Prelude to War: Day 1
By
Chris Smith

Daria and other characters created by MTV Networks
Michael Andrews, Mara Jacobs, and Eddie created by Michael Pfeffer
Reuben created by Katherine Goodman
Kain, Sally, Uziman, Tommy, Ridin' Shotgun, Ex-Quinns, Clone #1, and Falcon created by Chris Smith

Scene 1: Kain's Lab, where we left off.

< Tuesday. 11:58 A.M.>

Kain: Well, Daria? It's up to you.

Daria (Thinking): How come I always get stuck with the big decisions? Okay, I've got to think here.
Pro: I could get to see a little more of the world while I help save it.
Con: If I stay, I might get put on a leash until I graduate. Mom and Dad will probably forbid me from seeing my friends again.
Pro: I'm already a graduate, so that doesn't matter.
Con: If I stay, the look-alike will find a way to use us to get to Kain.
Pro: Quinn's already going, so I have to keep an eye on her.
Con: She's such a brat, I might end up killing her in her sleep.
Pro: Is that really a con?
Con: Yes.
Pro: Damn.
Con: Well, maybe I could break her legs or something.
Daria: Ok, I'm going.

Helen: You can't be serious! Jake, say something!

Jake: Oh, oh yeah.... I...

Helen: Never mind.

Kain: Is everything loaded on board?

Tommy: Yup.

Kain: Even the master PC?

Sally: Yup.

Kain: (Claps his hands) 'Looks like we're ready to roll. (He lets the Morgandorffers out) Jake, Helen, see that door over there? Just keep going that way, and you'll end up back in Daria's closet.

Quinn: Well, are you going to let me go with you all?

Kain: I'm giving you one more chance to prove you're not an idiot.

Quinn: (Suspiciously) What do you mean?

Kain: You mistake me for someone else when we first met, strike one. You called Daria a loser when I was to meet with her, strike two. You have one more chance to prove yourself.

Daria: Don't blow it Quinn, he means business.

Sally: We let your attempted-break-in slide. I hope you learned a valuable lesson.

Kain: Well, we're going now. Parents, you'better go, quickly. Because this entire house is going to be blown up.

Trent: You're going to blow up your own house?!

Kain: I have other houses. And the Falcon has sufficient living luxury.

(Helen and Jake return to their house. Everyone goes aboard, it's a massive ship. If I dare call it a ship. Everyone heads to the main bridge. Kain stands behind a console.)

Kain: Hey Michael, what's Eddie's radio frequency?

Michael: 106.3. What do you plan to do?

Kain: I'm going to send a message to the crowd through Eddie's comm system. A-ha, got it. (Picks up a mic next to the console. And speaks in a calm tone.) Ladies and Gentlemen, you might want to step back about a half-mile. The house is about to go BA-BABA-BOOM!!!! I just want to say thank you all for coming. I'm sorry your police couldn't put me behind bars. But you see, I hate authority. So bi-eeeee! (Click) Okay, lets roll.

<High:Noon>

(Kain takes a giant key out of his coat, and sticks it in a hole in the console. He turns it, and a giant thundering noise vibrates the ship.)

Sally: And we have liftoff!

(Cut to: the crowd outside, they hear the noise. Everyone begins to run away, you can hear dozens of people yelling "EARTHQUAKE!!". The Fashion Club yelling "MY HAIR!!")

Greg: Holy .... mother ... of .... god!!

(The house crumbles to the ground as a giant Y-Shaped stadium-sized aircraft rips through the ground, into the air. Everyone looks up, with their jaws hanging open.)

Kain: What's with them? Haven't they ever seen a blimp-sized plane before?

Jane: Remember, this is a suburb, and a dull one at that. Nothing good ever happens here.

Uziman: Then let's give them something to remember us by..... (He goes over to another console, punches a few buttons. And says.....) So greggy, you think you're god's gift to women, eh?

Shotgun: Uh oh. Looks like the chief's really going to get it!

(The Falcon's tail faces the crowd, a second later, a small hose aims at the crowd, and sprays some kind of liquid onto the police chief.)

