Everyone hates a message board miscreant. But now
you can do something about it! Flame Wars: The Next Generation, tonight
on Sick, Sad World.
Daria and Jane are spending time at the pizza place and are talking
about college applications. They leave, and Daria gets home just in
time to experience Helen and Jake going over the bills. The credit
card bill is rather high, as Quinn bought some $600 shoes on "sale".
Helen, when Quinn can't return the shoes, forces Quinn to get a job
over the summer to pay the bill off.
Jake wants Daria to apply to Middleton. A sarcastic comment from Helen
about it leads him to think that Daria has applied to a military school,
which really upsets him.
Some time later, Daria and Tom are at his place playing video games.
As everything else seems to, this turns into a talk about their college
plans. They're both applying to Bromwell, an upper-crust college that
most of Tom's family has gone to. They also talk about their plans
to go visit colleges, with Daria having Helen's permission to go along
with Tom as long as Katherine is going with them.
The Fashion Club takes Stacy out to a fancy restaurant for her birthday.
Stacy suggest that Quinn try getting a job there, which is and idea
Sandi really doesn't like. Quinn thinks it's a good idea, though,
and gets Tiffany to support it too. Stacy's cake arrives, and Sandi
is being her usual nasty self as Stacy makes a wish. Sandi demands
to know what the wish was, but Stacy just says it didn't come true.
Back at school the next day, Mack and Jodie are talking about their
college plans. Mack needs a scholarship to be able to afford his first
choice college. Jodie wants to go to Turner, a black college, but
her parents are forcing her to apply to Krestmore, an upper-crust
university. She's afraid to tell her parents that she doesn't want
to go there. Kevin and Brittany show up, and Brittany says she's planning
to go to the state university because they've got a great cheerleading
squad. Kevin says that where he's going is a secret.
Barch is very upset; it's the anniversary of her divorce, and she
goes to talk to Mr. O'Neill to vent. He tries to console her, but
she misinterprets this as a marriage proposal and accepts. Mr. DeMartino
had been walking in the hall outside the classroom and overhears this,
nearly damaging his good eye.
Daria goes off with Tom and Kay on their college trip, while Quinn
starts to settle in to her job as a hostess. She makes friends with
a coworker, Lindy, and gets invited to a party she's throwing.
Jodie tries to talk to her father about college, but lets him talk
her into going to Krestmore instead of Turner. All without admitting
she applied to Turner.
Jane is doing some welding on a sculpture for her portfolio for the
art college she applied to, when Trent comes to talk to her about
college (well, more or less). Trent pretty much tells her that it's
useless for an artist to go to college, and Jane doesn't much disagree
Daria and Tom get to Bromwell, with Kay giving them a little tour
and telling campus stories before they have to go for their interview.
Tom goes in first, and tells a lot of stories about Bromwell that
he's heard from his relatives. Daria goes in and is very nervous about
the whole thing. After she really messes up the first few minutes,
she asks to just start over and try again.
At school Quinn tells Stacy and Tiffany about her job, to be interrupted
by Sandi showing up. She's got laryngitis, which really freaks out
Daria, Tom and Kay have lunch on campus, and are about to leave for
Boston when they run into a lit professor Kay knows. They set up a
breakfast meeting for the next morning, much to Daria's dismay. The
next morning, the professor shows up a half an hour late. After a
long breakfast they finally leave, only to run into heavy traffic
and a rain storm. They don't show up at Raft, Daria's second choice
college, until after the offices have closed, so Daria can't get her
interview in. It's also raining, so all they really do is drive around
campus a bit. When Daria finally reaches home, she's a bit upset about
the whole trip, and snaps at Jake and Helen.
Quinn has to take a sabbatical from the Fashion Club because of her
job conflicting with the meetings. They try to hold them anyway, with
Stacy reading Sandi's speeches, but it doesn't quite work out. Quinn
goes to the party she had been invited to, and finds that things are
very different in college. She manages to be a good little social
chameleon and fit in anyway. After she admires a mirror, Lindy offers
to make her one as a friend.
