Virtual Massacure
By
Chris Smith
Daria and co. created by MTV Networks
Michael Andrews, and Mara Jacobs created by Michael Pfeffer
Reuben created by Katherine Goodman & Kristin Wegner
Kain, Sally, and Karen Oldham created by Chris Smith
Recap: It's been a week since Kain returned to Lawndale High school to finish his senior year. But for some unknown reason, he convinced Principal Li to step down, so he could take over. Michael hated Kain for an long time since Kain supposedly held Michael up at gunpoint. Almost killing him and his father, James Andrews. It wasn't really him, but an failed attempt at human cloning. To this day, the clone is still on the loose, wreaking havoc across North America. Michael and Kain are friends again, after a mutual agreement. Kain has more plans for our band of heroes and heroines, more plans to improve their culture....
More plans for Lawndale High............
Scene 1: The beginning of another day at Lawndale High. Kain, Daria, Jane, Michael, and Mara are walking toward the school campus.
Michael: I hear the football team's been training to try to take you down.
Kain: Heh. Bring 'em on.
Jane: They won't last a minute in the ring with you.
Kain: You think so? I'm assuming one or two will probably go a minute and a half.
Mara: How are you going to take down a dozen football players back-to-back in one session?
Kain: When people ask me questions like that, it's best to look upon song lyrics for determination. For example: Today, I'm thinking of a classic Kiss song, "You better watch out, 'cause I'm a War Machine". By the way, I got a suprise assembly in the auditorium at Ten. I just figured I'd warn YOU.
Daria: Wow, you must be really busy today.
Kain: Yeah, but I don't let it bother me. It's all part of being a principal. I wonder, would you people be getting a bad reputation for hanging out with the principal?
Jane: We expect it.
Kain: Has Quinn gotten over her "lost opportunity"?
Daria: She never will.
Michael: What about the fashion club?
Daria: I think they disbanded after the incident with Sandy and the six Quinns. When the club looked for a new president, Quinn stepped forward, but they just laughed at her. Now she has nothing again.
Mara: Cruel end to a cruel person.
(They reach the school entrance. Kain opens the door for them.)
Kain: After you.
Daria: Thanks.
Jane: I wonder what the shindig'll be about.
(Everyone else goes inside)
Kain: There's too many students around. You know how gossip goes.
Michael: I know. 'Should be outlawed.
Kain: About eighty-nine percent of the world will probably end up in Hell after they die. How can people live with themselves after the filthy things they do? That's an idea for a fun assignment for you guys. I'll tell one of your teachers, one which all of you would have, separately, or together. That way you people will have a good headstart. I have to get to work, I'll see you at the "shindig" later.
Jane: Later.
Daria: Bye.
Michael: See ya, man.
(They make it to Mrs. Karen Oldham's class. Mrs. Barch was immediately fired after holding a lesbian feminist rally on school grounds a few days ago. Karen Oldham is a Blonde permed, with Quinn's figure, around her early-thirties. Karen is perky, dependable, and married to her job. She loves to teach, she likes Daria and Jane the most, since Karen likes open-minded students.)
Karen: Hi Daria! Hey Jane!
Jane: Hola, Mrs. O!
Daria: Hey.
Karen: I got a memo from Mr. Kain about what you were discussing a few minutes ago. It's a great idea!
(Daria and Jane sit down, this is before the class arrives.)
Jane: I must be high on some drug, I'm actually enjoying this.
Daria: No, it's an easy assignment. Just write down what you think about what we talked about earlier.
Jane: Yeah, I guess you're right. Still, it's kinda hard to write a paper about how our society's going down the crapper.
(Just then, someone appears from a bush, outside the large window, and takes a picture of the two.)
Daria: Oh look, we have a fan.
Jane: Let's get him!
(They run to the window along with Mrs. Oldham, but when they reach the window to get a closer look. He vanishes from sight.)
Karen: Who'd do such a thing?!
Daria: Do you have any stalkers we should know about?
Jane: I think the guy was taking a picture of US.
Scene 2: 10:00 a.m.. The Lawndale High Auditorium. The place is packed. Kain is about to address the school.
Kevin: Hey mike, do you know what this's about?
Mack: Nope.
Kain: Fellow students of Lawndale. Hi. I got a little surprise for you. Look under your seats.
(Everyone looks and grabs a virtual reality helmet. Jane kinda looks happy.)
Jane: This, I can deal with.
Daria: I knew it would come to this sooner or later.
Michael: All right! This is going to be fun.
(Kain grabs one behind the podium.)
Kain: Go ahead, put it on. I'll see you all inside. (Puts it on)
Quinn: Won't my hair get tangled up?
Daria: I wonder what he has planned for us.
(Within seconds they all put on the helmets.)
Scene 3: The Virtual Domain. It looks the same as the real world. Kain is about to speak.
Kain: As you can see, virtual reality is vastly improving. I want you to take a good long walk around. Not only the school, but all of lawndale and surrounding cities. Along the way, you'll learn of things you never thought you could do. Here, anything is possible. Here, time slows to a crawl. One minute can be as long as you choose to be in the Virtual Domain. One Real Minute can be One Virtual Year. We're going to do one Virtual Day today. Now, go on. Enjoy yourselves.
(Everyone leaves but Daria)
Kain: What's wrong? I figured you'd like this.
Daria: Won't I end up a vegetable after all that you said happens?
Kain: Believe me. If it was any way harmful, I wouldn't have brought the system to the school yet. Wanna go do something? Even in Virtual Reality, I get very lonely.
Daria: Sure. Where to?
