DARIA THE EXPLORER Disclaimer: Daria belongs to Noggin, now, I guess, and Dora The Explorer belongs to Nick Junior. Please don't sue, I swear I'm not getting anything for this! Summary: It's a Daria/Dora The Explorer crossover! (Theme Song!) Tad and Trisha Gupty: (Singing) D-D-D-D-D-Daria D-D-D-D-D-Daria D-D-D-D-D-Daria D-D-D-D-D-Daria Daria Daria Daria the Explorer Daria! Daria: (Monotone) Who's already sick of this story, yeah. Jane:We need your help! Daria: (Monotone) Got the backpack. Jane and Daria: Get us out of here! Tad and Trisha: D-D-Daria D-D-Daria Jane and Daria: Q.B. no groping! Q.B. no groping! Q.B. (Alias Kevin in "Groucho" glasses) Oh man! Tad and Trisha: Daria the Explorer! (Scene One: A college dorm room, Daria is sitting on the bed, and Jane is sitting in a chair. Both looking like characters from "Sims") Daria: So, Jane, what do you want to do today? Jane: How about we get some pizza? Daria: Yeah, let's go to the Pizza King, like we always do. Jane: (Gets up and walks to the door) Yeah, let's go! Daria: Jane, do you know where the Pizza King is? Jane: Come on, Daria! We've been there a million times! Daria: That was in *Lawndale* Jane, this is Boston. Jane: Oh, yeah. (sits back down) Daria: Okay, let's stop and think. Who do we ask for help when we don't know where to go? Jane: Uh, the map? Daria: That's right. (Turns to audience) Will you help us get the map out of this backpack? You have to say "map". Jane: (Hyper) Say map! Say map! (A rolled up piece of paper with a face that looks remarkably like Mr. DeMartino hops out of Daria's backpack and starts singing) Map: If there's a PLACE you wanna GO I'm the ONE you NEED to KNOW I'm the MAP I'm the MAP I'm the MAP If there's a PLACE you wanna GET I can GET you THERE I BET I'm the MAP I'm the MAP I'm the MAP I'm the MAP I'm the MAP I'm the MAP I'm the MAP I'm the MAP (Speaks normally, well, normal for Mr. DeMartino) Map: Daria and JANE want to know HOW to get to the PIZZA KING! Well, I know HOW to get to the PIZZA KING! FIRST, Daria and JANE have to get past the "DEMENTED DORM"!! Then they have to go THROUGH the "MALL of MADNESS"!! And THAT'S how they GET to the PIZZA KING!! Now say it WITH me, you little SLACKERS!! Dorm Mall PIZZA KING!! Dorm Mall PIZZA KING!! Dorm Mall PIZZA KING!! Dorm Mall PIZZA KING!! Dorm Mall PIZZA KING!! Dorm Mall PIZZA KING!! (the map jumps back into Daria's backpack. Scene shifts back to our heroines.) Daria: Can you tell us how to get to the Pizza King? Jane: Daria, Mr. DeMartino just told us six times. Daria: We're not supposed to hear that part, Lane. Jane: Oh, yeah... Daria: Well, anyway, you've ruined the moment. Let's get going. Daria and Jane: (Marching and singing and marching and singing and marching and singing) Dorm Mall PIZZA KING! Dorm Mall PIZZA KING! Dorm Mall PIZZA KING! Dorm Mall PIZZA KING! Dorm Mall PIZZA KING! Dorm Mall PIZZA KING! Jane: (singing) Come on, vaminos. Daria: (Singing) Everybody let's go. Jane: (Singing) Come o let's get to it. Daria: (singing) I know that we can do it! Jane:Where are we going? Daria: Pizza King! Jane: Where are we going? Daria: Pizza King! Jane: Where are we going? Daria: Pizza King! Jane: Where are we going? Daria: Pizza King! Jane: Where are we going? Daria: Pizza King! Jane: Where are... ? Daria: (Interrupting) Enough, Lane! We're here. Jane: We are? (Looks around and sees a three story building about a hundred yards away with frat boys hanging ot the windows, waving bras and panties and yelling incoherently) Oh yeah, that. Daria: Yes, the dreaded "Demented Dorm." Jane: Ready? Daria: I'm not sure. How do we get past all those college "men"? Jane: We'll just have to use our *secret weapon*. Daria: Oh God, not *that*! Jane: Oh, don't be such a *baby*, Daria! All we're going to do is hold hands and skip past the dorm! Daria: I *hate* skipping! It reminds me of the happy , loving childhood I never wanted to have! Jane: Come on, Daria. Nose up. Chin up. Let's go. Daria: I hate you. (They hold hands and skip past the "Demented