure next to him is his wife Mara Jacobs. (She just raises her hand a bit, then drops it back on the couch.) And last, but never least, Daria Morgendorffer.

Summer: Would Sally be your other sister? You both look alike.

Sally: Actually, Sally is just the name of the main computer. I decided to copy all the data I've accumulated over the years into this clone.

Penny: Clone?

Daria: Yeah, and guess who she chose......

Summer: But why you?

Daria: That's a good question, Sally (In a suspiscious tone). Let's hear it.

Sally: Weelllllll, okay...........

<12:45 P.M.>

Scene 7: Kain's Elevator ride to the bridge. He finally reaches the bridge and finds Shotgun and Sharon talking to each other, very closely. He sighs, and walks up to the Upper-Bridge. The Upper Bridge is a dark-circular room, lined with monitors, with a single swivel-chair in the middle, on a small platform. Kain lets out a deep breath, and sits down. He sighs as he says........

Kain: Computer, dial contact #966366.

Computer: Contact connection confirmed. Connection in three seconds.

(Three seconds pass. And the screen comes on, it's Jake Erikson, and Tommy Oliver, the Platinum and White Ranger.)

Kain: So, any progress?

Tommy: No dice. What's the deal here? Everyone's scattered over New York, and every time we find one, they seriously hurt us.

Kain: You've definitely been fighting aliens too long.

Jake: It wasn't always like this.......

Kain: So, how are they doing this?

Tommy: We don't know yet.

Kain: I just called to let you know that we'll be there Friday morning to join you.

Jake: What's taking so long?

Kain: Construction was rushed. So some of the primary funtions weren't installed. Such as the primary thrusters, and some of the furniture.

Tommy: That don't sound so bad.

Kain: Hey, ya gotta sit down sometime. Oh yeah, I forgot, congratulations for getting rid of the alien factions orbiting Earth. I'm sure it was a difficult task.

Jake: Not really. They're not as tough as they used to be.

Kain: Anything I should know about before we get there. Anything about what we're up against?

Tommy: (In an accusing tone.) Well, you should know.

Kain: I only know about their leader.

Jake: Well, ok. It seems like they've studied our battles with those weirdos, they know all our tricks, they've countered all our moves, and they've reflected all of our super weapons. What's next, are they going to blow up our fuckin' zords next time?!

Kain: Have you even used them yet?

Tommy: We can't, that's what's holding up our ship.

Kain: Ah.

Tommy: Anything else?

Kain: Yeah, three things. First, be extremely careful of underdogs. Second, if you manage to find Clone #1, don't get near him, he's mine. And third, and most important, I'm sending you these files containing pictures. These people are the ones coming with me to New York. I don't care how you do this, but when you see them, guard them with your lives, especially the first one.

Jake: Will do.

Kain: Thanks, guys. We'll be there soon. Hang in there. And tell Zordon I said hi.

Tommy: Okay, see you Friday.

(Kain waves, and switches off the connection. He sighs, and brings up the list of U.S. States, he chooses New York, and scans the list of corporate businesses. He notices something odd about a particular business and scans it for low-level phone lines. He chooses one and listens in.)

Voice1: What the hell's with this file?! It's not working!

Voice2: Just open it with your Web Browser, some pictures are like that.

Voice1: Damn Windows '95. I hope someone stuffs Gate's money down his throat.

(Kain switches to another line and listens in.)

Voice1: .....well, how long is this going to take?

Voice2: Around an hour.

Voice1: Isn't there some kind of pill for that?

(Kain tries again.)

Voice1: So what's my next assignment? This job's starting to kill me.

Kain (Thinking): I recognize that voice........

Voice2: Where are you currently located?

Voice1: I'm on a highway heading North towards San Francisco.

Voice2: Well, turn around and head back. There's another task for you there.

Voice1: (Sigh) What now? Another CYB?

Voice2: No, all known CYBs have been terminated. Your next task is set up a residence in a suburb called Lawndale, in L.A.. Keep a low profile, and wait for further instructions.

Voice1: O.K., fine.

Computer: Connection terminated.

Kain: This is bad news, really bad news. Computer, can you trace the location of the previous caller?

Computer: .......... Location found....

