The End of an Era
By
Chris Smith

The next day is always hell.

Especially when someone you care about just leaves your life all of a sudden.

And there wasn't a goddamn thing I could do about it.

Because I was in a coma.

{Saturday, December 13, 1997 4:21 A.M.}

Daria (Writing): People once believed that when a person is in a coma, a war begins in the brain, for control over the person's soul. It was pure hell. I thought I'd never make it back to the world of the living. Being in a coma gave me a lot of time to think. Time to think about what I should do with my life. Time to think about how I'm to deal with these bastards that put my friend through hell.

(Daria continues to read Kain's journal, and write at the same time.)

Daria (Writing): Ever since Kain ended his tormented life, I've been a whole different person. I can't help but wonder, why did he end it all, just like that? I've been reading Kain's journal ever since he gave it to me, and I'm even more scared of the truth than ever, and there's still more to it that I need to know. I feel sick. And I have lots to do that are priority one to me. A while may pass before my next entry.

The End of an Era

By Chris Smith

Daria and other characters are trademarks of MTV Networks.

Reuben Garnet created by Katherine Goodman

Michael Andrews, Mara Jacobs, and Eddie created by Michael Pfeffer

Dead at 21 created by MTV.

Saved by the Bell is a trademark of Sachs Entertainment

Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers are trademarks of Saban Entertainment

C.S.'s R.A.N.G.E.R.S. created by Chris Smith.

Kain, and other characters are trademarks of Smith Enterprizes INC.

All rights reserved

Copyright 1998

Scene 1: Trent and Daria's room. Trent wakes up, alone. Daria is nowhere around.

{7:34 A.M.}

Trent: Well, this is unusual.

(Trent gets up, and heads off to the Entertainment Room. No one is there, so Trent just goes and plops himself on the couch. He sets the mega-multidisc-CD Player for over two dozen CDs and proceeds to play the selected tracks, at the highest possible volume, but after a fifteen minute delay. He executes the command, and returns to his room, making sure no one saw him. After closing the door, he says to himself.....)

Trent: Cock-a-doodle-doo. (He returns to bed.)

Scene 2: Michael and Mara's room. They're asleep. Suddenly, the room, and a few of the neighboring rooms are blasted with Heavy Metal music. (Michael and Mara wake up in the instant.)

{7:49 A.M.}

Michael: Am I being punished?

Mara: Yes.

(Michael, Mara, Reuben, Jane, Jesse, and Trent {Who's trying to cover up his prank} head over to the Entertainment room, wondering who turned the stereo on.)

Jane: Whoever set this thing like this is going to become a hideous smell in the vents.

Trent: Don't look at me.

Reuben: Isn't that Judas Priest?

Jesse: Sorta, Rob Halford started another band called Fight back in '93.

Jane: (Disgusted, and pissed) I DON'T CARE!! JUST TURN THE FUCKIN' THING DOWN!!!!!!

(Mara goes over to the console and adjusts the volume.)

Jane: Thank you.

Trent: But who wanted us up this early?

Michael: Who cares? We're up. That's all that matters, right? (Everyone looks at him) Hey, I didn't even touch the damn thing, ok?

Trent: Hey, where's Daria?

Jane: Getting worried?

Trent: Of course. She wasn't anywhere near our room since the incident.

Jane: Hmm, well, she'd have to around here somewhere.

(Cut to: The Main Bridge. After searching in vain for Daria. They decided that the only place left was the bridge. Everyone is there, looking at the Trio.)

Shotgun: What?

Jane: (Determined) Where is she?

Shotgun: Who?

Jane: You know damn well who! Now, where is she?!

Uziman: No. We have no clue as who you're refering to.

Trent: Oh really. (Trent goes over to the door leading up the stairs.)

Tommy: DON'T OPEN THAT!!!

Michael: (Walking over to Tommy) And why not? You have something to hide?

Tommy: No one, not even us can go up those stairs.

Jesse: What's up there?

Uziman: It's Kain's Inner-Sanctum. Only he and Sally could go up there.

Trent: Well, we'll see who can and ca..... (Just as he tries to open the door.)

Computer: Access denied.

Trent: What the hell?!

Mara: It must be electronically sealed.

Tommy: I helped set it up. It's a double retina scan. Kain had special, how should we say, unique, eye characteristics. So it's nearly impossible to unlock the door without Kain.

Reuben: Then how did Daria.......

Shotgun: Get in? I don't know. I don't even know if she's even up there. I didn't see her come up.

Uziman: Hey guys. We have a problem.

Michael: What?

Uziman: The controls are working by themselves. We're taking off.

Tommy: I thought I had the k...hey!! The key's gone!

(The Falcon takes off from Giant Stadium, and flies off to the southwest.)

Wind: So? What's going on? Are we going back?

Michael: No. We're not. We have no clue as to the Falcon's final destination.

Jane: Ok. Priority one, or whatever, we get that door open.

Jesse: It's not the entire picture, but it's a rather large piece, right behind that door.

Scene 3: The Cafe Falcon. Quinn is there, eating an apple. Jane is there, in total confusion, sitting next to Quinn.

{3:12 P.M.}

Quinn: This is too much.

Jane: I know. Daria's possibly behind locked doors, doing god-knows-what, and she's not letting us in. And the ship's moving who-knows-where, that's almost just as bad.

Quinn: I wonder if the cops are following us everywhere we go?

Jane: I wouldn't be surprised.

Quinn: Jane, I'm worried.

Jane: I know. We're all worried.

(Mara walks in, and sits down at their table.)

Jane: Any luck?

Mara: We're going to try to cause a glitch in the locking system. But it's tricky.

Jane: Hmm. And what about where we're going?

Mara: Not a clue. I know we're starting to slow down over some valley.

Quinn: A valley? Where?

Mara: According to the map. We should be in West Virginia.

Jane: I saw some very creepy stuff about that state on Sick Sad World. It's a social bubble. And no one knows what kind of stuff goes on there.

Mara: I guess we're about to find out.

(Cut to: The Main Bridge, a few minutes later. Jane, Quinn, and Mara return to the bridge, along with everyone else. Michael, Trent, and the Trio are fiddling with the wires and the control panels.)

Jane: Well?

Michael: Nothing. There's nothing we can do. The lock can only be opened from the inside.

Mara: What about the valley?

Tommy: We're slowing down over a neighborhood just outside of a city called St. Albans. (Pauses for a second) And we're descending. Computer, camera display below current location.

(The giant screen changes to a perspective of the "belly" of the Falcon. It is descending in the middle of a circle of houses. The Falcon lands, and the engines shut off. Then an unknown voice fills their minds.)

Voice: Come to me......

Jane: That's not the same voice we heard.

Voice: You're right.

Trent: So, what are you doing, and who are you?

Voice: All will be explained when you arrive.

Michael: I guess we're not going to get any answers until we meet this guy. Let's go.

Scene 4: Outside the Falcon. Everyone decided to go. They're in the middle of a backyard. People from the neighborhood come to investigate. For some reason, the sky is very dark.

{3:30 P.M.}

Jane: Wow. What a dump.

(A woman in her 50's comes to them.)

Woman: Either you move your, your, whatever this piece of shit is, or I'll have you arrested!

Jane: We won't be long.

Woman: NOW!!!!

Trent: The lady said.....

Woman: I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE SAID!! MOVE IT, OR I'LL HAVE YOUR ASSES HAULED AWAY FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!!!! And don't think I won't, either. I've got connections.

(Just then, a black girl, around 14-17 comes up along with another girl who's around the same age, she's white.)

Girl1: Leave them alone. The're not hurting anyone!

Woman: You stay out of this, ya little tramp!

Girl2: You shut up!

(Both girls's mother {Who is white} comes into the picture)

Mother: Hey! Don't you be calling her a tramp!

Woman: This, from a tramp herself?

Jane: We'll just be on our way.

Woman: NO!! You're leaving now!

Michael: This is getting nowhere. (He pulls out his pulse pistol and shoots her in the chest. She falls flat in a sea of electricity.) Don't worry, she'll be ok. She'll just be asleep for two hours.

Girl1: What are you doing here?

Trent: We're looking for someone. Someone who, obviously lives there, in that house.

Girl2: And what do you plan on doing? You're gonna shoot him too?!

Michael: Nope. We have no reason to, unless it's an emergency. Now step aside.

Quinn: Just keep an eye on her for the time being.

Girl2: I know you. You're those bitches that beat up the Spice Girls.

Bonnie: Yup, score one for the good 'ol U.S. of A.

Girl1: Bullshit! 'Spice Girls are the coolest people in the world!

Girl2: Yeah! Girl Power!

Heather: We reiterate, (Flips both birds) BITE ME!!!

Sharon: Are you trying to pick a fight? If so, we can do this thing right here and now. Your choice.

Mara: You ladies play nice. We'll be right back.

(The crew walk the stairs to a large house, a little larger than the Morgendorffer house. When they reach the door, it comes open by itself.)

Voice: (Once again filling their minds) Don't be afraid. Come in.

(They do just that. They walk in to a large room, with a 55" TV, a PC, a Grandfather Clock, and several couches, this would have to be the Living Room. They walk even further into the house, making sure they shut and lock the door as they go.)

Voice: (Filling their minds) Come down the stairs.

(They walk downward, even more determined to find out what the hell's going on. They end up in a room with band equipment {Several amps, three guitars, two basses, drums, and a soundboard.}.)

Trent: Damn, this must be paradise.

Jesse: Yeah, whoever this guy is, he must have a cool band.

Voice: (Filling their minds) It's all being wasted. My father uses all this equipment in his country band.

Jane: Country?! Ewwyuckk!!!

Trent: Yeah, what she said. (A door opens in the wall)

Voice: (Filling their minds) Come. (As they walk downward a flight of stairs, leading deeper below the house....) No one knows about this place except you.

Danny: Gee, what an honor.

(They walk downward what would appear to be three stories below the house, the stairs end, and they walk through a series of dark hallways. Finally, they reach a large room, shaped like a dome. A lone man sits in a platform rocker, along with several others in chairs of the same type. All of them are facing a wall-wide monitor. The one in the center turns around, facing Jane and the others. He looks to be a teenager, around 17-21. He's wearing a trenchcoat {Much like Kain wears}, black clothes {Just like Kain}, and shades.)

Man: You've finally arrived. Allow me to introduce ourselves. My name is Chris.

Jane: Well, what do you want from us? You obviously didn't call us for a social gathering.

Chris: You're right. I've called you here for a purpose.

Guy on the Far Left: (Turning toward Chris) Are you sure that's it's wise to tell them?

Chris: Yes, Terry. They need to know.

Trent: What's going on?

Chris: I heard about Kain. I can't believe something like that happened. He's never gone to extremes like that before.

Michael: You knew him?

Chris: Yup. He and I were best friends for a long time. He and I were very much alike. Only I wasn't invincible, (Pulls off his shades, the areas around his eyes are purple and red.) like him.

Quinn: What happened to you?!

Chris: Funny you should ask, Quinn.

Quinn: How'd you know my name?!!?

Girl on Chris's Right: (Turning around) We know just about everyone in the free world.

Chris: This is Chastie. Another good friend. Anyway, the people here are very violent about people that are different. People that are considered "Brains" don't last long here. Usually in a month's time, their free spirit is broken, and are made slaves by the jocks and preppies. They're placed in a prison of some sort, somewhere in town. And the only time they see the light of day is when the jocks and preppies have term papers and essays that need to be written. Those who don't submit to their rule, are beaten senseless everyday, some were even killed. (Jane covers her mouth in shock) I set up this little sanctuary to protect myself, and any locals from the cruel outside world.

Mara: Don't the police do anything?!

Chris: The police can't do shit!Eventually, the jocks and preppies will find out that I've been harboring smart people, and they'll come here to take them away to do god-knows-what, and this place will become a war zone.

Jane: Is that what you wanted to tell us?

Chris: No. There's one other thing I should bring to your attention.

Jesse: And that would be......

Chris: Jane, you saw a picture of Souran.

Jane: Who?

Chris: You saw a painting of someone who looked evil. You wondered who is was, why Kain would know such a person......

Jane: Yes.

Chris: Kain has a older brother named Souran. But he isn't at all like Kain.

Guy on the Far Right: (Turning around) Souran is the Devil himself. Somehow, he has the power to destroy the human soul.

Reuben: You're the guy that spoke to us back in New York.

Guy on the Far Right: My name's Jason. Jason Lilly. Nice to meet you finally.

Girl on Chris's Left: Chris! We have a problem!

Chris: What is it, Lorree?

Lorree: The Jock Collective is preparing to storm the town again, looking for their "nerds".

Chris: You'd better get out of here, guys. This is going to get ugly.

Jane: We can't leave! The captain's locked herself in the cockpit, and we couldn't get in to do anything.

Chris: Maybe I can help. Guys, watch the scoreboard for me. If necessary, commence "Operation: U-Haul".

Terry: Will do.

(Cut to: Outside the house. The mother and her two daughters are still watching over the old woman. Chris, Jane, Trent, Reuben, and the rest head back towards the Falcon.)

Girl1: Hey, Chris.

Chris: Uh, hi.

(They get inside the Falcon.)

Girl1: Who does he think he is, anyway?

Girl2: Lay off him! He's got a lot on his mind.

(Cut to: The Falcon elevator.)

Chris: Main Bridge. (The elevator starts)

Jane: What exactly are you going to do?

Chris: You'll see.

(A few minutes later, they reach the Main Bridge. Chris walks over to the door leading to the Upper-Bridge.)

Computer: Prepare for Retina Scan. (A light comes out of the wall next to the door, shining directly in Chris's eyes.) ID confirmed, access granted.

Jane: How did you....?!

Chris: I'll take care of this. You all hang on. (Chris Goes upstairs)

Scene 5: The Upper bridge of the Falcon. Chris enters the room, and sees Daria in the chair, looking over records, statistics, and personal files. She doesn't notice him coming in.

{4:08 P.M.}

Daria: Computer, play log #10007.

Kain's Voice: Personal Log 10007. My patience is wearing thin with these people. I never seen such idiotic fools in my life. If I didn't have these fucking commitments to these people, I'd let Souran have them in a heartbeat. Bayside High needs to wake their asses up, and to smell the bullshit fumes they've been letting out every time they open their mouths.

Computer: End message.

(Chris walks toward the chair, behind Daria. She doesn't hear him.)

Daria: Computer, play log #10008.

