Short summary:


A “Behind-the-set-humour” type of story.


Daria (and associated characters and locations) is copyright © 1997-2000 MTV Networks.


This story is copyright © 2002 by Bacner ( and has been written for personal enjoyment. No infringement of the above rights is intended.


Behind the set (an almost real story)


Scene 1.


Behind the usual “Daria”-shooting set (use your imagination), Jane Lane is spending her time painting something that looks like a multicoloured pyramid.

Daria Morgendorffer comes in.


Daria: Hey Jane, it’s soon time to be aired, and what are you doing?

Jane: Oh, just improving the props for our next flick, because the old ones can’t no longer do at all.

Daria: Need my help?

Jane: Nah, I'm almost finished.


Daria and Jane look at Jane’s painting. It is almost complete, but there are some blanks (uncoloured spaces, that is).


Jane: I'm going to colour them red.

Daria: No, yellow.

Jane: Daria, yellow-tinted props won’t aide the growth of ratings of our show, I’m going to colour the spaces red.

Daria: Jane, you’re no professional artist yet, with an overabundance of red the painting will look too much like your coat.

Jane: And with yellow – like your t-shirt, who do you think you are – Picasso?

Daria: Just look at the newest show woman, the warrior for the ratings – Jane Payne Lane. Quinn always told me, that you may be a closet daltonian. It’s surprising, how MTV has hired you.

Jane: Your sister is an empty-headed, superficial, personality-lite persona, and you’re only a little bit better than her. Why, in many popular American shows, red is preferred over yellow.

Daria: You keep my sister out of it; I’m not saying anything about your kith and kin, you final product of slacker-slash-homo evolution!

Jane: Some pretentious idiot is insulting the veteran of the TV, where’s the security? And besides, your career in this show… will soon be over. I'm dreaming to see how you’ll star in various eye-prescriptions commercials… as a “before”-girl.

Daria: If somebody will shake your wardrobe up and out, that somebody may assemble suits blatant enough to benefit five, no, six, hookers. And if all of your art supplies were to be sent back to their manufacturers, at least three art supplies stores can be opened.

Jane: Now I’m going to colour your phiz so badly, it’ll look like a badly roasted beef-steak.


Jane charges Daria.


Daria: I don’t think so.


Daria grasps a guitar – similar to the one that Trent uses – or just keeps near his person – and slams it onto Jane’s head. Jane grasps Daria, stuffs her into a nearby piano, and slams the lid.


A member of the staff: Show time girls!


Scene 2.


After the airing of the episode, Jane with a fat lip and Daria with a blue eye are standing at the still-unfinished prop.


Daria: You know Jane, I've cleared my head and decided that the colour red will befit it the best.

Jane: And I've thought about it and decided that colour yellow will be the best.

Daria: So it’s settled, we use the colour red.

Jane: No, yellow’s better.

Daria: No, red.

Jane: Why you blind bat! (Swings a crutch at Daria)


Sounds of a fight are overlaid by the music of the show’s credits rolling.