Tiffany in Futureland
©2004 The Angst Guy (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Daria and associated characters are ©2004 MTV Networks
Feedback (good, bad, indifferent, just want to bother me, whatever) is appreciated. Please write to: email@example.com
Synopsis: A sad ficlet with a happy ending. Tiffany Blum-Deckler stars in this topical political/sci-fi tidbit written in early November 2004, before the elections.
Author’s Notes: The idea for this story came up in a conversation on PPMB about the future of the Fashion Club members.
Acknowledgements: My thanks to the Republican Party for producing such great and amusing characters as those in this tale.
Poor Tiffany Schwarzenegger did not know which was worse: being the third wife in the trophy harem of the Greater California Governor-for-Life, or the on-call Personal Relaxation Facilitator for the Governor’s allies. President Giuliani wasn’t too bad, and the revised Greater California marriage code had allowed her to become the President’s fourth (non-harem) wife, too, but sessions with Attorney General Limbaugh made it hard not to think of sitting astride a gasoline tanker. Thank Karma for her yoga lessons. And now that weird science-fiction writer/historian, Gingrich, wanted to see her again, and that meant dressing up in that awful tasteless Star Trek uniform. The twenty-first century was the pits.
As she lay on her polywater bed and bemoaned her fate, her cell phone rang. It was her private cell phone, the special pink one designed by MicroSoft-Toshiba-Sony-IBM to have only one button so she wouldn’t get confused when she made or took a call. She pushed the button and raised the phone to her ear. “Yes?”
“Call for you, Your Highness Madame Third Lady of Greater California and the Pacific,” said the operator. Her voice lowered to a whisper. “It’s from New York.”
Tiffany’s spirits immediately lifted. “Thank Karma, I’ll take it!” she said, her mind filling with cheerful plans. She knew just what would perk her up now—a trip to Manhattan to the United Nations. Secretary General Clinton knew how to treat a lady.
Original: 11/05/04, revised 11/21/04