Disclaimer: Daria and associated characters are owned by MTV. Dr. Who and associated characters are owned by the BBC. Stargate SG-1 and associated characters are owned by MGM. This is fan fiction written for entertainment only. No money or other negotiable currency or goods have been exchanged. Legion of Lawndale Heroes created by James Bowman. This story begins about 1 hour after Brother Grimace's LLH 'Mini': Falling Into Unexpected Circumstances and sometime between the Dr. Who episodes, A Good Man Goes to War. and Let's Kill Hitler

Richard Lobinske

Legion of Lawndale Heroes 'Mini': Timely Circumstances

USAES Cadet Fourth Class Michael Fulton buckled a strap on the cuirass of his replica Roman armor and said, "You know, it was handling a piece of real Etruscan armor that led to me being chosen to go to Stargate Command for my internship."

The cowl down on her Grim Reaper costume and mask lying on the bed beside her, Leader Daria Morgendorffer watched him while pulling on her boots. "What could you have seen in the past to get their attention?"


"You saw a planet in the sky?"

"No, I saw the Goa'uld System Lord."

"The alien parasites that pretended to be gods?"

"All myths have a source. Anyway, that led to the SGC's interest since my contact omniscience can gather a lot of information from items. Even alien artifacts. I spent part of last summer training with them."

Daria shook her head. "Yeah, we live in interesting times. I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that briefing on the SGC we had when we visited 'the Axe'."

Michael leaned over and kissed her cheek. "Some of the interesting is good."

Daria stood and returned the kiss. "I can't argue with that."

Michael checked the clock on Daria's nightstand. "Yeah, we should to get back to the party before we miss all the good blackmail material."

Unconsciously, Daria grasped his hand as they walked toward the door to her quarters in the Legion Tower.

Michael opened the door, and looked up and down the hall before saying, "I wonder what your cats are up to."

"I'm sure that they're keeping themselves entertained. They're very good at it."

A rhythmic, rasping sound drew their attention, then the slow appearance of a blue shape a short distance away.

A few seconds later, a decades-old style London police box was setting in the middle of the corridor.

Michael asked, "Is that normal around here?"

Daria said, "No. And I'm really worried that something just teleported into the Tower without any alarms going off."

"Wait a minute. We had a briefing on this thing."

"Would you care to enlighten me?"

"Basically, we were instructed to treat the operator as a friendly and to provide whatever assistance was requested."

"That's pretty vague. Anything else?"

"Don't make him mad."

A young-looking man wearing a conspicuous bow tie and suspenders stepped out of the police box and stopped, puzzled. "I told River to take you two home," he impatiently said.

Daria and Michael stared back without response.

"Amy, when did you get glasses? Wait, wait, you're not Amy Pond and you're not Rory Williams!"

Daria said, "No, we're not. I'm Legion Leader Daria Morgendorffer and this is USAES Cadet Michael Fulton. You are currently on the twenty-fourth floor of Legion Tower."

"Oh, oh, dear. I seem to have arrived in a completely wrong universe. I'm the Doctor. Do you mind if I ask you a question, young man?"

Michael replied, "I guess not."

The Doctor said, "What is it with gingers going after guys wearing Roman armor?"

"Roman is cool."

The Doctor smiled and said, "I like you already."

Examining the police box, Daria said, "Let me guess. Your vehicle has some kind of camouflage device that's malfunctioning."


"A forty-something year old English police box? Not very well camouflaged."

"Oh, it's been like that for a little while. Been meaning to fix the chameleon circuit, but never got around to it."

"You might want to work on it some time."

The Doctor said, "Could you hold still for a moment?"

"I guess," Daria said.

The Doctor retrieved a small rod-like item from his pocket and started to move it up and down in front of Daria. "Curious."

"Curious? What's so curious? Daria said.

"Have you recently time traveled?"

"Have I what?"

"Time travel. You know, going to the past or the future."

"No, not lately."


Michael said, "Why are you asking?"

