Short summary:
A “Behind-the-set-humour” type of story.
Daria (and
associated characters and locations) is copyright © 1997-2000 MTV Networks.
This story is copyright © 2002 by Bacner (olgak531@rogers.com) and has been written for personal enjoyment. No infringement of the above rights is intended.
Scene 1.
Behind the usual
“Daria”-shooting set (use your imagination), Jane Lane is spending her time
painting something that looks like a multicoloured pyramid.
Daria Morgendorffer comes in.
Daria: Hey Jane, it’s soon
time to be aired, and what are you doing?
Jane: Oh, just improving the
props for our next flick, because the old ones can’t no longer do at all.
Daria: Need my help?
Jane: Nah, I'm almost
finished.
Daria and Jane look at Jane’s
painting. It is almost complete, but there are some blanks
(uncoloured spaces, that is).
Jane: I'm going to colour
them red.
Daria: No, yellow.
Jane: Daria, yellow-tinted
props won’t aide the growth of ratings of our show, I’m going to colour the
spaces red.
Daria: Jane, you’re no
professional artist yet, with an overabundance of red the painting will look
too much like your coat.
Jane: And with yellow – like
your t-shirt, who do you think you are – Picasso?
Daria: Just look at the
newest show woman, the warrior for the ratings – Jane Payne Lane. Quinn
always told me, that you may be a closet daltonian. It’s surprising, how MTV
has hired you.
Jane: Your sister is an
empty-headed, superficial, personality-lite persona, and you’re only a little
bit better than her. Why, in many popular American shows, red is preferred over
yellow.
Daria: You keep my sister out
of it; I’m not saying anything about your kith and kin, you final
product of slacker-slash-homo evolution!
Jane: Some pretentious idiot
is insulting the veteran of the TV, where’s the security? And besides, your
career in this show… will soon be over. I'm dreaming to see how you’ll star in
various eye-prescriptions commercials… as a “before”-girl.
Daria: If somebody will shake
your wardrobe up and out, that somebody may assemble suits blatant enough to
benefit five, no, six, hookers. And if all of your art supplies were to be sent
back to their manufacturers, at least three art supplies stores can be opened.
Jane: Now I’m going to colour
your phiz so badly, it’ll look like a badly roasted beef-steak.
Jane charges Daria.
Daria: I don’t think so.
Daria grasps a guitar –
similar to the one that Trent uses – or just keeps near his person – and slams
it onto Jane’s head. Jane grasps Daria, stuffs her into a nearby piano, and slams
the lid.
A member of the staff: Show
time girls!
Scene 2.
After the airing of the
episode, Jane with a fat lip and Daria with a blue eye are standing at the
still-unfinished prop.
Daria: You know Jane, I've
cleared my head and decided that the colour red will befit it the best.
Jane: And I've thought about
it and decided that colour yellow will be the best.
Daria: So it’s settled, we
use the colour red.
Jane: No, yellow’s better.
Daria: No, red.
Jane: Why you blind bat!
(Swings a crutch at Daria)
Sounds of a fight are
overlaid by the music of the show’s credits rolling.
End.