Kain's Voice: Personal Log 10008. I think I know how to convince one of the Bayside Preppie Pissants that there's a far larger world than fashion and trends. But it won't be easy, she's been doing this since 1985, and old habits are near impossible to break.

Computer: End Message.

Daria: Computer, play log #10009.

Kain's Voice: Personal Log 10009. My attempt to change Lisa Turtle's ways have failed. Her grasp on fashion and clothes is too strong. She may be beyond hope. But the others, they may be able to see the big picture.

Computer: End Message.

Chris: You know all about him now. Don't you?

Daria: Just about.

Chris: You really cared about him, didn't you?

Daria: Yes.

Chris: And now, I have this strange feeling that you're becoming him. Am I right?

Daria: Sorta. I haven't felt this way in a long time.

Chris: I can see that. But I'm surprised you're feeling this way at all.

Daria: I still can't believe he's gone.

Chris: And how long have you been in denial?

Daria: Since yesterday, when it happened.

Chris: How did you get in here?

Daria: I have no idea. I just know that the computer granted me access. Now please, let me get back to work.

Chris: Daria, you can't go on like this.

Daria: I can, and will. I have to know everything.

Chris: You will, in time. But right now, someone wants to speak to you. (He walks over and takes the key out of the private ignition) Come on.

Daria: Why does this crap always have to happen to me?

Chris: That's a good question. But it's a pity that I don't know the answer.

Daria: Wait a second. Kain's files said that you know as much as he did, right?

Chris: Yup.

Daria: Then you would know the answer.

Chris: Ok, you got me. I do know. But you're not ready for the answer.

Daria: What the hell is going on?! Everyone that actually knows, aren't talking.

Chris: It's the old saying, "Truth is stranger than fiction". Even if you saw the truth, you might not want to accept it. You may have read his journal, listened to his personal logs, but you still don't see the big picture. Now please, come back with me to the world of the living.

Daria: Ok. Sure, I need a drink anyway.

Chris: That's the spirit.

(Cut to: The Main Bridge. Chris is helping Daria down the stairs, everyone looks in some sort of surprise. They didn't expect him to convince her to come down. Chris goes over to the ignition and sticks the large key in. Chris's cellular phone rings, he turns it on.)

Chris: Yeah? ......... Ok, I'll be there right away. (CLICK) I need to get going, as in now. As soon as I get off the Falcon, get yourselves back to Lawndale. Something big's about to go down over there. (He leaves)

Michael: Well?

Daria: I can't make heads or tails out of the whole thing. This is starting to turn my head inside-out.

Tommy: He's clear. Let's gun it. (He turns the key and starts up the engines)

(The Falcon takes off from the ground, at the same time while several dozen cars and pickup trucks pull up to the house. Jocks, preppies, and cheerleaders pool out while holding guns, knives, bats, bricks, and sledgehammers. They're ready to tear the place down.)

Jane: HEY!! We can't just sit by and watch them wreck the place!

Michael: (Angry) We're not going to.

(A jock pulls out a megaphone)

Jock: Alright, Smith! I know you're in there! And I know you have our nerds! You have five minutes to hand them over, or we'll trash your house, along with the entire neighborhood! It's your choice!

Chris (Via speaker system): Just try it! (Several panels in the house open up to reveal automated turrets.) The nerds have rights too. And they're not going back with you. If you come any closer to the house, you WILL die on the spot. And any survivors still standing, they WILL be arrested, prosecuted, and sentenced to twenty years of hard labor. The police will be here in ten minutes. So whatever you plan to do, do it now, or leave.

(After five minutes of silence, it appears that Chris's warning was unheeded. So the mob begins to attempt to trash the house. The turrets open fire on the jocks. The Jocks pull out their rifles, pistols, UZIs, even a few illegal guns which I hesitate to mention, and fire on the windows. The preppies and cheerleaders try to sneak in from the back, but there are turrets there too, and they open fire on them as well.)

Head Jock: Ok, Smith! Now you're going to get it! (He starts throwing bricks at the windows. The bricks hit a nearly invisible green electric shield, and vaporize on contact.) What the hell?!

Chris (Via speaker system): This bullshit you're doing has got to stop. And you're not helping your cause by trying to break into somebody's house.

Head Jock: We want our nerds! I got a damn history paper due Monday, and all our nerds wouldn't do it. (About to cry) We had to put them out of their misery.

Chris: (Via speaker system): You truly are scum. If it wasn't for the law, I'd have you killed right where you stand.

Head Jock: WE ARE THE LAW!!!

Chris: (Via speaker system) No. You just don't get it. You can't just do what you feel like because you're on the damn fuckin' football team! You're not "The Man"!

(Nine police cars and three Police Vans pulls up to the house, the cops immediately pool out and draw their weapons on the intruders.)

Officer: FREEZE! POLICE!

2nd Officer: GET YOUR HANDS UP!!!

(They don't, and they fire on the cops. A shooting war erupts instantly in front of the Smith House. Several stray bullets hit the electric shield. The police are getting more and more suspiscious by the minute.)

(The preppies and cheerleaders decide to rejoin the jocks, and they overwhelm the cops. Suddenly A blue searchlight brightens the area. It's the Falcon, and it's opening some gunports. They aim at the crowd. And suddenly, they hear a bored voice coming from the external speaker syetem....)

Daria: Attention jock and preppy cocksuckers. You've got a lot of nerve attempting to hurt my friend. I'm willing to go easy on you if you turn yourselves over to the authorities and release your surviving prisoners. Otherwise, I will open fire on both parties. Meaning the cops too. They tend to be "in the way" at times.

Dumb Jock: I'll bet she has no tits.

Daria: I heard that. And you alone will suffer for your mistake.

(The Falcon opens a small gunport and fires a rapid barrage of shotgun shells at the poor sap. He dies before he hits the ground.)

(Cut to: The Main Bridge, a few seconds later.)

Jane: What the hell was that about?! You just killed a human being!

Daria: Calm yourself Jane.

Jane: Calm myself?! How can I when my best friend just killed somebody in cold blood?!!

Daria: Because I understand why he would have. Instinct. Personal instinct.

Michael: What a world we live in.

(A small timer reading 3:00:00:00 {Min-Sec-MilliSec-TinySec} appears in the lower right-hand corner of the viewing screen.)

Jesse: What's that?

Daria: You'll see. Just keep your eyes on those people down there.

Trent: Uh, sure. Will do.

(Cut to: Back outside. Three minutes have passed, and a door opened in the ground, a car-sized jet flies out and lands on top of the Falcon.

(Cut to: The Falcon's Main Bridge. Daria's sitting in the command chair, looking smug. She's definitely getting some kind of satisfaction out of the whole situation.)

Daria: Morgan to Smith, is your homemade T.A.R.D.I.S. locked on the roof?

Chris: Yup. Thanks again for providing "Operation: U-Haul".

Jane: U-Haul?!

Daria: Yup. We haul. We're bringing them back with us to a safer community.

Mara: And how many are in that tiny jet? Two? Maybe three?

Daria: You'd be surprised. Kain supplied Chris with the technology. It's a Gallifreian T.A.R.D.I.S. starship.

Trent: Tardis?

Daria: Time And Relative Dimension In Space. T.A.R.D.I.S.. It can distort time and space, making the inside look larger, much larger, than the outside.

Michael: You mean.....?

Daria: The inside of Chris's T.A.R.D.I.S. is about the size of a Best Western Motel building.

Jesse: And what about the Mega-Van? It DID look larger on the inside.

Daria: Kain's first attempt at an Earth-based T.A.R.D.I.S.. It was capable of speeds of up to 1 MPS, and had somewhat of a ..... a ......, well, let's just say it was capable of flying like a plane.

Reuben: does this mean that the Falcon......

Daria: Yes, the Falcon was Kain's perfected T.A.R.D.I.S. tech vehicle. Kain had only shown you one- ninth of what all's actually here.

(Daria clicks a few buttons on the console and places her palm on a hand-outline in the chair. The Falcon then bursts forward at a faster speed than before.)

(Cut to: The Smith House. Just as the Falcon sped off into the distance. The Jock Collective chase after the Falcon in their pickup trucks and Viper convertables. The Police go into the house after hearing that there were gunshots firing from the house. It's empty. Nobody is home, the rooms are empty, the carpets are gone, everything is gone. Even the turrets are gone. Everthing, except a timer on the wall that reads "Time to detonation: 30:00:00" {Seconds:Milliseconds:TinySeconds}. The cops bail out of the house like bats out of hell just in time for the entire house to explode. The explosion rocks the entire city, leaving behind a two-mile-deep crater where the house was standing. Several officers didn't make it to safe distance from the blast. Everyone is shocked beyond belief.)

Girl1: God almighty!

Girl2: You're telling me?!

Scene 6: Chris's T.A.R.D.I.S.. In a Knights-of-the-Round-Table type of room.

{4:30 P.M. CST.}

Chris: Have any of you been to California?

Lorree: Nope.

Terry: Nope.

Chastie: Nope

Jason: Nope.

Chris: You're not alone.

Chastie: So tell us, what exactly IS going on?

Chris: We're moving ourselves, along with the intellectuals to Lawndale California, A suburb in L.A.. A place where the Jock Collective can't get to them.

Lorree: Ok, will we be "mingling" with our new-found friends?

Chris: No. We'll be staying out of their way.

Terry: Should we be telling them about.......

Chris: No, he told me that he'll take care of that personally.

Jason: Is there any hope for the situation over in the North Atlantic?

Chris: Nope. Luckily, all T.A.R.D.I.S. vehicles will be protected from the aftershock effects.

Chastie: But what about everyone else?!

Terry: What about them?

Chastie: How can you say that?!!

Chris: Chastie, you have to realize that without Kain to stop the rangers from doing what they think is the good thing, this planet is screwed beyond hope. So let's just enjoy the ride while it lasts.

Lorree: Do they know?

Chris: Only Daria.

Jason: Why just her? Why not the whole bunch?

Chris: Well.........

Scene 7: The Main Bridge. Everyone's got a concerned look on their face. The Falcon's currently over Kansas, oh, wait, now they're over Colorado. Sorry. It's just that they're going faster than they did before. {Funny.}

{3:30 P.M. MST}

Michael: (To Mara) 'Notice how much faster the Falcon's been going?

Mara: (To Michael) Yup. 'Think there's something fishy going on?

Michael: (To Mara) Always.

Computer: Recorded message is now available....

Jane: Huh?

Daria: There was a message for us that we couldn't hear until a certain time. Let's hear it.

(The message fades in. It's Kain, in the Upper-Bridge.)

Kain: Hey guys.....

Michael: What the fuck?!?!

Kain: ....if you're hearing this. That must mean I'm dead. But don't worry, I'll be ressurrected on Sunday. ........... Oh, so you guys think I feel I'm Christ. (Snickers) Aww, I wouldn'twannabeChrist, THERE'S NO DENTAL!!

Jane: That's our Kain. Always the ass.

Kain: Well, this is it folks. My final words to y'all. I never thought I'd be doing this, but I must. There's no getting around it, it's done, and it's binding. This is my Video Will to you.

Daria: Oh, this oughta be good.

Kain: To Trent and Mystik Spiral. I leave behind all my songs and riffs that made me a legend in nightclubs across the United States. I leave behind my custom distortion pedals that match the riffs with an unforgettable sound that will serve your purposes well.

Trent: Thank you.

Kain: To Jane, The Artist Formerly Known as Lane. I leave to you my paintings, I noticed that you liked my art gallery, so be it, they are yours to keep. You're an extremely talented artist. You can go far with the stuff that you do.

Jane: (Whispering) Thank you.

Kain: To my deciples. Heather, Bonnie, Sharon, Diane, you're your own people. You need to build lives of your own, you don't need to cook people's meals for a living, you don't need to clean people's houses for a living, you don't need to drive people around for a living. You're all capable of so much more, and I want you to prosper with your lives, become something great. When a twin makes itself different from the other, it's no longer a twin. I don't consider you as clones. You're human beings, real people. Never forget that, ever.

(The Ex-Quinns are somewhat in tears.)

Kain: To my Right-Handfull-Trio. My best friends, my bodyguards, almost brothers. High-Command people always had a right-hand-man by their side. I had three. And you guys were a real handfull. Same as the girls there, you're capable of so much more. I want you to go your own way.

Tommy: But how? The second that we're in sight, the law could be all over our asses. We ARE wanted in twenty-seven states by the FBI.

Kain: Oh, wait. I almost forgot, just in case you can't do anything about your current situation with the authorities, the least you can do is be the bodyguards for the Morgendorffers, the Lanes, and the Andrews families. As far as my sources can confirm, Winston is still in Lawndale, and for some reason, the goverment wants them dead.

Jane: And why is that?

Kain: To Michael, the all around spy-guy. I leave to you this ship. The Falcon, and the Black Omen jets. But remember to save two for Daria and Jane, they're each going to ask for one, I can tell.

Michael: You're kidding, right?

Jane: No way. I asked for one, I stand by my word.

Kain: To Quinn, the one I was never really sure of. I don't know if anyone told you this, but the day I had to step down as principal of Lawndale High, I graduated Daria, Jane, Michael, and Mara two years early. I'm sorry, but I didn't have enough time to do you. And now that you're changing, please tell me that you are, you're going to begin having problems with the other people. They're not going to like an attractive brain roaming around the school. You must deal with the Fashion Club on your own. Along the way, you might find allies in your upcoming war against the jocks and bimbos. But beware of double-crosses, you never really know who to trust these days.

Quinn: I don't like the sound of that.

Kain: Good luck Quinn. You're going to need a lot of it.

Quinn: I repeat, I don't like the sound of that.

Computer: Remaining message is for a Daria Morgendorffer only. All other people must leave the room. (A loaded CD tray opens) Or take the CD to another room for private viewing.

Jane: (To Quinn) I don't like this one bit.

Quinn: (To Jane) Yeah, more secrets.

(Daria takes the CD, and leaves)

Summer: Who IS this girl?!

Jane: I used to know. But these days, I'm not so sure.

Scene 8: Trent and Daria's room. Daria places the CD in an open CD tray in the wall. The computer reads the CD.

{3:45 P.M. MST}

Computer: One life sign detected. One Daria Morgan. Playing encoded message.

(A video screen appears out of thin air.)

Kain: To Daria Morgendorffer, sweetie, the best pal a wanderer could have. I may have left Mikey my ship, but to you, I leave to you my legacy. You must carry on my work. You must carry the burden and responsibilities of the knowledge I've given you. I mean, sure, during the first few days, you can get the revenge you always wanted against your worst enemies. But afterwards, you're destined to become a goody-two-shoes. There should be a secret cabinet door just above the bed. Grab the two boxes inside marked "1" and "2", open the one marked "1".