The Doctor said, "Oh. There's residual artron energy on this young lady. Not really just on, but all through this young lady. Not something you see every day. Well, not something you see among humans."

While the Doctor and Daria were talking, Michael nonchalantly rested his hand on the side of the police box. "Oh, my," he said, jerking his hand back.

The Doctor turned. He scanned Michael with his small device, and then Daria again. "Wait a minute. You're not humans. You're metahumans. Homo sapiens alternata.

Daria said, "Is that a problem?"

"No," the Doctor said. "But I suspect your friend got a bit of a surprise."


He said, "The – TARDIS – mentally slapped me and said, 'How rude.'"

"The what?" Daria said.

"It is a self-aware time-space vehicle," Michael said.

"You know," The Doctor said, "I really want to continue this conversation, but I have somewhere I really need to go. Do you mind coming along with me while we talk? I promise to get you back here the second after we leave."

Daria said, "Strangely enough, I trust you. Okay. Michael?"

"Why not?"

"Come with me!" The Doctor said, opening the TARDIS door.

"It is bigger on the inside," Michael said as he approached the TARDIS console.

Daria had stopped, looking around the room.

The Doctor was already busy at the mixture of modern and antique-looking controls. "Places to go, people to see."

"Hello?" Daria said. "No…yes…nice to meet you, too."

The Doctor said, "You're a telepath. Who were you talking to?"

"The TARDIS. She confused me with somebody else for a moment there."

The Doctor stopped with one hand over a control. "She talked to you?"

"Not in words, but I understood her. Who is River?"

Going back to his task, the Doctor said, "River Song. Archeologist. A person you seem to be linked to."

"This River would have to be some kind of powerful telepath for me not to even sense a link."

"It's not that kind of link. Well, it kind of is, but not the way you think." The Doctor pressed a lever and the same, rhythmic sound that heralded the arrival of the TARDIS filled the room.

Michael said, "So, where are we going?"

"To an orphanage to hopefully rescue a little girl."

"'Hopefully' doesn't sound very optimistic," Daria said.

"I have good reason to believe that I'm not going to succeed, but I promised some very good friends I would do everything I could to rescue their child."

"What does this rescue mission have to do with the River person?" Daria said.

The Doctor said, "It's complicated."

"We appear to have time."

"River is that little girl and you have a link. I might, just might, be able to follow that link to rescue her."

"Why do you think that I have a link to this River person?"

"The residual artron energy I detected on you. It has the same resonance frequency as I've detected on her."

"Oh. Wait," Daria said, "What is this artron energy?"

"It is what powers the TARDIS and links living beings with the flow of time," the Doctor said.

"That doesn't really tell us much," Michael said.

"To really understand it, you'd need to take the basic course at the Time Lord Academy and since it no longer exists, you're going to have to trust me."

Some time later, the console room quieted and the Doctor said, "We're here."

"At the orphanage?" Michael asked.

The Doctor said, "Yes. We have to work quickly, because I'm going to arrive again in less than hour. Meeting yourself in time is not a good thing, so we need to be out of here before then. Let's go."

Michael and Daria followed the Doctor as he hurried out of the door. As soon as she stepped out, Daria stopped. "What the hell is this?"

"I know it's a dreadful orphanage," the Doctor said. "But this is where we need to rescue…"

"This is straight out of one of my stories."

"What was that?" the Doctor said.

"I write fiction – when I have the time. This place is exactly as I pictured the orphanage where my character Melody Powers lived and escaped from."

"Would you repeat that, please?"

"This place is exactly as I pictured the orphanage where my character Melody Powers lived and escaped from."

"Melody Powers. Melody Pond. Oh, yes. You have a connection."

"Who is Melody Pond?" Daria asked.

The Doctor said, "River Song. It was her birth name."

"In my story, Melody was trained to be a killer. An assassin for one, special target."

The Doctor nodded his head. "Did she escape?"


