"All he wanted, just this once, was to eat at
the table. But she had a hankerin' to howl! Shih Tzu? I hardly know
you! Next, on Sick, Sad World."
School budgets are cut and the classes suffer. Nothing happens until
the football team is endangered, at which point Ms. Li takes immediate
action. By signing an exclusive contract with Ultra Cola, to sell
and use only Ultra Cola. She announces this at a school review meeting
scheduled for Super Bowl Sunday, five minutes before the kickoff.
The meeting, and the way it was announced, makes Daria suspicious.
Daria tries to get Helen to go to the meeting, but she and Jake are
stuck going to Eric's Super Bowl party, so Helen suggest that Daria
should go. Daria drags Jane along, and after Daria makes some comments
the meeting is closed, which is no big loss since Daria and Jane are
the only ones there.
When they next show up at school, there are Ultra Cola machines and
posters everywhere. Daria tries to get Jodie to do something about
it, but Jodie isn't interested, at least in part because the model
Congress she participates in will be going to DC with the help of
Daria talks it over with Tom, and he convinces her to go complain
to the Superintendent. He doesn't take her seriously, and is actually
planning to extend the program to other schools. She tries to at least
get him to visit the school to see what the program is doing.
Four weeks later, Ms. Li finds out about a sales quota in the contract,
and ramps up the advertising campaign. Not just more posters, but
plugging the soda in class and Ms. Li plugging it over the PA system.
When this isn't enough, Ms. Li offers to raise the grade of the football
team if they drink more soda. Unfortunately, this makes them all sick,
except for Mack, and they have to forfeit a game.
Ms Li gets on a caffeine and sugar rush and goes totally crazy. She
makes Mrs. Bennett invite the elementary kids over, and she calls
the students out into the halls. Right before she goes crazy with
an ax and starts chopping open machines. The Superintendent shows
up right before Ms. Li is carted off to the hospital. The ads end
up getting toned down. A bit...
"Do we really want school to be a sheltered ivory tower that
fails to prepare them for life outside its walls?" -- Lamm ("Fizz
"I have to spend another Super Bowl with a bunch of freakin'
lawyers? And their freakin' lawyer highballs and lawyer cigars? Lousy,
stuck up..." -- Jake ("Fizz Ed")
Brittany: It's so easy to get a drink.
Jane: And hypoglycemia.
Daria: Do you think I complain a lot?
Tom: What are you bitching about now?
"Or I could just spend the rest of the day in the teacher's
bathroom staring at the tiles." -- Ms. Barch ("Fizz Ed")
"I hate this stupid uniform! You can't build a human pyramid
in it. Everybody keeps rolling off." -- Brittany ("Fizz
"Well, yeah. But mostly I was thinking I'm the only one on the
team who can count by halves." -- Mack ("Fizz Ed")
"Win, Lions, win! Fight, Lions, fight! Drink Ultra Cola till
your pants feel tight!" -- Cheerleaders ("Fizz Ed")
Slightly amusing Simpsons... er, Daria episode that didn't really
work as a season opener.
Also see my Rambling of 02-20-2001