(Daria does just that. There's a tray, some strange chemicals, a glass, and a weird set of colored pills.)

Kain: Take the glass, and set in in the center. Take the beaker marked "A", pour the contents into the glass, make sure you let the fluid sink in a bit. Then take the green pill and dunk it in. It will dissolve instantly.

(Afterwards)

Kain: Next, take the beaker marked "B", pour the contents into the glass, same as before. Then put the yellow pill into the glass, same as the green one, it'll dissolve as well.

(Afterwards)

Kain: Repeat with the "C" beaker. Then dunk the last pill in the glass. And finally, pour the "D" beaker into the glass. The glass should be completely full by now. Wait for a minute for the chemicals to bond together. This will only work if they're mixed in this order.

(A minute passes)

Kain: Now, as the old saying goes, "BOTTOM'S UP!!!!!"

Daria: He wants me to drink this? He's nuts!

Kain: Don't worry, it's harmless.

(Daria downs the glass of the unknown chemical mixtures. Suddenly, she feels odd.)

Kain: The change is almost instantaneous.

(Daria starts holding her head in intense pain, biting the inside of her lips to keep from screaming. Suddenly, the pain is gone, and she stands up. She removes her glasses, whatever it was, it restored her natural eyesight as well. Kain shows the hint of a smile.)

Kain: I chose you for a reason. You're unique, that's the basic requirement.

Daria: Chose me? For what?

Kain: I know what you're thinking: "What would I choose you for, and why?" Well, I can't really tell you now. Anyone could pick up the message, and more would know. As I said before, you now have great responsibilities with the vast amounts of power you now possess.

Daria: (Sarcastic) Great. Just what I needed, more responsibilities.

Kain: Now, there may be some trouble down the road. Your friends may end up confronting you, maybe even deserting you, one by one. All trying to get some answers to the questions as to what precisely is going on. Answers that must never be given until the proper time, when they're ready to accept the truth.

Daria: Hhmmmmm, I don't think they're ready for this.

Kain: And just in case you were expecting material gifts, take a look in the box marked "2".

(Daria opens the box, and she finds an assortment of items. One is a thick, black trenchcoat exactly like the one Kain wore.)

Kain: The trenchcoat is bulletproof in certain areas of the body, but it had to remain flexible. Rest assured, it protects vital parts of the body.

Daria: (Deadpan) Yay.

(Another item, a pair of shades, with some kind of circuitry in the frames.)

Kain: The glasses will allow you to see things that normal people can't see. For example, put on the glasses. (Daria puts them on and sees several hidden cabinets lining the walls.) Neat, huh? It can also see through masks, walls, even solid steel.

Daria: In other words, X-Ray Specs, like in the backs of comic books.

(Another item, a silver-y watch.)

Kain: The watch, when used at the right time, will unleash a potent energy. But I'm afraid that this technology is still in testing, and I'm not sure if it'll work. But I do know the timing is accurate.

Daria: (Sarcastic) Well, isn't THAT special?

Kain: Well, Daria. I guess it's time to bid adieu. Just remember these five things that you should always know, at all times. 1, "Truth is stranger than fiction.". 2, "Never consider yourself the best at anything, because fate will always send someone better to upstage you.". 3, "Suicide is one of many ways to escape the pain, but it's not the best one.". 4, "Knowledge is power" The ultimate power. And 5, the most important of all, is a question, "What if god was one of us?". Carry these thoughts in your heart forever, while you and your friends may wander together, to punish the ignorant, enlighten the intelligent, and above all, whenever possible, right any wrongs you may see. Whether it be by word, or by fist, it must be done. Goodbye Daria.

(The screen fades to black. And Daria collapses on the bed.)

Daria: Why me?

(The screen may have faded to black, but the message still runs.)

Kain: There's one more item you should know about..........

Scene 9: A TV screen set on The Lawndale Six-O'Clock News.

{6:00 P.M. PST}

Anchor: It has been five days since the incident at the alleged "Kain Compound" at the edge of Lawndale. Sources indicate that the massive airplane went to New York, landed on the stadium, and sat there for an entire day. No one can explain the incident with the PrestonCorp International building either. Reports tell us that the top ten floors were utterly destroyed by a bomb of some sort. As of now, no bodies were found.

Co-Anchor: In related news. The airplane is believed to be heading back to the West Coast. Officials cannot speculate as to its purpose to returning this direction.

Anchor: In local news, a massive ten-car wreck was reported in the seven-way intersection. We go now live to the scene where the wreck took place. Rachael, take it away!

(Cut to: The Seven-Way Intersection north of Lawndale High School. POV, the cameraman.)

Rachael: This is Rachel Landon, Channel 3 News. Right where I stand, about an hour ago, a massive car accident occured right here in the infamous "Seven-Way Intersection". We have right here, one of the victims of the crash, one Michael J. Mackenzie. How are you sir?

Mackenzie: A little shook up, but otherwise fine.

Rachael:Can you elaborate as to what could have caused this wreck?

Mackenzie: I couldn't believe my eyes! The girl was sitting right in the middle of the road, checking her makeup! I was honking for her to move her Fashion-Club ass out of the road. She didn't. Someone from both sides were so pissed, they purposely rammed her. The collision pushed her car into mine, my car was pushed back and forth by all the surrounding cars in the traffic jam. I felt like I was in a pinball game.

Rachael: The girl in question is one Sandi Wesker, a student in Lawndale High.

Mackenzie: I have no idea what the hell that girl was thinking.

Rachael: Stupidity can lead to tragedy. Back to you guys!

(Cut to: The Six-O'Clock News studio.)

Anchor: Sandi Wesker is currently in critical condition. We'll be right back after these words.

Scene 10: Trent and Daria's room. Daria is laying in her bed. Trent enters, he sits next to Daria.

{6:15 P.M.}

Daria: Hey.

Trent: Hey.

Daria: Is everyone ready to beat the truth out of me yet?

Trent: They ARE getting restless, if that's what you're asking.

Daria: Shit.

Trent: Do you mind telling me what's going on?

Daria: I wish I could, but I've been sworn to secrecy.

Trent: Well, you can't break a promise. Even if it means losing your friends.

Daria: I knew you'd understand.

Trent: It's just that, well, you and Janey never kept secrets from each other before. And that's what's gnawing away at her soul. And it's starting to get to my other brethren as well.

Daria: Already I hate this. What about the Jews?

Trent: I have no idea. They haven't said a word since you left.

Daria: I didn't plan on this to ever happen. I was in the wrong place in the wrong time.

Trent: You can't ever blame yourself.

Daria: I'm not going to. (Daria sits up, and points her hand on the direction of the open loaded CD tray. The CD floats out of the tray, across the room, and into Daria's hand. Trent shows a hint of shock.)

Trent: What was that about?!

Daria: I think I'm going to have some fun with this when I get back to town.

Trent: I think I'm about to faint.

Scene 11: The Main Bridge. Michael is at the helm.

{6:20 P.M. PST}

Shotgun: Hey, we got a problem coming.

Michael: What is it?

Shotgun: Temporal Disturbance.

Mara: I don't like the sound of that. What is it?

Computer: Temporal Disturbance, when the timeline of events is altered at a specific point in history. Places, events, people are different, but not always. The further back the alteration, the more severe the disturbance.

Michael: Well? How far back?

Tommy: Six years.

Mara: Well? Is this ship capable of time travel?

Michael: Nope.

Mara: So, we're just going to sit here and wait for it to happen?!

Michael: We have no choice.

Jane: When does this thing happen?

Shotgun: It should be hitting us in about twelve seconds.

Tommy: The ripple's coming in from the NorthWest!

(The see, what appears to be a rapidly approaching red wall, that lines the entire horizon. It's a shockwave. It passes through the Falcon, and Chris's T.A.R.D.I.S. without a scratch. Suddenly, it's all over.)

Mara: Are we dead yet?

Shotgun: We were never going to die.

Uziman: But what about everybody else?

Michael: I guess we'll find out when we get back to Lawndale.

Jane: Somebody turn on the TV.

(Michael clicks a few buttons on his console, the viewer splits into two screens, one the Falcon's perspective, and the other, the Local News.)

TV: And now with an editorial, here's Eric Morden.

Eric: Is it any wonder at all that any member of the infamous Fashion Club could actually survive in the real world? (Jane, Michael, and Mara's eyes widen) Sandi Wesker, the President of this "club" was in a serious accident today. (Sarcastic) What a big surprise.......

Jane: Wow.

Eric: My younger brother goes to Lawndale High, he tells me that Five girls walk around school every single day, speading a really stupid message stating that being attractive and popular is the way to go. Boy, are they wrong. And just think, about three-fifths of the Lawndale students follow this crazy example as if they were goddeses. (He takes off his glasses) Now I ask of you, fair town of Lawndale, CITY OF L.A. FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!! These people must be stopped!!! We can't have these people as role-models for our children. Being popular is NOT, repeat, NOT what the world revolves around. Those who think differently, (He leans closer to the camera) then maybe you and I should step outside, if you know what I mean, and I know that you do.

TV: This has been an editorial of Channel 3, Lawndale Six-O'Clock News.

(Michael turns off the split-screen, restoring the main viewer. Everyone's in somewhat of a shock.)

Michael: Well. We're coming up to Lawndale. It's just a mile away.

Mara: It just occured to me, where're we going to land this thing? We don't want to get arrested!

Michael: Maybe the change in the timeline......

Jane: Nonetheless, this is a U.F.O. to the public eye. And the army's going to want it, regardless if we say no.

Michael: Well, we could keep it in the air over the general area, keep it cloaked, and hover. I learned that it runs on some kind of experimental engine that doesn't run out of power.

Reuben: Doesen't soemone have to stay behind to maintain the position?

Michael: The Main Computer can take care of that. Well, we're finally home.

Tommy: Commencing Project: Lawndale HQ.

Penny: Huh?

Michael: I decided what I'm going to do with my life. I'm going to give up my spy career. I'll be using this ship as my front office for DFA Private Security. Basically, it's a guards-for-hire business.

Danny: And how do you plan to advertise from a cloaked ship?

Michael: Leave that to me. Well, let's go meet our neighbors!

Scene 12: The recently reopened Cafe Lawndale. The entire crew is there. Even their "guests" are there.

{6:45 P.M.}

O'Neil: ...and remember, any donation can be helpful to keeping this coffeehouse open to the public. Now, I present a very special guest that came all the way from West Virginia. Mr. Chris Smith!

(Thunderous applause{?!} as he walks onstage.)

Chris: Yeah, thanks. I just got here, and already I like this place. Anyway, here goes:

This is a poem I wrote after going to a ballgame a few years back.

It looked extremely rocky for the L.A. nine that day --

The score stood 2-to-4 with but an inning left to play.

So when DeShields died at second and Butler did the same,

Bad Karma clouded the blue-blockers of the patrons of the game.

A few got up to do some blow, leaving there the rest

With that hope that springs eternal, within the siliconed breast.

For they thought if only Darryl could get a whack at that

They just might put their sushi down with Strawberry at the bat.

But Piazza preceded Strawman, and likewise so did Wallach

And the former was still three years shy of arbitration and the latter was a five-and-ten man who

was contractually guaranteed final approval of the teams he could be traded to.

So on that earthquake, brushfire, mudslide, riot-torn Angeline billboard stricken crowd, a deathlike silence sat

For there seemed but little chance of Darryl getting to the bat.

But Piazza let drive a triple, to the wonderment of all

And the inconsistent Wallach took a slider in the balls.

And after his obligatory charge to the mound to make his feelings heard,

There was Wallach safe at first, and Piazza huggin' third.

Then from the jaded multitude went up a wine-spritzer soaked yell

It rumbled off the 405, and the Hollywood sign, as well

It struck off Spago's windows, which shook like liposuctioned fat

For Darryl, flighty Darryl, was advancing to the bat.

There was disease (LaSorda would say "weakness") in Darryl's manner as he twelve-stepped into place

There was pride in Darryl's bearing, and some white stuff on his face.

Sixty thousand and one eyes were on him (okay, Peter Falk was there, it's Hollywood) as he rubbed his hands with dirt;

Thirty thousand folks applauded, dripping Dove Bars on their shirts.

Now the leather-covered sphere came hurtling through the smog

and Darryl stood a'watching in a self-indulgent fog.

Close by the usesless batsman, the ball, unheeded, sped

"I've seen better orbs in strip clubs" said Darryl... "Strike One!" the umpire said.

From skyboxes stuffed with Armani suits there went up a muffled roar

Like the whacking-off of perverts in that park by the Santa Monica shore.

"Kill him! Kill the ump!" shouted Kevorkian in the stands

And it's likely they'd have killed him had not Darryl raised his spouse-abusing hand.

He signalled to the pitcher, and once more the spheroid flew -

But Darryl had nearly nodded off, and the umpire said, "Strike Two!"

"You suck, you worthless piece of shit!" cried the maddened thousands clustered around my four-year old son and me.

And then the echo answered back, "Tu chupas, tu bueno penado pedaso de mierda!"

But one scornful look from Darryl, and the fans' inner-child anger cleared.

They saw his face grow stern and cold, like the day he smacked that homeless guy for looking at him weird.

Then they heard him whining about his 4-million-per-annum strain

And they knew the chances were two in ten that he would not let that ball go by again.

And now the obscenely overpaid 8-and-13 pitcher holds the ball and now he lets it go.

And now the shittly L.A. air is shattered by the farce of Darryl's blow.

Oh, somewhere in this troubled land the sun is shining bright

The Eagles have reunited, and somewhere hearts are light

Somewhere men are laughing and somewhere children shout

But there is no joy in Mudville -- mighty Darryl is strung out.

(An even more thunderous applause as he leaves the stage. Even the crew is hooting and hollaring, especially Daria. Suddenly, a familiar face comes out of the open and attacks Chris.)

Guy: Give us back our nerds!!

Jason: Aw geez.

Chris: What ARE you talking about? Mister, uh.....

Guy: Thompson. Kevin Thompson! You stole our nerds. We want them back!!

Chris: You're obviously delusional. Now if you'll step aside so I can get off the damn stage.......

Kevin: (Pulling out a gun) We have a test in a few days. I suggest you give back our nerds, NOW!!!

Chris: You ARE pathetic!!

(Chris dropkicks Kevin's right leg, he falls instantly. Chris grabs the gun and points it at Kevin.)