The Doctor turned and headed back to the TARDIS. "We can't do anything here and I need to see some of your stories."

Daria said, "What about…"

"This has become a fixed point in time. We can't save her because River will always escape on her own. Now, come along."

Daria and Michael looked at each other. He shrugged and they followed the Doctor back into the TARDIS as she said, "I can never write this up. Nobody would believe it."

"Originally, the character was a kind of an over-the-top superspy. Something like a female James Bond done by Sam Peckinpah," Daria explained. "But not long after I started to develop my telepathy, I started getting all these new ideas about the character. I could visualize everything so well. It was like I was living it."

"In a way, you were," the Doctor said. "Or you were remembering it as River remembered it."

"So, Melody became this interstellar archeologist adventurer."

"Archeologist?" Michael said. "I'm starting to like this."

"And she often teamed up with…" Daria turned at stared at the Doctor. "You. You're her…"

"Shh. I shouldn't hear anything about my own future. It makes a horrible mess of things."

"You already know this guy?" Michael said.

"I just put everything together," Daria said. "And I am going to go sit down now. Over there. Alone."

Daria walked to the far side of the room and sat against the wall.

Michael said, "Is she okay?"

"I think you call it, 'Too much information,'" the Doctor said.


"So, how long have you known Miss Morgendorffer?"

"A few hours. Well, we first met a couple of months ago, but we really didn't get to know each other until, um…"

"I see." The Doctor looked at the young man. "It's the Roman."

"I guess," Michael said with a smile.

When Daria returned, she said, "I'm going to block certain things out of my mind and not think of them. Ever. Now, what are we going to do?"

The Doctor said, "Figure out why you have this link with River Song."

"Sure, no problem," Daria said. "Do you have any idea of where to start?"

"As a matter of fact, yes I do.

They stepped out into a curved corridor lit by harsh, greenish lights. Michael said, "Where are we?"

The Doctor said, "Stormcage Containment Facility."

"Some kind of prison?" Daria said.

"Yes. It was built to house only the most dangerous of prisoners."

"Why, thank you, sweetie," a woman's voice said from within one of the cells. The door opened and she stepped out, showing a pleased smile.

The Doctor said, "Daria, Michael, I would like you to meet River Song. River, this is Daria and this is Michael."

Daria stared, open mouthed, at River.

River said, "Is there something wrong? Do have some spinach stuck in my teeth?"

"Melody?" Daria said.

"Nobody has called me that in a long, long time."

The Doctor said, "River, somehow, you've been transmitting your memories to this young lady and she's a little unsettled by it."

River said, "Daria?"

"You recognized the name?" Michael said.

"Yes. And, the alarms are going to go off in about eight seconds, so I suggest that we continue this conversation in the TARDIS."

Making herding motions, the Doctor said, "You heard River. Inside."

Just as the TARDIS began to fade, the alarm bells rang and guards came running down the corridor. One of them stopped at River's cell and said, "Again."

"When are you going to learn to drive this thing?" River said as the Doctor busily worked around the TARDIS consol.

"I am driving it," he replied.

"Okay. When are you going to start driving it well?"

"Everyone's a critic," the Doctor said. "Now, what do you know about Daria?

River turned to Daria, "I thought that she was a dream, but now I know that she's been my little mental lifeline."

"Lifeline?" Daria said.

"When I was in the orphanage, the Silence used a device to try to scan my memories. Trying to avoid the scan, my mind reached out and somehow, I began to dream about a girl named Daria. By the way, is there any particular reason that you're dressed up like that?"

"Halloween party," Daria said. "Back to our little connection. How did that happen?"

"I don't know. I've never been able to get my hands on the device to know how it worked." River smiled at the Doctor. "Now, it looks like it's time to find it and take it apart."

"I'll have to be careful," the Doctor said. "I've already been the orphanage twice."

"Third time is a charm, sweetie," River said. "Now Daria, are you really a telepathic superhero?"


"When my dreams come alive, I get the good ones."