Kain: Anywhere. Anywhere but here.
Daria: Hm, how about the Eiffel Tower?
Voice: How about Mars?
Daria: Jane? Where are you?
Jane: I'm up here, Daria! (Jane is on the ceiling, standing upside down) Check this out! (Jane jumps toward the ground, does a few quick somersaults then her feet spin like a propeller, slowing her descent to the ground.) WhaaaaaHooooooooo!!!! Cool, huh?
Kain: Like I said, ANYTHING is possible. But I made a few laws for the Virtual Domain*.
Daria: Laws?
Kain: Yeah, you gotta have some order.
(Later, they're in the Mall of the Millenium. They're just cruisin' by.)
Daria: Who are all these people?! I thought only the students were connected.
Kain: You're right. This universe is connected to Sally.
Jane: Sally?
Kain: The computer came up with a name a few days ago. Don't ask why. Anyway, Sally created millions of extras, like in a TV show, only they don't get paid.
Daria: So this is just like real life.
Kain: Yup, only a little more fun.
Daria: I don't do fun.
Kain: Oh, well, it wouldn't hurt to start now.
Daria: No.
Jane: C'mon, Daria. You need this kind of distraction.
Daria: I don't feel like it. (All of a sudden, she morphs into a ball of light and bursts through the ceiling.)
Jane: What happened?!
Kain: Everything that you do, you control with your mind. Daria must have wanted to be alone.
Jane: But where'd she go?
Kain: Look. (A larger version of the Batwing moves into sight, then flies away.) It isn't easy to see, but I saw Daria move into that aircraft.
Jane: Should we follow?
Kain: Definitely. (Aircraft-style wings slide from under his arms.) Wanna come too?
Jane: Sure.
Kain: Just get behind me, and hang around my neck. That's the only way to hang on.
Jane: I think that's called "Choking".
Kain: Nonetheless. (Jane wraps her arms around his neck) Taaaaaaaaaaakeoff!!!!
(Kain grabs the handles from his wings. Then the wingtips sprout rocket boosters, They're high in the air in less than a second. They're already in pursuit.)
Kain: You okay back there?
Jane: A little airsick.
Kain: When you do this a lot, you learn how to hold it in for unnaturally long periods of time.
Jane: You're not helping.
(They reach the side of the plane. It has a small platform with a door, they're just over the platform.)
Jane: How're we gonna hang on?
Kain: Just pretend that your boots are magnets. Then they'll stick. (She climbs down, and stands on the platform.) I'll get the door open. (He goes and turns the knob{?}.)
Jane: Hey, I can't move!
Kain: Just slide your feet across the steel, carefully. (When she reaches the door, Kain hoists her up into the door. Then gets in himself.) C'mon, let's go to the cockpit.
(After a minute of walking down a long hallway{?}, they reach the cockpit. Daria is piloting the plane.)
Daria: Why are you following me?
Jane: We want to know what's with you. You've been shutting us out ever since we've been in here.
Daria: I don't like fun, yet I'm doing this. Why?
Kain: You're doing what you want to do. There's nothing else to it.
Jane: You can tell us, we're your friends.
Kain: This should be private. I'll leave you two to talk. (Kain disappears.)
Jane: So what's the problem?
Daria: Nothing. That's the problem.
Jane: There's plenty to do here!
Daria: But it's not real.
Jane: C'mon, it looks real, it feels real, what's the deal?
Daria: This just doesn't feel right. I wanna do something exciting for a change.
Jane: Since the world here isn't real, let's blow up some cities.
Daria: Hmm. How about Las Vegas?
Jane: Cool. (Sits in the co-pilot's seat. )
(Suddenly, a black heavy-combat aircraft appears right in front of them from above. Jane sees a green button flashing in front of her.)
Jane: Something's flashing here, I'll check it out. (She pushes it and a comm. channel opens.) Yo.
Voice: This is Death-7 why are you collaborating with the enemy?
Daria: Who?
Voice: The one you refer to as Kain.
Jane: Maybe because we're friends.
Voice: Then I'm afraid you must be terminated. (Two Light discs emerge from the top and the bottom of the plane.) You see, friends of Kain are to be destroyed on sight.
(The discs starts charging up, then the one on the bottom fires some kind of laser beam. It slices off Daria's wings. They get to the side door.)
Jane: I'm wishing now we had those wings Kain used to get me here.
Daria: He said you could do anything here. (Daria closes her eyes for a second, then some metallic bat wings slice through her jacket.)
Jane: Nice touch. (Jane sprouts the same kind of wings that Kain was using.)
(They jump off the wing platform, just as the plane explodes. They are soaring back the way they came. The Death-7 continues to pursue and fire, and oddly, it misses{Gee I wonder why?}. They decide to land on top of a skyscraper over in Midtown Lawndale. Death-7 hovers right in front of them and prepares to fire.)
Daria: Good bye, cruel, virtual world.
(He hits them, on the mark, or so he thought. Some sort of Star-Trek-Style shield was protecting them. Daria thought to herself "Anything, huh?". All of a sudden, her left arm doubles in size, her hand melts, the end flattens up, hollows, and becomes a cannon. She aims carefully, and blows up the black aircraft of death. Her arm returns to normal.)
Jane: Neat.
Kain: (Appearing out of nowhere) We have something to fear, folks.
Daria: I'll bet you planned that.
Kain: Remember when I said about us being connected to Sally?
Jane: Yeah, so?
Kain: Well, that requires a phone line.
Daria: So?
Kain: It appears that we have an outsider on-line using some kind of virus. I scanned the network. It has a variety of different tactics. Whenever it kills someone in the Virtual Domain, it terminates his/her link.