Chris: Now, tell your butt-slappin'-buddies that I'm through playing games. If you don't stop this nonsense, I will execute you and your friends, one, by one.

(Suddenly, three police officers burst in, all guns pointing at Chris.)

1st Officer: Freeze, police!!

(All three come to the stage and arrest Chris, they handcuff him and start to beat him with billyclubs. Daria stands up.)

Daria: Now wait just a damn minute here!

(While one continues beating on Chris, the other two pull out handcuffs and their pieces.)

3rd Officer: (Aiming at Daria) You're under arrest for obstruction of justice

Jane: What justice?! How could she be interferring in what you're doing?!

2nd Officer: I guess we're going for three tonight. (Points at Jane) You too, bitch.

Jane: (While being handcuffed) I don't understand this!

3rd Officer: Ignorance of the law is no excuse for breaking it. Hey, Charlie! Grab that little punk and let's go!

1st Officer: (Picking up a half-dead Chris) On your feet, you little bastard! Let's go!

(They leave the Coffeehouse, everyone's in shock, and gasping at their disbelief.)

Trent: What the hell just happened?!!

(Andrea {Who just happens to be there} comes to their table and sits down)

Andrea: I'm afraid you came back at the worst possible time. The police force has become corrupt, and will arrest anyone for just looking at them.

Jesse: That's crazy!!

Andrea: Maybe. But there's nothing you, me, or anyone can do.

Michael: How long?

Andrea: Since you left.

Mara: You know?

Andrea: I know. As far as I know, Kain was a good man. If he were still alive, I would've asked him out.

Scene 13: The Local Jail. Daria, Jane, Chris, and Eric {The one who read the Editorial on TV} are all in the same cell.

{7:30 P.M.}

Chris: Well, this is ironic.

Eric: Tell me about it. This brings back a lot of memories.

Daria: What did you do?

Eric: I was in a few protests back in '91. I got arrested, beaten, and thrown in this very same cell, literally.

Daria: No, I mean, what did you do THIS time?

Eric: The Police force has become corrupt. They only serve and protect the beautiful people. That's why I was arrested, I said bad things about the Fashion Club, and they threw me in here.

Jane: This crap has gone too far.

Chris: So, my little sanctuary plan seems to have a flaw.

Eric: There's no stopping it. There's some sort of dictatorship that allows this. I don't know who's in charge of this. And come to think about it, I don't want to know.

Chris: I had to deal with a branch of it back home.

Daria: This is getting scary. The old Quinn would be right at home with this stuff. And she'd probably would have been cruel enough to have me killed.

Jane: Daria, don't even THINK about that.

Officer From Outside the Room: You want to BAIL these punks out?! You're crazy! No one can afford the bail money that they set.

Other Voice: How much?

Officer From Outside the Room: Five-hundred thousand, up front.

Other Voice: Do you take credit cards?

Officer From Outside the Room: Of Course. (a second passes) Ok. They should be out in a few minutes.

Other Voice: If I may, officer? I'd like to remain anonymous.

Officer From Outside the Room: Well, ok. (He comes to the cell) Look alive, ya little maggots, you just been posted bail. If it were up to me, you'd all spend the rest of your miserable little lives, rotting in this cell. (He opens the cell door) Now get outta my sight!

Jane: But who bailed us out?

Officer: He decided to remain anonymous.

Daria (Thinking, realization dawning): Oh, that's good. Very good.

Jane: So, what are you going to do now?

Daria: I'm going home.

Scene 14: The Morgendorffer household, Daria and Quinn have returned, and the folks are MAD. Family Court has been issued, on the spot. Due to the intense emotional issues of this case, Judge Morgendorffer's courtroom is closed to the public. The preceedings are about to begin........

{8:00 P.M.}

Helen: All rise! Family Court is now in session. The Honorable Judge Morgendorffer presiding.

Jake: Please be seated. The Family calls for the case against Daria and Quinn Morgendorffer......

Daria: Objection, Your Honor. The only Morgendorffer child in this room is Quinn.

Jake: (In a hissy tone) Sustained. (Back to normal tone) The Procecutor may begin with her opening statement.

Helen: (Walking up to the center of the room) On December 6th, 1997. Daria went to a rock concert with her friend Kain. During this time, I did some deep digging on Kain. Your Honor, this is the file. (Opens it up to Jake's face) Tell me what you see.

Jake: It's blank.

Helen: And does anyone know WHY it's blank?! Because there's nothing on file on your "friend". No permanent record, no background, not even a birth certificate. It's as if Kain never existed!

Jake: Get to your point, Ms. Prosecutor.

Helen: My point is, how couldn't Kain be a master criminal? That probably isn't even his real name! And these (Points to the girls) two have been drawn into his deviously clever web of evil deeds. (She sits down.)

Jake: Hmmm. Defense, do you have your opening statement?

Daria: Yes, Your Honor. (She stands up) I'm here to prove that there's more to this affair than meets the eye. I have evidence that proves Kain's innocence.

Helen: Objection, Your Honor! Daria, you never told me you had evidence to back this up.

Daria: That's because you were so entrenched into your little crusade to see to it that you were right, and we were wrong. Your courtroom personalities have gone to your head. It seems that you want to put us on trial. Isn't that true, Mrs. Morgendorffer?

Helen: Daria!!?

Daria: That's Ms. Morgan to you, Helen!

Helen: What?!?! Well! I hope you have a damn good attorney, because I'm going to bury you tonight, yound lady!

Voice: Ask, and you shall recieve. (The familiar face comes into the room. Everyone is extremely surprised. It's Kain.) Ms. Morgan, and Ms. Morgendorffer's attorney. Present, and accounted for.

Helen: This IS interesting. Now I have a real opponent to deal with.

Kain: Gee, I don't see anyone. Why is that, you may ask? Because I'm calling you, Helen Morgendorffer, to the stand.

Helen: What?!!!?

Quinn: You're not afraid. Are you, mom?

Helen: I'll deal with you later.

Kain: Threatening the defense in a violent tone. Isn't that an act of guilt, Ms. Morgan?

Daria: Yup.

Kain: Please take the stand, Mrs. Morgendorffer. (She does so) Raise your right hand, please. (She does so, Kain pulls out a bible.) Place your left hand on Christ's holy words of wisdom. (She does so.) Do you swear?

Helen: Yes.

Kain: You shouldn't. It's not nice. (Everyone but the two snicker) Seriously, though. Doyousolemnlysweartotellthetruth,thewholetruth,andnothingbutthetruth,sohelpyougod?

Helen: I do.

Kain: (Slaps her on the back) GOOD!!! (holds up a picture of Agent Winston) do you recognize this individual?

Helen: Isn't that the guy who came asking about Daria and Quinn?

Kain: Uh-uh-uhhhhhhh. I'll ask the questions around here. I repeat the question.

Helen: Yes. I know him.

Kain: Do you know his name?

Helen: I think his name was Winston.

Kain: What is his occupation?

Helen: He's a goverment agent.

Kain: For the Department of Justice. Do you think that just because a Government agent comes asking about someone, you believe every word he or she says?

Helen: Yes. They're the Government. You have to believe them.

Kain: But Helen, this IS America. People DO have the right to believe what they want to believe in. It's in with the 1st Amendment, I believe. Next question. Why do believe that I'm some sort of super-criminal, is it because of the news reports? And if so, why do you believe everything they tell you?

(Helen breaks down and cries)

Kain: Oh sure, cry. That's always the way out of a situation, isn't it?

Daria: Hey, Kain? Mellow down, ok? I think she's really upset.

Kain: Oh really? Helen? You have a client on line 2. (Holding a cellular to Helen's face)

Helen: (Snapping out of it) Hello? Helen Morgendorffer here. Hello?

Kain: You see, girls? It's just a female mind-game to mess with people's emotions. It's also another act of guilt. Your Honor, the hell with the evidence. Just look at the Plaintiff's character, she looks like the type that would accuse anyone of anything.

Jake: That's it. I've seen enough. The Court finds Kain not guilty of charges brought by the Plaintiff. The Court finds Ms. Morgan and Ms. Morgendorffer not guilty of charges brought by the Plaintiff. Mrs. Morgendorffer, the Court has issued a strict fine for your actions.

Helen: And what would that be?!

Jake: (Looms next to Helen) I'll tell you later. (They both giggle)

Kain: C'mon ladies, let's leave the two lovebirds alone.

(Kain puts both arms around the girls and they leave.)

Scene 15: The PizzaHouse. Daria, Quinn, and Kain are there.

{9:26 P.M.}

Daria: But how come you're alive?

Kain: I thought I was dead, too. But, the force of the blast seemed to throw me into some kind of dimensional rift, I ended up in Jerusalem, I guess it's ironic. Considering that sometimes, people look at me like I'm some sort of god.

Daria: Funny, Chris said ironic too.

Kain: Yeah, he seems to be holding up rather nicely.

Quinn: How did you know about......?

Kain: He and I ARE good friends.

Daria: That doesn't explain......

Kain: He and I are telepathically linked at all times. We always know what the other is thinking.

Quinn: Why the Video Will?

Kain: That was recorded back on Wednesday. I thought I WAS going to die. But things didn't go as planned. I hate that. (Takes a bite, then a sip.) I still haven't figured out what happened to Kraxus and his Demolition triangle. But I do know they got thrown around the world a few times just like I did.

Daria: Is it true? About your brother?

Kain: Yup. I have an older brother. Souran was always the unique one. He's always popping in out of nowhere, killing people, taking their souls, sometimes, one out of ten victims become the undead from a lack of a soul.

Daria: Why does he take souls?

Kain: It preserves his youthful appearance, it preserves his physical well-being, everytime he takes one.

Daria: Youthful?! How old is he?

Kain: If I were to tell you that, you wouldn't believe me.

Quinn: Try us.

Kain: Souran and I have been around since the dawn of time. (Daria and Quinn's eyes roll back.) Like I said, you wouldn't have believed me. That's why I never told the truth. I mean, why bother?

Daria: I guess you're right. So, what now?

Kain: I can't go back home again. Even if it WAS restored by the Temporal Disturbance.

Quinn: The house is there? Undented? No crater?! It's all there?

Kain: Yup. There's all sorts of things that appear to have been done differently. According to the reports, the Falcon took off elsewhere. Instead of under my house, it was under the mall.

Daria: So the mall got trashed instead of your house? Cool.

Kain: Anyway. What to do now? For once, I have no clue. I've never had to take a serious detour before. Usually, they were just bumps, but this? Never. It'll be awhile before I figure out what to do.

Daria: Won't the others be kinda shocked to see you're still alive?

Kain: Yup. They might actually have a heart-attack at an early age. But according to them, I'm dead. And until I can figure out what I need to do, I'm still dead. Which means you must never tell a soul that I'm still alive. Can you keep that promise?

Quinn: Sure, I can.

Daria: I don't think that's such a good idea. Someone's going to see you sooner or later, and they're going to tell the rest that they saw you. How can you keep a low profile in a small town?

Kain: Very simple. I don't ever leave the house. Unfortunately, I need to GET a house before I can ever never leave the house. Have I melted your cerebellum yet?

Daria: Nope.

Kain: Damn. (Pauses for three seconds) That's why I always admired you, you never get confused over a conversation.

Daria: (Shrugs one shoulder) Eh.

Quinn: I'll be right back. (She heads toward the restroom)

Daria: Alright, she's gone. Now tell me, why the strange chemicals? Why did I have to drink something that may end up killing me later?

Kain: That formula enhances your senses, it upgrades your mental capacity, and it gives your reflexes a serious wake up call. It's harmless.

Daria: Oh, is that all?

Kain: No, there's a hell of a lot more. But, all in good time. Who knows, you may just figure them out along the way. (Widens his eyes) Ah, spoke too soon. You already figured out the basic telekinesis. Keep practicing, you'll end up figuring out several other cool stuff.

Daria: How did you.......?

(Quinn comes back)

Quinn: What're we talking about?

Kain: Nothing much, I'm afraid.

Voice: Perhaps it's time to give you something to talk about.

Daria: And you are?

Voice: Daria, you're a very special girl. My benefactors have taken interest in you, personally.

Daria: Personally, as in.........?

Voice: I'm afraid that's classified. Nonetheless, you're coming with me.

Daria: Classified, eh? I guess I have no choice but to say no. (Suddenly, she feels something poke the back of her head, then she hears a click. It's a gun.)

Voice: Don't make me kill you.

Kain: I think we'd better do as the asshole says.

Kain (Mental link with Daria): Plus, you don't have a shield, so you're extremely vulnerable at this point.

Daria (Mental link with Kain): Actually, I still have it with me. And it's turned on.

Kain (Mental link with Daria): But do you want to make a scene?

Daria (Mental link with Kain): I don't think we have a choice.

Daria: I made up my mind. I'm not going,

Voice: Pity.

(The man fires {Of course}. But the electric shield absorbs the shot. Daria turns around and grabs the gun, hands it to Kain, and he empties the clip.)

Kain: Next time, you'll think twice before making threats, Winston.

Quinn: THAT'S Agent Winston?

Kain: Yup.

Winston: Sooner or later, Daria, you're mine. (Walks away.)

Daria: Don't you want your gun back?

Winston: Keep it, I've got plenty. (He leaves)

Kain: We'd better get out of here, too. People might end up calling the cops on us.

Daria: (While getting up) I've seen what they do, they'd arrest us even if we were just standing there.

Kain: Then'd we'd better go, now.

(Cut to: Outside the Pizzahouse. Kain opens up a panel inside his watch, he pushes the tiny button inside and it starts flashing a green light.)

Daria: What's that?

Kain: My only form of ground transportation. (A large vehicle with wheels pulls up within seconds) The Mega-Van. Hop in.

(They do so, while Kain rushes over to the driver's seat. The van takes off immediately.)

Quinn: And you've had this since.......

Kain: 1971. I finished building it a little too late, though. I wanted to show all those hippie jerks that their Flower-Power vans were nothing compared to this.

Daria: Where ARE we going?

Kain: I need to see someone. Buckle up, this ride will be QUITE bumpy.

(The Mega-Van opens up three-inch panels on bothe passenger sides on the outside, suddenly, seven-foot wings pop out of the holes. And they take off into the sky.)

Daria: What the hell?!

Kain: Heh. If I had a buck every time someone said that to me..........

Scene 16: The roof of the still-floating Falcon. Chris' T.A.R.D.I.S. is still there. The Mega-Van parks right next to it. The trio exit the van, and enter the seemingly-large-on-the-inside jet. Everyone is shocked, especially Quinn.