Chief: What the hell?! (He's drenched)

Lieutenant: (Sniffs) Aww, chief! You stink! I mean, you really, really, really stink!

Crowd: Eeewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!! (Everyone flees for their lives{!}.)

Kain: Good work. Michael, call Eddie aboard, and we're outta here.

Michael: (Goes over to the first console) Hey Eddie? Come on board.

Sally: I'll open the runway doors.

(The "beak" opens up, and Eddie just cruises on in.)

Michael: Where's Eddie going?

Kain: C'mon, I'll show you.

Scene 2: An elevator that supports three tons of weight. The trio stay behind and perform diagnostics on the ship. Kain presses a button, and the elevator descends.

<12:10 P.M.>

Daria: And HOW LONG did this take to build?

Kain: Three days. The boys are finding out what's missing from the finished product. The blueprints were ninety-five percent complete, yet it's a functioning ship. I'm assuming it would be a ship, "aircraft" just seems too loose a word to describe it.

(The elevator reaches a small runway, complete with over two-dozen futuristic-looking combat aircraft, a few spare pieces of modified sheetmetal, and five attack helicopters. Eddie's at the very edge. The elevator reaches the bottom, and they go to Eddie.)

Eddie: Hello, Mr. Andrews.

Michael: Yeah, yeah. Whatever.

Kain: The design, the computer voice, it sounds so familiar.

Daria: Huh?

Kain: Nothing. Could you excuse us for a few minutes? I need to speak to Michael and Eddie.

Mara: Uh, sure. (They go to observe the other aircraft.)

Kain: I trust it's to serve the needs of the pilot?

Michael: Uh, yeah.

Kain: And you've been sworn to secrecy about it's origin?

Michael: Yes.

Kain: Eddie. Are the Javin sector factions still at war?

Eddie: Affirmative.

Kain: How serious is it this time?

Eddie: They are currently at each other's throats. Though I don't really have contact with them. That was the last update I recieved.

Michael: How do you know about this?

Kain: It's a long story. I might have some time later to explain. I guess after I explain, you can tell me why you were trusted with sophisticated alien technology.

Michael: Seems fair. Hey Eddie, I thought your memory was wiped clean.

Eddie: Actually, it was just blocked. When passing through Kain's security check, it must have lifted the block.

Kain: Hey Eddie, one Budweiser.

Eddie: Coming right up, Mr. Kain.

Kain: Please, just Kain will do.

Eddie: Okay, Kain. (A bottle of Budweiser comes out on a tray. Kain takes it, pops it open, and takes a drink.)

Kain: Awhyeah. That's the stuff.

Michael: Maybe you shouldn't be drinking right now.....

Kain: Another thing I should explain later.

(Michael and Kain rejoin the others. Sally is explaining how the Black Omen {Kain's brand of fighter jets.} works.)

Sally: .....and it doesn't rely on missles and guns like other combat aircraft do.

Michael: Then how does it defend itself?

Kain: (Points at the strange silver spheres on rods on the wingtips) I developed a special plasma weapon, that doesn't run out of ammo, perfectly flawless, and remorseless.

Daria: Then how does IT work? Every weapon has to run out of ammo sometime.

Kain: I'm glad you brought that up. The jet runs on a modified nuclear engine. It never runs out of gas, never runs out of ammo, and it's got perfect handling. I had a hell of a time when I first tested this puppy out.

Jesse: But don't nuclear reactors run out of power at times?

Sally: Not often. But if it does happen, there's a small solar power generator behind the cockpit that seems to soak up a shitload of juice in one sitting.

Reuben: No worry for gas....

Trent: No worry for ammo.....

Mara: It truly deserves it's name.

(A minute later <12:16>, they start to walk back to the elevator, when.....)

Michael: (Pointing to a steel medicine-ball-shaped object.) What's this?

Kain: I forgot. This is a seeker. I've yet to have it programmed.

Daria: What's it seek?