"You were really a child here?" Daria asked as they walked down a corridor of the abandoned orphanage.

"Yes, I was and it wasn't a lot of fun. The Silence had – plans for me."

Michael said, "Aren't there any guards or caretakers here?"

"Of course there are," River said.

"What can we expect?"

River halted. "I don't remember. That's odd."

"What do they look like?"

"I also don't remember."

Michael stopped at a door and touched the doorknob. After concentrating on the object, he could sense and mentally see the knob's past, including a frightened little girl and then a humanoid form with a strangely wrinkled, gray face. "Whoa, what the hell is that?" He said, letting go.

"What was what?" Daria said.

"I – huh?"

"You just jumped back after seeing something through your contact omniscience."

"I don't remember."

"Touch it again," Daria suggested.

When Michael did, he said, "How could I forget that?"

Daria made a telepathic surface contact to see what he was visually. "Yeah, what is that?" Sending out two more telepathic links, she sent the image to River and the Doctor.

He said, "The Silent. As soon as you no longer see them, you don't remember them."

"So we have to keep that image in our minds?" Daria said.

"If we want to remember them," the Doctor said.

"Then, I have an idea. We just need to remove the doorknob and let me carry it. I should be able to get the same image from my touch psychometry ability. Then, I can transmit the image to everyone telepathically."

River placed the muzzle of a pistol against its base. "I can handle that."

River carefully opened the door and moved her head in to look around. "This is the room. I don't see anyone."

Holding firmly to the functional sword from his costume, Michael said, "No Silents?"

"I don't see any," River replied. "Daria, does your telepathy detect anything?"

"Nothing," Daria said, reaching out with part of her mind while using the rest of her concentration to keep the image of the Silent firmly in everyone's mind.

The Doctor opened the door the rest of the way and stepped past River. "I'll look for the memory scanner. River, keep guard. Michael, help me and Daria, hold on to those thoughts."

River stood in the door and watched the corridor, letting Daria and Michael step into the laboratory.

While the Doctor searched, Daria said, "There seems to be something about this building that is dampening my telepathy."

She moved back and forth to bring a wall section between her and River. "The walls have some kind of telepathic insulation. It's not complete, but it seriously reduces my abilities."

"That means you won't be able to give us as much warning," River said. "But any will be good."

After several minutes, River said, "Any luck?"

Head buried in a cabinet, the Doctor said, "Not yet."

"I'm getting nervous."

Daria said, "You have a good reason. I just detected a group of minds coming this way. Ten – fifteen – twenty – twenty-two. They are not amused."

"Which direction?" River said.

"Your left."

River braced her pistol and said, "Come to momma."

A split-second after River's first shot, a blue flash of electricity filled the hall outside. While continuing to fire, she said, "They really are not happy. Oh yeah, I just escaped and they just found out that you put that subliminal message into the moon landing recording directing everyone to kill them on sight. That, and I just killed a whole bunch of them myself. I think these are the relief party."

More electricity flashed outside. Daria said, "Do you need some help?"

"It won't hurt," River said. "Is there anything you can do?"

Daria's eyes were glowing blue as she stepped up next to River. As she looked down the hall, a blast of psychic energy flashed from her forehead and detonated among the remaining Silents.

Michael said, "Found it!" He staggered back as the full realization of the device and its use flooded into his mind. "Holy crap!"

River watched the Silents fall from Daria's attack and said, "Good, I think this would be a great time to run back to the TARDIS.

The Doctor said, "Yes, run. Run very, very fast."

Rounding a corner, the Doctor skidded to a stop when he saw the group of Silents standing guard around the TARDIS. "Not good," he said.

Michael ran past with the memory device in his hands. "I've got this," he said. A white flash enveloped the Silents. Each paused momentarily in confusion before beginning to wander away in different directions.

"What did you do?" Daria said as they ran past the aliens.

"I made them forget who are and why they were there," Michael replied.