Jane gets disappointed about college after being rejected by the two
non-arts colleges she applied to. She decides to not even send in
her portfolio, something that gets Trent's approval.
Stacy reveals to Quinn that she thinks Sandi's laryngitis is her fault.
Her birthday wish had been for Sandi to be quiet. Quinn is shocked,
but can't really help other than to advise Stacy to find someone who
knows how to lift curses.
Some time later Brittany, along with the rest of the cheerleading
squad, find out they've all been accepted to the same school. Kevin
again ducks the question of where he's going.
Mack gets his scholarship for Vance, and Jodie gets into Krestmore,
but is not at all happy about it. She says she was also accepted by
Turner, but that she agrees with her father that she should go to
Daria finds out that Jane gave up on the art college, and isn't at
all happy about it. Daria tries to get Jane to apply, but Jane refuses
to. Jane leaves when they get to Daria's house, but Daria goes inside
to find an acceptance letter from Raft, along with a wait-list letter
from Bromwell. Helen tries to be supportive, but Daria isn't buying
it and is upset about Bromwell.
Mr. O'Neill is lured out, anonymously, to a bar by Mr. DeMartino.
Mr. DeMartino offers to help Mr. O'Neill deal with Barch about the
Daria gets a call from Tom, who was calling to say he'd been accepted
at Bromwell. Daria gets upset about Tom's connections, and they start
to argue. The arguing leads to an implied insult from Tom, at which
point Daria hangs up on him. Daria then has another talk with her
mother, where Helen is able to reassure her some. Helen admits that
Raft is a much better college than where she went, Middleton, somewhat
to Daria's surprise.
Quinn and Lindy go out to a movie together. Lindy brings along some
alcohol, and by the time the movie is over she's pretty tipsy. Lindy
suggests they go clubbing, but Quinn refuses because of her age. Lindy
then suggest they just buy some wine and hang out, but Quinn isn't
too happy about that suggestion either. Quinn tries to call a cab
to get a ride home, but Lindy tries to talk her out of it. Then Charles
shows up, and Quinn asks for a ride home, also asking him to drive
Lindy home. Charles is quick to accept, but Lindy decides to go clubbing
anyway and leaves. Quinn then calls a cab.
Tom calls Daria to apologize, and to offer to have his parents write
Daria a recommendation letter. Daria declines this, but pretty much
accepts his apology.
Mack goes to see Mr. Landon before school. Mack tells him about Jodie
applying to Turner, and that she really wants to go there instead
Daria and Jane have another pizza night. They talk about college again,
and finally make a deal. Daria will ask for the recommendation letter
if Jane will send in her portfolio. Kevin and Brittany are at the
pizza place too, and Kevin gets Brittany to promise that she'll be
his babe no matter where he goes.
Back at home, Daria calls Tom to tell him she changed her mind about
the letter. Trent finds out that Jane is submitting her portfolio,
and ends up getting in a low-key fight with her, calling her a sellout.
At the Landon's place, Jodie's parents come in to have a talk with
her about college.
Stacy tries to cure Sandi with a potion she bought over the internet.
She manages to get the drinks mixed up, so Tiffany ends up with the
potion and has a nasty reaction to it. Stacy accidentally blurts out
the wish, which really pisses Sandi off.
Daria gets another letter from Bromwell and says she didn't get in.
Jake finally finds out she didn't apply to Middleton, but also finds
out she's going to Raft. At first he's just happy she isn't going
to military school, then he's happy she's going to a good college
Back at the restaurant, Lindy isn't doing very well. Quinn tries to
cover for her, but can only do so much. Some complaints get the manager
out, where he finds Lindy's screwdriver. He calls the two girls to
his office for a talk. Lindy tries to get Quinn to help her by lying
about the drink, but Quinn won't go that far. When they talk to the
manager, Lindy halfheartedly tries to blame Quinn, but the manager
isn't buying it and fires her.
