It'll legal, and tender, but someone's getting short
changed. Little cross-dressers and the women who love them, coming
up next on Sick, Sad World
Jake has to pick up Quinn and the Fashion Club at the mall, but the
car won't start. Quinn calls to find out where he is, and Daria tells
her to take the bus. Jake throws a tantrum about Helen never trusting
him again if he doesn't pick her up, and Jane suggests using Trent's
The Fashion Club gets no the wrong bus and up getting kicked out in
a pretty tatty looking neighborhood at the end of the line. Stacy
gets freaked out and thinks she hears the Rattling Girl of Lawndale,
and tells the story.
Basically, a really popular girl makes herself perfect by losing an
eight of an ounce of weight (her eyelids were fat), but when she goes
to the dance everyone hears her bones rattling and laughs at her.
She disappears, but after that all the popular girls can't get any
sleep because they keep hearing her and she tries to eat off their
They then start walking home, none of the houses being up to their
fashion standards for them to actually knock on the door.
Daria and Jane end up going along with Jake and Trent after Jake gets
worried about the car and Trent's driving. They almost break down
in the middle of the woods, and Trent tells the story of Metal Mouth.
Metal Mouth was a metal shop teacher at Lawndale who wore down his
teeth by grinding them too much. After the students made fun of him,
he forged a new set of teeth, which unfortunately also picked up radio
stations. After being laughed out of class again, he disappears and
then starts stalking students and biting the tires on their cars.
Then the car really does break down, right in front of a house Jane
calls the House of Bad Grades, the story for which she tells despite
Daria's lack of interest.
In the House of Bad Grades, a smart girl was accidentally entombed
in a bomb shelter by her family (she was down there trying to write
a college application away from the noise of the rest of the family
and fell asleep). Since then every kid that's ever lived in the house
got bad grades and ended up working minimum wage jobs in town.
Then Quinn and the Fashion Club walk by where the car is broken down,
but refuse a ride since they're only a couple blocks from the Morgendorffer's
Helen returns after Jake cooks dinner, and tells everyone about some
weird noises her car was making out by the woods, and we see that
there's a set of metal teeth stuck to the door of her car.
"If that woman were Judy Garland, this might make some sense
on a couple of levels." -- Daria ("Legends of the Mall")
Quinn: Someone said we had to take the bus.
Sandi: Quinn, no offense or anything, but humor is not your
Tiffany: I can't believe no guy would give us a ride.
Stacy: Maybe we shouldn't make them wait in the car anymore
while we're shopping. Remember last summer when Jeffy got all dehydrated
and his tongue was hanging out and stuff?
Jane: He's not going to start looking for wiretaps under the
floorboards, is he?
Daria: No. I think speaking in tongues is next.
"Shallow graves for shallow people." -- Jane ("Legends
of the Mall")
Quinn: This place is weird.
Tiffany: What was that noise?
Staci: Sandy, you're not wearing those bangles again, are you?
"Who let the Third-World Solidarity Club pick the music?"
-- Jodie in The Rattling Girl of Lawndale ("Legends of the Mall")
Jake: You're going to steer with both hands when we're actually
on the road, right?
Trent: Unless I think of some lyrics on the road and have to
write them down. You understand.
Jake: But now how are we going to fit four more people into
Jane: It's been done before. And this time there's no drum
Jake: What's that funny smell?
Trent: It wasn't so funny when it happened, but it makes a
really great story.
"Some people say that's what drove him to madness. Others say,
you know, no." -- Trent ("Legends of the Mall")
Pure calorie-free filler. Not the fun filler, like bubble-wrap, but
the annoying little packaging peanuts that crumble and stick to everything.
Also see my Rambling of 11-15-00.