When aliens eat out, where do they relieve themselves? Extraterrestrial restaurant restrooms, tonight on Sick, Sad World.

Mr. DeMartino's class is taking career aptitude tests. Jane gets rated as an accountant, for the third year in the row. Kevin gets pegged as a gas-jockey, and Quinn gets told she should be a neck model for jewelry catalogs. Helen has to threaten Daria to get her result out of her, and it turns out Daria's perfectly suited to be a mortician. Quinn wants to put together a portfolio, but Helen won't let Jake give her the money for it. Helen wants her to get a job, and if Quinn's going to get one, Daria's going to get one, so she can get a lesson in the Real World (tm). Daria instead decides to try out career counseling, on the basis that it'll take less time.
It turns out that Tiffany is doing the career counseling, and Daria can't stand her sleepwalker's pace, so she ends up looking for a job anyway.
Quinn immediately finds a job at the pet store, and Helen knows that Daria isn't really trying, but Jake uses his connections to get Daria a job at It's a Nutty, Nutty, Nutty World. Daria starts by getting a lecture on nepotism that's only interrupted when Kevin walks in to apply. They go through training, which really means nothing more than memorizing the slogan (which gives Kevin trouble) and smiling at the customers (which gives Daria trouble). When they actually start, Daria has to do all the work, as Kevin can't tell a pistachio from a walnut. He runs into further trouble when Brittany shows up jealous and demands that he give no more than one smile to a customer.
Quinn runs into a bit of trouble on her job, as one of the canaries escapes and she lies to cover it up, but pays for it herself.
Daria talks to Jane about the job, and Jane convinces Daria to let her come by sometime.
Daria wins the first Salesperson of the Day award, and Jane catches a ride from Trent and Jesse, but has to try and prevent them from visiting the nut stand.
Quinn manages to let the huge, and expensive, boa constrictor escape on her second day. She tries to get Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie to find it for her, but they're clueless on how to catch a snake. They decide to put out some snake food, and spot a cage of "rodents".
Daria spots Trent, Jesse and Jane coming, so she takes a break and hides in back, leaving Kevin to run the counter. He can't figure out where the peanuts are, so he shouts out to Daria for help. Trent realizes what's going on and decides to head off for a burger instead. Jane goes in back to try to talk to Daria, but it doesn't work very well. Jane decides to try talking to Helen, so she calls her up at work and tells her Daria's been stuck in the back room while her less-qualified and less-experienced male coworker runs the counter. Helen marches down the mall and pulls Daria out of the stand. They pass by the pet store on their way out, where Daria is mobbed by the rodents (gerbils?) and Joey finds the snake.

Quinn: Does anyone notice anything... special about me?
Daria: Yes. From just the right angle, I really can see through your head.

Quinn: My neck! I got my career aptitude test results at school today, and they said I have a future as a neck model for jewelry catalogues.
Daria: So your head would serve as sort of an accent piece?

Daria: I guess I'll just wait around for people to kick the bucket.
Helen: I can't believe you're not more ambitious.
Daria: You want me to kill people to drum up business?

"You're going to counsel me? Of course. It's some kind of cosmic payback for being too ironic." -- Daria ("It Happened One Nut")

Kevin: Wow! That's your third sale. I thought you brains only knew about school stuff, but, like, you know how to sell nuts, too. Amazing.
Daria: Yes, Kevin. You'd be surprised how handy a command of basic literacy skills can be.

"Now you're making me smile. Figuratively speaking." -- Daria ("It Happened One Nut")

Quinn: That's Daria. She smells like peanuts from her stupid job.
Daria: I what? Oh, god. That explains those squirrels at the bus stop.

Jane: Misery loves company.
Daria: You don't have to tell me that. It's the basis of our whole friendship

"I've always dreamt of the day my picture would hang in a nuthouse." -- Daria ("It Happened One Nut")

"How did she get over the side of the cage? Don't boa constrictors have gravity?" -- Quinn ("It Happened One Nut")

"Jane, do you need an attorney? I don't do criminal work but I'll get you someone. Don't say anything to anyone until we get over there." -- Helen ("It Happened One Nut")

"I can't believe it. Finally someone I know is attacked by animals, and I and my video camera are nowhere to be found." -- Jane ("It Happened One Nut")

Wraith's Ramblings:
Pretty amusing episode, and we get to find out just exactly what Helen thinks of Jane.
Also see my Rambling of 11-4-00.