A vision of Christ in a half-eaten candy bar? Talk
about my sweet lord! The Immaculate Confection, next on Sick, Sad
Jane is working under a close deadline to get a sculpture in to an
art fair, when Tom eats her art supplies (gummy bears; for color,
you see). They have a fight, and Jane calls Daria so she won't have
to go to the store alone.
Quinn has an accessory emergency when the string on her handbag breaks.
She ends up stealing one of Daria's bootlaces to fix it.
Daria and Jane go to PayDay, a new warehouse store (think Sam's Club)
in Lawndale, and have a lot of trouble finding someone to give them
directions in the huge store.
At the same time, Mr. Thompson is throwing a barbecue, and most of
the teachers and some cheerleaders are attending. Mr. DeMartino gets
kicked out by Mrs. Li, and goes to Payday to get some free samples
to stretch his food budget. Kevin gets sent off to Payday to get some
BBQ sauce, which Mr. O'Neill neglected to pick up when he got the
rest of the food. The Fashion Club shows up, and Quinn gets sent to
buy some sunscreen when she runs out. The rest of the Fashion Club
follows when a guy sits down at their table and tries to start a conversation.
Tom goes over to the Lane's house and tries to find Jane so he can
apologize to her. Trent tells him that she went to Payday, and he
and Jesse end up going down as well (Trent needs a headlight, and
Jesse needs scented candles).
They all pass by a lady giving out free samples of cheese logs, who
never gives the same answer twice to their questions about the food.
The Fashion Club determines that they'll just get the sunscreen and
leave as quick as they can, but then can't find any sizes small enough
to suit them.
After finding some gummy bears for Jane, they chase a sales lady (who
turns out to be Andrea) all over the store. When they finally get
the bootlaces, Jane grabs a Herb-Gro animal to give to Tom.
Brittany finds out that the locket Kevin gave her was really cheap,
and ends up making him buy her a whole lot of junk. Both of them forget
about the BBQ sauce.
Mr. DeMartino and Mrs. Johensen get in a fight over the cheese logs,
and they both get banned from the sample booth. Mr. DeMartino gets
Brittany to get him some free samples, but Mrs. Johensen notices and
gets a security guard.
Tom gets irritated with Trent and Jesse, who keep delaying while he's
trying to find Jane.
In the end, they all get trapped in the checkout line as Mr. DeMartino
is running away from the security guard and knocks over the sample
booth's fryer, which dumps grease on the outlet and shorts out the
power to the store.
Tom: I hate it when there's a famine and no one tells me.
Jane: You know mom. She hates to clutter up the kitchen with
"Oh no! Oh, my God! Oh no! Accessory emergency Stacy, I have
to go. No Stacy, it's not you. It's not. It's not. Okay, fine,
it is you, bye!" -- Quinn ("Mart of Darkness")
Mr. DeMartino: Get out of my way, I need chips and dip!
Mrs. Li: Restraining order!
"Oh no, he was telling me a very clever joke that ends with
a fellow falling on to a spike. Most amusing." -- Mrs. Li ("Mart
"Whatever it was, we'll remember it when we see it. Our memories
will go jogging." -- Kevin ("Mart of Darkness")
Jane: This could get ugly.
Daria: You're right. I'll go back to aisle thirty and get some
Jesse: Do you think they have scented candles? I'm all out.
I haven't had a bath in weeks.
Trent: You're riding in back.
Quinn: Ew! I didn't know the teachers were going to be here.
Stacy: (panicky) Mrs. Li's legs are bare!
Jane: Excuse me, ma'am, but do these "finest ingredients"
Saleslady: Do you want them to include mercury?
Kevin: Mr. D! I thought you were at the barbecue. What are
you doing here?
Mr. DeMartino: I'm sorry if my shopping cart has confused you,
Kevin. I'm here for the command performance of Madam Butterfly
in the automotive department!
Brittany: Wow, Kevy, this store really does have everything!
Tom: What would anyone do with that much ketchup?
Jesse: Um... put it on hamburgers?
Tiffany: This place is so wrong.
Sandi: Quinn Morgendorffer, is this your idea of a joke?
"Stacy, if you are finished with your unsolicited outburst on
fiber content, I'd like to draw your attention to the fact that we
are surrounded by moving fashion violations." -- Sandi ("Mart
Jane: I don't have a leg to stand on, do I?
Daria: I'd rather not answer that, Stumpy.
"I'm banishing you both from this table right now! Go to the
tire section and find some nice rubber to gnaw on." -- Saleslady
("Mart of Darkness")
Trent: Hm. Might not fit my car.
Tom: Might not? Trent, what's the year and model number of
Trent: Hm. I bet that's important.
"You can't do this to me! Thug! Jackboot! By the way, mind telling
me how much you make?" -- Mr. DeMartino ("Mart of Darkness")
Continuation of Jane and Tom fighting, some Fashion Club scenes, and
Daria forgets her principles. But it's got a good part for Andrea.
Also see my Rambling of 11-14-00.