Daria: What's so dangerous about that?
Kain: Without properly disconnecting the link, the user may become brain-dead instantly.
Jane: Oh.
Kain: C'mon, I'm taking us back to the town where everyone should be.
(They vanish, and reappear in the middle of a riot in the Vicinity of Lawndale High. Users are pummelling other users, breaking windows, overturning cars, and vandalizing property.)
Kain: Oh, jeeze. How am I gonna fix this? I can't terminate the entire link until the Virtual Day is over.
Jane: Get a few mega phones together and yell something God-like.
Daria: Yeah, it may get the entire school to want to kill us, but at least they won't be killing each other.
(The football team comes welding bats, knives, and broken parking meters. Kevin is down on his stomach with an axe in his back.)
Mack: It's payback time!
Kain: Do you really want a repeat performance?
Daria: He'll do it.
Jane: I don't think you want it.
Kain: It's okay, I did it before. I'll do it again.
(Mack pulls an uzi. Kain rushes forward, draws out some kind of laser sword and chops off Mack's hand. He is screaming in agony.)
Kain: A lesson for all, especially YOU. Guns aren't exactly friendly.
(Just then, Jeffy, Joey, and Jamie each pull out guns and fire at Kain. But Kain is using a mimic of the alien shields used in Independance Day.)
Kain: Don't you people get the message the first time? (Kain does a quick roll forward and slices the guns in two.)
Kevin: (Still on the ground.) Somebody help me. Mack-dad.......
Kain: (He walks up to him) I don't think he likes you.
(Later that day, the sky is purple. Normal for a night in the Virtual Domain.)
Kain: I guess it's about time.
Daria: Time for what?
Kain: (Looks at a different kind of watch) Time to pull the plug, finally.
Jane: Awwww, and I was going to go blow off Quinn's head.
Daria: Hey, that's MY job.
Kain: Ok, here we go. Five, Four, Three, Two, One. (He pulls a plug in the back of his neck.)
Scene 4: Lawndale Auditorium. 10:15 a.m. Everyone is removing their helmets, very confused.
Kain: Well, what do you think? Virtual Reality is getting bigger and better. Like I said before, it distorts time and space. It's only been fifteen minutes since we all put on the helmets. I want you to know, there was a small problem, and there will be some adjustments by the next time you all get called to the gym for our next session.
(Everyone leaves except Daria, Jane, Michael, and Mara.)
Kain: An outside source logged on and put up a virus. Michael, were you there when the riot started?
Michael: Yeah, someone fired a few shots in the air and said. "The end is near, for you!!"
Daria: You want to talk about it?
Kain: It's not the virus that bugs me. It's the way the others changed because of the riot. I have some serious thinking to do.
Jane: Also you have some serious beating to do later.
Kain: Oh, yeeeeaaah. The match today. Can you go and see if Mystic Spiral's here yet?
Jane: Sure, c'mon Daria.
Daria: But..... (Jane gives a slight tug on Daria's sleeve. They leave.)
Kain: I think he knows I'm working here now.
Michael: What do you plan to do?
Kain: There's nothing I can do, yet. Unless I can copy Sally and the program to a specially-made computer in the school.
Mara: Maybe we can handle that.
Kain: That's great.
Michael: When do you plan to counter his attacks?
Kain: I'm not fully prepared for a counter-strike. Sally's working on the technical specs.
Scene 5: Lunchtime, Daria, Jane, Mara, Michael, and Mystic Spiral (Including Kain) are at a table eating and talking.
Kain: So it appears that the football team want to go through with the matches. But they're a little spooked, due to my self-defense.
Jane: Mack will probably chicken out.
Michael: Naah, he's too much of a poor sport to do that. He wants Kain bad, did you see the way he even reacts to his name?
Mara: Yeah, during DiMartino's class. Kain mentioned the assembly, and Mack trashed the intercom.
Kain: Why can't he just admit he lost and get on with his life?
Jane: HELLO?! He's on the football team! They've been taught to win at any cost. And never to take losing, at all.
Daria: Just what school needs, brainwashing.
Kain: Well, I think it's time to show them what I'm capable of, in the ring. I'm going to go prepare, here's what I want you to do. (Hands them a sheet of paper, alond with a CD)
Jesse: What track do you want us to put on?
Kain: There's only one track. If all goes well, the football team will not only be spooked, but out cold. I'll see you later.
(Kain gets up and leaves.)
Daria: (Looking over the plan) Wow. He's even making it a school event.
Jane: Maybe there'll be TV cameras there too.
(They eat for a few minutes. Trent breaks the silence.)
Trent: Kain told me that since no one here listens to Heavy Metal, we could just play anything we wanted and people will think it's our song.
Michael: Strange, but true.
Mara: You really think Kain has a chance?
Jesse: Kain'll kill 'em!
Reuben: They don't even have a prayer.
(Cut to: the locker room, the football team are holding hands in a circle, hanging their heads.)
Mack: Dear Lord. If you can help us win our match with Kain next period. We promise we will build several churches in your honor.
Joey: (Breaking contact) Mack! NO!!!
Scene 6: The Gym, the place is packed with students and teachers, even the janitors and secretaries are sitting in the bleachers. Mystic Spiral is warming up the crowd with "Man in the Box" by Alice in Chains.
(After the song ends, Mack comes in the ring with the team sitting behind their neutral corner.)