Kain: It's used to track individuals. I need to ask you all, do you have any siblings I should know about?

Jesse: Huh?

Kain: If you have any siblings, Clone #1 can and will find them and use them against us. Now, do any of you have any siblings?

Trent: We have two other sisters, and a brother.

Sally: Names?

Jane: Penny, Summer, and Wind Lane.

Kain: (Pushing buttons on his remote) ....W-i-n-d L-a-n-e. Ok. Are they older than you?

Jane: Yup.

Sally: Do any of them have children?

Trent: As far as I know, Summer has three kids. Spring, Autumn, and Winter. (Kain enters their names into his remote.) What are you doing?

Kain: These seekers are going to find them, and bring them here.

Jane: How're you going to do this? Summer's entire family can't fit in one of those!

Kain: They're not going to be inside. These probes are outfitted with the bodyslide technology I use every now and then. As soon as the targets are found, they will be transported here, where they'll be safe. (Trent and Jane exchange looks of concern.) So, what about the rest of you? Any brothers or sisters?

Daria: That reminds me. Where's Quinn?

Sally: I left her with the gangster trio. She'll be fine.

Scene 3: The main bridge. Quinn is sitting next to Uziman, about to hit on him.

<12:18 P.M.>

Quinn: So what's your name?

Uziman: John.

Quinn: That's a cute name.

Uziman: I'll bet. Can you get back a little, I need to work here.

Quinn: (She gets up and goes over to Shotgun) So are you....

Shotgun: No.

Quinn: You're not married?

Shotgun: Oh. Well, I, well, uhhhh....

Quinn: You can't answer a simple question?

Shotgun: All right, I might as well tell you. (Takes a deep breath) Kain warned me about you.

Quinn: What do you mean, "warned"?

Shotgun: You're a user. You use people. You don't care about relationships. All you care about is how popular and rich the person is so you could mooch off him, and brag about it to your friends.

Quinn: You're just like my sister!

Tommy: (From across the room) Maybe she's like us, real people.

Quinn: What's with the eyepatches?

Shotgun: Me? No reason. (Points his hand at Tommy) Him? Well, you see his right eye?

Quinn: I'm trying not to...

Shotgun: It's not as bad as his left eye.

Quinn: His left eye?

Shotgun: Trust me on this, you DO NOT want to see it.

Quinn: His right eye is so creepy.

Tommy: The world isn't perfect, you know.

Quinn: Well, it should be!

Uziman: Rub a lamp, bitch.

Scene 4: A brighter, and cleaner section of the ship. The living quarters section Kain is still giving a tour of the ship.

<12:24 P.M.>

Kain: ....and these will be your rooms. I hope you don't mind, but I've already taken the liberty of reserving everyone to their own 2-person rooms. Each room consists of two beds, a bathroom, and a view of the outside.

Reuben: Okay, who's sharing with whom? (Sally hands each of them an 8x11 card listing the occupants of each room.) Cool.

(Everyone looks over their card and glances at each other in shock.)

Mara (Thinking sarcastic): What a surprise.

Jane (Thinking): Can this guy read my mind or something? I, share with Reuben? I can handle that. Whoa, I don't believe this! (Looks at Daria) Kain's in on it too?!

(Daria and Trent exchange looks. Obviously, they've been paired.)

Daria (Thinking): Is it that obvious to everyone?

Trent (Thinking): Is everybody that desperate to hook us up?

Jesse (Thinking): Al-right!!

Michael (Thinking): Is Kain trying to be the ultimate matchmaker, or something? He's paired everyone up. Oh wait, Quinn's alone, does she really deserve that?

Daria: What's with all the extra rooms?

Kain: I'm a little short of crewmates. So I'm going to use the CL-30 again.

Jane: The what?

Sally: The CL-30, Kain's latest cloning device. We're going to make some soldiers and engineers.

Kain: We're not going to make it by ourselves. Some people have to keep an eye on every part of the ship to keep it from falling apart. (Pauses for a second) Go ahead and make yourselves at home. Sally and I are going to check up on the others, see if Quinn hasn't drove them insane yet.