{10:12 P.M.}

Kain: He has to be here somewhere.

Quinn: Who?

(They walk over to the same large room with a dome. All five occupants are there.)

Chris: I had a feeling you'd come.

Kain: Hey, have I ever let you down before?

Chris: Not a chance in Hell. (He gets down to the floor and high-fives him) Say, whatever happened to that sweet fiancee you had?

Kain: She got killed along with the blast.

Daria: You mean Sally was.....?

Kain: Yup. We were to be married on Valentine's Day. I assumed she'd get thrown into the rift like I did. I've been making too many mistakes lately. It's about time I got back on track. Oh yeah, hey guys.

Everybody else: Hey.

Kain: I have an idea, why don't you guys move into my house. Set up a Lawndale Oracle there.

Quinn: What's an Oracle?

Daria: A place or person that gathers information about anything humanly possible. Kain, what about you?

Kain: I'll think of something. But I know I can never go home again. (Quinn gets a sad look on her face)

Quinn: (Almost about to cry) Kain, you can't leave us! You must'nt!

Kain: I'm sorry, Quinn. But I have to. I have personal business to take care of. And I can't drag everyone into it, this time. I conducted a test with my electric shields, Souran and his army's attacks can go right through them as if they were nothing. Not even Mikey's endless arsenal could save you.

Chastie: That's for sure.

Kain: Have any of you managed to pinpoint either of my death-buddies?

Terry: Nope. Sorry. Either Kraxus has yet to surface from the dimensional rift, or he already has and he's using some sort of radar-blocking device, which I doubt.

Kain: And since I was never able to put a tracer on Souran, I'll have to wait until he comes after me. He's never really gotten over that bet we made.

Daria: Bet?

Kain: It's a long story. One which, as I mentioned before, is too crazy to believe.

Lorree: Well? What now?

Kain: Quinn needs to get re-aquainted with her old buddies, what she does is strictly up to her. I need to lay low for awhile, either that, or leave Lawndale, permanently. Well, folks? We need to go. These two gorgeous gals need their sleep.

Chris: When will you be back?

Kain: I haven't decided yet. Hopefully, I'll be done with this shit in a few months.

(They leave the T.A.R.D.I.S., and Kain drops the two off at the Morgendorffer household. The Mega-Van then drives off, final location: Unknown.)

Daria: I wish I knew where he was going.

Scene 17: Lawndale High School, Monday morning. Quinn is about to re-enter Hell. Quinn decided to change her style of wardrobe, she thought that the way she dressed made her look somewhat of a slut. So, she now sports a black trenchcoat, with a red shirt {On the shirt is a yellow face, but it seems to be laughing maniacally}, and jeans.

{Monday, 7:46 A.M.}

Quinn: Here we go again.

(Suddenly, a hand touches her shoulder. And a familiar voice utters......)

Stacy: Well, Quinn. You've definitely changed. (Quinn turns around, it's her, and the Fashion Club, minus Jennifer, which means it's just Stacy and Tiffany.)

Quinn: For the better. (They walk together inside, into the hallway.)

Stacy: You're obviously taking a HUGE risk with this ensemble you've draped yourself in.

Quinn: Oh, I get it. You're talking to me as if I still cared about my looks.

Stacy: Wha.....?!

Quinn: I've changed more than you know, Stacy. I now have a new perspective on life. I now know what to do with my life. I'm going to actually learn something from now on.

Tiffany: Perspective? Knowing? Learn?! Am I hearing things? Or are those the words of a brain?

Quinn: Surprised? Oh, I almost forgot. (Pulls out a sheet of paper from her coat, and hands it to Tiffany.)

Tiffany: What's this?

Quinn: My resignation. I've decided not to be involved in such a crappy club that only tries to get other people to dress like them.

Stacy: But you can't leave!! Without Sandi to lead us, that makes you the one in charge until she gets better.

Quinn: As I remember correctly, in this club, "Vice-President" was just a title. I had no real power.

Tiffany: But Quinn, if you leave us, the Fashion Club might not make it until Sandi comes around.

Quinn: Until this school is set back to balance, I'm taking my place within the commonfolk.

Stacy: But Quinn, we're above them.

Quinn: Somehow, I doubt that. My decision stands, I'm leaving the Fashion Club to pursue better interests. Being a Brain actually makes me feel good for a change.

Tiffany: If you declare yourself as a Brain, the school jocks will hunt you down and force you to do their schoolwork.

Quinn: Or else?

Stacy: They'll rape you, and then kill you.

Quinn: They can't. I have connections. Plus, I have influence here.

Tiffany: I hardly think that matters.

Quinn: Sorry, my cute little mind is made up. Goodbye fashion freaks, hello world!

Stacy: Please reconsider! You're not going to last long like this!

(Suddenly, Daria and Jane walk by them to catch up with Quinn.)

Stacy: They brainwashed her!! Yeah, that's it!

Tiffany: What other explaination is there?

(The trio walk the halls over to Daria's old locker. Obviously, Daria and Jane forgot to get their things. Suddenly, they hear.....)

Kevin: I'm so pumped right now!!

Mack: Just because Tommy Sherman won the State Championship twice in a row........

Kevin: He's the man!!!!!

Mack: That's a bunch of Bullshit, and you know it. When that asshole gets here, I'm going to mess him up good.(They walk off)

Daria: Am I hearing things? Did I just hear them talk like he was still alive?

Quinn: Yeah, I know. Creepy.

Jane: I guess that Temporal-thingamajig did a whole lot around here.

Daria: Pretty much. Let's just get our things and get the fuck out of here. I don't wanna live through that again.

Quinn: Hey, what about me?!

Daria: You still have school to deal with. But if you want, we'll stay and help out in case he tries that shit again.

Quinn: Thanks.

(They close their lockers after getting their stuff, and prepare to leave. When......)

Voice: Hey!! It's that damn misery chick! Who do you think you are by insulting me?! Me! Tommy Sherman!!

Daria: Who do you think YOU are by calling me a misery chick? You reduced yourself to a grade-school bully that thrived on calling shorter kids names in the hopes of getting them to cry.

Sherman: You've been nothing but trouble ever since I came here last year! (Looks at Quinn) Hello beautiful.

Quinn: Hello, jackass!

Sherman: That does it! (Grabs Quinn's wrist.) You're coming with me! I'm tired of playing "easy to get", now I'll be playing "Impossible to avoid". (He prepares to drag Quinn off)

Jane: And what, pray tell, would you be doing with our friend?

Sherman: Something YOU'D only DREAM of doing with me.

(Daria's eyes widen, and then she reaches for some sort of rod-like object in her coat {12-inches long, 3-inches wide}, she then frowns.)

Daria: Drop the girl.

Sherman: You're kidding, right? You think I'm going to listen to you?

(Daria twists the rod, a blue beam emits into a 32-inch laser-like weapon.)

Jane: What the hell?!

Sherman: You think that's going to scare me?

(Daria swings at the lockers, the laser cuts through them instantly, and the pieces fall to the floor between the two)

Daria: (Pointing the laser at Tommy the same way Sting points his bat) Last chance, scumbag. Let her go, or I swear, I'll kill you right where you stand!

Sherman: (Releasing her from his grip) Who are you?!

Daria: Considering the fact that we've seen you commit all sorts of vile acts on the people here, I should just kill you ANYWAY!

Sherman: (Daria's backing him up to a wall) Wait! Wait now! Maybe we can cut a deal!

Daria: Tommy, Tommy, Tommy. You just don't get it, do you?

Jane: People see you as somewhat of a god, right?

Sherman: (Panicked, but sincere) Yeah. Why?

Jane: (Looks at Daria) Maybe it's about time he died for our sins.

Daria: Oohhhh, I LOVE the way you think!

(Strange, that the halls are empty.)

Scene 18: Lunchtime, Quinn is sitting at a table when Andrea decides to sit at the same place.

{11:30 A.M.}

Quinn: Uh, hi.

Andrea: I heard this crazy rumor that that Sherman guy got crucified.

Quinn: It's no rumor, just look at the football field.

Andrea: (Leans over to Quinn and whispers) Shut up, you'll give yourself away! I know that was you, Daria, and Jane!

Quinn: How'd you know?

Andrea: I heard everything from the bathroom. Nice work. I kinda figured you'd go for that sorta thing.

Quinn: Uh, thanks, I think. I'm kinda curious, I heard you don't ever talk to anyone. So, why me?

Andrea: Why not?

Quinn: Good enough answer for me.

(Tiffany and Stacy walk up to the table and sit down.)

Tiffany: Quinn, you've got to come back to us.

Quinn: I can't. I've told you. I'm no longer going to just stand there and wear crappy clothes. I'm no longer going to hit on every guy I see. I don't belong in this "Fashion Club".

Stacy: But Quinn.....

Andrea: Will you quit bothering her?

Stacy: B-But....

Andrea: Didn't you hear her? She said no.

Tiffany: If you don't rejoin us, we'll be forced to deem you a brain. You'll be hunted down for the rest of your life, which won't be very long. Once Sandi finds out, she'll kick you out of the club in a heartbeat. Is that what you want?! To die?!!?

Quinn: No. But why do the jocks have to do this in the first place?

Andrea: Because they can, you half-wit! They're popular. Popular people have all the power, they have all the influence. When one has an idea, the others follow it until the bitter end, no matter how stupid it sounds.

Quinn: Who started this thing?

Andrea: Good 'ole Tommy Sherman. The big hero. The big football star.

Quinn: I meant all over the country.

Andrea: Same answer.

Quinn: But, he's just the state champion. How could he start something like this that goes across the entire country?!

Tiffany: He has connections.

Quinn: Back to Sandi. Even though she was being Sarcastic, why not do it anyway?

Stacy: Do what?!

Quinn: She's always said to you (In a mock Sandi voice) "Maybe Quinn should be the President of the Fashion Club". We can end this crap right here and now. The Fashion Club has influence in this school. I have influence that stretches across Lawndale. All you have to do is do what Sandi has been asking for, impeach her.

Andrea: The girl has a point. Lawndale doesn't need this crap about only the pretty girls getting all the breaks. What about us?

(A few seconds {Seconds that feel days} pass.)

Tiffany: We'll have to think this over, very carefully.

(They get up and leave.)

Quinn: I thought the crap would end after my trip to New York, but now......

Andrea: You were in New York? Everyone had this assumption that you were just ill.

Quinn: Now you know better.

Andrea: What happened?

Quinn: My sister was in a coma. Someone shot her, out of nowhere. We still don't know who it was. She's still breathing, but I can't help but look back, and shudder. It wasn't too long ago when I would laugh at her misery. But now, I know where she's coming from, and I don't see the problem with being a brain. Brains actually lead better lives than the popular people are lead to believe.

Andrea: So that's why you changed.

Quinn: You're only half right.

Andrea: Hmm, enlighten me.

Quinn: I'm tired, Andrea. I'm tired of having to live the life of a perky, popular, attractive girl that seems to get dates by the truckload, and I don't mean candy.

Andrea: A witty remark. You really are one of us.

Quinn: But what good will it do? I know those two whores are just waiting to stab both Sandi and I in the back. That's also why I don't to live that life anymore. The constant lies I had to give off to everyone. I had to lie to mom and dad so I could go out on dates on school nights.

Andrea: Geez, Quinn. What kind of a girl are you?! Had you no shame?

Quinn: I didn't think so. I felt that I could do no wrong.

Andrea: Quinn. I think I can help you. I think I can help you realize your new identity and how to maintain it. I can help you deal with your backstabbing-buddies.

Quinn: I need to think this over.

Andrea: (Stands up) Make your decision quickly, this window of opportunity is closing fast. (Leaves)

Quinn: What a day.

Scene 19: Quinn is walking home from school, halfway down the street, a friend catches up with her......

{2:57 P.M.}

Jesse: Hey.

Quinn: Hey Jesse.

Jesse: I heard about that jackass, Tommy Sherman.

Quinn: Yeah, (Cynicalistic tone) terrible tragedy.

Jesse: After seeing the way things are done here, I wish we didn't come back.

Quinn: Same here.

Jesse: The rate that things are going. Mystik Spiral may be finished. We don't want to end up like the Slushpuppies

Quinn: What happened?

Jesse: For the first time in Lawndale history, singing a song became a criminal act.

Quinn: This is too crazy. Isn't there a way to stop this?

Jesse: Probably, but we don't have the resources, or connections.

Quinn: What about if we talked to someone with authority?

Jesse: Sounds like you have some kind of plan.

Quinn: Two, actually. (They reach the vicinity of the Morgendorffer house.) You suppose everyone's over at Jane's?

Jesse: Let's check at your's first.

Quinn: Yeah. Besides, I need to drop everything off anyway.

(They go in, and look for Daria and Jane. Unsuccessful. Quinn drops off her school things, and they take off to Jane's. Jesse has a spare key, so they go in.)

Jesse: HEY! TRENT! (Pauses for a second) YOO-HOOOOOO!!!!

Quinn: Doesn't seem like they're home.

Jesse: Where do you suppose they might be?

(After thinking for a few seconds....)

Jesse & Quinn: KAIN'S!!!

(After a few minutes in the Tank, the two arrive at Kain's Estate. They go inside, into the living room. They don't hear anything. They go down to the laboratory. Nothing.)

Jesse: This is odd.

Quinn: I guess there's only one place they could be.

Jesse: You still have that necklace?

Quinn: Yup, what about you?

Jesse: Nope, I forgot mine.

Quinn: Well?

(They hold hands and Quinn taps the necklace, they vanish from sight.)

Scene 20: The Bridge of the Falcon. Michael is there.

{3:24 P.M.}

Michael: Glad you could come, it kinda gets lonely up here.

Quinn: I'm glad I know where SOMEBODY is.

Jesse: We couldn't find ANYONE.

Michael: I wouldn't be surprised. Mara's been pretty clueless too.

Quinn: Then, you don't know either?

Michael: Nope, not really. Oy, this is a doozy.

Jesse: Of all the time we've been pals, we never heard you say "oy".

Michael: I must be slipping.

Quinn: Can't the computer track the others?

Michael: Maybe. Hang on a second. Computer, current location of Daria Morgan, Jane Lane, Trent Lane, and Reuben Garnet.

Computer: (After processing the calculations) Location found. Current location, Kain Compound.

Quinn: But we were just there!

Michael: The computer never lies.

Jesse: It did take us some time to go from school to your house to Jane's to Kain's to here.