(A few minutes pass, and the lights go out. Then Kane's {Yes, I spelled it right} entrance theme{*} starts to play. After a few seconds, a loud explosion surrounds the exit door, where Kain comes walking out. The only lighting is the explosion and the red spotlights surrounding the gym. Kain's wearing red clothes, black boots, shades, and a red trenchcoat {Scary, huh?}. Kain walks to the ring.)
Mack: Oh shit.
Jeffy: (Speaking to Joey) At least I don't have to wrestle him first.
Joey: You said it.
(Kain enters the ring, the music is still playing.)
Trent: Great choice of music.
Reuben: The guy really knows how to put on a show.
(Kain raises his arms to his sides, when they reach eye-level, white-hot flames spew from the turnbuckles. The crowd gasps in horror. When Mack turns to the side in confusion, Kain grabs Mack by the stomach, turns him upside-down, and does the Tombstone Piledriver. Mack is out. Kain puts his foot on Mack's chest, Jesse {Acting as the ref this week} does the three-count. Daria and Jane are right by the bleachers.)
Daria: This is cool.
Jane: What can I say? It's a work of art.
(The music is still playing. The team is scared stiff, yet they manage to send Kevin next. Kevin, still wearing those shoulder pads, rushes toward Kain. Kain sidesteps to the right, grabs Kevin by the back of his collar, wraps his right arm around the front of Kevin's neck, and drops to the ground. It's known as the Scorpion Death Drop. Kain gets another win. All of a sudden, Jeffy, Joey, and Jamie decide to triple-team Kain. Kain rushes and nails Joey with an Atomic Drop, while he's holding his crotch in pain, Kain grabs Jeffy and Jamie by their throats, lifts them up, and slams them to the ground. Kain grabs Joey and does another Atomic Drop, then another, then another, then and DDTs his ass into the ground. All three are out. Kain pins all three, and wins. )
Daria: How does this guy do it?
Jane: Curiosity, always a sign.
Daria: A sign that I will be dragging you to the ring.
Jane: Daria, you amaze me at times.
(The music is still playing, the remnants of the football team bolt for the exit. Kain's arm is raised in victory. Daria and Jane head for the ring to celebrate with Kain. )
Trent: (With a mic) Give it up for the man who not only rules the school, but also rules the ring. (He and Reuben immediately head for the ring to celebrate.)
Michael: (With a mic) Thank you all for coming, school's out for the day!
(Everyone leaves, except Michael{Who restores the lights}, Mara, Daria, Jane, Trent, Jesse, Reuben, and Kain {Kind of a neat bunch, huh? Why don't we just rename the show to "Friends"?}. Shut up.)
Kain: What a day, huh?
Jane: Yeah, there's nothing like beating up your own football team.
Mara: Well, rembember that Mack didn't like losing the first time.
Daria: Thirty bucks says he'll try for three.
Michael: Fifty bucks says he'll bring a steel chair into the ring.
Kain: A hundred bucks says he's not even going to wait til next Wednesday. Maybe I should talk to ths guy.
Jane: Are you sure that's wise? I mean, won't Jodie and Brittany get upset at you for beating their boyfriends?
Kain: I'm expecting that from Brittany. But, Jodie? Naaaah. Just in case, though. Daria? Jane? Could you accompany me to the locker room.
Mara: But isn't that the.......
Kain: Brittany's probably already in there with Kevin. So it wouldn't matter if other girls went in too.
Daria: I'm in.
Jane: If I get to beat someone up, then I'm in too.
Kain: We'll be right back.
(Daria, Jane, and Kain all go to the boy's locker room, where Kain hopes to talk some sense into Mack.)
Kain: Hey, Mack?
Mack: (Barely able to speak) Yeah?
Kain: You okay?
Mack: Just a little embarrassed.
Kain: Was the adrenaline a little high from when you beat Kevin?
Mack: Yeah, when I beat that loser. I was on top of the world. I felt that nothing could stop me. Then you beat me in less than a minute, I guess I couldn't take it. I kept on telling myself "It was only a fluke, I can take him!".
Kain: But then you try to gun me down in the Virtual Domain, and then you decide to make the match a handicap match. By siccing the entire football team on me. Did anyone tell you how I won?
Mack: Jodie told me that you beat me, Kevin, then Quinn's entourage jumped in. She says you beat them all at once. How'd you do that?!
Kain: When you've watched pro-wrestling your entire life, you learn a lot about holds, slams, submissions, and drops. You have potential. I can make you a great pro-wrestler, good enough so that any promoter will pay anything to sign you on.
Mack: Really?! How?
Kain: I can be a very convincing businessman as well. How's Kevin?
Mack: As if nothing happened, they're making out in the back room.
Jane: Reeeeeeeeeealllllly?
Daria: You wouldn't.
Jane: I would.
Kain: Go for it.
(Jane heads toward the back with an evil grin on her face.)
Mack: I don't even want to know.
Kain: Why do they even try to hide it? It's all over school.
Mack: I guess they just don't care.
Daria: "They" as in the school, or Kev and Brit?
Kain: Maybe both.
(Just then, Kevin and Brittany run out screaming, they stop when they see Kain.)
Brittany: Haven't you done enough?!!? Why'd you hurt my poor Kevie?!
Kain: Brittany....
Brittany: Shut up, you heartless ......... meanie!!!
Daria: Oooooohh, good comeback.
Birttany: I'm going to kill you!!!
Kain: Hmm, interesting situation. Daria, Jane, who wants the job?
Brittany: Huh?
Kain: I'm a gentleman, I'm not going to fight a woman.
Daria: I'll do it.