Kain: Don't tell me where. Just track his location every five seconds for the next five days.

Computer: Information processed.

Kain: Is the room secure of bugs?

Computer: Scanning. ........... Secure.

Kain: Good. Prepare for video recording.

Computer: Equipment is prepared. (Game show voice) You're on the air!!

Scene 8: The Entertainment room. Only Daria, Trent, Uziman, and Sally are in the room. Everyone else is in the game room.

<2:45 P.M.>

Sally: So you're actually going to give it a shot?

Daria: Yeah, I thought "Why not? I got nothing better to do.".

Sally: So, have you told Jane?

Trent: No. And we're not going to. It's not really any of her business.

Daria: She's been trying for a year now to hook us up. And I'll never hear the end of it when she finds out it worked.

Trent: Is there any place on this ship where no one goes?

Sally: Actually, yes. But you might not like it.....

Daria: Where is it?

Sally: (Sally leans over to the two and whispers.) There's a four lane bowling alley about three levels up about six doors to your left. It's also got a pool table and a jukebox.

Trent: And how long did it take to come up with all this?

Sally: The bowling alley, or the entire ship?

Daria: I'll be right back. (Daria gets up and leaves.)

Trent: How can anyone deal with all the stuff that you people do?

Sally: I guess it's just something you're born with. Some stuff's just thrusted upon you.

Trent: I mean, any normal person would have just used all this for personal gain.

Sally: Just remember, we're not normal. We're superior.

(They both laugh. Cut to: Daria. She's heading to the elevator to go to her room. Quinn catches up with her. They both get into the elevator.)

Daria: So what are you going to do?

Quinn: Nothing much. But I was about to walk in the room when I accidentally heard of your date.

Daria: Aw, geez.

Quinn: Relax, I won't say anything, no scams, no favors, nothing.

Daria: Thanks.

Quinn: However, have you even considered, even for a split-second, that you might want to put on a little bit of makeup? That's how most dates go.

Daria: The truth?

Quinn: Yeah.

Daria: I have thought of it several times. But I just don't know.

Quinn: Maybe I can help a bit.

Daria: Uh, thanks, I think.

Scene 9: In the Entertainment Room, it's 5:30. And everyone (And I mean everyone.) decided to eat dinner in front of the TV. Hey, who doesn't these days?

Jane: I hate to admit it, but your chef must be a real genius.

Reuben: Yeah, how redder can this steak get?

Kain: That's a good question. One that's been clawing at the base of my cerebellum for quite some time now. Just when I think it can't get any redder, Sally comes up with some new technology. (Pauses for a few seconds) One time. One time. The meat was redder than human blood. It was sweeter than anything I've ever tasted, ever. I thought I tasted the perfect steak, until I examined the contents.

Daria: What was wrong with it?

Sally: There was a small, but very fatal flaw that I missed. The latest model, SO-165, created a little too much radiation. Sure the meat tasted sweet, sure it was the reddest, but it wasn't safe. It wasn't safe at all. Almost life-threatening.

Michael: If it was that bad, Kain, how could you have survived?

Kain: It was a matter of luck, really. Just days before, I took in a special serum. Over the years, I've been experimenting with medicine, drugs, serums, the works. All to increase my chances of living longer. I found a special immunity to poisons, viruses, diseases, even the common cold.

Trent: You mean you found the cure for HIV?!

Kain: No, it's not a cure. It just guarantees you won't get it, anywhere down the road. Anyway, I took a serum that protected me from the special bacteria created by the combined radiation, and the meat. I didn't know it protected me until I did an examination of myself, and the meat.

Daria: Hey Quinn, weren't you and I supposed to do something?

Quinn: Oh yeah. We need to go. (They get up) See you later. (They leave)

Mara: 'Wonder what they're up to?

Michael: Ahh, don't worry about it.

Penny: Yeah, sisters need each other sometimes.

(Cut to: Daria and Quinn. They're in Daria and Trent's room. Quinn is trying to make over Daria. She hands Daria some other clothes that she could wear. Daria is very, very confused.)

<5:43 P.M.>

Daria: Why are you helping me? After all I've done to you.

