Are bats sneaking into your neighborhood disguised as cute flying squirrels? Rabid Rodent Rip-off, tonight on Sick, Sad World.

Daria and Jane are hanging out in front of the school (apparently at lunch) when a local radio station, Z93 Mental, sets up an open-air DJ stand (It's for Bing and the Spatula Man) in the high-school parking lot. The students gather round to watch, and even Ms. Li shows up, announcing that they'll be there all week, paying the school a large fee, of course.
Helen is missing out on yet another dinner, stuck on the phone with Eric, although not so stuck that she can't yell at Jake about his diet. Jake starts getting angry, and collapses into the guacamole.
Jake has had a mild heart-attack, and is stuck in the hospital for a while, and Quinn decides she's going to become a doctor. Jake's mom, Ruth, comes down to stay with the family while Jake recovers, even though she's less than fond of Helen.
At school, the DJs try to get Daria and Jane on the air (they're randomly stopping people and trying to convince them to say nice things about the station for prizes), but it doesn't turn out so well for them. Later they totally disrupt classes by blaring their music and stupid jokes, and things like their list of words for sex.
Daria's home life is full of Quinn attempting to learn some of the big words doctors use, Ruth treating Jake like he's still six months old, Helen trying to impress Ruth, and Jake having his mid-life crisis.
At school, the DJs are making utter fools of themselves, first by trying to get someone to date Charles (for a bumper-sticker) and then by trying to crowd-surf.
Jake and Ruth get in a fight about Jake's father, and Helen tries to redecorate to bring the house up to Ruth's standards, all while Quinn is trying to play Operation. Jake and Ruth end up in agreement about old Maddog Morgendorffer, and let of a lot of steam together, until Ruth starts feeling faint.
At school, the two DJs are giving away T-shirts to people who'll go on air and talk about being Mental in the Mornings (their catch-phrase). Daria finally gets tired of them bothering her, and goes on-air, only to insult them to the point where they leave. Quickly. Back at home Daria finally gets Ruth to quit pushing Helen and Quinn to be like her. Daria has a talk with Jake, in which she tells him that he's a better father than his was, which really cheers him up. As soon as Jake is back to normal, Quinn and Helen go back to their usual routine and Ruth leaves.

Helen: Oh Jakey, I promise that the girls and I will take good care of you from now on.
Jake: What's the catch?

Jake: That's the spirit, sweetie. Avenge my death!
Daria: You're not dying, dad.
Jake: Avenge me!

Spatula Man: Just tell us which station plays the hits high schoolers love to hear.
Jane: Note to self: stop by courthouse on way home and pick up restraining order.

Ruth: Daria, you look... you haven't changed a bit.
Daria: Actually I've had a number of bionic limbs installed.

Ruth: What exactly are you making Helen?
Helen: Chinese chicken with pea-pods.
Ruth: Mm-hm. You do you realize that's a piece of fish?

Sandi: Tiffany, dear, would you please explain to this Spatula man why a bumper-sticker cannot possibly compensate for the shame and permanent reputation damage involved in a single date with Charles Ruttheimer.
Tiffany: Upchuck... Ew.

"She'll have to get back to you when she regains her sanity. No, I don't know when that'll be." -- Daria ("Jake of Hearts")

"Don't worry, the van will move on soon. Or be destroyed in a mysterious bombing, I haven't decided yet." -- Jane ("Jake of Hearts")

Daria: I think I had a hand in her epiphany.
Jane: I hope you washed it thoroughly.

Wraith's Ramblings:
Decent episode, with some exploration of Jake's history and the similarities in Quinn and Helen. Jake is about a childish as possible this episode, and there's not much else happening.
Also see my Rambling of 11-3-00.