(Brittany lets out some sort of war cry, then charges toward Daria. Daria quickly sidesteps to the left and trips Brittany, she falls and hits her chin, hard. Brittany gets back up, even more pissed. Daria, just stands there, waiting. Brittany lunges at Daria, with those claws reaching outward. Daria and Brittany lock hands together in a mercy game. Brittany is struggling to keep in the middle, Daria isn't even trying! Daria goes in and makes Brit give up.)
Jane: Yikes.
Kain: (whispering to Jane) Maybe Trent should be extra nice to her. (They both snicker)
Daria: Are we done here?
Mack: Yeah, everything's cool.
Kain: Cool. I guess we'll be going now. Bye.
(As they're halfway out the door, Kain stops.)
Kain: By the way, Kevin, Brittany? I suggest you be a little more cautious as to where and when you decide to make out in my school.
Kevin: How'd you know?
Jane: We've got cameras everywhere.
Kain: Where you'd least suspect it.
(They leave. Brittany and Kevin are afraid to hold hands)
Scene 7: The Morgandorffer living room. The entire family is watching TV(Very unusual indeed.).
Jake: So how was your day, kiddo?
Daria: Well, we all had a neat experience in Virtual Reality. Until someone started a riot.
Helen: A riot?!?!
Daria: No one was hurt, of course.
Helen: Thank god! What does Mr. Kain plan to do about it?
Daria: I don't know.
Quinn: I don't know about you, Daria. But I had a great time! During the riot, I met this great guy while I was hiding in a clothing store.
(Someone knocks on the door.)
Quinn: I'll get that. (She opens the door and it turns out to be Kain. She speaks nervously.) H-h-h-hi.
Kain: Hi Quinn.
Quinn: Hey! How'd you know my name?!
Kain: Never mind that, is Daria here?
Quinn: Why do you want to talk to that loser?
Kain: 'Cause I don't think she's a loser. Stiiiirike two!
Quinn: Huh?
Kain: Just let me in.
Jake: Who's this guy?
Helen: Why hello, Mr. Kain! We were just talking about you!
Kain: Reeeeeeeally. Whatabout?
Daria: Nothing major, just the riot in the Virtual Domain.
Kain: Oh yeah, that. Don't worry, she wasn't in the area when it happened.
Jake: You want to stay for dinner, my man?
Kain: Sure, what're you having?
Helen: Well, you're the guest. You choose.
(Helen and Jake are simultaneously thinking "Please not lasagna. Please not lasagna. Please not lasagna! Please not lasagna!! PLEASE NOT LASAGNA!!!!!".)
Kain: How about Lasagna?
Jake: Sounds okay to me, dude!
Helen: I'll go prepare dinner. (Helen leaves)
Kain: Do you always talk this way in front of young outsiders?
Jake: Yes.
Kain: Why? Is it some lame attempt to be cool?
Jake: Yes, why?
Kain: Mr. Morgandorffer, I don't really want to say this to a parent, because this, I know will be offensive, but the only thing I would find cool about you is that irritated eye of yours.
Jake: Huh?
Kain: Don't you see? By trying to be hip in front of kids, you've pushed yourself away even further from getting to know them.
Jake: But how could........?
Kain: It's very common these days. I've dealt with worse, and this is just the beginning for you. Next you'll be doing whatever it takes, including booze and drugs. Provided you even have the assumption that Daria or Quinn might be even doing that.
Jake: You seem to know a lot about kids. Do you have any of your own?
Kain: Nope, I've just been dealing a lot with real people.
(Quinn is staring at him pretending to hang on every word.)
Quinn: Define real people.
Kain: Well, I know you're not one of them.
Quinn: Yes I am, I'm attractive and popular! That's real!
Kain: An old saying, Quinn. "Beauty is only skin deep." I want you to think about that. I mean, really think.
Daria: Well said.
Kain: Jake, Daria's an excellent student. And I suspect she did it all by herself. What, with both parents working and all. This would be an exception, though, since, usually, it's the older sister that worries more about clothes, popularity, and dates.
Daria: I know, and that scares me.
Kain: Hey Daria. I just thought I should tell you that we're going to try that Virtual Reality thing again. But with a new purpose. I'll explain it later. I need to ask you some stuff in private, and your mom is still making dinner.......
Daria: Follow me.
(They head up to Daria's bedroom)
Daria: Okay, what is it?
Kain: I just gotta know, what more do you do besides watch Sick Sad World?
Daria: Nothing much. Just talk on the phone with Jane.
Kain: We need to change this.
Daria: What?
Kain: Even I did more than this.
Daria: But you're a scientist. You had to have done more.
Kain: I mean, you need something more to do after school. I've been looking for a research assistant.
Daria: Don't you have all those Quinn clones for that?
Kain: They're just the new maids and cooks. I need someone above their I.Q. to help me. How about after dinner, I show you around the house, all my neat inventions that could make anyone rich overnight.
Daria: Well, (Thinks for a second.) okay.
Kain: Cool. How long does it take Helen to make dinner?
Daria: She should be done by now.
(They go downstairs and see Helen trying to put out a fire in the Kitchen.)
Helen: I'm sorry, these things don't happen often.
Kain: It's okay, I should be going anyway. I've decided to make Daria one of four student advisors, and we're going to go work on some school projects.
Jake: Well, alright. Helen?
Helen: That's perfect!
Kain: We'll see you later. (They leave)
Quinn (Thinking): It couldn't be! They must be going on a date! Maybe I can profit from this.
Quinn: I need to go too. I have a date.
Helen: Ok, well, have a good time.
Quinn: Okbye! (Quinn leaves)
Helen: That Kain guy is really something.