Quinn: Well, I've seen the message that you, Jane, Kain, and Sally have tried to get me to see. If it even is a message. I see that smart people actually lead more real lives than the one I've tried to live. I see that the world doesn't revolve around fashion, looks, and being popular.

Daria: Am I hearing things? Did I just hear you're turning on your own beliefs?

Quinn: Why was I kidding myself? Those "qualities" can only get you so far in life.

Daria: This will make some kind of impact on Mom.

Quinn: Good, I hope? (Daria goes in the bathroom to change)

Daria: Maybe.

Quinn: I wonder what's going on back home?

(Cut to: The Lawndale suburbs, a dark blue car going down the street. A phone is ringing, and a man answers. You can't see inside from the perspective.)

Voice1: Talk.

Phone: Here's your assignment.......

(Cut to: Daria and Quinn)

Daria: Considering how dull the place is, I'd say nothing is ever going to happen there, ever again.

Quinn: Well, you never know. Something could just spring up out of nowhere.

Daria: Yeah, I guess you're right.

Quinn: Well? Let's have a look at ya!

(Daria comes out in a dress, a little longer than she normally wears. She's also wearing a black long-sleeve shirt, and the combat boots, she will not budge on that.)

Daria: Well?

Quinn: It's an improvement. But what's more important is what YOU think about it.

Daria: Hm, well, it's looks good to me.

Quinn: Well, go over to whatever place you're going to see him. Afterwards, you'll feel on top of the world.

Daria: Is that how you were with your dates?

Quinn: Sort of. To me, it was sort of a competition between myself and Sandi.

Daria: I guess we can talk about that later.

Quinn: Ok, and don't worry, I won't say a word.

Daria: Thanks. (She leaves)

(Quinn puts the leftover clothes in the closet, and then leaves.)

Scene 10: The big date. Trent and Daria meet at a door leading to the "bowling alley". They go in, holding hands, and to their surprise, it's not a bowling alley. It's a giant garden of flowers and trees. And there's a window ceiling covering the entire room. The sky is somewhat pink-ish.

<6:15 P.M.>

Daria: Wow.

Trent: This is not what I expected.

Daria: Maybe it is, look.

(Daria points over to a spot where there seems to be a ball return. And disgused by the trees, is a bowling lane, with the pins, and everything.)

Trent: Those two are really pulling all the stops.

Daria: But why for us, it just doesn't make sense.

Trent: Maybe it's not supposed to.

Daria: Maybe you're right. Oh well.

(They find a place to sit.)

(Cut to: The Entertainment Room. Everyone else is there, except for Summer's kids, which are in the Gameroom.)

<6:27 P.M.>

Wind: I just have to say it, Kain, you are really living.

Kain: I know, I just wish everyone lived like this.

Summer: But then, everyone wouldn't need jobs. How'd everyone make the money needed to run all this kind of equipment?

Kain: They wouldn't have to. Currency would be abolished and everything is shared like in the olden days.

Michael: That'll be the day.

Mara: As long as greedy cocksuckers run factories and businesses, money will always exist.

Jane: (Thinking out loud) Where did Daria go?

Quinn: I was kinda wondering that myself.

Kain: Well, you were with her last.

Quinn: Yeah, but she didn't tell me where she was going.

Jane: Come to think about it, Trent's missing too. I wonder where he is.

Sally: (In a defensive tone) Don't worry about it.

(Kain sees a blinking light above the TV.)

Kain: Oh shit! I'll be right back! (Kain rushes out of the room)

Wind: What's his problem? (Everyone gives Wind a look of death.) What?

(Cut to: The Bowling alley/Garden. Trent and Daria are still sitting, but they're also eating chips from the vending machine. The bags are the size of store-bought chips. They're also observing the view of the evening sky, and leaning even closer to each other.)

<6:45 P.M.>

Trent: This is great.

Daria: Yeah.

Trent: Why didn't we do this a long time ago?

Daria: I guess because we've been busy trying not to lose our sanity with this crazy crusade.

Trent: I mean, way before everything changed.

Daria: I guess we were afraid to say or do anything. Yet, Jane kept pushing us......

Trent: I just realized something. We haven't had practice in a week.

Daria: Well, you could do that tomorrow morning.

Trent: That could work. We need a new song.