Tom and Daria are at the pizza place, and yet again end up talking
about college. Tom finds out she still didn't get in to Bromwell.
After some more talk/argument, Daria breaks up with Tom, saying they're
bored with each other. Jane shows up at just the wrong moment, but
leaves them alone after she sees their faces.
Back at home, Quinn goes to Daria to get advice about Lindy. Daria
tells Quinn about her breaking up with Tom, totally surprising Quinn.
The resulting talk convinces Quinn to try honesty with Lindy. Jane
shows up at Daria's place, at first thinking that Tom broke up with
Daria. She's almost as surprised as Quinn to find out it's the other
Quinn goes to talk with Lindy, and confronts her about her drinking
problem. Lindy gets really upset, denies she has a problem, and kicks
Quinn out. Once Quinn leaves, Lindy goes to the fridge for a beer.
The next day at school, Jodie tells Mack that she's going to Turner,
thanks to him. They get interrupted by Mrs. Barch, who's searching
for Mr. O'Neill.
Brittany finally finds out from Kevin where he's going to school next
year. Lawndale High. He flunked, so he's got to repeat his senior
year. Kevin gets her to repeat her promise about being his babe, but
she crosses her fingers behind her back. They also get interrupted
by Mrs. Barch, who is still searching.
Mr. DeMartino is giving advice to Mr. O'Neill in the social studies
classroom. Mrs. Barch finally breaks in, and Mr. DeMartino has to
offer extensive help to Mr. O'Neill to get him to break off the assumed
engagement. This leads to Mr. DeMartino getting punched in his good
Lindy comes over to the Morgendorffer's house to give Quinn the mirror
she had made. Lindy tries to explain her drinking, still not admitting
to a problem, and she leaves without really settling anything.
Trent and Jane have another talk. Trent admits decided to be supportive,
and admits that he's worried about losing his sister. Jane suggests
that Spiral should come play some gigs in Boston, and invites him
to fill in for their parents at graduation.
Tom waits outside Daria's house after the last day of high school.
They have a talk that Helen watches from the window of the house.
Tom wants to at least have them stay as friends, and Daria agrees.
Then she has to go inside and admit to her parents that she broke
up with Tom.
Jane drags Daria to Jodie's graduation party, where pretty much everyone
finds out about the break up. At the party, Charles hits on Andrea
and is very surprised when she accepts.
The Fashion Club is also at the party, with Sandi being the only one
showing up fashionably late. She's finally got her voice back, and
she offers Stacy a list of things she can do to make it up to her.
Stacy thinks the list is excessive, and politely refuses to do it.
Sandi threatens her position in the Fashion Club, at which point Stacy
says she'll take a sabbatical. This leads to the complete break up
of the Fashion Club, along with promise to meet at Sandi's house the
next night to decide what to do with all their new free time.
Daria and Jane have another talk at the college, where Jane reveals
her acceptance to the art college. Jane says she'll be dragging Daria
to a lot of parties since they'll be going to school in the same town.
Cut to graduation, where Jodie is giving a stock Valedictorian speech.
After she's finished, Ms. Li gets up to solicit donations and then
announce awards, starting with the academic awards. Daria gets the
"Dian Fossey award for academic achievement in the face of near
total misanthropy". Daria gets up to accept the award and gives
a short speech, which starts off really worrying her family, but ends
up getting a lot of applause.
During this time Mrs. Barch has tracked down Mr. O'Neill again. Much
to Mr. DeMartino's disgust, she's turned on by Mr. O'Neill's newfound
(and probably temporary) show of spine.
Daria and Jane go out for pizza yet again. This time they look forward
to college, and give a little toast.
"Anyway, I'm applying because it's an outstanding university,
not because the students engage in the rectal transport of steel rods."
-- Daria ("Is It College Yet?")
"However, if it makes you feel better, I promise never to buy
on sale again." -- Quinn ("Is It College Yet?")
"Hey, don't worry Daria, you'll get into Bromwell with your
incredible test scores and grades. I'll get in the old fashioned way,
bribery and nepotism." -- Tom ("Is It College Yet?")