(Kain and Sally return to the elevator and head upward. Daria heads on to her room. Jane elbows Trent, hard.)

Jesse: Trent, this is starting to get old.

Reuben: Yeah, man. You gave us your word four days ago, and nothing happened. What's with you?

Trent: I didn't have the chance. I was about to when that guy put a gun to my head. I'm sorry, but it wasn't my fault I was about to die. But if it makes you all fucking happy, I'll go in and talk to her. But I'm really mad at you for doing this to me. (Walks into Room 12, D and T's room.)

Jane: I just don't understand him, sometimes. What's his problem?!

Michael: I don't know, maybe it's because YOU'RE PUSHING HIM??!!!!

Jane: Hey, it's not my fault he's a wimp!

Mara: Alright, that's enough! Just let it go. If it happens, it happens. If not, stop trying. Just let it be.

Jane: (Walking off to her room) Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Scene 5: The main bridge. Kain and Sally enter the room.

<12:50 P.M.>

Kain: So what's the good word?

Tommy: We've only got about ten thousand pounds of thrust. So we'd better make it last.

Shotgun: We can't stop for ANY reason.

Kain: That's not good. Anything else?

Uziman: The cloak is only going to last until Friday. Providing we turn it on the second we leave.

Kain: Are there any other problems?

Shotgun: Yeah, her.

Quinn: Hey!

Tommy: Does she always make a pass at every guy she meets?

Quinn: Hey!!

Uziman: It seems like we have a tramp on board. And do you know what we do with tramps?

Kain: We treat them like tramps. Well Quinn, I'm going to let that slide on your strike meter. I suggest you keep your nose clean from here on. Here (He hands Quinn a card showing where her room is.), everyone else is settling in. I suggest you do the same (Quinn goes to the elevator). As soon you're ready, begin firing up the ship, the course is already set. And as soon as we get underway, launch the seekers.

Tommy: Will do.

Kain: I'll be upstairs, in the upper bridge (Kain goes into a door leading up some stairs.).

(Cut to: Reuben and Jane's room. Jane is still upset. Reuben is trying in vain to calm her down.)

Reuben: What is your problem?!

Jane: This whole damn thing is the problem! For half a year now, I've been trying to fix them up with each other, and not one fuckin' thing has happened!! I'm about to go out of my mind here!

Reuben: Something tells me you won't even have to try anymore....

Jane: Huh?

Reuben: Think about it. They're sharing a room, something is bound to happen. Just give it time.

Jane: Reuben, (Puts her hands on his hands) dear, I'm tired of waiting. Jesse's right, Reuben. It is getting old. Something has to be done, and it has to be done now.

(Cut to: Michael and Mara's room. They're unpacking.)

Mara: I just noticed something, we're not moving.

Michael: Well, we could drop our packs and go find out why.

Mara: Cool. (They do just that, and head for the main bridge.)

Michael: Hey, where's Kain?

Uziman: He's upstairs.

Shotgun: Has anyone ever seen what's up there?!

Tommy: Not me. (Pauses for a second) Hmm, well, I can ring for him. What's up?

Michael: We're not moving.

Uziman: The engine is undergoing a countdown. In about two minutes, we'll be on our way.

Mara: Where ARE we going?

Shotgun: Only Kain knows, and he's supposed to be telling us all later this evening. (Kain comes out of the door leading up the the upper-bridge.)

Kain: Aren't you supposed to be settling in? Oh well. You better take a seat and belt up because the first push is a major doozy. (Everyone puts on their seat belts. Kain grabs a microphone and pushes a button on the base.) Hey guys, I just wanted you to know that we're about to go, so strap yourself in. The first few minutes are going to be really bumpy. (Turns off the mic.) Okay, punch it!

(Shotgun slams his palm on a large green button the size of a CD. The ship blasts forward at 80 mph. {Hey, it's not easy moving something this big.} Ten minutes later, the shaking stops.).