Daria: Couldn't Kain just give you another one of his songs? He seems to have a bundle.

Trent: He could, but I need to write them on my own.

Daria: Ah.

Trent: Yeah. I can't always depend on Kain for everything. (They pause for a minute.) I kinda like it here. It's so peaceful.

Daria: Yeah. (They draw even closer. They finally turn their heads to kiss. They do it again, but just as they're doing it.....)

Voice: Ahh. Teenage love. (They break away in surprise and shock, and look around, only to find a grey and green parrot standing in front of them, staring at them.)

Parrot: Don't mind me. I'm just enjoying the view. Just a different view. But a view, nonetheless.

Trent: And you are......

Parrot: Oh yeah, (Flies up to Trent's lap and extends its wing.) the name's Jackyl. I guess you're not into the formal introductory handshake. Either that, or it's the fact that it's with A FUCKIN' PARROT!!!

Daria: Where'd you come from?

Jackyl: I live here. So I see the big cheese's finally started moving this big steel pile of shit.

Daria: Yeah. So are you one of.....?

Jackyl: Kain's experiments? Yup. I love being a parrot. It's cool shit. The only problem is the worms thing. What's the fuckin' deal there?! I'd rather pop open a Bud with a cheeseburger rather than eating that stringy shit. So what's your tag?

Daria: My tag?

Jackyl: (Flies up on Daria's shoulder.) YOUR TAG!! YOUR NAME, STUPID!!!!!

Daria: Oh, I'm Daria.

Jackyl: Daria, eh? Nice name. Not like I fuckin' care, or anything.

Trent: What's your problem?

Jackyl: If all animals could talk, there'd be a lot more bitchin' going on besides Janet Reno on TV.

Daria: True, but why are you like this? You have it made.

Jackyl: It comes at a price. I've been lonely for what seems like ever.

Daria: Doesn't Kain or Sally come and keep you company?

Jackyl: Yeah, it's just that I'm always asleep when they come. So, dude, what's your name?

Trent: Please, don't call me dude. The name's Trent.

Jackyl: Cool. So how long have you two been dating?

Daria: (Looks at her watch) Around twenty minutes.

Jackyl: Yikes, and I ruined everything.

Trent: You didn't ruin anything. In fact, everything went great.

Daria: We need to get going, anyway. You want to come with us?

Jackyl: Yeah, sure. Seeing as how I've never left this room.

Trent: Cool.

(They leave, with Jackyl on Daria's shoulder. They decide to return to their room first, to change back into their normal outfits. Jackyl decides to wait outside. But they have been in there for an entire hour. They finally come out, in their normal outfits. Jackyl flies back up to Daria's shoulder.)

Jackyl: So, was he good? (Daria gives him an icy stare.) Whoa, sorry.

Daria: (Emphasizing) Nothing happened.

Scene 11: The Entertainment Room. Quinn, Mara, Jane, Penny, Summer, Bonnie, Heather, Diane, and Sharon are there, while all the guys are in the Gameroom. Trent and Daria walk in, holding hands (None of them really notice), Jackyl's still on Daria's shoulder.

<9:03 P.M.>

Daria: Hey.

Jane: Hey.

Penny: Hey. Who's your friend?

(Jackyl flies off Daria's shoulder and sits on the top of the couch by Penny's head.)

Jackyl: The name's Jackyl, how do you do?

Penny: Whoa, it talks!

Jackyl: OF COURSE I CAN TALK!! I'M A PARROT, YOU DUMB FUCK!!!!!!

Jane: Whoa, and it's got talent.

Jackyl: (Walks over to Jane's head) Whoa, check out this chick's head! It looks like a freakin' cereal bowl. (Everyone laughs, except Jane) Awww, the poor girl's offended. Here, I'll make it better. Close your eyes, and you'll get a BIG surprise.

Jane: Huh?

Jackyl: Just do it. (Jane does so, and Jackyl bites her on the lips. Jane screams, but it didn't really hurt. Everyone's still laughing. Jackyl flies up on Trent's shoulder) You know, that's the closest I've ever made with a girl. (Everyone's busting a gut) C'mon, man. Let's go raise hell in the gameroom. (They go)

Jane: And where did you dig that asshole up?

Daria: We found him roaming the ship.

