Living in a Box.

Ruthless Bunny

I freely admit I'm not the average Daria fan. For one thing, I'm at the fringe of the right side of the demographic bell-curve in age, at 38. I have a good job, extensive formal education, and friends. Friends? That's an oddity? For a Daria fan, apparently.

This is one of those issues that recently came to prominence since the airing of Boxing Daria. Suddenly the boards are alight with people sharing their childhood traumas about being smart kids. Boy, there sure were a lot of us. Most people relate poignant stories of being outcast, not having anyone to talk to, and taking refuge in reading. Aw.

So in the "community" we're all a bunch of traumatized kids, comforting each other, and reveling in our superior intelligence. Aren't we special. Um, no, not particularly.

If you think about it, the average IQ is 100. That's the mean (for those who have studied statistics.) So if the average IQ is 100, HALF of the people roaming the Earth, have a higher than average IQ. Now, again, to employ a statistical reference, the median is also 100, most people cluster around that 100 mark. So if you've got 20 or so points above that, yeah, sometimes you get the impression that not everyone is all that swift. Get thirty more points, and you can start referring to people as dumb as a box of rocks. Get forty more points, you can be insufferable. Which I think is where most of the fan base is.

The other thing we hear, and this ties into the insufferable part, is that most Daria fans had a lonely childhood. The other kids just didn't interest them, gosh, they were so much less intelligent, and books were much better company, and why SHOULD I make the effort?

Since the fans identify so much with Daria, it shocks and horrifies them to think that she might have had a wake up call, that she finally understands that no man is an island. "But wait! I built my whole life on the idea that I can be an island!" Oh, and they have. There are people who only log off their computers to watch Daria. Even then, they don't really log off, they are just AFK. (Away From Chat, for those of you with lives.) They meet each other in cyberspace. They get "involved" romantically, sort of. When the rubber meets the road, they don't click. There is no true relationship. It's the same fantasy one finds in books. For most of them, that's the only way they know how to do it. They've never done it IRL (In Real Life.)

Now, not everyone is a social creature. I accept that. But what I do have a problem with is lonely people, complaining about being lonely, because friends don't come to them. There have been anecdotal examples of people whinging about how they can't get a good job, they have a crappy apartment and that they never have anywhere to go on a Saturday night. Well, that's the side effect of being insufferable.

Here's a news flash for you. You weren't thumped as a kid for being smart; you were thumped for being a smart-ass. Do you think that perhaps the kids weren't jealous of your intellectual gifts, but that they were annoyed with your snobby attitudes towards their average intelligence? Isn't it interesting that no one whales on those with other gifts? Those with lovely singing voices, dramatic flair and artistic talent aren't singled out and shoved in lockers. Why? Could it be because they don't take every opportunity to rub everyone else's face in their genius?

Here's another blow to your already brutalized egos. I was a smart, popular kid. When the pissing and moaning gets too much for me, I bring this up. And, HOO-BOY, does it get a reaction. I sold out. I compromised. I'm too driven by my need for social contact. Yes. But it doesn't make me weak.

If you were a happy or contented loner, then you wouldn't care about how I live my life. You wouldn't be jealous. But the mere fact that I have something, something that you want, something you haven't figured out how to get, I must have done something contrary to my intelligence in order to have that happen. Not really. Who says great intelligence precludes friendships and relationships with all sorts of people? Very, very few people are truly a waste of skin. I have a lovely group of friends. A group so large that most of them feel that I neglect them. Here's another scary fact for you. They are nice, fun people. I genuinely enjoy their company.

Be honest with yourself, if you had the opportunity to sit with a group of people. People laughing and having a good time. Would you WANT to be included? Pretend for a minute that your complete lack of social skills wouldn't make them look at you like you had two heads when you bring up the size of your hard drive. Are you willing to make the move? I'm not even asking you to make the first move, would you take your tray and go over there? Would you keep your mouth shut long enough to learn something about them? Can you see their value?

If you say "no, that doesn't appeal to me." Then fine, you probably aren't complaining anyway. If you say yes, even in some long forgotten, sliver of a corner in your soul, then you are now ready to confront your real problem. Just as Daria did. You aren't unpopular because of them, you choose to be unpopular. It's easier to accept that there's nothing wrong with you; that it's society that is at fault. After all, if it really is your problem, then it is up to you to make a change. I think that accepting that, and taking action on it is empowering. It will change you from a whining victim into a functioning adult.

If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got. (Aren't twelve-step programs great?) I think the reason that some people are so desperate to grasp onto the Daria "community" is that they have no other form of social contact in their lives. The Daria "community" is non-threatening, they make no demands. Aside from the occasional "Daria Con" somewhere, there is no chance that you'll ever have to actually interact with people. They can be cyber-friends, cyber-lovers and someday soon you can exchange your heart for an expansion card.

I think that the contempt that most posters on the message boards show for "outsiders" is a defense mechanism. If I repel them, then they can't reject me. Sound familiar? Isn't that what Quinn says that Daria does? Is there truth in that? Do you find that your social interaction is limited to work and the Linux Users Group? Is this what you want for yourself?

I don't know about you, I do know about me. I'm not an emotional cripple (well, no more than any other human on the planet.) At the end of the day, when I'm lying in bed all a-tingle over some new person that I've met, it's not because I'm yet again involved in some little on-line flirtation. It's because I've met someone really cool, someone I could add to my collection (borrowing from Elvis Costello,) and that's the approach you need. I like people. I accept that we're all odd and different, that's what makes us great. I look for the key to someone's soul, once I've found it, and I do find it, it's only a hop and jump to finding the key to their heart.

So I challenge you. You out there, cursing your bad luck, to consciously change your fate. It can be done. It's not that hard. Feel free to e-mail me for tips. I'm always happy to offer a helping hand. Truly.