Jake: I'll say. He knows a lot about kids.
(Cut to: the front porch. Kain and Daria get into a van that's about the length of a stretch limo. Quinn sees this and is in awe. They drive off. Quinn's date pulls up in a black convertable. She gets in.)
Quinn: Kyle?
Kyle: Yes?
Quinn: Could we change the plans for a little bit?
Kyle: What do you want to do?
Quinn: See that giant van leaving? My big sister's getting in with a rich guy, and I wanna know what she's up to.
Kyle: Well, okay.
(They follow Kain and Daria. She notices after a few minutes.)
Daria: Well, well, it appears that Quinn wants in on the fun too.
Kain: Don't worry, she ain't getting in. I built in all sorts of defenses.
Daria: You mentioned earlier about me being "One of four Student Advisors". Who're the other three?
Kain: Jane, Michael, and Mara. It was the only way to cut you out of two periods per day, with credit.
Daria: Thanks.
(At the other car.)
Quinn: I just know something's up!
Kyle: Why do want know about this guy anyway?
Quinn: Last time I was there with a few friends, a giant monster came out of nowhere and tried to kill us! Could you kill this thing for me?
Kyle: I'm sure it's nothing.
(back at the van.)
Kain: So that's how the two elephants were joined at the tusks.
Daria: That is so sick. I like it.
Kain: I got a million of them, I'm still kicking myself for not even thinking of going standup.
Daria: Why are you holding all this back? You're standing on a fortune.
Kain: I just don't know. Maybe because I have no one to share it with.
Daria: You need a ....... Girlfriend?
Kain: Y-yeah. I've been lonely since 1988 since someone spread a nasty rumor about me. I've not only been embarrassed into seclusion, but I was never able to meet anyone without some jackass bringing it up.
Daria: What was the rumor?
Kain: Everyone didn't like the fact that I liked heavy metal music. They branded me a psycho. I wanted to die. Then dad came up with the microchip thing. I jumped at the offer, and the rest is history. Everyone still hated me, but I didn't want to kill myself anymore.
Scene 8: The front gate to Kain's house. A door opens in the ground in front of the gate, the van just drives down. It closes, and the other car arrives.
Quinn: Lets stop here.
Kyle: Ok, where's this "monster"?
Quinn: It appeared just after we went through the gates.
Kyle: Ok, I'm going in.
(Kyle heads into the front yard. It's like a forest. All of a sudden, he hears some gears and wirrs.)
(Cut to: Daria and Kain, in a massive garage, about the size of a blimp hangar. They park the van. They get out and walk up some stairs that leads into Kain's lab.)
Daria: The place is bigger than I thought. How do you make these kinds of places without people noticing?
Kain: Building quickly and very quietly.
(They hear someone screaming outside, ending with a sudden stop.)
Kain: Again?
Daria: This happens often?
Kain: Lately? Too often.
Daria: What happens to the ones who get caught tresspassing?
Kain: You saw the sign by the gate.
(The sign reads "Without clearance, tresspassing is punishable by immediate death.")
Daria: That's what happened to the Quinn Clone who tried to get away?
Kain: Yup, and I'm afraid someone else paid the price. I can't let people snoop around this place. If word got out, the media would have a field day. My plan to haul Clone #1's ass back here would fail, and he'll be laughing his ass off til the end of time, which won't be very long if he succeeds.
Daria: Wait a minute, you were serious about the superhero thing(*)?
Kain: Every word. You think I'd lie about this?!?! Sally would have corrected me if I was wrong about ANYTHING.
(They reach the lab.)
Daria: How and why did the computer come up with Sally?
Kain: Sally's going through a metamorphosis right now. She's even copying her data into a clone.
Daria: A clone? Who?!
Kain: If I knew, I'd tell you. She's behind a locked door, being formed from DNA replication and Brainwave patterns. And afterwards, she'll be copying ALL her data accumulated over the years, which will take just as long as forming a normal clone.
Daria: So what other inventions do you have?
(Suddenly, Jane comes in from upstairs.)
Kain: I asked her to come.
Jane: (Holding a electronic helmet) This thing is SWWWEEEEEEEEEET!!!
Kain: It's a work of art. However if you wish to have one of your own, you'll need three things: A computer, a TV, and a VCR.
Daria: What is it?
Kain: It's a Brainwave Camera. You can make movies that would require hudreds of millions of dollars to make, instantly.
Daria: I see what you mean. About keeping all this secret.
Jane: But why do you trust us?
Kain: I just see something in you that tells me I can trust you with anything. But Quinn I can't trust. Did you hear the scream outside? That was number five she led to the lion's den! You've got to talk some sense into her before she makes this public! If not, I'll be forced to have her captured and put in permanent confinment, and she will NOT like that AT ALL!
Daria: I can be very convincing.
Kain: Well, remember, there's always a way out of any situation, but you might have to pull off the kidnapping.
Daria: How am I going to drag Quinn over here without someone noticing?
Kain: I got that covered. (Leads the girls over to a door by the upstairs door.) I had these halls tunneled out to special points in Lawndale. Daria, this one leads to the back of your closet. Jane, yours will be a little more tough to pull off unnoticed, yours leads to a trapdoor right under your bed. These are to be used for emergencies only.
Daria: Won't mom and dad discover the door and try to have you convicted?
Kain: Which is why you'll have to pull off a triple-kidnapping. Jane, you, Michael, and Mara will have to all do this with Daria to keep it quiet. With luck, this will only be done at the last minute.
Jane: Last minute? For what?
Kain: I cannot tell you now(*), I kinda promised Sally.
