Fish gotta swim, and bird's gotta fly, but not when you bake 'em both in a pie! Sunday Brunch in the Loony Bin next, on Sick, Sad World

Jake is really excited about a conference he and Helen are going to be attending. He's especially excited by the chance to meet the guy who owns the Pizza Forest restaurant chain. Quinn is disturbed by the prospect of being alone with Daria all weekend, especially when she isn't going to be allowed to date, although she and Daria are permitted to ask a friend over.
Quinn turns down Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie, who all want to take her to a concert, which really concerns Sandi. Quinn manages to convince her that she's just playing hard to get, and ends up inviting all three over for a sleep-over.
Daria tries to stay over at Jane's, but can't because Jane and Tom are going out that night. Later, Daria finds out that the conference is right by the Museum of Medical Oddities, and she asks Jake to pick her up a skull-crusher. Helen gets a call from Eric, and can't go to the conference because a big case just reopened. Daria decides to go along with Jake, partly to escape Quinn, and partly to visit the museum. Helen suggests that he use this time to get to know Daria.
After Daria and Jake leave, Helen gets a call from Eric saying the case was settled after all, so she's going to be around all weekend. Quinn gets worried, and makes some quick excuses about inviting three people over. That weekend, Sandi hits on the idea of giving Helen a makeover to totally humiliate Quinn.
Jake and Daria run into Andrew and Michele Landon at the conference. Unfortunately, Jake's room reservation was lost, and he and Daria get stuck in rooms above the kitchen. At the reception, Andrew introduces Terry-Berry Barlow to Jake, but Barlow pretty much ignores him at first. Later, he insults marketing consultants, to Jake, but asks to speak with Daria to prove his point about market research (although he's got a problem with names). He's impressed by her response, and invites Jake and Daria to go ballooning with him the next morning.
Helen tries to get relationship advice from the Fashion Club, but is a bit disappointed with the result. The Fashion Club spends a restless night, with Quinn and Sandi having nightmares about each other, Stacy getting pillow hair, and Tiffany getting a rash. This is made even worse when Joey, Jeffy and Jamie show up in the morning and see all of them before they have a chance to put on any makeup.
Jake is trying to convince Daria to help him out, and they sit down to have a sort of talk, where they exchange shoe-sizes. The next morning they show up for the balloon ride, but Barlow's balloonist gets mad and quits. Daria refuses to go along, insulting Barlow in the process. Barlow gets angry and storms off, leaving Jake, who manages to release the balloon when he tries to get out. Luckily it quickly gets stuck in a tree.
Jake manages to get over his fear of heights, and Daria gets him to spend a few hours in the Museum of Medical Oddities.

Quinn: You're leaving me here alone with Daria all weekend?
Daria: Relax. I'll use the popular thumb screws.

Quinn: But how am I supposed to choose just one friend?
Daria: Throw them in a lake and see which one bobs to the surface first.

"Do you mind if I come over Saturday night? Otherwise I'm afraid I'll end up doing time for de-accessorizing a teenage girl with my bare hands." -- Daria ("Of Human Bonding")

Helen: I mean, this trip is a chance to really get to know your daughter as a person. Her hopes, her dreams, her fears.
Jake: Ah, Helen, do I have to?
Helen: Jake!
Jake: But I'm scared.

Barlow: Say, Darlene, would alligator wrestling get you into a restaurant?
Jake: Of course it would!
Daria: That depends. Is there a restaurant next door with cock fights?

Daria: On the other hand, you know how we always sit in the kitchen together reading the paper and not talking?
Jake: Is this a trick question?

"No matter what I do, pillow hair!" -- Stacy ("Of Human Bonding")

Daria: You could still be the first to fly around the world twice.
Arno: Teen-girl is right. I shall do it. Beginning now. I quit.

"Refusing to have anything to do with an unmanageable bag of hot air. Or his balloon." -- Daria ("Of Human Bonding")

Wraith's Ramblings:
More Helen and Jake trouble, more Fashion Club infighting. Daria and Jake's bonding attempt was pretty amusing, except the "hero" comment. Never would have guessed it was by one of the two main writers.
Also see my Rambling of 11-11-00.