"Ooh, turning their trick back on them," River said. "I like that. Daria, you might want to keep this one."

The Doctor unlocked the TARDIS door. "Everybody inside!"

River ran past the Doctor to the console and began immediately preparing for their exit. As soon as the Doctor closed the door behind Daria and Michael, she said, "And, we're off!"

"Off where?" the Doctor said, running to the console.

"I assume that you want to take these two back home."

"Once we clear up this whole you connected to Daria thing."

"I can do that," Michael said. "Like I told you, I'm a contact omniscient. I completely understand how this thing works."

The Doctor turned, "You do?"

"It's a quantum-state brainwave transceiver and recorder. It can read, record, transfer or delete memories," Michael said. "Almost treating them like computer files."

"Let me see that," the Doctor and River said at the same time.

"Who's first?"

"We'll look at it together," River said. "Right, sweetie?"

Daria closed her eyes and shook her head for a moment. River said, "Are you all right."

"My mother used to call me sweetie. With your memories in my head – it gets a little bit disturbing."

"We're going to try to fix that as soon as we can," the Doctor said. "Now Michael, tell us everything that you've already learned."

The Doctor said, "Daria, I have good news. By chance, your telepathic resonance frequency matched the quantum frequency of the memory device. So, breaking the link between you and River is a fairly simple affair."

River said, "All he has to do is break the memory device."

"Disable," the Doctor said.

"Okay, you disable things and I break them."

"And you do that so well, but since there might be some feedback, Michael or I will have to disable the device."

"What happens to the memories of River that I already have?" Daria said.

"We'll still remember what we have already seen of each other's lives," River said. "And I can appreciate them. However, we won't see any more. We'll have to keep in touch the old-fashioned way."

The Doctor activated his sonic screwdriver and held it over the memory device. "This should only take a few seconds."

Sparks erupted from the memory device, causing Daria and River to step back, reaching for their foreheads.

"Are you all right?" Michael asked Daria.

She nodded. "I'm okay. Breaking the link was a shock, that's all."

River also nodded. "I'm going to miss seeing a world through your eyes."

"I’m going to miss seeing things through yours," Daria said.

The Doctor clapped his hands and looked at a chronometer. "Well, now that we've settled all that, we can take you two home, which is only a couple of minutes away."

The doctor watched a panel on the TARDIS console. "Okay, kids, we're almost…okay, that's odd."

"Odd?" Daria said. "I don't like the sounds of that."

"Well, your universe seems a little – off."

"What kind of, 'off' are we talking about?" Michael said.

"It's more permeable to certain kinds of extra-dimensional energies of the kind nontechnological cultures call magic. It could cause problems."

Daria said, "Back home, damn near everything causes problems, but I'll try to keep this in mind."

The TARDIS settled and fell silent. "You're home and," after a check of the chronometer and a moment of surprise, "only a second after you left."

River said, "I told you I can drive."

The Doctor gave her a glance and then turned back to the others. "I still have a lot to take care of and something tells me that this time, the building alarms will sound if I stay around too long. "Good bye, it has been a pleasure meeting you."

Michael said, "It's been a most interesting experience."

"Thanks, Doctor. Will we see you again?"

"You may or may not. You never know what the future might hold. Now, move along."

River said, "Bye, kids. Daria, I won't forget you."

Daria said, "I don't think I'll ever forget you."

The Doctor scooted Daria and Michael out of the TARDIS and closed the door.

After watching the TARDIS leave, Daria and Michael held hands and resumed their trip back to the Halloween party. Michael said, "Do things like that happen all the time around here?"

Daria said, "No, that's the first time I've been picked up at my door and taken to another universe."


"But we do have other weird things happen and that's not the first alternate universe I've visited. That reminds me, I really need to upgrade our internal sensors.

Michael smiled. "I'm sure it's a good bet that nobody else has had as much of an adventure tonight."

Looking around, Daria said, "Around this place, I'm not so sure."

Thanks to Brother Grimace for beta reading. October 2011