Can too many carrots make your head grow leaves? Ah,
What's That Doc in one hour, on Sick, Sad World
Mr. DeMartino's class does rather well on a test. Brittany manages
to pass, Jane gets her highest grade ever, and all the football players
except Mack get perfect scores. The last bit, in addition to a jimmied
lock on his filing cabinet, convinces Mr. DeMartino that someone was
cheating, and he leans on Kevin as either the one who did or at least
someone who knows who did it. When Kevin doesn't confess, Mr. DeMartino
tells the class he's going to flunk them all if the culprit doesn't
come forward. Brittany and Mack get particularly angry at Kevin for
not coming forward, but pretty much everyone is.
That night Daria does some channel surfing and falls asleep with the
TV still on, going into a dream that lasts for most of the rest of
the episode. It starts when Kevin's body falls out of Daria's unusually
large locker, pierced by an arrow, with a golf club and a poisoned
sandwich. Daria is immediately proclaimed the chief suspect by Ms.
Daria gets hooked up to a lie-detector and interrogated by Mr. O'Neill
and Mr. DeMartino, who play good cop/bad cop until Mr. DeMartino gets
sick of Mr. O'Neill and throws him out. Daria effectively derails
Mr. DeMartino's questions by making sarcastic comments about his job.
This gets Daria to start looking into who killed Kevin so she can
prove her innocence. Daria then hires Upchuck's Angels (ie. the Fashion
Club) to solve the crime, something they fail miserably at doing.
At the funeral, Joey, Jeffy and Jamie all check to make sure Kevin
is dead, and a few little speeches are given, and Daria and Jane talk
to people trying to get clues.
Then Daria goes and searches her locker, and finds a pink pistol in
it, at which point Ms. Li has her arrested (her parents are the cops).
Daria convinces Ms. Li to give her ten minutes to find the real killer,
and has Jane get everyone together.
Daria tells everyone that she had put a time-activated paint on her
locker, and the real killer's hands would be changing color. Almost
everyone looks at their hands, and the story starts to come out.
Jane, angry about losing her best grade ever, stuck cyanide in his
sandwich. While he was staggering around for help, Mack clubbed him
with the golf club and Brittany shot him with a bow and arrow. Then
Ms. Barch walked by and kicked him, them Mr. DeMartino strangled him
and shoved him in Daria's locker when he saw some people coming. Ms.
Li is convinced, but decides to execute her anyway, since she had
the electric chair built to Daria's measurements.
Then she wakes up. At school she tells Jane about the dream. Mr. DeMartino
changes his mind about failing everyone, and simply gives a different
"Kevvy? What's that A doing on your paper?" -- Brittany
("Murder She Snored")
Jane: This sucks. The first time I get a 95, too.
Daria: That's funny. From here it looks like an 84.
Jane: I grade myself on a curve.
Jake: Hey kiddo! How's your day?
Daria: Fine. I heard a new voice inside my head, and Kevin
stole a test so everyone's getting an F.
Jake: That's great!
Helen: Daria, you were just kidding about the voice, right?
Daria: Relax. We don't have to answer that.
"Can't I just skip the investigation and go straight to solitary
confinement?" -- Daria ("Murder She Snored")
"Yeah, and my holster is so pre-Glock." -- Stacy ("Murder
Sandi: Tiffany, you're not even supposed to be here until
Quinn leaves over creative differences.
"Two, four, six, eight, Kevin's on his final date! Gooooo, Mr.
O'Neill!" -- Cheerleaders ("Murder She Snored")
"What can I say about Kevin? That he was... well, he was, um...
he never made anyone feel stupid." -- Mack ("Murder She
"I was meeting Tom for lunch and didn't want to reek of gunpowder,
so I decided to swipe Trent's cyanide. He and the band were saving
it in case they don't make it by the time they're fifty." --
Jane ("Murder She Snored")
I hate dream sequences. Fifteen minute long ones are too much.
Also see my Rambling of 11-9-00.