Kain: (Speaking into the mic.) Okay, you can remove your seatbelts now. In fact, I forgot to tell you about the entertainment room. Go and check it out. It's got just about everything. (Turns off the mic.) I think the ship can manage from here, let's go ourselves. I'm sure we all could use a break.

Scene 5: The Entertainment Room, two levels below the Living Quarters. Most of the furniture from Kain's house is there. The Giant TV is there, along with a large library of movies (Including the videotapes from the Mega-Van) all converted to DVD. A dozen arcade machines are there, two pool tables, an air-hockey table, even a foozball table. Everyone is already there. Daria and Jane are trying to look inside the glass case where all the movies are.

<1:20 P.M.>

Daria: I don't see any locks around the case.

Jane: There's got to be.

Kain: (Walking in with everyone else.) You don't need to do that. On the table in front of the couch is a special laptop that acts as the remote for the TV, CD, and DVD player. It controls the volume, channels, just like a normal remote. But it also functions as a DVD jukebox. Cool, huh?

Michael: It's THE way to live.

Quinn: It sounds a little complicated....

Sally: It's easy, look. (Sits Quinn at the couch.) See the screen? It's got a menu that allows you to choose if you want to watch TV, a DVD, listen to a CD or watch a pirated PPV (Everyone's eyes widen). Then, see this grey spot by the keyboard? Just glide your finger across it, and you move the pointer. Try it.

(Quinn works the pointer around the screen a few times.)

Quinn: How do I get it to turn the channel over to E?

Sally: Just move the pointer over to "Television", and click the button beside the pad. Yeah, that's it. Now just move the cursor over to the E's. All the major channels are alphabetized. (A second later, "E!" comes on the TV.) See? Wasn't that easy?

Quinn: It was.

Sally: See? It pays to be a (Makes quote marks in the air) "Brain".

(Everyone goes around the corner to the game room after seeing that the "Fashion File" is on.)

Quinn: Where's everybody going?

Mara: We just don't like fashion shows. They make us vomit.

Quinn: Hey, could I ask you something?

Mara: (Coming back) Shoot.

Quinn: I've never really understood you people, before. I don't know if I'm going to regret this later. But, could you teach me brain things? Learning about that thing on the table felt good.

Mara: Are you ready to learn about everything?

Quinn: Uh, yeah.

Mara: Sure. We'll all help. Congratulations, Quinn. You've just crossed over into a larger world. (Tugging her arm) C'mon, join us. You can actually have fun here.

(Mara takes Quinn into the gameroom. It's very dark, and decorated with purple, blue, and green smudges all over the room.)

Mara: Now, have you ever played video games before?

Quinn: Once. I remember playing Pac-Man.

Mara: Ah, a classic. Well, (Looks around.) hmm, It doesn't look like Kain has Pac-Man. So give this one a try. (Mara tugs Quinn over to a "Double-Axle" Arcade machine.)

Quinn: Well, ok. How does this one go?

Mara: You drive a monster truck in a cross-country race. And sometimes, you can compete in car-crunching events. These days with racing games, you drive like a real car, or in this case, a truck. There's even an accelerator and brake pedal down there.

Quinn: Sounds fun.

(Daria, Jane, Trent, and Reuben are playing "WWF Wrestlefest" in a Battle Royale. Daria is the Ultimate Warrior, Jane is Mr. Perfect, Trent is Sgt. Slaughter, and Reuben is Earthquake. Demolition is controlled by the CPU. Jane is distracted, so Daria nails her with a fall-away slam, then a gorilla-press, followed by a pin. Jane is eliminated.)

Jane: Hey, isn't that Quinn?

Daria: Where?

Jane: At the monster truck game. And she's enjoying herself, very strange.

Daria: Well, it's been about six years since she's been into that Pac-Man game. One time, she spent four dollars in one session.

Trent: How can anyone play Pac-Man with that much money, well, without going crazy?

Reuben: It is sorta weird.

(Kain, Uziman, Shotgun, and Tommy are in a special arcade version of "WCW vs. NWO: World Tour". Kain is Sting, Uziman is Kevin Nash, Shotgun is Scott Hall, Tommy is the Giant. They're in a Battle Royale themselves. {I can't call the action here, too complicated.}.)

