When aliens eat out, where do they relieve themselves?
Extraterrestrial restaurant restrooms, tonight on Sick, Sad World.
Mr. DeMartino's class is taking career aptitude tests. Jane gets
rated as an accountant, for the third year in the row. Kevin gets
pegged as a gas-jockey, and Quinn gets told she should be a neck model
for jewelry catalogs. Helen has to threaten Daria to get her result
out of her, and it turns out Daria's perfectly suited to be a mortician.
Quinn wants to put together a portfolio, but Helen won't let Jake
give her the money for it. Helen wants her to get a job, and if Quinn's
going to get one, Daria's going to get one, so she can get a lesson
in the Real World (tm). Daria instead decides to try out career counseling,
on the basis that it'll take less time.
It turns out that Tiffany is doing the career counseling, and Daria
can't stand her sleepwalker's pace, so she ends up looking for a job
Quinn immediately finds a job at the pet store, and Helen knows that
Daria isn't really trying, but Jake uses his connections to get Daria
a job at It's a Nutty, Nutty, Nutty World. Daria starts by getting
a lecture on nepotism that's only interrupted when Kevin walks in
to apply. They go through training, which really means nothing more
than memorizing the slogan (which gives Kevin trouble) and smiling
at the customers (which gives Daria trouble). When they actually start,
Daria has to do all the work, as Kevin can't tell a pistachio from
a walnut. He runs into further trouble when Brittany shows up jealous
and demands that he give no more than one smile to a customer.
Quinn runs into a bit of trouble on her job, as one of the canaries
escapes and she lies to cover it up, but pays for it herself.
Daria talks to Jane about the job, and Jane convinces Daria to let
her come by sometime.
Daria wins the first Salesperson of the Day award, and Jane catches
a ride from Trent and Jesse, but has to try and prevent them from
visiting the nut stand.
Quinn manages to let the huge, and expensive, boa constrictor escape
on her second day. She tries to get Joey, Jeffy, and Jamie to find
it for her, but they're clueless on how to catch a snake. They decide
to put out some snake food, and spot a cage of "rodents".
Daria spots Trent, Jesse and Jane coming, so she takes a break and
hides in back, leaving Kevin to run the counter. He can't figure out
where the peanuts are, so he shouts out to Daria for help. Trent realizes
what's going on and decides to head off for a burger instead. Jane
goes in back to try to talk to Daria, but it doesn't work very well.
Jane decides to try talking to Helen, so she calls her up at work
and tells her Daria's been stuck in the back room while her less-qualified
and less-experienced male coworker runs the counter. Helen marches
down the mall and pulls Daria out of the stand. They pass by the pet
store on their way out, where Daria is mobbed by the rodents (gerbils?)
and Joey finds the snake.
Quinn: Does anyone notice anything... special about me?
Daria: Yes. From just the right angle, I really can see through
Quinn: My neck! I got my career aptitude test results at school
today, and they said I have a future as a neck model for jewelry catalogues.
Daria: So your head would serve as sort of an accent piece?
Daria: I guess I'll just wait around for people to kick the
Helen: I can't believe you're not more ambitious.
Daria: You want me to kill people to drum up business?
"You're going to counsel me? Of course. It's some kind of cosmic
payback for being too ironic." -- Daria ("It Happened One
Kevin: Wow! That's your third sale. I thought you brains only
knew about school stuff, but, like, you know how to sell nuts, too.
Daria: Yes, Kevin. You'd be surprised how handy a command
of basic literacy skills can be.
"Now you're making me smile. Figuratively speaking." --
Daria ("It Happened One Nut")
Quinn: That's Daria. She smells like peanuts from her stupid
Daria: I what? Oh, god. That explains those squirrels at the
Jane: Misery loves company.
Daria: You don't have to tell me that. It's the basis of our
"I've always dreamt of the day my picture would hang in a nuthouse."
-- Daria ("It Happened One Nut")
"How did she get over the side of the cage? Don't boa constrictors
have gravity?" -- Quinn ("It Happened One Nut")
"Jane, do you need an attorney? I don't do criminal work but
I'll get you someone. Don't say anything to anyone until we get over
there." -- Helen ("It Happened One Nut")
"I can't believe it. Finally someone I know is attacked by animals,
and I and my video camera are nowhere to be found." -- Jane ("It
Happened One Nut")
Pretty amusing episode, and we get to find out just exactly what Helen
thinks of Jane.
Also see my Rambling of 11-4-00.