Jane: "We". Were you and Trent roaming around too?

Daria: What're you getting at?

Jane: Nothing.

Summer: Seems like more than that to me.

Daria: Does it really matter?

(Cut to: Kain's Inner-Sanctum {The Upper-Bridge}.)

Kain: Anything else?

Computer: There is an update with the new Lawndale Resident.

Kain: Audio or Video?

Computer: Audio only.

Kain: Put it on speaker.

Voice1: Talk.

Voice2: Here's your assignment. You are to locate a group of teenagers and eliminate them.

Voice1: What are their names?

Voice2: Michael Andrews. Mara Jacobs, Trent Lane, Jane Lane, Daria Morgendorffer, Quinn Morgendorffer, and Jesse Furnas Moreno.

Voice1: What's the cover?

Voice2: They're wanted in their link to the terrorist group known as Kain.

Voice1: What if I can't find them?

Voice2: I'm sure you'll be able to find at least ONE of them. One is all you need. We're counting on you.

Computer: End message.

Kain: It's him all right. And now I know what he's up to.

<9:18 P.M.>

(Cut to: the Game Room. Everyone is at a special Pro-Wrestling game that Kain developed. It suits up to 15 players, it carries the four major wrestling labels {WWF, WCW, ECW, USWA}. Everyone's in a Battle Royale. Here's who they chose: )

Kain - - Kane (WWF)
Sally - - Sabu (ECW)
Uziman - - The Undertaker (WWF)
Shotgun - - Giant Gonzales (?)
Tommy - - Meng (WCW)
Michael - - Bret "The Hitman" Hart (WCW)
Jesse - - Scott Hall (NWO)
Reuben - - Kevin Nash (NWO)
Wind - - "Stond Cold" Steve Austin (WWF)
Danny - - Diamond Dallas Page (WCW)
Adrian - - Shawn Michaels (WWF)

(Trent walks in with Jackyl, no one notices, yet. )

Jackyl: Whoa, this place is the pits.

Trent: Looks like they need a sparing partner.

Jackyl: How am I going to be able to work those controls?

Trent: Maybe Kain will think of something.

(They walk over, and sure enough, Kain had already thought of something. He attaches a pair of neural cables to Jackyl's head. Trent joins in as The Sandman {ECW}, Jackyl joins as Sting {WCW}. A violent battle floods the ring, Kane and the Sandman are dominating the ring.)

Jesse: So, what's it like being a parrot?

Jackyl: Well, you don't get in trouble for swearing in public. That's pretty much it, aside from the fact that you have wings. They're not really much of a plus. But other than that, it's pretty cool.

Kain: Hey guys. I hate to change the subject, but this is kinda important.

Trent: What's the problem?

Kain: I started monitoring the phone lines of a suspicious corporate business, I found out that it's one of Clone #1's benefactors.

Wind: So what's the big deal?

Kain: They sent a dangerous man to Lawndale, possibly to get us when we get back.

Michael: Do you know who THIS one is?

Kain: Yes I do.......

(Cut to: The Morgendorffer House. Helen and Jake are on the couch leaning close to each other, watching TV.)

<7:25 P.M. Pacific Standard Time>

Helen: I miss the girls.

Jake: Don't worry, I'm sure they're alright.

Helen: I'm starting to think that Kain was telling the truth.

(Someone knocks on the door.)

Jake: I'll be right back.

(Jake answers the door to a sinister-looking man in a Black Trenchcoat, white shirt, and black pants.)

Man: Hello, Mr. Morgendorffer. (Holds up his I.D.) I'm Agent Winston, I'm from the Department of Justice........

Day 2 has passed.

Kain has assured there will be no interuptions in the flight to New York.

The Power Rangers are getting their asses kicked (POOTFWL).

It's official! Trent and Daria are a couple! But can they survive this ordeal like everyone else will try to do?

Will Jackyl become the next Andrew Dice Clay? He IS thinking about doing Standup in the future.

And what does Winston have in mind? (Ed. Note: Does anyone even remember DOJ Agent Winston? If so, give me your thoughts on how the show ended.)

To be continued in "A Prelude to War: Day 3".

Questions? E-Mail me at cws@wvinter.net.