Quinn: You're right. Can you send us back to the house?

Michael: Sure. (He presses some buttons on the console, Michael, Jesse, and Quinn vanish.)

(Cut to: Kain's Estate, the front door. Jesse and Quinn appear out of nowhere, and knock on the door. The door opens.......)

{3:41 P.M.}

Chris: You're late. (Chris steps aside for them to come in)

Jesse: So? What else is new.

Michael: Is everyone here?

Chris: Yup.

Quinn: And where WERE they?

Chris: Does it matter?

(Chris, Jesse, and Quinn walk into the living room, everyone is there, just as Chris said {Hey, the guy doesn't lie, ok?!}. They sit down.)

Daria: So, Quinn? How'd the rest of your day go? Any problems?

Quinn: Three. I'm getting constant proposals from Tiffany and Stacy to come back before Sandi comes around.

Jane: How would this be a problem?

Quinn: I decided to convince them to at least consider impeaching Sandi from her position as President. If I can snag that title, I can reinvent the Fashion Club, and it will no longer be as ditzy as before. I can end this crap going around here, with this dictatorship, permanently.

Chris: WHAT?!!?!

Quinn: I still have influence here. Problem spot number two. Our little stunt got Andrea's attention. I'm not sure if this is a problem or not.

Trent: Yikes. I've known her since 1994, she's never spoken to anyone.

Quinn: That's what's bothering me about it. Why me?! Problem spot number three, I don't know how this is possible, but Tommy Sherman is in charge. (Everyone's eyes widen) He's behind it all. They took him down from the crucifix during sixth period, he passed out the second they could get him off the wooden cross.

Chastie: At least we know who's in charge.

Quinn: Luckily, he didn't recognize me. His vision must've been blurred.

(The TV comes on unexpectedly. As if it wanted them to see.......)

TV News Anchor: (fizzle-crackle-pop) Tommy Sherman, the famous Football state champion of twice in a row, was a victim of a horrible act of violence. He was found today in the football field of Lawndale High School, gagged and crucified in the middle of the field, with a dislocated shoulder and a broken rib, Sherman was unable to identify the attacker at this time........

Daria: Uh, we didn't hurt him.

Quinn: Yeah, all we did was tie him to the cross.

TV News Anchor: Police officials believe that a serial killer is prowling the city of Lawndale, mocking Sherman's every move........

Jane: Oh crap.

TV News Anchor : Police are asking for the citizens of Lawndale, and the City of Los Angeles for your assistance, if you are a witness, or know someone who is a witness, call the number you see on your screen.

Quinn: Ok, now I'm scared.

TV News Anchor: And that's the news. (A slight pause) That is, if it was an real news report.

Everyone: WHAT!!!!!!!

TV News Anchor(?): Fooled you, didn't I, kids? Did I make you wet your pants yet? Did I make you sweat in total fear?

Trent: Bastards.

TV News Anchor(?): I know who you are, and you probably know who I work for. Well, that's cool. We have an equal playing field. By the way, we can actually talk to each other. Go ahead, ask me something.

Michael: Ok, why are doing this to us?

TV News Anchor(?): Because you have something we want. Or should I say ......... someone.

Jane: Who could you possibly want for you to do this crap to us?!

TV News Anchor(?): Her. (Points at Daria)

Daria: Me? And why me?

TV Man: Beats the hell out of me. I just know that they want you. And if you want your friends to live, you need to give yourself to us.

Daria: Tell them I said no.

TV Man: Suit yourself. You're way out of your league here, Morgan. I hope you enjoyed your dull, boring, miserable life. Because the next few hours will be your last. (TV goes off)

Daria: That'd be about, what, (Thinks for a second) three groups of people that want me dead. Maybe I should see the psychologist after all.

Jane: Daria?

Daria: Hm?

Jane: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!?!?!

Daria: The truth?

Jane: Yeah, that sounds good.

Daria: The truth is that I don't know the truth. If I did, I'd tell you.

Michael: Think back, as far as you can. See if you can remember anything that'd link you to anything that would specifically want you dead.

(Daria plops the back of her head on the top of the couch as she thinks.)

Chris: Hey, Jason, Chastie, Terry, Lorree, we need to discuss something down in the lab.

Jason: No problem.

(They go downstairs. Leaving Daria, Jane, Trent, Jesse, Reuben, Michael, and Mara in the living room)

Daria: I have nothing.

Jane: C'mon. There's gotta be a reason. What were the three groups of people?

Daria: The School collective, led by Sherman, they hate me simply because I'm "A Misery Chick". The next one would have to be that Winston guy, he's now specifically after me "To get to Kain". He won't listen to me when I tell him he's dead. The third would have to be the remnants of Kraxus's men. I still haven't figured out why the sniper only shot at me.

Michael: And all three, one way or another, point directly at Kain.

Jane: (Bobbing her head back and forth) Kain, Daria, Kain, Daria, Kain, Daria, (Suspicious) do I sense a pattern here?

Quinn: Meaning?

Mara: Daria knows something.

Jane: It's confession time. Where were you last night after you got arrested?

Trent: I went to bail you out, but someone already did.

Daria: I was at home, getting the Spanish Inquisition from my former parents. I had to bail us both out with my limited knowledge of lawyer skills.

Quinn: Afterwards, we went over to the Pizzahouse.

Jane: And you didn't invite me?!

Daria: I'm sorry. My mind was elsewhere at the time, and I didn't think of anyone else.

Jane: Hmph. (Pauses) I guess it'll have to do.

(Everyone exchanges glances at each other)

Jane: I guess I've been a little bit of a basket case since the incident.

Reuben: We've all been, Janey.

(After a minute of silence passes.........)

Quinn: So what can we do about this crazy system if my plan fails?

Michael: Only one thing TO do, LOCK AND LOAD!!!!

Jane: WHAT?!?! You're crazy!!

Daria: Michael has a point. This place is almost over the line of "Beyond hope". I was sorely tempted to make Sherman into a little red puddle.

Trent: Let's just calm ourselves, I think we're all about to snap.

Daria: I'm going to go out for awhile.

(Chris emerges from the Lab)

Chris: I need to go too, to get some supplies. For some reason, we seem to be out of screws.

Daria: Later. (Daria and Chris leave.)

Scene 21: Chris and Daria are walking through town, Daria is wearing the trenchcoat and glasses that Kain left her in his video will. They pass by McGrundy's BrewPub, which, due to the fashion hiearchy, has been shut down, permanently.

{4:46 P.M.}

Daria: That plan of Quinn's had better work, or so help me..........

Chris: It has to.

Daria: You know Kain, right? I mean, you KNOW him, everything about him, right?

Chris: Yup. What do you want to know?

Daria: What truly IS going on?

Voice: I believe I can fill that in.

(It's Kain.)

Daria: Aren't you afraid of being seen?

Kain: I'll make due. (They start walking, they don't care where.) There is a war going on. More serious than you can imagine.The battleground goes wherever I go. Several beings have sided with Souran, my brother. Several business groups have sided with him as well.

Daria: What's the big deal with Souran? Why do you hate him so much?

Kain: We both hate each other. It's just something that grew over the years. Allow me to take us to safer grounds. (He taps his head a few times, and then presses a few buttons on his remote. They vanish from sight.)

(Cut to: A business building floor of some kind, the trio appear in the elevator, about to open. Suddenly, the receptionist leaps out of her chair and aproaches Kain)

Receptionist: (Whispering to Kain) They're not supposed to be here!

Kain: I'm aware of the risks, Sheryl. (Whispering to her) Besides, the girl is my client.

Receptionist: (Walking back to her desk, saying to herself) I'm going to get canned for this, I just know it.

Kain: Right this way, kids.

(Kain leads them into a room with a large desk, and a computer terminal. The seems to be large windows, but they are all sealed with steel armor plating.)

Kain: This is my office. As you can tell, it hasn't been used much.

Daria: Why are the windows covered?

Kain: Safety precautions.

Chris: Bullshit.

Kain: No really, I'll show you.

(Kain flips a switch, and the windows zip open faster than light can travel, and their surprise, they couldn't see anything but a bright eye-piercing yellow-orange light coming from all the windows. The two can't even block out the sunlight by shutting their eyes and covering them with their hands. The light is just too bright.)

Chris: (Not able to take it anymore) Shut it. Shut it! SHUT IT! SHUT IT!! SHUT IT!!! SHUT IT!!!!!!

(Kain shuts the windows.)

Daria: Thank god.

Kain: No, thank me. God had nothing to do with it. But you may want to take a seat and wait for your eyesight to come back before we go anywhere else.

Daria: What the hell was that?!

Chris: So, it IS true!

Kain: Yup. Anyway, what I am to tell you must never leave this room. Understand? (They nod) Good. (Kain sits down) People say that god watches over his people 24 hours a day, and punishes those who have committed sins against his law.

Daria: What law?

Kain: The Ten Commandments. But one thing that the almighty never told Moses was that no one, not even himself was truly immortal. Even god has a lifespan. When he was at his last breaths, the universe collapsed upon itself. He gave the permission to recreate all his creation to his two children. Both were honored. But one has been preparing for this forever. He wanted the universe for himself, to carry his sick, twisted dream of building life, then feasting on their souls like Christmas Dinner. The other did not approve of this. After years of arguing, bickering, and scwabbles, they finally agreed on one thing. A duel to decide who would own the new universe.

Chris: A duel? What kind?

Kain: Does it matter? Anyway, one won, one lost. The loser was cast into a dark, twisted reflection of the new universe. And the winner was free to create life for the right reasons. The other one, however, was unable to really create life, only demons. The only people that would be to come were the evil souls that died. But he found a way to cross between both worlds, and take the pure innocent souls that wandered the earth. Does this make any sense to either of you?

Chris: Sorta. Who were these two?

Daria: I think I get it now. The one who won the duel. It's you, isn't it?

Kain: Yes.

Daria: And that must mean.....

Kain: Souran is the one that was cast into the other realm. He's taking souls and trying to destroy what I have created. Not that it was a decent time for me when I was creating life.

Chris: I don't follow.

Kain: Somewhere along the line, mankind has diminished in intelligence, wisdom, and honor. But the rest stay the same.

Daria: What about Kraxus?

Kain: I didn't make him, well, I did, but, Souran grabbed him and they disappeared. The next day, he came back a total psycho.

Chris: Do you know where Kraxus landed?

Kain: I don't know. Somewhere in South America, I think.

Daria: And what about that CL ..... whatever that thing is?

Kain: It's not really a cloning machine. It's just for show. I simply just create the life in someone's image. That's the only other way to create life without it coming naturally.

Daria: And the real story about your so called "wealth"?

(Kain pulls a switch that opens a panel in the wall that seems to have dozens and dozens of credit cards lining an entire shelf, all alike. Kain takes one out and hands it to Daria.)

Kain: These cards each link to the closest bank, the bank's computers then link to the Central Computer here, it links to "The Vault".

Daria: The Vault?

Kain: A hundred times more money than you can imagine. These cards always serve my purposes whenever I can't do something myself. Whenever I needed to have a facility built.......

Daria: Facility?

Chris: Usually just oracles. We gather information and file it. We only take adantage of the info when we need to.

Daria: Then you were.....

Chris: I was the head oracle of the West Virginia/Tri-State Division. Now, I'm setting up shop in Kain's old house.

Daria: How many of these places do you have?

Chris: Oh, we're everywhere. Unfortunately, we get discovered sooner or later, and we have to clean the place out and move somewhere else.

Kain: Over the last twelve-thousand years, we've built over forty-thousand facilities, and we've lost over thirty-nine-thousand, five-hundred and seventy-six Oracle-class facilities.

Daria: And you have other kinds of places too?

Kain: Well, yeah. We DO have some Research and Military-Class facilities, but they're easily hidden, and there's not as much.

Chris: About ten Research, and six Military buildings.

Daria: Why all the secrecy?

Kain: The oracle facilities could easily be used for blackmail. I can't allow that shit.

Sheryl (Thru intercom): Sir, the Lawndale subclients are getting suspicious of Daria's whereabouts.

Kain: (Holding the "talk" button) Thanks, Sheryl. Can you two see any better now?

Daria: I can.

Chris: Just barely.

Kain: Well, we need to be getting back.

Daria: So, Chris, since you seem to know. Where are we?

Chris: At first, I was skeptical about this place, but it DOES exist.

Daria: Well?

Chris: Even you wouldn't believe it.

(They return to the elevator, and disappear from sight.)

Scene 22: Kain, Chris, and Daria reappear in the Lab. Luckily, no one's there. Kain vanishes. The two sit in silence for a few minutes.

{5:51 P.M.}

Chris: Penny for your thoughts.

Daria: I can't believe that guy. Not anymore, at least. He lied to every single one of us.

Chris: He had to. The truth is stranger than fiction. The government also knows about him, and that's why they're hounding him. They want that technology. They want all the information he's been accumulating over the years. They want samples of his goddamn blood!! They want to copy everything that makes him unique. And if they can't have it for themselves, no one can. I'm not supposed to tell you this, but the Government sided with Kraxus from the very start.

Daria: And Kraxus was created by Souran. Which means.....

Chris: One large group of people, all wanting Kain dead. And now, they want you dead.

(Daria hangs her head low, showing some sign of saddness.)

Chris: If I'm right, there might be a way to fix the problem outside.

Daria: Really? How?

Chris: Do nothing.

Daria: What?!

Chris: We won't have to lift a finger. If I'm right, there should be some kind of aftershock to that massive shockwave that enforced the temporal disturbance.

Daria: Won't that change the timeline again?

Chris: Of course. But the only problem is, would it be for better, or for worse?

Daria: I don't think things can get worse.

Chris: Oh REALLY? (Picks up a Brainwave Camera) Allow me to give you a different perspective, Ms. Morgan.

(He puts on the helmet piece. And begins to demonstrate with a scene. The camera projects an image that resembles the presidential podium.)

Voice: Ladies and Gentlemen! The President of the United States. (Presidential music begins to play as a familiar teenager in a black suit, tie, and black slacks approaches the podium.)

President: Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh, uh-huh-huh-huh-huh. So, uh, like, being your prisondent is like an honor, or something. (In a small tone) This is cool. Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh. (Back to normal tone) So, uhhhh? Any questions?

Female Reporter: Mr. President, what is your opinion on the sexual harassment charges brought against you by Monica Lewinski?

President Head: Uhhhh, uh-huh-huh-huh. Uhh, hhey, baby. Wanna take a ride on Air Force One? Uh- huh-huh-huh-huh-huh! Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh! Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh-huh!