Dorm." Once they're past, a miniature "Mystic Spiral" comes onscreen and plays the opening riff of "Icebox Woman". ) Daria: Okay, we got past the "Demented Dorm", so now we go through... Jane: The "Mall of Madness"! Daria: That's *right* Jane. Hey, kids, do you see the "Mall of Madness"? Jane: I... Daria: SSHH!! Jane: But... Daria: SSHH!! Jane: You... Daria: SSHH!! Jane: But... Daria: SSHH!! Jane: We... Daria: SSHH!! Jane: But... Daria: Knock knock Jane: Who's there? Daria: SSHH!! Jane: ... Daria: SSHH!! Jane: ... Daria: That was a preemptive "SSHH!!' Just so you know, I've got a whole bag of "SSHH!!" with your name on it. Jane: ... Daria: Right. Now can any of you *kids* help us find the "Mall of Madness"? (An arrow icon flies across the screen and clicks on the only building in their path.) Jane: Yeah, there it is! Daria: Great. Let's go. Daria and Jane: (Once again marching and singing and marching and singing and marching and singing and marching and singing and marching and singing and marching and singing.) Dorm Mall Pizza King! Dorm Mall Pizza King! Dorm Mall Pizza King! Dorm Mall Pizza King! Dorm Mall Pizza King! Jane: (Singing) Come on vaminos. Daria: (Singing) Everybody let's go. Jane: (Singing) Come on let's get to it. Daria: (singing) I know that we can do it! Jane: Where are we going? Daria: Pizza King! Jane: Where are we going? Daria: Pizza King! Jane: Where are we going? Daria: Pizza King! Jane :Where are we going? Daria: Pizza King! Jane: Where ...? Daria: Okay, Jane, we get it! Jane: Spoilsport. (Just then, "Q.B. the Jerk", aka Kevin Thompson in "Groucho" glasses peeks out from behind a nearby bush.) Daria: (To audience) What's that? You see "Q.B."? Where? (Arrow icon flies in and clicks on Kevin.) Jane: Yeah, there he is! Daria: We have to get rid of him! Will you help us? Great! You have to say ... Jane: Screw this. (Walks around behind the aformentioned bush.) Daria: Uh, Jane? What are you doing? (CRUNCH!!) Q.B.: My knee!! Oooowww!!! Daria: What did you do *that* for? Jane: I'm hungry, and I'm in no mood to deal with the "Q.B." on top of everything else. Daria: Good enough. Now all we have to do is get through the "Mall of Madness" and we'll be at the Pizza King. Any ideas? Jane: Just one. (Whips out a pair of shades.) We'll drive through. Daria: (Putting on her own shades) Right. (Pull back, and we can see that Daria and Jane are dressed like the Blues Brothers. They both get into an old police car that just happens to be handy.) Jane: Let's roll. (revs engine, then peels out toward the mall. They crash through the glass doors, weave around fountians and crash through various freestanding vendors, including the infamous "It's A Nutty Nutty Nutty World" booth and generally wreaking havoc with the customers at the Mall.) Daria: Nice going, Jane. How'd you know I wanted peanut butter with my pizza? Jane: Lucky guess. Now hold on, we're taking a shortcut! (Car spins around, then accellerates towards Cashman's. They crash through the glass storefront then charge through the store, crashing through makeup counters and clothing racks, sending foundation and nail polish and lipstick spraying everywhere and shredding the latest fashions under their tires and terrorizing the fashionable elite. They crash out through the outer glass doors of Cashman's , zip through the parking lot, and skid to a screeching halt in front of Pizza King.) Daria: (Breathless) Is it over? Jane: Yep, we're here. You know what this means? Daria: We finally get to eat our pizza? Jane: Well, yes. But first, we've gotta do the dance! ( Starts dancing) We did it! We did it! We did it! We did it! We did ... (Stops) Daria! Come on! Dance! Daria: What for? Don't you think we've done *enough* singing and dancing for our dinner? Jane: Yeah, I guess you're right. Daria: All right then. Well, that's it, kids. Thanks for all your help. Jane: What help? Daria: Don't worry bout it, Jane. Let's just go in and get some pizza. Jane: Cool. Let's go. (they walk into Pizza King. Fade out, the end.)