It'll legal, and tender, but someone's getting short changed. Little cross-dressers and the women who love them, coming up next on Sick, Sad World

Jake has to pick up Quinn and the Fashion Club at the mall, but the car won't start. Quinn calls to find out where he is, and Daria tells her to take the bus. Jake throws a tantrum about Helen never trusting him again if he doesn't pick her up, and Jane suggests using Trent's car.
The Fashion Club gets no the wrong bus and up getting kicked out in a pretty tatty looking neighborhood at the end of the line. Stacy gets freaked out and thinks she hears the Rattling Girl of Lawndale, and tells the story.
Basically, a really popular girl makes herself perfect by losing an eight of an ounce of weight (her eyelids were fat), but when she goes to the dance everyone hears her bones rattling and laughs at her. She disappears, but after that all the popular girls can't get any sleep because they keep hearing her and she tries to eat off their eyelids.
They then start walking home, none of the houses being up to their fashion standards for them to actually knock on the door.
Daria and Jane end up going along with Jake and Trent after Jake gets worried about the car and Trent's driving. They almost break down in the middle of the woods, and Trent tells the story of Metal Mouth.
Metal Mouth was a metal shop teacher at Lawndale who wore down his teeth by grinding them too much. After the students made fun of him, he forged a new set of teeth, which unfortunately also picked up radio stations. After being laughed out of class again, he disappears and then starts stalking students and biting the tires on their cars.
Then the car really does break down, right in front of a house Jane calls the House of Bad Grades, the story for which she tells despite Daria's lack of interest.
In the House of Bad Grades, a smart girl was accidentally entombed in a bomb shelter by her family (she was down there trying to write a college application away from the noise of the rest of the family and fell asleep). Since then every kid that's ever lived in the house got bad grades and ended up working minimum wage jobs in town.
Then Quinn and the Fashion Club walk by where the car is broken down, but refuse a ride since they're only a couple blocks from the Morgendorffer's home.
Helen returns after Jake cooks dinner, and tells everyone about some weird noises her car was making out by the woods, and we see that there's a set of metal teeth stuck to the door of her car.

"If that woman were Judy Garland, this might make some sense on a couple of levels." -- Daria ("Legends of the Mall")

Quinn: Someone said we had to take the bus.
Sandi: Quinn, no offense or anything, but humor is not your forte.

Tiffany: I can't believe no guy would give us a ride.
Stacy: Maybe we shouldn't make them wait in the car anymore while we're shopping. Remember last summer when Jeffy got all dehydrated and his tongue was hanging out and stuff?

Jane: He's not going to start looking for wiretaps under the floorboards, is he?
Daria: No. I think speaking in tongues is next.

"Shallow graves for shallow people." -- Jane ("Legends of the Mall")

Quinn: This place is weird.
Tiffany: What was that noise?
Staci: Sandy, you're not wearing those bangles again, are you?

"Who let the Third-World Solidarity Club pick the music?" -- Jodie in The Rattling Girl of Lawndale ("Legends of the Mall")

Jake: You're going to steer with both hands when we're actually on the road, right?
Trent: Unless I think of some lyrics on the road and have to write them down. You understand.

Jake: But now how are we going to fit four more people into the car?
Jane: It's been done before. And this time there's no drum kit.
Jake: What's that funny smell?
Trent: It wasn't so funny when it happened, but it makes a really great story.

"Some people say that's what drove him to madness. Others say, you know, no." -- Trent ("Legends of the Mall")

Wraith's Ramblings:
Pure calorie-free filler. Not the fun filler, like bubble-wrap, but the annoying little packaging peanuts that crumble and stick to everything.
Also see my Rambling of 11-15-00.