Reporter #2 (Daria's a reporter) Mr. President, any truth to the rumors of illegal campaign fund-raising?

President Head: Uh-huh-huh-huh-huh, Diarrhea cha-cha-cha, Diarrhea cha-cha-cha, Diarrhea cha-cha-cha!!

Reporter #2 (Daria): But sir....!!!

President Head: Shut up.

Vice-President Beavis: (With bubbles hovering around his head, obviously, he's on something.) Wait, maybe we should hear her out. Maybe she has another question.

President Head: Shut up, buttmunch. Daria's a stupid little girl.

(Chris removes the brainwave camera.)

Chris: As you can see, dear, things CAN get worse.

Daria: But how do we know what changes will be made?

Chris: I got that covered. Rachel, current status of the nameless island.

Leslie (Computer): A second shockwave is preparing to fire from the ruins. ETA, one hour and seventeen minutes.

Daria: Ruins?

Chris: The Rangers were looking for the eight talismans to unlock the power of the Nameless Island. They succeeded, and then, the shockwave began its sweep of the entire planet. For some reason, the Power Rangers no longer exist. I guess that was one of the changes.

(Daria rolls her eyes back for a second, then looks back at Chris with a silent stare.)

Chris: Stop if it starts to hurt. That's my reccomendation. Besides, if you think too hard, you'll start to bleed from every hole in your head. All seven of them.

Daria: I thought there was only five.

Chris: You also have to count the fact that your eyes will have popped out of their sockets. Those counts as holes too.

Daria: Chris? Have you ever had this weird feeling? One kinda like......

Chris: Aaa, don't say it. I can already tell what you're about to spit out, and I'm really flattered. But I can't date anyone, I simply don't have the time.

Daria: How did you......?

Chris: Kain taught me how to read people's emotions and expressions. That way, I can tell what comes next before they say it.

Daria: Oh.

Chris: Besides, what could you possibly see in me?

Daria: Umm, your manly physique?

Chris: I have none. Even you can see that.

Daria: Aaa, the hell with it. (She gets up and drags Chris by the arm to a small room in the lab. She looks around outside the door, and then shuts it. You can hear a click in the door.)

Scene 23: The living room. Everyone was gone for awhile to search for Chris and Daria. After giving up, they come back.

{7:11 P.M.}

Jane: Here we go again.

Trent: I'm sure she's okay.

Chastie: Man, that guy's been nothing but trouble.

Quinn: Say what?

Chastie: Chris always rushed into things. And once he had an idea, he always followed it to the bitter end.

Leslie: (thru PA system) 2nd temporal disturbance detected, impact ETA, one hour and two minutes.

Michael: Again?!

Terry: Temporal physics. About one out of four chances there'll be an after-shockwave, similar to that of an earthquake aftershock. This one having the same kind of effect as before, and once again, the world will be different.

Reuben: Is there ANYTHING we can do?

Terry: Nope. Not without the boss.

Jesse: Chris?

Jason: No, the BIG boss.

Jane: Who's the big boss? Some guy about nineteen stories tall?

Lorree: Kain.

Jesse: (Sarcastic) Wow, I didn't know Kain was that tall.

Michael: Well, what do we do? Should we wait until the last minute and leave together, or should we just leave a note?

Jane: Eh. I'm done worrying about that kid. Let's just leave a damn note.

(After pulling out a sheet of paper, Jane composes the following.......)

Daria,

It's 7:11 P.M.. There's another shockwave on the way, it hits in an hour. If you get this note before it hits, then get your ass up to the Falcon. I'm through worrying about you. If we do see one another again, THEN you can have pity on me for saying such a thing.

Jane

(Jane attaches the note to the doorframe with electrical tape, seeing as how there's no other tape around. They then beam up to the Falcon.)

(Cut to: The lab, outside the small room. Daria opens the door, she looks like she's putting back on her trenchcoat. {No, nothing more happened. I never go all the way on the first date. Daria wouldn't have it any other way.} Chris came out right behind her.)

Chris: I wonder if anyone knew we were down here.

Daria: I woudn't worry about it.

Chris: I thought you were about to go steady with Trent. Why me?

Daria: I thought about doing that. But I guess I didn't know what I was thinking. He seemed like an idea at the time, but now.......

Chris: Hmm. I see. Do you suppose we can make this...(Rapidly points at himself and Daria)....work?

Daria: I have no idea. Where IS everybody?

Chris: We could go upstairs and find out.

(They go upstairs and find the note that Jane wrote.)

Daria: I guess we should get going.

Chris: Nonsense. This house is well protected by temporal shockwaves.

Daria: Then why was the house restored when the last shockwave hit?

Chris: When the house was levelled, everything went up in smoke, even the temporal shield.

Daria: Much like the Fashion Club's future.

(They sit on the couch, and turn on the TV Daria is on Chris' right side.)

Chris: Not much on TV.

Daria: I got an idea. They're showing reruns of Sick Sad World on channel 3.

Chris: Sick Sad World? What's that?

Daria: You've never heard of Sick Sad World?

Chris: Daria, I lived in West Virginia, we hardly had any good TV over there. Now what's it about?

Daria: It's a show that shows us just how sick and sad the world is, hence the title.

Chris: Hmm. I guess the only show that comes close is Jerry Springer.

Daria: Jerry Spinger? My god. That show's so, so trailer park-ish.

Chris: Ain't it the truth?!

(Daria turns on the TV and puts it on Channel 3, Sick Sad World is on.)

TV: A pimp in a Batman costume? "Holy Prostitutes, Batman!" next on Sick Sad World.

Chris: Jesus fucking Christ! I've been missing out on the mother lode.

Daria: Yeah, you get hooked instantly.

TV: But first, are the Spice Girls obsessed with two sets of twins and a triplet? We now go to Lysa Wynn, our correspondent. Lysa?

Chris: This doesn't sound like a repeat.

(Cut to: New York City, Lysa is standing in a typical street.)

Lysa: New York, the Big Apple, Media Capital of the World. From where I am standing, a major event took place in World History. Someone actually told the famous rap group the Spice Girls that they suck, in their faces, and a fistfight broke out in the public eye. We have with us an eyewitness to this (Makes quote marks) "tragedy".

Witness: Hyyeeeeeee! I'mArtie!

Lysa: Artie, hello. Welcome back to Sick Sad World. Can you describe what took place here?

Artie: It was (BLEEEP) beautiful!! Those little bimbos had it coming for ages! Anyway, The blonde started imitating the ...... the ...... whatever the hell that song's called. Then the blue one yelled out "I want you to bite me!!". Then the black spice .......

Lysa: Scary Spice.

Artie: Yeah? Well she doesn't scare me at all. Anyway, she yells out that "Girl Power" catchphrase, and everything started getting good.

Lysa: How'd the supposed fistfight start?

Artie: It was impossible to call every move, but there was this one from the American team that really beat the crap out of that blonde.....

Lysa: That would be Baby Spice.

Artie: Whatever. The one was kinda reddish blonde, and she wore this cute pink shirt with a smiley face. I remember seeing her at a UFO convention once......

Lysa: Artie! Stay on the damn subject!

Artie: Actually, there wasn't much else to tell. I was only watching that one.

Lysa: Well, there you have it. Teenage love at it's worst. Back to you guys.

SSW Anchor: Thank you Lysa. And now, here's a little treat. A Sick Sad World Exclusive. Marc, take it away!

Mark: This is Marc Fieldman, I'm standing in front of the White house. Paula Jones. Kathleen Willey. Monica Lewinsky. The very names send chills down your spine. Paula Jones, the girl with the "perfect" timing. Monica Lewinsky, a proverbial timebomb. Kathleen Willey, came just in the nick of time. What is not known to most of the mainstream media, is that these aren't the only three women out there with their eyes set on book contracts revealing the truth. There are three more. The other three women in Bill Clinton's life. Ava H., Tina J., and Mary Tyler M.. Oddly enough, all three women were found living in Salem Massachusetts. Tobacco attorney, and lawyer behind both Monica Lewinsky and Kathleen Willey's accusations, Kenneth Starr, told us here at Sick Sad World, in an exclusive interview.

(Cut to: A den of some sort, where the recorded interview took place.)

Kenneth: While vacationing in Salem, I just happened to wander across three very distraught women. The moment I laid eyes on them, I thought one thing . . . Bill. Sure enough, once I calmed their nerves by getting them loaded, and got them to confess to their traumatic past, by offering them (BLEEP)loads of money, I found out I was right. Bill was indeed involved, and up to his old tricks.

Marc: What you are about to hear will stun you, but it needs to be shown. Here, for the first time on national television, are the initial testimonies, recorded on tape in the "Wa-hoo, Wa-hoo" bar, earlier this evening, and sent priority mail to "Hard Copy" seconds later, by Kenneth Starr. All three women have a sad, scary story to tell, and today is their day to tell it. The book contracts will roll in tomorrow.

(The camera cuts to a typical blue screen with a voice-transcripted recording of the testimonies.)

Ava H: It was at a pep-rally, is that what they're called? When the President comes through town and tries to get voters, and all those red, white and blue balloons go flying all over? I was standing right in the middle of the crowd, about 2 blocks away from Clinton, and he looked at me. Tina J: (BLEEP)ing I hate (BLEEP)ing narrow-minded people. I think that people that don't accept another's opinion should be shot in the (BLEEP)ing head. To each their own, you know? You're ugly, Kenny. I think you're ugly. I'm 23. I'm (BLEEP)ing famous. Did I mention I'm famous? I'm a feminist. Did you know the networks are free, and they still make like a million dollars, or something? I smoke pot. How do the networks do that? I wonder if they're feminists. WHAT?!? I don't like when people don't accept my opinion, Mr. Starr. (BLEEP) off and die, if that's how it is. I find I'm extremely brave and daring, but I won't ever gather enough courage to let anyone know my last name. (BLEEP)ing independent, that's what I am. I'm not naked, though. I wish I was. I don't need a last name. "J" has a nice ring, doesn't it? I think stupid people are dumb, you know? They say things I don't understand. Clinton? He was the first president, right? (BLEEP)ing Clinton, that's right! I remember meeting him. The conservative bastard. I think he's a witch. I really do. I think he cast a spell on my vagina. Can I say "vagina?" Anyway, he cast a spell on it. It itched for nearly a month. (BLEEP)ing I met him and we, (BLEEP). I'm always right.

Marc: Kenneth Starr would like it to be noted that Tina J. has a "slight" tourette's problem, and is borderline retarded. Plus, she's a man.

Mary Tyler M: It was in the summer of ninety-tree when I first met up with President Clinton. Did I say 'tree?' I meant 'three.' How strong are these drinks, anyway? I have to go pee.

Marc: There you have it. Not three, but six women that Clinton has hit on in the past. This is Marc Fieldman, signing off.

Announcer: "Everything I ever wanted to know about genocide, I learned in the 3rd grade" Next on Sick Sad World!

Daria: Damn.

Chris: What?

Daria: Suddenly, I feel tired. (She suddenly passes out. Her head hits his shoulder.)

Chris (Thinking): Uh oh. I can't go anywhere. And I need to pee. FUCK!!! What am I going to do? I have a girl asleep on my shoulder, I love the situation, the only thing that sucks is that it couldn't have come at a worst time. God, I need to pee. (Puts his arm around her, she makes a slight silent moan.) I guess if she's happy, then, well, cool. She's happy. (He looks at Daria) She looks so cute when she's asleep.

(Chris drifts off to sleep as well.)

Scene 24: Kain's, oops, I mean Chris's living room. It's been two minutes since the timeline was changed forever, again. Chris and Daria slept through the whole thing. They didn't budge an inch since they fell asleep. Jane walks in, alone, and sees the two.

{8:13 P.M.}

(Chris wakes up and sees Jane, he doesn't move his arm.)

Chris: We got your note.

Jane: Well, ain't that a co-inki-dink?

Chris: Quiet down, she's still asleep. She's still tired of all the running around you all did back in iN- whY-youCe. (looks down for a second) How's everybody else?

Jane: Worried sick. They thought you were going to vanish from the shockwave.

Chris: Obviously, they don't know everything about Temporal Physics.

Jane: So I've noticed. I guess you're the leading authority on that kind of stuff.

Chris: Yeah. I decided to sit down with all the knowledge that Kain aquired, and I learned a lot.

(Daria is still asleep, but she's clenching to his coat. They both notice.)

Jane: Tell me something, who do you think you are by taking by brother's girlfriend? (Daria's right eye opens, the eye that they can't see.)

Chris: I wish I knew. It all happened so suddenly. I'm still trying to figure out why she likes me.

Jane: Trent's going to be hurt when he finds out.

Chris: I know. It's unavoidable. Unless if this never happened. But that'd be the only way out. And I hate keeping secrets.

Jane: But now, my brother is alone again. And that's eating away at my soul.

Daria: (not moving an inch) Jane, I'm only going to tell you this once, so listen up. I don't think this thing with Trent and I is going to work out. I've been pondering every possible outcome with and without Trent in my life. And I just don't see it anymore. So forgive me if I'm being too blunt, but you DID start it.

Jane: ME?!

Daria: Yes. You've been hounding me for months now, asking me to give it a chance. I did, and look what happened, now I don't want him anymore.

(Daria gets up and walks to the bathroom)

Chris: I guess she heard every word after all.

Jane: Why is she so difficult at times?

Chris: She's had a rough life, and this whole incident probably scarred her for life. It's not every day that you wake up from a coma and find out that one of your closest friends is dead.

Jane: You know no more that I do!

Chris: On the contrary, Jane, I know a great deal about everyone.

Jane: Whatever.

Scene 25: The Lawndale High School Auditorium. Angela Li called a special student assembly for that night. Quinn had to come, all students were required. Chris, Daria, Jane, Michael, and Mara all came for the hell of it.

{8:21 P.M.}

Li: The reason I called you all here tonight is a very important subject that simply could not wait until tomorrow. There's a rumor going around that former principal Kain was killed on (Everyone gasps) Friday night in New Yo........

(Suddenly, music starts blasting from the intercom system. It's "Electric Head: Part 2" by White Zombie. Everyone's in shock to see a tall guy with long, black hair walk into the room wearing a black trenchcoat. He heads up to the podium.)

Jane: Kain?!!?

Michael: Oy!! A GHOST!!!!

(The man walks over to the podium, makes a "cut" gesture, and the music fades out.)

Kain: HEELL-LLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO LAWNDALLLLLLLE!!!!! How y'all doin'? As you can all see, the rumors of my death are false.