(The Ex-Quinn-Clones are playing the first Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade game, and really kicking ass.)

(Jesse is at an old favorite, Rampage. I mean, who doesn't like to play as Ralph?!)

(Sally has a few neural-cables attached to her head, connected to the console controls, she's playing X-Men with all six players in the game{!!!}, she's also kicking ass.)

(Michael is desperately trying in vain to beat the Super Mario Bros. Arcade game. You can see him constantly giving the screen the finger.)

<1:30 P.M.>

(Daria and Jane observe Quinn's performance. She's stuck in seventh place.)

Daria: Did you put it on Automatic Transmission?

Quinn: Yeah, why?

Jane: It doesn't go as fast.

(After Quinn loses at fifth place, Daria, Quinn, Jane, and Mara head over to a Simpsons arcade game. Daria is Lisa, Quinn is Bart, Jane is Homer, and Mara is Marge. Jane loses a life, and goes "D'oh!!!" {You all saw it coming, don't deny it.}.)

<8:33 P.M.>

Scene 6: The Entertainment room. The entire group is watching an old WWF Pay-Per-View, Wrestlemania 9. The Undertaker is coming down the aisle on a cart with a perched vulture next to him. He's about to fight an eight-footer named Giant Gonzales.

Uziman: Oh yeah, this'll be a good one!

Daria: After watching this kind of stuff for six years, you can just tell what's going to happen.

Jane: And what IS going to happen?

Daria: From what we've seen of this guy so far, I'd say he's going to drive the tall guy into the ground just like the others.

Quinn: How?! He's over eight feet tall! Wouldn't his head already be touching the ground?

Sally: She's got a point.

(An entire minute of silence passes.)

Kain: Hey Michael?

Michael: Yeah?

Kain: Remember that thing we were going to tell them?

Michael: What thing?!

Kain: C'mon, you can trust them.

Michael: I can't! I made a promise.

Kain: They're going to find out somehow. I suggest you tell them, now.

Mara: What's Kain talking about?

Michael: I don't know.

Kain: Michael, either you tell them, or I will.

Michael: Fine. I guess you're that desparate to ruin my life.

Kain: No, I don't want to ruin your life. Why would I want to?

(Michael takes a deep breath.)

Michael: Everyone. I've been living a lie.

Mara: What do you mean?

Michael: All the spy stuff isn't mine. The weapons, the equipment, even Eddie. It's not mine, they're not even of this world (Everyone's eyes {Except Kain's} begin to widen.). Two years ago, some kind of alien ship landed in front of me. An eight-foot greyish alien came out and dropped off Eddie. He said that Javin sector authorities wouldn't search an underdeveloped planet.

Daria: That would explain a lot. But why the cover-up?

Michael: When the ship left, I went inside Eddie, and found a note saying to make up a story. So I unwillingly made a promise.

Jane: (To Kain) How did you know about it?

Kain: When I heard Eddie's voice, I got suspicious. Then after seeing the design, I knew he was chosen.

Jane: I mean, how do you know that it was alien technology?

Kain: Because, I had a similar experience. Only I managed to adapt to the alien technology before they came and got it back. After seeing the interior, it seems that Eddie is an advanced prototype. That must be why it had to be hid.

Trent: So, everything you've made was from alien stuff?

Sally: Everything here, is adapted techno-alien-shit, mixed in with modern human technology.

Jesse: So, these aliens, are they hideous like in the movies?

Kain: Actually, they seem to look human just like us. But now these aliens are having some sort of war. And they apparently started stashing their technology here on Earth.....

Michael: (Interupting) I was just wondering something. Where are we going?

Kain: New York.

The journey will take three days.
What challenges await them in New York?
Does Quinn really want to reinvent herself?
And how are the Power Rangers faring against Clone #1?

To be continued in "A Prelude to War: Day 2"

Questions? E-Mail me at cws@wvinter.net