Jane: You must be taking a liking to her to make that kind of promise.
Kain: Well, she wants us to date once she gets her body.
Daria: (Disappointed*) Oh.
(Jane's eyes widen with concern. No one notices.)
Kain: I'm sure you need to get home, it's late enough as it is.
Jane: Yeah.
Kain: Before you go, tell Michael about what Quinn might do. And leave the kidnapping plan as a last resort.
Daria: Will do.
Kain: Good night, Daria. Jane.
(They head into their respective doors that have special rocket-sleds to enable fast transport. Kain, walks upstairs to the living room. In the living room, he sits down, one of the Quinn clones, named Heather, walks to Kain with a newspaper.)
Heather: The Evening Edition sir.
Kain: Thank you.
(Kain flips on the 80'6 inch TV{!} and watches the National News)
Anchorman: And this just in, the rumored Terrorist leader known as Kain has been suspected in a massive bank embezzlement of twenty-six billion dollars through corporate executive, Craig Johnson. Mr. Johnson was arrested at his home at 10:47 p.m. The money has not been located, and police officials believe it won't be for a long time.
Co-Anchor: Wow, this guy must be some sort of pro. I mean, my god.
Anchorman: That pretty much speaks for itself.
Kain: I've got to get that bastard back here, and soon! I don't know how much more the world can take!
Scene 9: Daria, Jane, Michael, and Mara are walking to school. Daria and Jane have already filled Michael and Mara in on the situation.
Michael: I see, this is indeed a problem. But how are we going to pull this off? And what will Kain do with them when we do bring them in?
Daria: He said something about putting them in permanent confinment.
Mara: That sounds cruel.
Jane: It's the thought that counts.
Daria: I know, what I want to know is what he plans to do to get Clone #1 back.
Jane: Concerned?
Daria: Huh?
Jane: You've been worried about this guy ever since he spilled his guts.
Daria: What's your point?
Michael: C'mon Daria. You can tell us!
Daria: Tell you what?! I have nothing to hide.
(Everyone stops)
Jane: You're not fooling anyone, Daria! I saw that look last night when Kain said his computer is taking a female form. You were disappointed.
Daria: (Upset) Alright, alright!! I admit it! I like the guy! Now get off my back! (She walks off alone.)
Mara: Way to go, Jane.
Jane: What?! The kid needs to open up a little.
Michael: Open up a little? I'm sorry, Jane, but that was like ripping a hole in your arm with a rusty razor!
Jane: She needs to loosen up. You know how tense she is!
Mara: We know that! But Don't you think you're pushing her?
(They continue walking.)
Jane: She was acting the same way that she was with Trent. And I still don't know if she likes him or not!
Mara: Maybe that's it. Maybe she feels guilty about liking two guys.
Michael: Maybe.
Jane: Maybe. I guess I did push it. How am I going to fix this?
Michael: I don't know. But I do know you're not going to do it alone. We won't let you.
Jane: Thanks.
(Daria is in the coach's office, he's not there. But she's talking to someone, while crying. You can only see Daria.)
Daria: I've never felt this way about anyone, period. Now I like the other one too. Jane is trying to make me admit it.
Voice: Why're you trying to hide it? I'm sure everyone has a problem like this at least once in their life.
Daria: But how can I deal with myself, knowing I like two people?
Voice: You have to go with what's in your heart. I know it has to have been begging and pleading to let out some of that emotion for a long time.
Daria: But I feel......
(The guy sits down next to Daria, it turns out to be Kain.)
Kain: Look, I was a little surprised when I saw it too. The trip to your house was going to be our "Date", but just before I left, Sally told me about her plans, and I was shocked. I didn't know what to think, but I went to your house anyway, I still needed a friend.
Daria: Really?
Kain: Yes. (Hugs daria.) I'm sure someone like you more than a friend. (Hinting) Someone in a band. (Daria gets the WTF look.) Someone who, coincidentally, sings.
Daria: (She stops crying.) Now you're in on it too?
Kain: Give it a chance. I know HE is. He couldn't think straight ever since he knew you existed, he can't stop thinking of YOU.
Daria: How do you know?
Kain: 'Cause, he told me.
Daria: Why is Jane doing this?
Kain: She thinks you two would be perfect for each other. I have a suggestion: Next time she manages to get you two alone, go with the flow. Tell him. Make the best of it. Trust me, you'll feel a lot better.
Daria: Thank you. For everything. (She hugs him)
Kain: My pleasure.
(They get up and leave. Kain lets Daria skip the first three periods.)
Scene 10: 11:00, Kain calls everyone to an assembly in the gym, the Wrestling ring has been moved to make room. Due to Kain's popularity, the bleachers are packed. There are twenty seats with Virtual Domain helmets. There are twenty giant screens on the wall. Daria, decides to sit with Quinn. She doesn't seem to mind. Jane, Michael, and Mara are on the other end, having no idea where Daria is. Kain takes center stage.
Kain: Good morning students of Lawndale. Due to the mass riot that plagued the Virtual Domain yesterday, I've been forced to re-invent the program. In a little bit, fourteen of you will get the chance to try it out.
Daria: You interested?
Quinn: I wonder if I'll meet that guy again.