Daria and Chris: (Silently simutaneous) That's NOT Kain.

Michael: Hmm, you're right. But he DOES look familiar.

Kain(?): So, how's the school been? You still letting this witch run things here? (crowd cheers) Yeah, I know the feeling. How would you all like to see me waste her right now? (Crowd cheers even louder) Well, it looks like the masses have spoken.

(Suddenly, the intercom blasts with a different song)

Kain(?): What the hell.

(After hearing the intro, it turns out to be the same song after all, just played differently.)

Kain(?): Oh crap.

(He sees a figure walking toward the podium, it looks familiar)

Chris: This is the real deal, my friends.

(Kain walk up to the podium and stares at the bogus Kain. Everyone's in shock.)

Kevin: Whoa! I'm seeing double! Four Kains!

Jodie: What the hell is going on?!

Mack: That's what I want to know!

Kain(?): Whenever a man makes a pathetic attempt to masquerade as me, I'll be there. You done it, and now I'm here.

Kain(?): Don't listen to him! I'm the real Kain!!

Kain(?): Tell the truth.

Kain(?): I am!!!

(One Kain pulls out a Baretta-379 and prepares to aim at Kain. The other pulls out his Lightsaber. He slices the barrel of the gun in two just as the other Kain aims.

Kain: (Lines the saber at the side of the Bogus Kain's neck.) Tell the truth or die. I'd hate to have to kill someone in front of children just to prove a damn fucking point, now TELL THE GODDAMN TRUTH!!!

Bogus Kain: Never! I am Kain!!!

Kain: You asked for it!

(Kain takes the saber back to swing, the Bogus Kain closes his eyes in fear. Kain then grabs the wig off the Bogus Kain's head with his other hand. Daria and Michael instantly recognize the Bogus Kain's ID.)

Michael: That's the guy who gave out that bogus news report!

(Kain walks offstage and puts the wig on Brittany's head.)

Kain: There, I've been meaning to do that for a long time.

Kevin: (To Brittany) Hey, you look even hotter than before!

Brittany: Really?

(Kain walks back up on stage.)

Kain: (To the phony) Jacket.

Bogus Kain: Huh?

Kain: (To the phony) Give me your damn jacket.

Bogus Kain: Uh, sure.

(He does so. And Kain gives the trenchcoat to Jodie.)

Kain: Seriously, if you want people to actually listen to you, then stop showing skin. Oh, wait a second. (Kain takes the jacket, and looks in the pockets, he takes out a wallet. He looks though several cards.) Here, now you can have it. (He hands the jacket back to Jodie) Lessee, Carjack E. Offbihan, what a stupid name. I know about that threat you made to my pals, and I'm willing to cut you a break. You know, because I'm feeling, like, really good right now. All you have to do, is answer a simple question. Fail to answer properly, and you die. Orrrrrrr, you could skip the gamble and confess on TV about the naughty thing you did.

Carjack: I'll take the question.

Kain: Jeeze, this is too easy. Anyway, the question is: Is there really a god? You have fifteen seconds to look though that small-ass ground beef you call a brain and poop out an answer. Sstartinnnnng NOW!!

(Everyone watches in horror as the seconds go by, they want to shut their eyes, but they just can't help but watch. Finally the fifteen seconds are up.)

Kain: Time's up, you have an answer? Let's hear it, is there really a god?

Carjack: No.

Kain: (Makes a buzzer noise)EEEhhhhh! Wrong! Why? Because I'M god! (He slices the imposter right down the middle, down to the colon) Folks, it's fine when you dress all in black, and stuff. But when you start claiming to be me, I'll come by, and I'll be more chipper than before. (Lets out a girlish giggle)

(Kain jumps down from the stage, and raises his arm, he thrusts it through the air, making some weird hand and wrist gestures. Everyone is confused. Suddenly, Carjack's body rises off the ground, and vanishes from sight.)

Li: (Walking slowly up to him) What did you do with him?

Kain: I sent him to Hell, Angela. He was committing more crimes than just impersonating me. Now, I must go. I have a HUGE list of things to do, and I don't have much time to do it all. (Walks over to Chris, Daria, Jane, Michael, and Mara) Show's over guys. Let's go.

Female Voice: Not so fast!

Kain: Janet, for the last freakin' fuckin' time, don't mess with me. I've had a really, really REALLY bad day!

Barch: I told you that you were a dead man, and I don't care if I go to jail or not.

Kain: (Points his saber at her) Do you want to be added to the list?

Barch: What list?

Kain: The list of all the men and women who I killed in self-defense. People that were a lot worse than you. (He turns and starts for the door again.) Don't be a fool.

Barch: Oh shut up.

(Janet starts coming in for the kill, while Kain's back is turned. He realizes this and executes a 180 slash. Janet falls to the ground, but there's no blood.)

Kain: Stun setting. A simple warning. Next time, you will die. C'mon guys, there's nothing more to see here.

(They leave. Leaving the crowd confused.)

Scene 26: Everyone's walking home from the school. They decide to go to Jane's.

{8:38 P.M.}

Jane: So, you've been alive all this time? And you never tried coming back?

Kain: I did, I was already in town when you got back to Lawndale. And I hate to tell you this, but two of you already know that I was back.

Michael: Who?!?

Kain: Daria and Quinn were in a legal bind when they were summoned to Family Court, I acted as their legal representative. Helen wasn't really a challenge.

Mara: I would assume not.

Kain: Afterwards, we hung out at the Pizzahouse. There, we were paid a visit by our FBI friend Winston.

Michael: Aw geeze.

Kain: For some reason, he no longer wants me. He wants Daria. And now that the timeline was changed again, he won't be bothering any of you anymore.

Jane: But, why the lies? Why all the secrecy?

Kain: Truth is stranger than fiction. Why bother?

(Daria stops while feeling her head, they notice.)

Mara: Hey, you ok? (Daria shakes her head)

(Daria passes out on the sidewalk)

Kain: Uh oh. I knew this would happen.

Jane: What?!

Kain: She hasn't fully recovered from her coma, and now she's back in it again.

Chris: There's no rest for the weary.

Kain: Funny, I said that once.

(Cut to: Lawndale General Hospital. Daria is currently in stable condition. But her brainwave patterns leaves a lot to be desired......... Everyone's in the waiting room.)

Jane: I knew something was going to happen.

Kain: No you didn't. It's just an excuse like you've been using just to ..... to .... I don't know. Suddenly, my mind's gone blank. But I know you've been a little selfish lately. Care to explain, Miss Artsy?

Jane: What?

Kain: Don't give me that crap, Jane! I see all and hear all that go on in this dead town, and onboard the Falcon. So don't talk to me like I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, got me?!

(Jane looks like she's about to cry.)

Kain: Aw, geeze. Not you too? Look, Daria was having problems dealing with my so-called "death", ok?

Jane: Which brings up a very delicate subject, why ARE you alive? We all saw the building explode, how did you survive?

Kain: It was a plan that didn't work out. I intended to die. That's why I made the will. By the way, Mikey, keep the Falcon. I can always make another.

Michael: Umm, thanks, I think.

Kain: I got thrown into a rift when the blast took place. The rift swallowed everyone in the room, except one.

Trent: Who?

Kain: Sally. She was almost into the rift when the explosion claimed her.

Michael: So Kraxus is still alive?

Kain: Yes, and his Demolition Triangle. And it appears he has a new inductee in his little club.

Mara: And who would this be?

Kain: It's a long story. To put it short, I've been hunting this monster for a long time. And now, she's working for a criminal mastermind, which is (Emphazizing) A VERY BAD THING. (Everyone exchanges glances at each other)

Jesse: We need a name.

Kain: Sorry, if I tell you, you'll be dragged in even deeper shit than before. I need to take care of both Kraxus and Souran myself.

Quinn: We're already deep enough as it is. We might as well just get it all over with.

Kain: I can't. Not this time.

(Kain leaves the room)

Jane: Why doesn't he open up to us?

Chris: He just can't. Ok? There's something big going down, and he doesn't want you dragged into it.

Jane: But.....

Chris: No more questions! (Chris leaves)

Jane: (hitting the wall) Dammit!!!

{Editor's note: Due to time constraints, much of the ending was cut, therefore, it will suck.}

Scene 27, Epilogue: The Lane household.

Michael zapped the three other Lane siblings back to their own homes.

Wind decided to return to the New England area to become a part of ECW.

When Kain left the room, he asked the doctor to allow Daria to recover at home. Unfortunately, Daria is no longer a Morgendorffer, so she's living with Jane and Trent. She was instructed to stay off her feet as much as possible for a few days.

Just after everyone went home, Michael and Mara announced that they were going to hold off their plans to start the guards-for-hire business that they planned for months on. They decided to see the world, and possibly the stars.

Quinn had to go home early because it was a school night. She's still trying to decide if she should take up Andrea's offer. She's also wondering if Stacy and Tiffany already decided to kick Sandi out of the Fashion Club. She also wonders if it even matters, since the world was changed again.

The Right-Handfull-Trio are currently in hiding from the FBI.

Chris and his friend's Oracle duties begin tomorrow, so the compound is now offically closed to everyone. So the little fling was nothing more than a fling.

The Ex-Quinns (Heather, Bonnie, Diane, and Sharon) decided to form their own rock band. But they had to make themselves known in a larger city (Even I don't get it, I guess it's an inside thing).

Winston failed in his task of bringing Daria to his benefactors. He dropped out of sight as well.

Kain was right about one other thing, wherever he goes, he take the battlefield with him. When he left, all the bullshit ended.

Ms. Barch is now obsessed with finding Kain. She's left town, possibly hot on his trail.

Sandi is still in critical condition. There's a double standard here. Regardless of whichever gets the title of President of the Fashion Club, it will no longer be. When Sandi comes to, there will be numerous visible scars, and she just won't look as pretty as before.

Brittany is considering a new look to go with the wig.

When Jane asked Daria what she thinks about this whole week of hell, she just had to say.........

Daria: (Sarcastic) I'm on top of the world.

Kain..............................................................Steve Borden

Daria Morgendorffer (Daria Morgan).......................Janeane Garafolo

Quinn Morgendorffer..........................................Kelly Packard

Helen Morgendorffer...........................................Florence Henderson

Jake Morgendorffer........................................... .Steve Martin

Jane Lane........................................................Leanna Creel

Trent Lane.......................................................Chris Cornell

Wind Lane.......................................................Jim Brewer

Reuben Garnet..................................................Norm MacDonald

Jesse Moreno....................................................Trent Reznor

Michael Andrews...............................................Corey Feldman

Mara Jacobs.....................................................Gina G

Sally..............................................................Leah Remimi

Bonnie (Driver).................................................Cheri O'Teri

Heather (Cook)..................................................Lori Petty

Diane (Maid)....................................................Andrea Barber

Sharon (Maid)...................................................Debbie Dunning

John "Uziman" Addler.........................................Denis Leary

Vincent "Ridin' Shotgun" Phyler.............................Jon Stewart

Tommy Marek...................................................David Shwimmer

Voice of Jackyl...................................................Jim Brewer

Chris Smith.......................................................Himself

Lorree Adkins....................................................Herself

Terry Corns.......................................................Himself

Chastie Henshall.................................................Herself

Jason Lilly.........................................................Himself

Brittany Taylor...................................................Lecy Goranson

Kevin Thompson.................................................Mike Myers

Michael Jordan Mackenzie......................................______________

Jodie Landon......................................................______________

Charles "Upchuck" Ruttheimer................................Michael Cade

Andrea.............................................................Lisa Dean Ryan

Joey.................................................................John Leguazamo

Sandi Wesker.....................................................Diana Uribe

Jeffy................................................................Leonardo DiCaprio

Tiffany.............................................................Jennie Kwan

Jamie...............................................................Pauly Shore

Stacy...............................................................Jodie Swetin

Angela Li.........................................................______________

Mr. DiMartino...................................................Jack Nicholson

Ms. Janet Barch..................................................Molly Shannon

Mr. Timothy O'Neil.............................................Michael Keaton

Mrs. Diane Bennett..............................................Sissy Spacek

Mrs. Margret Manson...........................................Cher

Mrs. Karen Oldham.............................................Herself

Beavis.............................................................Dana Carvey

Butt-Head.........................................................Adam Sandler

LAPD Chief Greg Ballzinski..................................Tony Danza

Kraxus............................................................John Frakes

Aarsen............................................................Chris Elliot

Genocide.........................................................David Spade

T.A.N.K..........................................................Patrick Stewart

DOJ Agent Winston............................................Whip Hubbley

Special Guests (As themselves):

.............................Jay Leno

.............................Joey Styles

.............................Scott "Bam Bam Bigelow" Thomas

.............................Spike Dudley

We're back to square one.

Kain is gone.

Michael and Mara are gone.

Chris and his "Henches" are official recluses.

The quintuplets are gone.

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It's just Daria, Jane, Trent, Jesse, and Reuben, all over again. But now Quinn's joined their little club.

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There's a new fork in the road.

This time you can go both ways.

Starting today, two separate Round-Robins are in play. They both take place the next day after "The End of an Era".

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RULES:

1. One chapter must last the entire day, or more than one day. But the minimum amount of time in a chapter must be one whole day. The maximum amount of days can be as long as necessary, just as long as you don't keep the other writers waiting.

2. The order of writers will be determined in a contest on Friday, April 3, at 11:00 P.M. Eastern Standard Time in IRC EFnet.

3. References to other Dariafics are encouraged. Just make sure they're not out of the ordinary, i.e.: Martians, Zombies, Giant retarded teenagers, Giant 35-story Lizards and other animals, Demons from the firey brimstone place.

4. Gay and lesbian orgies committed by existing characters are forbidden. Why? Because you and I all know that will never happen in a thousand years.

5A. One of the round-robins is the continuing exploits of Daria and company. The other will be Quinn's new life at Lawndale High, her new found self, and the confrontations between her and the reflections of her old beliefs.

5B. There's a good chance that Daria and/or Jane might want to go to College, feel free to send me your thoughts if they should go. And if they do, should they drag Mystik Spiral with them?

5C. Quinn's new found friend Andrea gave her an offer to teach Quinn how to "Maintain her new personality", it's just an extending hand of friendship. But still, should Quinn accept? And should the Fashion Club impeach Sandi so that Quinn can become the new President of the Fashion Club, to help make life a lot easier for the Lawndale High Intellectuals?

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I'll be providing some storyboards, just in case you come down with Writer's block.

All who want to participate, E-Mail me at this address.