"Stacy... tsk..." -- Tiffany ("Is It College Yet?")
"Now, Daria, when you meet the college representatives, please
try to be enthusiastic. Less unenthusiastic. At least promise me you
won't physically assault anyone." -- Helen ("Is It College
"You call that a tax cut? I've seen haircuts more drastic!"
-- Mr. Landon ("Is It College Yet?")
Jane: What's shakin', bacon?
Trent: I don't smell anything.
"Well, we've learned that Raft students know enough to come
in out of the rain, huh Daria?" -- Tom ("Is It College Yet?")
"College is absolutely essential. The concerts and parties are
so much better." -- Lindy ("Is It College Yet?")
"Both the colleges I applied to rejected me. I knew I shouldn't
have taken the math portion of my SATs." -- Jane ("Is It
"Just my usual nefarious tricks. And I'm working on a short
story. Or at least it was twenty pages ago." -- Daria ("Is
It College Yet?")
"I don't know what to do and I don't want to tell Sandi because
you know how her eyes get all narrow and her lip curls and she gets
that lizard face." -- Stacy ("Is It College Yet?")
"God, Stacy, what do I look like, a hoodoo expert? I don't know
how to lift a curse, you're going to have to find someone who does."
-- Quinn ("Is It College Yet?")
Mack: Hey, shake the hand of a Vance University man.
Jodie: You got the scholarship? Oh Mack, that's great!
Mack: You're actually shaking my hand?
Jane: I knew you were going to try and talk me out of this.
Daria: Is that why you brought it up?
Daria: I got into Raft without any interview at all.
Tom: I'm not gonna touch that one.
"Good, that'll keep you from worrying about what kind of weirdo
you'll get for a roommate." -- Helen ("Is It College Yet?")
"I don't understand the charade about being neighbors, my lissome
enchantress, but it concerns me not." -- Charles ("Is It
"Yes Virginia, there really is such a thing as noblesse oblige."
-- Daria ("Is It College Yet?")
"You're not going to ask me for her hand in marriage, are you?
Because I'm too young to be a grandfather, you understand?" --
Mr. Landon ("Is It College Yet?")
"I just love bell peppers. You can almost hear them ringing."
-- Brittany ("Is It College Yet?")
"Trent, I'm not selling out. I'm attempting to acquire the skills
and knowledge that will allow me to sell out." -- Jane ("Is
It College Yet?")
"Boy, I hope this stuff works, or Sandi will never talk to me
again. Actually, she'll never talk to anyone again." -- Stacy
("Is It College Yet?")
Tom: Damn. You know what I just realized?
Daria: The phrase 'chicken fingers' is misleading?
"Well, that's a nice thing to say, even if that Daria voice
of yours makes it sound like a kiss-off." -- Tom ("Is It
Ms. Barch: Brittany, stop letting Kevin debase you and tell
me where Mr. O'Neill is.
Brittany: But Ms. Barch, he didn't even touch my base.
"Stacy, of course she didn't say anything about being mad at
you. She can't talk, remember?" -- Quinn ("Is It College
Jane: Well, that's not exactly an apology, but you know what
they say about beggars.
Trent: That they'll only spend it on booze?
Jane: Think of all the college girls looking for a dark, mysterious
musician to swoon over.
"Sounds like I should do something. I think I'll go clean the
attic." -- Jake ("Is It College Yet?")
"Now I shall go to my room without taking questions. Ignore
any muffled screams you may hear, especially if they're Quinn's."
-- Daria ("Is It College Yet?")
"I suppose pulling out a can of mace right now would be considered
bad form." -- Daria ("Is It College Yet?")
"And now, awards time. We'll do the sports and other good prizes
after I get these academic jobbies out of the way." -- Ms. Li
("Is It College Yet?")
Jane: You're getting soft Morgendorffer.
Daria: Maybe. Or maybe you've got glaucoma.
Good movie, but not the best of the series.
See also my Rambling
of January 26, 2002