Kain: Here's the premise: You want to fight somebody? Go for it! You want to maim, dismember, even kill somebody? You now have that chance! I got the idea after I saw a replay of the Ultimate Fighting Championship. How many of you seen it? (Students cheer) We got fans, wow! A little more than I thought, but still...... I will now read the students' names in no particular order, though I must warn you, three of these names are not students:
Michael Andrews,
Mara Jacobs,
Kevin Thompson,
Brittany Taylor,
Jesse of Mystic Spiral,
Quinn Morgandorffer,
Sandy (Does she have a last name?!),
Jane Lane,
Jeff (One of Quinn's followers),
Reuben of Mystic Spiral,
Joey (Another one of Quinn's followers),
Tiffany (Another no-last-name),
Trent of Mystic Spiral,
Stacy (Same as the other two fashion club members),
Charles Ruttheimer,
Jamie (The last of Quinn's followers),
Michael Jordan Mackenzie,
Jodie Landon,
Andrea (Yet another no-last-name),
And Daria Morgandorffer.Contestants, to your stations!! (The school cheers loudly)
Daria: (To Quinn) You going to try and tell someone the truth about us being sisters this time?
Quinn: That does it! Mr. Kain?!
Kain: Yes Quinn?
Quinn: I challenge you, Daria, to a one-on-one!! (Everyone gasps)
Kain: Ho-la! It looks like we got ourselves a Grudge Match! (The school cheers even louder)
Daria: I accept.
Kain: YES!!! She accepts! Both of you will be placed in a separate arena from the others.
(They all get to their stations, put on their helmets, and they enter the Virtual Domain. The screens show a detailed view of each contestant's location. Daria and Quinn's screens are blank.)
Kain: A battle royale and a one-on-one. It's getting good already! Let's have some hands! (The crowd screams and cheers.) Ladies and Gentlemen! Welcome to The Virtual Massacre!!
Scene 11: The Virtual Domain, a dark grey, enclosed area. Daria is wearing a black version of her normal outfit. Quinn is wearing a red jumpsuit. 'Looks like they're ready to rumble!
Quinn: You're dead meat meat, brain!
Daria: Other way around, brat!
Quinn: Brain!
Daria: Brat!
Quinn: Brain!
Daria: Brat!
Quinn: Brain!
Daria: Brat!
(Quinn pulls out a mace. She swings it at Daria, she misses. Daria pulls out an axe and chops off the mace handle, she then grabs Quinn and throws her into the wall. Quinn gets back up, charges and tackles Daria. Daria kicks her off. Daria grabs Quinn and hauls her up by the collar.)
Daria: Why can't you just stop thinking about boys?
(Quinn breaks free and pulls out a giant mallet. Daria gets knocked clear to the wall.)
Quinn: Get a normal life!
(Daria recovers and pulls out a Calvary Saber. Quinn pulls out the same thing. They clang each other's swords for an entire minute, until Quinn's saber breaks. Daria drops her saber.)
Daria: Had enough?
(Just then, Quinn pulls a gun and starts firing. Daria expected this, so she uses a Star-Trek-style shield and absorbs the bullets. Quinn is in total shock. Daria pulls out a sawed-off shotgun and blows off her upper torso.)
Daria: I guess so.
Kain: (Echoing from nowhere) Game-set-match! You will be joining the battle royale in progress, good luck Daria.
(Daria vanishes from the field.)
Scene 12: Later that day, the group is sitting at the side door to the Tank, right outside the Morgandorffer house.
Jane: I liked that part where Reuben ripped off Joey's arms, that was great!
Reuben: Not as good as when Daria chopped off Sandy's head with that giant razor blade on a stick!
Daria: She was begging for it.
Trent: Hey, Daria. Where do you get your ideas for weapons?
Daria: Let's just say I have a vivid imagination.
Kain: Quinn didn't see THAT number coming. That's for sure.
Michael: Who would have thunk it?!
Mara: Isn't using shields cheating?
Kain: Depends on how high your I.Q. is. If it's under 25, you have no shields. If it's between 26-75, you have protection from fatal blows to the midsection. If it's between 76-100, you're fully protected from fatal blows from your entire front. If it's between 100-150 you're fully protection from fatal blows to the front and sides. And anything above means you're a god.
Jesse: How do you get inspired to do these things?
Kain: Sometimes, anything you see and hear will sink in. Then you can't get it out of your head. And you have no choice but to make it come to life. Whether it be an idea for a program, a painting, even a story to write.
Jane: Art comes in a variety of forms.
Kain: 'Just depends on how you look at it. My version of art is, whenever someone makes or writes something so bizarre, so demented, so sick, so twisted that no one's ever thought of it before!
Reuben: Right on the money.
Kain: I'm thinking about making the Virtual Massacure an everyday thing. What do you think, "student advisory"?
Jane: Sounds good to me.
Mara: I concur.
Michael: Oh, yes.
Daria: Ok.
Kain: Well gang. I need to go.
Jesse: How're you going to get home?
(Kain pulls up his sleeve to reveal a steel armguard with an onboard computer. He punches some buttons, waves to everybody, and fades out.)
Jane: Yikes.
Trent: Is there anything he can't do?
Scene 13: Two in the morning. Daria's Bedroom. She wakes up to a pulsating rainbow light. She gets up and sees that it's a temporal comm device.
Daria: This is new.
Kain: Daria, I need you to come immediately. It's kind of an emergancy.
(The screen shuts off. And Daria heads for her hidden closet tube that leads to Kain's lab.)
Daria: Okay, what's this big emergancy?
Kain: Come with me to the cloning room. You're not going to like this.
Daria: Cloning room?!
Kain: Sally has completed her human form. You do remember what I told you, right?
Daria: I remember you saying that she's putting all her data into a clone of her choice.
Kain: (Reaching the door.) Yeah. Um, Daria, meet Sally.
(He opens the door, and Daria's in total shock.)
Daria: Sh-she l-lo-looks... She looks like me!?!